Children in orphanages

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I am a poor orphan. Strictly speaking, I am worse than an orphan.

The headmaster is a kind old lady. She likes my cleverness, obedience and intelligence, but she often sighs to me: "A-mei, good boy, grow up quickly and become a big girl."

My two small eyebrows are twisted into a ball, and I don't understand: "Why do you want to grow up?" I can't stay here when I grow up. Do you want me to leave here? "

The old lady shook her head and looked at me for a long time before she answered me slowly: "I don't decide whether I like it or not, but you were born here." This is like a hotel, not your destination. "

"Then where do you think I should go and where is the terminal? Grandma, I don't understand. "

The old lady hugged me piteously. She smells of soap. I didn't like it, so I hid. "Grandma hope you don't go anywhere. I hope my May can spend the rest of her life in peace. "

"Paradoxically, what if I am unhappy and sick all my life?" I blinked and looked blankly at the old lady who tried to cover her mouth. I just thought it was funny.

I didn't expect my nonsense to become a joke at that time.

I have been in the welfare home for as long as I can remember. Children in welfare homes have no homes. They are more like the seeds that God has inadvertently sown on earth, helpless and neglected.

Born abandoned and desperate for home, the welfare home is equivalent to my home. So many times, I am afraid that if I let my guard down a little, what I hold in my hand will flow away from my fingers like sand.

I study hard to create opportunities for myself. I am particularly out of place among that small group of girls who are after snacks and new clothes. In the eyes of teachers, I am studious and talented. In the eyes of other students, I am eccentric, self-reliant, and a dog's tail grass who likes to curry favor with teachers.

That's enough. I despise my classmates' cynicism and obvious isolation. All I know is that my interests are paramount.

Inadvertently falling into the mire, if restless, is the original sin of disturbing the soul deeper in the mire.

When you cry, they comfort you; When you laugh, they make you cry. The only way for the losers to comfort themselves is to watch the "maggots in the toilet" fall with them day and night. I stood in the middle of the bridge between maggots and rain and dew, and everyone was pulling me back. I resolutely sucked the rain and dew.

I am hungry, and I am constantly cleaning up the dirty air in my body.

"I don't belong here, I will leave eventually."

I will keep that in mind.

From then on, my evaluation of the outside world began to be completely indifferent. I never argue with anyone, whether it is criticism or praise. I have a balance beam in my heart to weigh the pros and cons for me.

Finally, I waited.

When I was six years old, a beautifully dressed woman named me. I saw a graceful figure from a distance, but I held my breath when I looked closely. She is so beautiful, just like the person in the picture.

At that time, I thought my husband's love for me was untrue.

He is a Chinese teacher in my university. He is knowledgeable, handsome and elegant, and speaks excellent Mandarin. When Mr. Wang first came to give us a class, it was a little late. When he entered the classroom door, the whole classroom was boiling and I stared at him intently. Normal colleges can't compare with the science and technology colleges next door, and there are only a handful of men. I saw him go straight to the podium, and the gentle and magnetic voice filled the whole classroom. Hello, students, I am your Chinese teacher this semester. He turned around and wrote two neat and delicate Chinese characters on the blackboard-Chen Nuo.

I wonder if it's my illusion. At that time, I always felt his eyes on me.

The book says that two people fall in love, there must be a reason, or appearance, or knowledge, and then personality and so on.

I just took a fancy to Mr. Wang's gentleness, hardness and softness, modesty and courtesy. I really can't describe my feelings for him in more beautiful sentences.

Almost half of the girls in our college have a good impression on the new teacher, but mine is particularly strong. Girls get together to discuss love and love, especially because novels about love were all the rage at that time. A dormitory has several books, and the rich ones are directly filled with a large cardboard box. They not only borrow books from their own dormitory, but also borrow books from other dormitories. It was not until a few days later that the cartons were empty that we became worried.

In my impression, the girl who owns a paper box in our dormitory is called Mi Li.

She is a recognized beauty in our college, slim and graceful, but she doesn't like to show off in front of people. She always wears long skirts. She is eighteen or nineteen years old and tender as a pinch of water. Smooth and pure face, neither harmful acne nor annoying spots, is that she has a few shallow small moles, which are also in her own place, but grow in her own place.

Unlike those girls who are superficial and self-reliant, Mi Li has always been gentle, indisputable and arrogant. No matter what cold jokes everyone tells, she will definitely giggle and satisfy a few words, so as not to make people feel cold. Like those who talk about other people's right and wrong behind their backs, she never participates or comments. If someone likes to sow discord and secretly tell her about other people's bad comments on her, she will look annoyed in person, but afterwards she will be very kind to her classmates who denigrate her in the story.

Once, she and I went to the canteen to eat alone, and I couldn't help asking her, Mi Li, aren't you angry that people speak ill of you behind your back and say that you are duplicitous?

She smiled and asked me, what do you think?

I cleared my throat. You always do. Don't care what I think. I want to know what you think. Are you really so generous that you let her show off those empty words? If I were you, I wouldn't let her go.

Rice let out a long sigh, her beautiful eyelashes drooped with her eyes, and she got closer to me, smelling fragrant, as if she had sewn some lilacs on her clothes.

"What would you do if it were you?"

I was speechless for a long time. Yes, what can I do?

With a snort of cold, her thin lips relaxed, but what she said was not as light as her voice.

"Do you think what they want to hear is true? It's just that life is too barren and boring, so they want to steal some nutrients from others They want to eat shit, just want to eat it. If you coax it to say that you have no shit on you, it will think that you are avoiding it and ignoring it, and others will lead it to the cesspit. "

"What if I stick to you?" I paused, trying to speak.

Rice winked at me wittily, so starve it.

I thought about it and finally understood. I couldn't help laughing, but I don't know why, I was afraid and worried.

I can't compare with rice, not anywhere. She is so considerate and humorous, but I have never been jealous of her. There seems to be a special feeling for her, but I can't say what it is.

I felt this indifferent pride, as if I had seen through the world of mortals, and now I know that I have never seen the horror of the world. My knowledge is only a few articles, but the confidence of a girl like Mi Li who grew up luxuriously and didn't eat human sufferings was cultivated from an early age. A few hundred yuan an hour of piano lessons, several thousand yuan of dance lessons, or more, I can't compare with them.

After all, I never thought about arguing with her.

I remember the love with Mr. Chen was well known. They never hide anything from each other, but generously put it on the table for everyone to chat after dinner.

But no one dares to say too much. At this time, the principal of the school and his wife met like this, from teachers and students to husband and wife.

Maybe the last thing brought us closer. I can gain her trust more than anyone else. She told me that Mr. Chen was her first boyfriend, but sometimes when it comes to interest, she said that no one can compare with Mr. Chen. If I ask, she will prevaricate again.

(3) Good ice water

Four people in the dormitory were supposed to go home after the National Day holiday for eight days, but my reaction was a little slow and I happened to bump into a pale rice grain. She went out early in the morning I remember that she usually waits for me, but I didn't see her in the classroom today. I didn't know that she had a big fight with Chen Nuo until she came back, but she didn't say why anyway.

Mimi burst into tears when she saw me. I didn't see her cry. When she cried, my heart broke, so I hugged her tightly and comforted her softly. It's okay. We bet that he will come to you with a big box of chocolates and apologize to you later.

The rice slowed down and stopped crying. My eyes and nose are red. I sat quietly, feeling uneasy. I feel that she is crying like a rainy day that I hate, and my heart is uncomfortable. After a while, she shook my hand and shook her head. I didn't expect him to apologize to me, and I didn't ask for his chocolate, you know.

I looked at her and nodded, I know, I know, you say, what's going on, we'll figure it out together.

The rice palm was wet. She bowed her head and didn't speak. I didn't ask her, but stayed with her quietly.

It soon darkened, and soon it was thunder and lightning. Chen Nuo didn't come to see her. Rice seems to have been expected long ago, he said in a hoarse voice. I'm so hungry. I quickly said, shall I buy you fish-flavored shredded pork or rice? What do you like to eat?

She nodded and smiled feebly.

I looked at her anxiously, well, what's the matter.

Thank you. She said.

I shook my head indifferently You're welcome.

I rushed downstairs. When I stepped out of the dormitory with one foot, it began to rain lightly. I wanted to take an umbrella, but I remembered I didn't bring it. I usually go out with rice grains. She is always careful. She kept her umbrella, keys, lunch card and wallet, so I got into the habit of carelessness. Sure enough, habits are terrible.

Since she left my sight, my right eyelid has been beating and my heart beat faster. It was also rainy last year. Since I left home to attend the class reunion, since my mother said that she would stew chicken soup for me, a faint uneasiness surrounded me. But at that time, I was just silly and happy, forgetting that my mother had a heart attack, that the nanny usually did housework, and that the nanny only asked for leave to go home that day. Everything seems so coincidental.

To tell the truth, I have never seen Mi Li cry. She has always been a strong and sunny girl. I even think that nothing in this world can knock her down. Today is the first time she has lost her temper in front of me. I'm afraid she will do something stupid in the future. On second thought, I think I think she is too weak. I smiled at myself and ran to the canteen.

If there was anything uncomfortable on the road, the moment I saw her vanished. After she opened the door, she returned to normal. Seeing that I was soaked, she just paused for a second, and then laughed and teased me. Look at you, it obviously thundered outside without an umbrella, huh? Can't you leave me for a while?

I am angry and funny. If I hadn't bought you food, I had been absent-minded on the way. I would be like this now, but I was cheerful when I saw her look much better. I took a meal out of my pocket. Here, take it to eat.

Fan took it with a smile and looked forward to your return at this time. I just made you hot water. Two barrels is enough. I'll put it in the bathroom for you. Take a shower and change clothes. I'll wait for you to eat together.

Although a little absent-minded, I went to the bathroom obediently. Sure enough, two buckets of water were there, and I felt a warmth in my heart. Rice is always like this, and I will carefully arrange everything I have.

It may be the weather. I reached out to test the water temperature, but I was shivering with cold water.

After the lights went out in the middle of the night, Rice and I squeezed into a small bed.

Mi Li told me that she was not as perfect as I thought. She laughed at herself. What do I have? A pair of skins and some stinking money.

I listened quietly.

She turned over and looked me straight in the eye. Zhan Yan smiled. "You always say you have nothing, then forget it. My whole life has been ruined. My name, love and innocence are all false. "

Rice has never talked to me about this topic, and suddenly I feel very uneasy. She was still talking to herself, and I leaned into the pillow, which was already wet.

Mi Li told me that she was happy when she was a child, but everything changed when she grew up. My mother finally married into a rich family as she wished. She showed me a picture of her mother, which made me feel familiar. I seem to have seen it somewhere.

She told me that her biological father was rich and had many women and daughters. Her mother is just a bright star among thousands of grains of sand, and her father likes to listen to her play the piano.

In the tired growth, according to his mother's request, Mi Li began to receive a systematic education, learning piano, chess, painting and calligraphy. If she makes mistakes repeatedly, she will be punished for not eating for one day, but she has never received such a harsh education before, so she naturally doesn't adapt, so she always didn't have enough to eat in previous years.

Mi Li said that her mother sometimes secretly held her pain, but the days were the same, except for her height.

Gradually, the rice became proficient. Even if it is bitter, as long as she is with her mother, she is very happy. As long as her mother is happy, she is happy. This life lasted until she was fourteen. At that time, she was charming and charming, but she still couldn't see her father for a year.

She knew her mother's purpose, but she accepted it gladly.

Rice can only see her father once a year. She said her father's eyes were so sharp that she didn't even dare to look him in the eye. At this time, her mother pestered her father that she and her father were the same. Her father finally smiled, kindly called her over, held her in his arms and stroked her. Her mother looked in her eyes and smiled brightly. She smiled happily, too. It's good that mom is happy.

Since then, my father has come more often, and her smile can't be put on her face. Rice smiles at her, and her father always brings rice a lot of clothes and expensive cosmetics every time he comes, and he can't put it down.

Sometimes when she is ill, her father calls the family doctor to accompany her day and night. Li Mi has a special tutor and etiquette teacher. She is in poor health and always goes to see a doctor. At first, the doctor was just cold and didn't like to say a word, but later, Mi Li fell ill more frequently and became familiar with the doctor. Sometimes she can even see the unbearable and pity in the eyes of doctors.

I don't know how long it took, but I fell asleep and gradually lost her voice in my mind. I only remember that a sudden gust of wind shook me smartly along the window. I pulled the quilt and wrapped myself up.

That morning, I was awakened by my aunt and opened my eyes. I saw a group of people I didn't know and Chen Nuo. They look serious, and Chen Nuo is even more bloodless. I suddenly understood what was going on, and my heart was tingling. Where's the rice grain? I shouted her name, rice-rice-I shouted, but I didn't hear the familiar response.

Chen Nuogang tried to speak, but I stopped him as if thinking of something. I leaned over the window like crazy and squeezed out half of my body. There is nothing on the ground. It was washed away by the rain last night. They quickly came to hold me, for fear that I would fall down, too. I trembled all over, forgot to cry and couldn't think. I just opened my eyes and begged, is it a grain of rice?

Others are not in the mood, have no idea, just looking at Chen Nuo. Chen Nuo shook his head, hoarse, and hugged me tightly. Sorry, I didn't think of that. This is my fault. Please hit me. Sorry, sorry.

I sat on the ground, and all my ears were sorry, sorry, sorry.

Why, why do I always have to bear all this? I will lose the person closest to me forever. I should have thought that everything was so abnormal, but I believed it. At that moment, I even had an idea that I indirectly killed the rice grain.

Last night's dinner was still in the garbage basket, but the person who accompanied me disappeared forever. It seems that from this moment on, I deeply understand my feelings for rice, the kind of love that transcends friendship and affection.

After jumping off the building, my mind began to blur. Sometimes when I look at Chen Nuo, I can't help holding his hand. When I tried to leave, he was already clenched.

The school still wants to make peace. In short, there is no storm in this matter, but there is not even a body.

(5) farewell

I also seem to be getting farther and farther away from the original track. My conscience tells me that I betrayed the rice. I not only began to forget her slowly, but also robbed her boyfriend. But people around you take it for granted, as if this is how things should develop. It has been more than three months since the rice grain incident. It was not until recently that I discovered a worse thing. I seem to have morning sickness. I told Chen Nuo about it, and he hugged me happily.

I looked at him doubtfully, why.

Chen Nuo looked at me spoiled, baby, you are pregnant with my child, you know, I want to give you and your child a home.

My brain is racing and getting more and more confused. You mean our children? Chen Nuo nodded and hugged me tightly, our child.

But I don't want it. I am close to Chen Nuo's ear. I don't want my child to be an illegitimate child. Chen Nuo hugged me tenderly as always, and we will get married soon, and our children will not be illegitimate children. I shook my head and accompanied me to the hospital. I didn't listen to Chen Nuo's advice and decided to abort the child. The doctor said it had been three months, and it was a baby girl. But I was shaking all over, and my palms were cold sweat. Chen Nuo, close your eyes, gold coin, or forget it.

I struggled, but the appearance of rice suddenly appeared in front of me. I failed her. I couldn't do it, so I decided to kill her. Somehow, I always feel that the baby in my belly is a girl.

Since then, the name rice has disappeared from my life for a long time.

Finally, when I graduated from college, I was 22 years old. I have a happy family this year. I love my husband and a lovely little daughter. She is my baby conceived in October, and I have to endure the pain of opening my fingers.

My life seems to have changed a lot. The first year after the baby was born, the days were really not smooth, and the child loved to cry. Chen Nuo seems to be very cold to me, and I gradually see the shadow of rice grains. If the rice is still there, she won't be jealous that I robbed Chen Nuo. She is always so gentle and kind. Finally, once, after I quarreled with Chen Nuo, he slammed the door and went out. I saw a grain of rice.

All this is fantastic. I can't believe that she came back with Chen Nuo and brought me my favorite duck neck. She really doesn't hate me.

I hugged her and asked anxiously, I didn't see you at that time, the window was open. I thought you ...

I studied the rice grain carefully and didn't go on.

Think I killed myself? She giggled and punched me, not expecting me to be fine.

"To tell you the truth, I saw Chen Nuo and their faces were dignified, and I was really scared."

"Am I not good in front of you now?" Rice got up and turned around. She has lost so much weight that she can't even hold up her long black velvet dress. I casually mentioned, "Why do you like to wrap yourself up so tightly?"

My eyes flashed. "I like it. It looks good."

I replied gloomily, it really looks good.

We talked about Chen Nuo the other day, and I asked her if she hated me. Rice looked at me strangely and giggled. Fool, how can I hate you? What is mine is yours. I told you, I'll give you anything you want.

Why? I asked her.

At this time, the daughter's crying came. I ran to the bedroom, picked her up and coaxed her. Rice grains followed me and looked at the little guy in my arms with envy. It would be nice to have parents to spoil him.

The little guy looks tender, but when you look closely, it looks like a grain of rice. My mood is getting better. I handed her the rice, smiled and said, hug her, how cute.

Rice grains shook his head, and I snorted. You dare not hug her. I looked at her with fierce eyes. Why did you come back? You're dead, Mi Mi, don't you remember? You jumped yourself.

She looked at me in shock. No, it's not. She covered her eyes and squatted down to cry. We can get along well. Why?

My name is Chen Xiaochi, and my father is Chen Nuo. My father said that my mother lives in a mental hospital.

My father has taught me to write rice since I could read. My dad said, this is my mother. I turned to look at him and meditated for half an hour, writing rice grains.

My father tore up the book angrily and lost his temper with me. "Who is chewing your tongue again? Where did you learn it? You are too disobedient. "

I don't know what I did, but I'm not afraid of my father being angry. He always loses his temper and apologizes for no reason. Although he has a handsome old face, I am not interested at all. I'm curious about my mother in the madhouse.

My father said that my mother is the gentlest and most beautiful woman in the world, and I sighed one after another, "Then why don't you keep her with you?"

Father touched my head and said I don't understand. I doubt very much that my father is always touching my head, which leads to my short stature, so I always teach him angrily with the attitude of an adult, saying, "Look, Aunt Xiaomei next door has grown so tall, and Grandpa Qian's granddaughter on the first floor. As far as you are concerned, you always hope that I am short and always touch my head."

"You are like your mother. You have a glib tongue. " At this time, my father will go out and leave me alone in the study, but I know he is crying outside.

I secretly took out a book. See the name of the rice grain from this book. It was a love letter written by Mi Li to his father, who put it under my pillow. I secretly took it out and looked at it. It's all about being immersed in love. It's boring and disgusting.

There is also a letter in the book, both old and new.

I am too young to know a few words. I only know "Watch in the morning", "Abortion" and "Sorry", which I learned on TV.

On the title page of the book, there is a picture of them, arm in arm, very close. My father said that my mother's name is Mimi, but I always feel strange, because the person in this photo should be Mimi, but it is exactly the same as the woman in the wedding photo hanging in my father's room.

I think maybe my mother has two names, one is a pseudonym used to chase my father, and the other is the real name on the marriage certificate.

My mother seems to be different from other mothers. She is special, especially beautiful and strange. The mothers of other children will never go to a mental hospital or give birth to a precocious child like me.

My dad never talks about my mom, but I'm not stupid. He comes to see my mother every week. He said that my mother likes to eat shredded pork with fish flavor, so he will cook this dish. This day of the week is our cleaning day. Dad took me from the first floor to the fifth floor, bought a lot of food and clothes, and even bought me a doll.

I am very resistant to this. I have repeatedly stressed that I am five years old, not a child. My father naturally disapproves. They adults always like to impose their ideas on children.

This time, instead of buying me a doll, he took me to the mall and picked out a princess dress. I'm speechless. "Dad, I want to wear pants."

My father still chose to play dumb, but this time he gave me a reason that your mother likes to wear skirts. As soon as I turned my head, I realized that this was the rhythm that took me to know my mother.

The car turned round and round, and I was dizzy. I fell asleep in the back seat before I saw my mother.

I woke up in the madhouse. To be precise, I woke up in my mother's arms. Her body smells good, as if she had hidden some lilacs in her pocket. I smell like a puppy. When I woke up, my mother was at a loss and tentatively called my name, Koike?

"Mom, you smell good." I lingered and rubbed, and my mother smiled. She smiled so sweetly.