Joke Collection Website - Joke collection - Where are the jokes about the Three Kingdoms? Where are the jokes about the Three Kingdoms?
Where are the jokes about the Three Kingdoms? Where are the jokes about the Three Kingdoms?
1. Thinking of Guan Yu
Cao Cao fought against Ma Chao at Tongguan, cut off his beard and discarded his robe and returned in defeat, so he kept sighing in the big tent.
Zhang Liao: "Prime Minister, why are you sighing?"
"Hey!" Cao Cao: "I was thinking, it would be great if Guan Yu was still under my command."
p>
"Yes!" Zhang Liao nodded and said: "If there is a cloud here, I will definitely be able to kill the horse and surpass the horse."
"That's not what I meant." Cao Cao said. He stroked the half of his beard and said: "Today Ma Chao shouted, 'The one with the beard is Cao Cao, catch the one with the beard.' If Guan Yu were here...his beard is much longer than mine, I would still Is it necessary to be so miserable?"
2. Ganlu Temple
Wu Guotai: "People say that Uncle Liu Huang is extremely ugly. It seems that it is all nonsense. Look, Zhong Mou, Uncle Liu Huang He is so handsome, mighty and majestic, he is simply the most beautiful man in the world..."
Sun Quan: "Mother, you are wrong, that is Liu Bei's general Chang Shan Zhao Yun Zhao Zilong. The one next to him is Liu Bei."
"Huh?" Wu Guotai: "Looking at it like this, Liu Bei is really ugly."
(I asked you to go on a blind date.) Don't bring a pretty guy like Zhao Yun, just bring Zhang Fei, it will definitely bring out your "handsomeness")
3. Poor Liu Bei
Sun Shangxiang pulled Liu Bei's ear. Asked: "Did you say: brothers are like brothers and sisters, and wives are like clothes. What do you think of me?"
Liu Bei: "Madam, don't be angry. Because I was poor at the time, and I didn't expect to be rich in the future." I can have new clothes." (In the past, poor families only had one or two pieces of clothing in their lives.)
4. Old Huang Zhong
Guan Yu took Changsha with his troops, and the prefect Han Xuan sent veteran Huang Zhong. Huang Zhong went out to fight, and the two fought for dozens of rounds without deciding the outcome. Suddenly Huang Zhong's horse stumbled and he was defeated.
Han Xuan: "Why did you lose?"
Huang Zhong: "I forgot to feed the horse. I can't help it. I always like to forget things when I get older."
Han Xuan gave his horse to Huang Zhong and ordered him to shoot Guan Yu with arrows, but Huang Zhong still returned without success.
Han Xuannu said: "Why don't you shoot the arrow?"
Huang Zhong: "I forgot to bring the arrow again. I can't help it. I always forget things when I get older. ..."
Han Xuan was furious and said: "You old fool, why should I keep you? Pull me down and chop me down!"
Huang Zhong: " Wait, I have something very important to tell you!"
Han Xuan: "Speak quickly!"
Huang Zhong: "Well... It seems...probably...I forgot again."
Han Xuan: "I'm so angry, pull him down and behead him!"
Wei Yan: "Han Xuan, you are cruel and unkind, you underestimate the virtuous and neglect the wise, take your life!"
Huang Zhong: "By the way, I remembered. Master Han, what I want to say is Wei Yan I have wanted to kill you for a long time, so be careful!"
Han Xuan: "Ah..."
5. The truth about Pang De's battle with Guan Yu
p>Soldier A: "Why do we, General Pang, carry a coffin to fight?"
Soldier B: "Don't you know yet? General Pang has become the image of XX Coffin Chain Store You are the spokesperson." (Celebrities should not pay attention to their own image when advertising.)
6. Empty City Strategy
Master Sima: "Father, the sound of Zhuge Liang's piano is too unpleasant. I can't stand it anymore."
Sima Yi: "Qi Sha Qin Yin! I didn't expect Zhuge Liang to be the descendant of the Six Finger Qin Demon. Hurry up!" (Have you read too many martial arts novels?)
7. Death of Wang Lang
Zhuge Liang: "...You will return under the Nine Springs today. How can you see the twenty-four emperors! The old traitor retreats quickly! You can teach the rebels Let’s decide the outcome with my mother-in-law!”
“Brother Zhuge!” Wang Lang was so angry that he yelled, “Bring me my quick-acting Baoxin Pills!” < /p>
Attendant: "Here we come, please use it with ease, sir."
"I'll argue with you after I've taken the medicine." Wang Lang took a whole bottle of medicine in one go and was about to confront Zhuge Liang. He cursed and suddenly vomited blood and died under the horse.
After expert appraisal, the cause of death was drug poisoning due to taking a large amount of inferior counterfeit drugs. However, the manufacturer of counterfeit drugs was Chang'an Pharmaceutical No. 3 Factory under the Cao Group. In order to cover up the fact, Wei Guo The government finally announced that Wang Lang, Situ of the Great Wei Dynasty, was "scolded" to death by Zhuge Liang on the front line of Qishan Mountain.
8. Go to the meeting alone
Lu Su invited Guan Yu to a banquet. Guan Yunchang did not bring any troops and went to the meeting alone. After three rounds of wine, Guan Yunchang went to the meeting alone.
Lu Su: "Guan Junhou, this Jingzhou..."
Guan Yu: "No... no problem! Isn't it just a few... ...How many cities? It’s just a matter of words from me, Guan Yi.”
“Thank you very much!” Lu Su hurriedly went to Guan Yu. He stuffed red envelopes into his pockets and personally put Guan Yu on the boat before leaving.
A few days later, Jingzhou.
Lu Su: "Junhou, didn't you promise to return Jingzhou last time? How can you break your promise!"
Guan Yu: "Damn! I said that when I was drunk. Do you believe it too?” (Remember not to talk about important things at the wine table)
9. Capture of Meng Huo seven times
Zhuge Liang: “Meng Huo, you have been captured seven times. Why don't you surrender?"
Meng Huo: "Next time, if you catch me, I will surrender."
Zhuge Liang: "Why must you do it next time?"
Meng Huo: "Next time I will make up to eight times. Eight means "fa" and is my lucky number."
Zhuge Liang collapsed on the spot. (There is nothing to say to this kind of person, just pull him down and chop him down.)
10. Kill Yan Liang, Zhu Wen Chou
Yan Liang: "Come and give me a general name!"
Guan Yu: "..."
"What? Louder! You can't hear me!" Yan Liang said and took a few steps forward.
Guan Yu: "..."
"Louder! Still can't hear clearly!" Yan Liang said and moved closer.
Guan Yu: "Yeah! It's just enough now." He raised his sword and slashed Yan Liang and his horse.
A month later, Wen Chou asked: "Who is coming?"
Guan Yu pretended to be mysterious and said: "Do you know how Yan Liang died?"
< p>Wen Chou: "Oh? I don't know."Guan Yu: "Come closer and I'll tell you."
Wen Chou obediently leaned over, stretched his neck and asked, "He How did he die?"
"That's how he died!" Guan Yu said and waved the Qinglong sword, and there was a "click" and the world became quiet!
11. Three visits to the thatched cottage
Liu Bei: "I'm here to see Mr. Zhuge."
Child: "Do you have an appointment?"
Liu Bei: "Huh? No."
Child: "Sir is not here, come back next time."
Liu Bei had no choice but to visit the thatched cottage after a few days.
Liu Bei: "Is Mr. Zhuge here?"
Child: "Do you have an appointment?"
Liu Bei: "Yes, as agreed last time, today See Mr. Zhuge."
Little boy: "Okay, Mr. Zhuge is inside. Pay the 50 taels of silver consultation fee and go in by yourself."
Liu Bei walked in, but he didn't see Zhuge Liang. , only saw Zhuge Jun, so he came out and asked the boy, "I made an appointment to see Mr. Zhuge Liang, why is he not here?"
The boy counted the coins and said calmly: "You just "Speaking of meeting Mr. Zhuge, we have many Mr. Zhuge here. In a few years, you can also call me Mr. Zhuge" (The boy is a relative of Zhuge Liang's family)
12. Warm wine and kill Hua Xiong<. /p>
Cao Cao: "It's really easy to reach out, the wine is still warm."
Guan Yu: "Damn! I just think the wine is too hot, I even cut one off, the wine is not cool yet. , forget it, go out and chop another one." (It turns out that Guan Yu likes iced drinks)
13. Seven-Step Poetry
Cao Pi: "I limit you to reciting a poem in three steps. If not, he will be taken out and beheaded.
"
Cao Zhi: "No, too few, ten steps! "
Cao Pi: "Four steps! "
Cao Zhi: "Nine steps! "
Cao Pi: "Five steps! "
Cao Zhi: "Eight steps! "
Cao Pi: "Six steps! ”
Cao Zhi: “Reduce the price of real estate in seven steps!” "
Cao Pi: "Deal! "
Cao Zhi: "Okay! Boil the beans and burn the pods, and the beans weep in the cauldron. They are originally from the same root, so why fry each other in a hurry! "(Hagging for such a long time, I had already thought about it.)
One day, Liu, Guan, Zhang and Zhuge Liang were traveling by plane. There was an accident on the plane. There were only three parachutes on the plane. Zhuge Liang said, I The three of you were given a brain teaser. The person who answered correctly had a parachute. He asked Liu: How many noses do you have? Liu asked Zhang again: How many eyes do you have? Zhang asked Guan again. : How many hairs do you have? Guan couldn't answer, so Liu, Zhang and Zhuge Liang carried the parachute down. Fortunately, Guan was not injured this time.
Another time, Liu, Guan, Zhang and Zhuge Liang took the opportunity again. During the plane trip, the plane had an accident again, and there were only three parachutes on the plane. Zhuge Liang said, I will give you three a brain teaser. The one who answered correctly has a parachute, so he asked Liu: How many suns are there in the sky? : One. Asked Zhang again: How many moons are there in the sky? Zhang answered: One. Guan couldn't answer, so Liu, Zhang and Zhuge Liang carried their parachutes down again, but Guan was lucky. Injured.
The third time there was another plane accident, Guan said: You don’t need to ask this time, I can just jump out. After Guan said that, he opened the plane door and jumped out. Shouting: I forgot to tell you that there are four parachutes on the plane this time. Jiang Gan: I did it.
Cao Cao: I, who are you?
Jiang Gan: I am!
Cao Cao: I am, who are you?
Jiang Gan: I am, are you Cao Cao? : Damn it, who are you, I am c!
Jiang Gan: I am g!
Cao Cao: I am c! Godmother answered the phone: What the fuck? Where is your mother?
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