In urgent need of humorous jokes

The ten scariest jokes in history

(1) Ghost asking for life

Once upon a time there was a man who had a girlfriend. He loved her more than anyone in the world.

But one day, his girlfriend left him mercilessly, without even giving him a reason.

Seeing his girlfriend being held by someone else while shopping, he was so distressed that he lost his mind. Finally one day

He killed his girlfriend. Originally he planned to kill her and then commit suicide.

But when you are about to die, you feel the preciousness of life. From then on, he was troubled by nightmares every day. In the dream, his girlfriend was naked, with disheveled hair, a red tongue hanging on the ground, and her fingers were like hooks, asking for her life.

The nightmare tortured him to the point of being broken into pieces. One day, he found a Taoist priest to get rid of him.

The Taoist priest asked him to do three things:

First, bury his girlfriend’s body properly

Second, give him the clothes he wore during his lifetime Burn the pajamas

Third, wash the hidden bloody clothes

Everything must be completed before the third watch, otherwise you will be killed!

He followed the Taoist priest's instructions and did everything very carefully, but the bloody coat could not be found.

It was nowhere to be found.

It was about to be the third watch, and big beads of sweat dripped from his face and wet the carpet.

When it was about to be the third watch, he found the bloody clothes, but no matter how hard he rubbed, he couldn't wash it off.

At this time, there was a sudden strong wind, lightning and thunder. The windows were swaying from side to side due to the strong wind, and the sound of shattering glass made people even more frightened. Suddenly all the lights went out, and the whole room was dark. In the lightning

I saw his girlfriend wearing pajamas stained with blood, her eyes dripping with blood, and pointing with a ferocious face

He said sharply: "You know why? Can’t you wash away the blood stains?” He was stunned and couldn’t say a word

The girlfriend continued: “Because you didn’t use white washing powder, idiot.”

(2) Night. Encountering a Female Ghost

It was already late at night, and a taxi driver decided to pick up one more passenger and go home, but there were not many people on the road.

The driver was driving aimlessly and found a white figure shaking in front of him, waving to him. It was originally a peaceful night.

It was unnatural to have people around at night. Moreover, like this The situation has to remind people of something that people don't want to think of, and that is ghosts! ! !

But in the end the driver decided to pull her away. The man got into the car and said in a miserable and hoarse voice:

"Please come to the crematorium."

< p>The driver shuddered. Could it be that she really... He couldn't think about it any more, and he didn't dare to think about it any more.

He regretted it very much, but now he had no choice but to deliver her quickly.

The woman's face was delicate and pale, and she was speechless all the way, which was creepy. The driver really couldn't continue driving

When he was very close to where she wanted to go, he made an excuse and stammered: "Miss, I'm so sorry. , it’s hard to turn around, just go there by yourself, it’s very close.”

The woman nodded and asked, “How much is that?” The driver quickly said, “Forget it, forget it.

It’s not easy for a woman to come here so late, forget it!”

“That’s so embarrassing.”

“That’s it!” The driver persisted.

The woman couldn't resist, "Well, thank you!" After saying that, she opened the car door...

The driver turned around to start the car, but didn't hear the door closing. So I turned around

...

Why did that woman disappear so quickly? He looked at the back seat and saw nothing! There is none on the front, left, right

side or rear of the car!

Did she just disappear?

The driver was curious and wanted to find out. He got out of the car and came to the door that was not closed.

“Did that woman just leave so quickly? , or she is..." He was about to collapse

, and just about to leave here,

A bloody hand patted his shoulder, and when he turned around, the woman's face was full of The bloody one stood in front of him and spoke.

"Master! Please don't park next to the ditch when you park your car next time..."

(3) There are two people

In a remote In the village, there is a straight telephone pole on a narrow path. Strangely enough, people often have accidents there.

Soon a young man and woman were accidentally knocked down by a bicycle and died on the spot. One night, 5-year-old Xiaozhi and his mother passed by there on the way home. Xiaozhi suddenly said: "Mom, there are two people on the telephone pole." Mom held his hand He quickly walked away with his hand and said:

"Children, don't talk nonsense!" But the matter spread quickly, and one day, a reporter came to interview

Xiao Zhi Asking him to take him to see the place where the car accident occurred, Xiaozhi led him there generously. The reporter asked: "Where is it?" Xiaozhi pointed to it, and the reporter looked up?

@Look, there is a sign hanging on the telephone pole.

It says: Traffic safety is everyone’s responsibility

(4) Complaints of three ghosts

One day they met God while shopping! They told God that they all died miserably and hoped that they would go to heaven! God said helplessly that there are too many residents in heaven and it is already full.

But there is still one spot left!

You guys tell me, whoever dies the worst will go to heaven! So, the first ghost started to say...

He was a cleaner during his lifetime. Very hard work! Busy from morning to night! One day, I was cleaning the glass outside a big building!

It’s the kind of dangerous work that involves hanging outside at high altitudes!

On the 30th floor! Suddenly, my foot slipped and I fell! I thought, it's over! Dying! But

My survival instinct made me scratch unconsciously!

Fortunately, I grabbed the railing of a balcony on the 13th floor. I thought, there is hope! So I wanted to wait

to calm down before climbing up!

Unexpectedly, someone suddenly grabbed my hand and I fell down again!

I think, now I am really finished! However, my fate should not have been decided. There was a tent underneath to catch me.

I am glad that I must have accumulated good deeds in my previous life!

I want to go down when I feel better. Unexpectedly, a refrigerator fell from above and killed me!

The second ghost said...

I was a clerk during my lifetime. Everything is fine, I have a beautiful wife. Great figure!

But it’s a bit watery. I have a mild heart condition. One day I forgot to bring my medicine to work, so I went home to get it.

As soon as I entered the door, I saw my wife with disheveled hair and disheveled clothes. There must be an adulterer.

So I searched all over the house, including the kitchen and the toilet, but couldn't find it. When I got to the balcony, I found two hands on the railing. I thought: Adulterer! So he took his hand away. I thought, 13th floor! See if I fall or not

I'll kill you!

When I saw the result, he was not dead! Caught by the tent! I was anxious, so I searched all over the house, entered the kitchen, and found that the refrigerator was big enough, so I threw the refrigerator down. Finally smashed him to death! I was so

so happy! Laughing endlessly.

Unexpectedly, I laughed so hard that my heart was blocked and I died laughing!

The third ghost said...

I was a gangster when I was alive, but I didn't do anything bad! One day I went to a female friend’s house

Akira!

Just after finishing her work, her husband suddenly came back! I have to find a place to hide. So I also searched the kitchen and the toilet. Finally, I found that their refrigerator was quite big, so I hid in the refrigerator! I don't know how her husband knew I was in the refrigerator. He actually threw the refrigerator from the 13th floor! I just

killed myself by throwing the refrigerator with me like this!

(5) Ghost in the toilet

Chu Yang went to the countryside to visit. When chatting with his relatives, his relatives told him that there were toilets here

Ghost, but if you don’t accept things from ghosts, ghosts won’t hurt you. Maybe it was due to acclimatization

At night, Chu Yangxiang's stomach hurt terribly.

There was really no other way, so Chu Yangxiang had no choice but to go to the toilet with fear

Xiuz.

Chu Yang squatted down and heard the ghost's voice:) ^nRed toilet paper or white toilet paper? "

Chu Yangxiang knew that he could not accept ghost things, so he replied: "I always use newspapers. "

It seemed that Chu Yangxiang had dysentery. After a while, Chu Yangxiang ran to the toilet again, but

However, this time, he was no longer afraid.

When the ghost saw Chu Yang looking back, he stretched out his hand and said:) ^n"Youth Daily" or "Central Daily News

"

" I always use sports newspapers.”

At night, Chu Yangxiang went to the toilet for the third time. )^n"Youth Sports" or "Central Sports"

? "The ghost asked.

"...I...I just want to pee. ”

(6) Ghost Phone

In the past, when making phone calls, the numbers were not pressed by pressing the numbers now. Instead, you inserted your fingers into a disc with a hole and dialed it

Once upon a time...

Xiao Ming's phone number is 444-4444, and strange calls often come in...

At midnight one day, the phone rang, and Xiao Ming picked up the phone.

The other end of the phone said in a miserable voice: "Is this 444-4444?" Can you

call 119 and call the police? I’m so miserable! ......."

Xiao Ming: "Go find someone to help you. , don't come to me!"

The man: "I can only call 444-4444, there is no way to beat Qi O people."

Xiao Ming is scared to death, hang up quickly On the phone, just ˉ

鍍捶鈈guoguoguo w4444? Is it

a ghost? ! !

After a while, the phone rang again. Xiao Ming did not dare to answer it, but the phone kept ringing.... Xiao Ming had no choice but to pick up the phone

The man: "Is this 444-4444? Can you call 119 for me?

I am so miserable!

.... .....My finger is stuck in the phone dial!"

(7) Damn it

Two men were walking home after a Halloween costume party! ..When they passed a cemetery,

on a whim they wanted to go through the cemetery. When they were halfway there, they were startled by a knock-knock-knock sound

< p>Stopped. The sound came from a dark place. They were so frightened that they shivered.

Then they found an old man holding a chisel and cutting out a tombstone. One of the men said : "Oh my god.

Sir, we thought you were a ghost.

What are you doing here so late?" Old man Cursed: '***, they spelled my name wrong.!!!!'

(8) Will-o'-the-wisp

In a dark night, a man is chasing the night The road passed by a cemetery.

The breeze blew by, and the surrounding sounds were rustling, making the hair on one's hair stand on end and the scalp tingling. At this moment, he suddenly noticed a little red fire in the distance.

The first thing he thought of was "will-o'-the-wisp". So, he gingerly picked up a stone and threw it towards the light.

I saw the light of fire flying slowly to the back of another grave. He was even more frightened, so he picked up another stone and threw it towards the fire, only to see the light fly towards another grave. At this time, he was

close to collapse. So, he picked up another stone and threw it towards the light.

At this time, I heard a voice coming from behind the grave: "Damn, who is it? It's not fun to play with X.

Oh.

A bag of cigarettes killed me three times.”

(9) Doll

There was a taxi driver working in a taxi company. Late one night, he was driving through a very desolate place, surrounded by darkness; suddenly he saw a building in the desolate land in front of him, with dim lights on.

He was wondering when such a building had been built here when he saw a young lady on the roadside waving to

take his car home. , he closed the car door and started driving. After a while, he felt strange why the lady didn't say anything, so he looked back in the mirror. , there is no lady, ￥

u There was a doll sitting there. He was scared to death, so he grabbed the doll and threw it out the window. After returning home, he became seriously ill for three years. Month

...

...

...

...

.. .

After he recovered from his illness, he went back to work in the taxi company. As a result, his colleague said to him: "You are so embarrassing.

A beautiful lady came to complain. She wanted to ride in your car last time, but as soon as she threw the doll in, you closed the car door and drove away.

(10) It was a dark and windy night. On a high night, on that longest... scariest road

...

The taxi driver drove past there... There was a woman waving at the roadside to get in the car. ...

Well...it was quite quiet along the way...until the woman spoke...

She said: "Apple Qi A eats...very delicious Oh..."

The driver thought it was great... so he took it... and took a bite...

The woman asked: "Is it delicious?

The driver said: "It's delicious!" "

The woman replied again: "I also liked eating apples when I was alive..."

Wow...&*$#@...When the driver heard this, he was frightened. I had to brake suddenly and turned pale...

I saw the woman slowly tilting her head to the front and... said to the driver...

I want to know what she said What? ………………………………………………

“…But I didn’t like eating it after giving birth! …