Who can tell jokes? Be funny! ! !

The teacher asked the students, "Who hasn't died since ancient times? You take the next sentence."

The student replied, "Since ancient times, no one has shit, and no one has to shit with paper."

The teacher was very angry and told the students to stand up.

The next year, the teacher asked the students the same question. At this time, students become smarter.

He replied: "since ancient times, no one has taken a shit, and no one has to take a shit with paper." If you don't use toilet paper, unless you use your fingers. " The teacher was very angry and asked the students to stand up!

At this time, the teacher saw that it was snowing outside the window and said regretfully, "It doesn't rain when it snows, but it turns into rain when it reaches the ground." . How troublesome it is to turn into rain. Why didn't it rain in the first place? "

The student replied to the teacher: "The teacher doesn't eat shit when eating, but it becomes shit when eating. How troublesome it is to become a cockroach. Why didn't you eat it at the beginning? "

So the teacher fainted on the spot! Ha ha laugh ...

The geography teacher asked, "Where does the river flow?"

A student suddenly stood up and sang, "The river flows east!"

The teacher ignored him and then said, "How many stars are there in the sky?"

The students sang again: "The stars in the sky join Beidou!" "

The teacher was angry: "Get out!"

Student: "Just leave!" "

The teacher was very helpless: "Are you sick?"

Student: "You have everything I have!" " "

Teacher: "Try singing one more sentence!"

Student: "If you see an uneven road, you will yell all your life!" "

Teacher: "Do you believe I played you?"

Student: "Do it when you should!" "

The teacher was angry: "I told you to quit school!" " "

Student: "Wind, wind, fire, going to Jiuzhou!" "

2. 1. Title: Among them

Children write: My left foot is hurt.

Teacher's comment: Are you a centipede?

2. Title: One by one

The child wrote: After work, my father went home one after another.

Teacher's comment: How many dads do you have?

3. Theme: Sadness

The child wrote: There is a ditch in front of my house, so sad.

Teacher's comment: The teacher is even sadder.

4. Title: Again ... Again ...

Children write: My mother is short, tall, fat and thin.

Teacher's comments; Is your mother a deformed diamond?

5. Title: Look.

The child wrote: What are you looking at? I haven't seen

Teacher's comment: I haven't seen it.

6. title: prosperity

Children write: bustling confession.

Teacher's comment: Don't watch too many series!

7. Title: Delicious

Children write: delicious fart.

Teacher's comment: Some things are inedible.

8. title: innocence

The child wrote: It's really hot today.

Teacher's comment: You are so naive.

19. Title: Sure enough

Children write: I ate fruit yesterday and then drank cold water.

Teacher's comment: Yes

10. theme: ... first, then ... example: eat first, then take a bath.

Children write: goodbye, sir!

Teacher's comment: Imagination exceeds the wisdom of people on earth.

1 1. Title: Besides.

The child wrote: a train passed by, besides, besides, besides.

Teacher's comment: forget it when I die.

3. Tutu said, "My mother calls me Tutu, which is nice!"

The pig said, "My mother calls me a pig, which is nice!" " "

The dog said, "My mother calls me a puppy, which is nice!" " "

The chicken said, "You talk, I'll go first!" " "

The rabbit said, "I am a rabbit!" " "

The pig said, "I am a son of a bitch!" " "

The chicken said, "I am a son of a bitch!" " "

The dog said, "You talk, I'll go first!" " "

The cat said to me, "I'm your grandmother's cat. It looks good!" " "

The dog said to me, "I'm your grandmother's dog. It sounds nice!" " "

The fish said to me, "I'm your grandmother's fish. It sounds nice!" " "

The bear said, "You talk, I'll go first!" " "

Lang Ke said: "People call me a ronin, which is very nice!"

The samurai said, "It's nice to be called a samurai!"

The expert said, "It's nice to be called an expert!" "

The swordsman said, "You talk, I'll go first!"

Jimmy Lin said: "My fans say my idol is Ying."

Andy Lau said: "My fans say: My idol is Hua."

Jacky Cheung said, "My fans say my idol is called a friend."

Jordan chan said: "You talk, I'll go first!"

The senior math teacher said that I will teach senior math this semester.

The college physics teacher said: I teach big this semester.

The information management teacher said: I teach asset management this semester.

The socio-economic teacher said: You talk, I'll go first.

Peking University said: I am from Peking University.

Tianjin University said: I am older.

Shanghai University said: I went to college.

Xiamen University said: You talk, I'll go first!

General Li Zongren said: I am a benevolent man!

General fu said to him: I am just!

General Yu Dayou said: I am a man with great potential!

General Huo Qubing said: You talk, I'll go first!

The door of Lao Zhang's house is made of logs. Lao Zhang said: My door is a wooden door.

Lao Li's door is made of plastic. Lao Li said that my door is made of plastic.

The door of Lao Wang's house is made of stone. Lao Wang said that the door of my house is Shimen.

Liu's door is made of steel. Lao Liu said: you talk, I'll go first!

Bai Yu said: My name is White.

Jade jade said, my name is jasper.

Redjade said, My name is Redjade.

Apricot said: you chat, I walked first!

The students of normal college said: I am from normal college.

The students in vocational colleges said: I am from vocational colleges.

The student of the Air Force Academy said: I am from the Air Force Academy.

The students of the technical college said: You talk, I'll go first!

County Party Secretary: "Rabbit, shrimp, pigtail! Without pickles, pickles are too expensive! " Attention, comrades and villagers! Stop talking and have a meeting now! After the secretary of the county party Committee finished speaking, the host said, "Please give me sausages and pickles!" (Translation: Now please speak to the county magistrate! The county magistrate said, "Rabbit, the dog ate today's meal, and everyone is chinemys reevesii!" " "Comrades, that's enough for today. Let's make a big bowl! County magistrate: "Don't be a pickle, I'll lick a piece of shit for you." Stop it, I'll tell you a story. County magistrate: This shit may be eaten by someone. Some people may know this story. County magistrate: Don't worry about not eating (don't worry about not understanding) County magistrate: I'll pull it for you now-

There are three treasures in Korean dramas: car accidents, cancer and incurable diseases;

Lies have three treasures: everlasting, everlasting, and love to the old;

There are three treasures in primary schools: attention, attention and being a good teacher;

There are three treasures in middle schools: tutoring, staying up late, and spelling the college entrance examination;

College students have three treasures: just copy and paste;

Three treasures of college boys: games, picking up girls and being a good junior;

College girls have three treasures: shopping, dressing up and wearing less.

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Obama is depressed. Other presidents brought their wives, and he brought the wife of the former president.

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Winter vacation homework, in fact, you write for a month, and the teacher writes an article "Reading" ~

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In the kindergarten, a little boy is building blocks, but it is always unsuccessful. A little girl next to her kindly said, "Let me help you." After listening, the little boy turned his head disdainfully and said, "Go! Women don't care about men's affairs. " ……

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..... When it comes to counter-offer, a friend does this.

Friend: How much is this dish? How much is it per catty?

Vegetable vendor: 1 yuan.

Friend: Eighty cents!

Vegetable vendor: ninety cents!

Friend: Seventy cents!

Vegetable vendor: eighty cents!

Friend: Please give me two Jin.

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The eighth set of broadcast gymnastics, I have practiced for three years, when can I get through the second pulse of Ren Du?

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I saw a girl with a familiar back, like a classmate. I ran over and patted her. When the girl turned around, I found that I mistook her for someone else. I quickly apologized and said, "I mistook you for someone else. You look familiar. " The girl smiled at me and said, "Rogues look familiar to everyone."

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Rich girl: Have you seen it? This is a French LV bag!

Me: Yes, I do. Have you seen Donkey?

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In fact, we can boil all the problems down to two kinds: one is that we are hungry and have no food; One is full.

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In fact, we can boil all the problems down to two kinds: one is that we are hungry and have no food; One is full.

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I'm not afraid that I can't spend Valentine's Day. I'm afraid that the person I like will spend Valentine's Day with someone else.

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The professor gave a lecture on the spot: "Don't be afraid of being dirty in scientific research. . . "Then he squatted down, poked the cow dung on the ground with his finger, and then put his finger in his mouth and licked it clean. A classmate quickly said, "I'm not afraid of being dirty." Then he poked the cow dung on the ground with his finger and licked it in his mouth. Professor: "Besides, I should be good at observation. I just poked dung with my middle finger, but I licked my index finger. "

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Folk signboard: roast chicken is the best seller-the first emperor among birds.

The Best Welder-Emperor Wu of the Han Dynasty

The best seller of candied haws-Emperor Taizong.

Mo, the best-selling steamed bread.

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An old farmer went to the county seat to buy a mobile phone. When he entered the store, he asked, "How much is a catty of mobile phones?"

The shopkeeper secretly pleased, and such a fool? Too much trouble to quote one by one? The mob waved and said, "5000 kilograms, take whatever you want!"

The old farmer chose a high-grade ultra-thin iphone4 and weighed it at 220, 1000 yuan.

The shopkeeper regretted it and pushed his machine, but the old farmer dismissed it: "Want to cheat me as a junk dealer?" Those are obviously refurbished machines, and the configuration is not good. Even angry birds can't play! "

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When I went shopping, I found a shop full of all kinds of clothes. On the glass in front of the door are posted: big rewards for opening a shop, 30 yuan/suit of high-grade suits, 5 yuan/shirt ... I am inexplicably happy: I finally caught up with such a good thing! So I rushed in, and I was dumbfounded when I looked up and entered the door: dry cleaners!

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Boys who spend all night in internet cafes hate it most. They rushed up and asked, "How much is the evening meal?" I'm not in the mood at all . .

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Shajia Datong performed, and Zhangjiakou returned to Beijing to pick up people. The two sides talked: "Where are you now?" "I'll wait for you in the sand room." "No matter what you say, I'm not familiar with that place." "I'm in the sand house now." "Don't you know? Ask pol.ice! " "I am really in the sand house." "I fucking know where you are?" (@ Yu Qian)

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It is said that egg white can protect hair. A classmate wiped it and prepared to wash it off. As a result, the water was too hot, and an egg flower was hung up and wiped all afternoon. .

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In other words, women who use Android are good women, because they have to go home every night to recharge their batteries! /snicker

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The worst dream when I was a child was that I was looking for the toilet. The most terrible thing is that the toilet was discovered before people woke up. . .

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Six months after breaking up, her first call was to ask me to help her with a math problem.

I cried and she didn't even ask me how I was doing.

I cried after doing it for a while, because I couldn't do it either …

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Military training must be carried out before school starts, and all freshmen are trained in a playground. In order to find a bigger place, our instructor took us left and right for a long time. A classmate in the team couldn't help asking, "Instructor, are you playing with a snake?"

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A couple are chatting on QQ. The woman's home uses 4M broadband, and the man's school uses 2.5G campus network. Woman: Do you love me? The man didn't respond. The woman asked again: Do you have any other women at school? M: Yes! Of course! Woman: You did it to me. Were you ever in love with me？ Man: That's impossible! ! They broke up as a result.

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When I was in middle school, I fell in love with a beautiful girl in a liberal arts class. Although she is an acquaintance, she has no chance to get close. For a long time, she could only look at it from a distance. My deskmate and I have discussed many ways to approach beautiful women, but most of them are too shameless and few are feasible. Later, I came up with a simple idea, that is, I met her and took the initiative to strike up a conversation. The content of the conversation is: hey, what a coincidence, you are XXXX, too. The content of XXXX depends on the specific situation. For example, when we meet in the library, you say, hey, what a coincidence, you also come to the library. When you meet at the station, you say, hey, what a coincidence, you also take this bus. Then we can start talking.

With this in mind, I want to meet her every day. Finally one day: I came out of the toilet and saw her washing her hands by the pool. I was so excited that I quickly went over and turned on the tap to wash my hands. She smiled at me, and I said excitedly, hey, what a coincidence, right ... You ... you ... peed on your hand, too?

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Once I went to buy mutton kebabs, I stretched out four fingers and said "three mutton kebabs" to my boss.

The boss received "How much?"

I held out three more fingers and said "four" ...

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I won't tell you if you kill me. You haven't played the honey trap yet!

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Push me again and I'll play dead for you!

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I saw a beautiful MM in front. . . . Can't strike up a conversation. . So ... . . . Pick up a brick. . . Last/better/previous/last name

Before. . "Classmate, did you drop this?"

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In college, I taught myself. A strange boy stopped me. I asked him what he wanted. He said, "Nothing, you are so white. I just want to see if you look good. "

fall into a faint

After a while, he came over and said, "Do you think I'm black?"

"Black" I said.

He said, "Everyone says I'm black."

Faint again.

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My junior took a fancy to a handsome boy in our school and went over to strike up a conversation:

Handsome, do you have a girlfriend?

I see.

Then would you mind changing it?

Mind.

Would you mind another drink? >

Two months later, the junior successfully took the upper position ~ ~

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Sanya is really a killing place, even the license plate is laughing at the person who has no money: Joan B.

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A shy man was studying in the classroom, and when he saw a favorite MM who was leaving after reading the book, the shy man blushed and accosted: Can my classmates lend me 10 yuan to buy noodles? I lost my wallet in the dormitory. This is my student ID card. Please give me your mobile phone number and I'll pay you back later. MM thought about it and said, ok. When saving money, the shy man said, if I can borrow 20, I'll treat you to a bowl, too.

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One day, two farmers' uncles met in the market. Farmer A asked farmer B: Last year, your cow was sick. What medicine did you give it? Farmer B: Waste oil. A few days later, the two met again. Farmer A: What medicine did you say you gave your cow last time? Farmer B: Waste oil! Farmer A: Then why did my cow die after eating it? Farmer B: My cow died, too.

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A monk entertained him, and the city manager told him to leave, but the monk ignored him. The city manager found someone to smash the monk's things, but he was afraid of his kung fu! /kloc-urban managers above 0/0 can only say with sticks, are you going or not? The monk said, if I don't leave, you can arrest me. I'm not afraid of you fighting! Then he let out a cry and smashed the brick directly with his hand. The urban management saw it and said, You should be reasonable, and monks should not fight and kill. Everyone at the scene laughed.

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When quarreling, no matter what the other party says, you always answer "you have vegetables between your teeth." If the other person says, "nonsense, I didn't eat food today." You said in surprise, "That was yesterday!" And so on. If the other person says to you, "You have a green vegetable between your teeth", XX means "Do you want to eat it? I can dig it for you. "

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20 12 personality signature

I don't accept garbage, so I can't let you be on call.

You are calm because you are not afraid of death, and I am calmer than you because I am not afraid of your death.

Your shortness is lifelong, and my fatness is temporary.

I'm not a TV. Don't keep staring at me.

Even if you are already taken, I will use flowers instead of trees.

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The Buddha looked at Zhang Sanfeng with disdain: Oh, boy, what a big breath!

Zhang Sanfeng stare blankly for a moment, then corners of the mouth slightly raised, put his hand into his arms, took out a piece of chewing gum, threw it into his mouth and chewed it a few times.

Then look at Buddha: What about now?

Buddha smiled and nodded: Well, it's much fresher.

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Feelings are like two people being mean to each other. Suddenly one person can't do it, and the other person is stupid and forced.

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How does an electronic engine work?

Interviewer: "How does the electronic engine work?"

Application: "chug chug, chug chug ..."

The interviewer shouted, "Stop!"

Applicant: "Chug Chug ... Hum!"