Are there any jokes that can be used on the wine table?

One day, all the employees in the office were having dinner. Before the opening, the director raised his glass and suggested, "Let's propose a toast to the' beautiful' people first." Let's raise our glasses and drink. The director smiled and said, "I only propose a toast to Americans, not to everyone." Each of your male compatriots will be fined a glass of wine. " The only female compatriot smiled, and everyone laughed and had another drink. An old man from a village visited his mother-in-law in a neighboring village. It is said that the mother-in-law loves her son-in-law the most, so she persuaded her son-in-law to have a good drink with her fragrant old age. I snored for half, went home in the middle of the night, passed by the ridge, and one stumbled. As soon as I was soft, I sat in the rice field and fell asleep until the east turned white. Zhang, an alcoholic, was admitted to the county hospital because of liver disease. He is a heavy drinker and drinks at every meal. When I was admitted to the hospital, I couldn't stop the drunkard's attack, so I secretly got a bottle of Erguotou, only to be found by the little nurse on duty. The nurse reminded: "Little darling!" Zhang smiled mischievously and replied, "Little baby!" There was a burst of laughter in the ward, and the nurse flushed. They all say, "Make up whatever you want." One day, Liu's wife bought a young pigeon, slaughtered it, and stewed it with ginseng rock sugar and half a cup of old red wine to make Liu's midnight snack. Unexpectedly, Liu, who can't drink enough, fell asleep after a few minutes of midnight snack, like a drunk pigeon. Wake up in the middle of the night and let pigeons fly all over the house. One day, a rural drunkard took his children to the town to eat wine. When he was drunk, he sent his children to play and drink. Some of them were top-heavy. After he came down from the restaurant, he took a taxi directly back to his hometown in the country. His wife asked him about his children. Only then did I realize that I had forgotten my child, so I called my wife into the hall to look for her. A township is rich in Yangmei wine, and local drinkers often brew Yangmei wine. Yangmei wine tastes sweet and delicious, and locals often use it to entertain guests. One day, a foreign businessman came here to inspect the investment, and the village entertained him with Yangmei wine. During the dinner, foreign businessmen were full of praise for Yangmei wine-what a foreign wine! So I made up my mind to develop the Yangmei wine project and aim at the international market. A drunk young couple got on the train. When checking in, Mr. Wang absently took out a marriage certificate from his pocket and handed it to him. When he checked in, he said, sir, you can't buy a ticket on any bus, and you can't use a marriage certificate when you take the train. When a bullwhip pot was served in the restaurant, it occurred to Lin, who was a little drunk, that if the gene of leek was connected to the cow, the bullwhip could be cut off one after another, improving the quality of life of men. If the genes of cattle are connected with women, men and children can drink fresh milk at any time. A gentleman stumbled into the bathroom after getting drunk, and someone happened to pee in it. When he heard this, he mistakenly thought it was pouring wine and was furious: I can't say who will pour it? That man wants to laugh and suppress a fart, and Jun is even more angry: if you say no, you won't drink. Who opened another bottle? & lt/B& gt； A gentleman stumbled into the bathroom after getting drunk, and someone happened to pee in it. When he heard this, he mistakenly thought it was pouring wine and was furious: I can't say who will pour it? That man wants to laugh and suppress a fart, and Jun is even more angry: if you say no, you won't drink. Who opened another bottle? That day, I looked at your sexy figure, twisted naked in front of me, and gently stroked your skin. I can't resist your temptation: boss, I want this. A factory organizes employees to visit museums and swimming competitions collectively. The director who drank a lot of wine at the luncheon instructed: in the afternoon, women go to take a bath and men visit, and in the evening, men go to take a bath and women visit. Everyone should observe discipline and don't take pictures. When a female editor of a tabloid gave a toast to the correspondent who attended the communication meeting, she asked the correspondent to welcome the contribution, with unlimited space, the more the better, the larger the contribution, and the preferential payment. If you can drink 821 Jin, please rest assured. Can drink liquor and beer, such comrades should be transferred; A gay man who can drink beer and wine is not reliable. On the crowded bus, a pregnant woman with a big belly was pushed aside by a huge drunk. The pregnant woman cried with great dissatisfaction. Didn't you see that I was pregnant? The drunk casually said, it's none of my business that you are pregnant. It's not my fault. People don't drink, they come to the world for nothing. Wine is the essence of food, and the more you drink, the younger you get. Men are not drunk, women have no tips, women are not drunk, men have no chance, men and women are not drunk, and no one sleeps in hotels. Mr. Wang accidentally spilled wine on the lady next door. Mr. Wang immediately apologized: I'm sorry for scaring you. The lady said, it doesn't matter, but you've got me wet. Why don't you take a towel and wipe it for me? After several passes, a young lady didn't know how to propose a toast. She raised her glass and asked, Who am I coming with next? Provoked the men present to scramble: I'll come first, I'll come first. A tall man raised his glass and said, stop arguing, I'll go first! A drunk proudly told his friend: I cheated the police last night. The friend asked: What's the matter? The drunkard said, I peed in the street last night. The police saw me and told me to stop. I immediately put the tools in my crotch, but I didn't stop. The father of quadruplets boasted to his friends on the wine table: it is not easy to give birth to quadruplets. It takes 60 thousand times to give birth to a case. The friend said: You are so active in your work, how can you still have time to drink with us? One cup and two cups stride, three cups and four cups hold the wall, five cups and six cups hold the wall. If I don't go, my sister will carry me away after drinking a catty. The drunkard woke up suddenly in the middle of the night, got up quickly, got dressed and went out. The wife feels strange: What are you doing? The drunkard said, I want to go home. In the middle of the night, the drunk wandered in the street and didn't want to go home. He strayed into the depths of the wild garden and vomited, which surprised countless mandarin ducks. Everyone is fighting to lift their pants. A drunken man vomited in the elevator, and the hotel cleaning lady rushed to help. The cleaning lady said, don't worry, sir. I'll mop you up first, and then wait until I mop you up. The two-year-old son brought two literacy cards, one 0 and the other 8, to pester his drunken father to recognize them. The drunken father said that it was two fat people, one of whom was still wearing a belt. The boss entertained the guests in the hotel with a little secret. The boss is talking with the guests. My wife called and the little secret answered. Little secret: boss, your wife's phone. Boss: Can't you see I'm busy? Secret: Your wife said she would kiss you! Boss: Please accept it for me first and give it back to me later! A gentleman with a bad accent went to a snack bar to eat jiaozi. Mr. Wang asked: Miss, how much is a bowl of jiaozi? The same accent is not very standard, and the young lady scolds: rogue (6 hairs). Sir: It's too cheap. Would you like to drink three bowls with me? A swimming coach met a female student in a hotel, and the female student took the initiative to say hello. The coach was surprised: I almost didn't recognize you with your clothes on. Don't drink too much in the morning, there is work in the morning; Don't get drunk at noon and have a meeting in the afternoon; Drink less at night and find a wife. A teacher went to math class in the afternoon before he was fully awake at noon. He wrote a question on the blackboard and asked the students to do it first. A quarter of an hour later, I asked: Did the boy get it? Girls, do you understand? Let's check at the same table! The boy smiled and the girl blushed. Neighbor asked: Why does your dog always walk askew? The hostess replied: poor little thing, every time my husband comes back from drinking in the hotel, he always follows and gets used to it. A drunk stumbled out of the box, looked up and thought he had entered the big forest, and a burst of alcohol came up. He couldn't help throwing up all over the floor. The manager was furious after drinking: this is an expensive mural in the hotel lobby! Drunk: How can such a painting induce me? I almost want to pee here! A fish was brought to the table. "The first three tails are four, and the abdomen is five or six." "As close as lips and teeth, kiss your neck." "The finishing touch is beautiful." "Drink the wine quickly." There was a little black bug in the red wine noodle upstream of the alcoholic goblet, and the neighbor's drinking buddy advised him not to pour it out. The drunkard said, what do you know? This is a pure wine cellar. This wine cellar is really mobile! Jiuyou: What's more, the worm has climbed up! Some people are just rude and dare not say sorry. A gentleman accidentally spilled beer on the skirt of the lady next door and immediately took out a paper towel to wipe it for her. He should have said he was sorry, but he repeatedly said, it's okay, it's okay. The lady was embarrassed and had to say, thank you! A gentleman took a new lady to a friend's party. After three rounds of drinking, a friend asked: What does it matter? A: It hasn't happened yet. The friend asked, Miss, what's your name? Miss A: Responsible for surname Ji (prostitute). All the colleagues in the county records office had a dinner, and the director raised a glass to propose a toast: there is not much money, so drink less and limit it. A man suddenly stood up: without county annals, what shall we drink! Leaders of a county went to the countryside to inspect grass-roots work. During the dinner, the female leader of the township raised a glass to propose a toast to the leader: county magistrate, you are above and I am below. I will do whatever you want, as long as you are satisfied, I will be very happy. Comrades from the county statistics bureau went to the countryside to conduct a general survey of agriculture and had a pie at a farmer's house. The farmer's grandfather, who is over 70 years old, warmly greeted him: Are you from the central government or the military government? A hotel guest went downstairs for dinner, followed by a young lady. The passengers were quite dissatisfied when the young lady asked for the price. G: Your room is too big for me. Miss: Because your furniture is too small. G: Your house is too damp. Miss: The guest just left, and you came in before I came to clean up. A customer lost his temper and asked the waiter, why does this lobster only have a poker? The waiter proudly said, this just proves that our lobster is fresh enough and is made in the kitchen! The customer's tone softened a lot: OK, please give me a lobster that won the battle. A gentleman got on the bus as soon as he got out of the hotel. When he sat down, he found nothing in front of him. He said, why was my steering wheel and clutch stolen? Then I found myself sitting in the back seat. Officials are not afraid of drinking, and thousands of cups are just idle. Yuanyang hot pot makes waves, raw seafood and fish balls. Sauna is warm, mahjong is colder. I like miss's muscles as snow. After the escort, she will make a complete face. The groom is a military police lieutenant colonel. When toasting, he said: I will be a gendarme during the day and a policeman at night. So the bride is a policeman. On the wine table, Mr. Wang waved to the waitress and said, give me some mustard. Attendant: What program do you want? The gentleman said, just the yellow one. Pay attention to four kinds of people when drinking: red-faced, pigtailed, silent and taking medicine. Two drunks are walking on the runway together. One complaint: Why is this staircase not finished? The other snorted: its armrest is still so low! "My husband neither drinks nor gambles." "Then you are lucky to find a model husband." "But he doesn't drink and wants to drink, and he doesn't gamble and wants to gamble." A manager just had his birthday, but he was very sad. My friend asked me all kinds of questions before telling me the reason: Yesterday was my birthday, and the beautiful female secretary told me that she would come to her house in the evening and she would celebrate my birthday. I drank a little wine to encourage me to come as promised. The female secretary said, you wait in the living room first, I'll go to the bedroom to prepare, and you will come in five minutes, which will definitely give you a surprise. Five minutes later, I opened the bedroom door, and all my colleagues in the company were there, and prepared a cake for me. Friend: Isn't that great? Manager: But I went in naked!