What jokes have you made due to slips of the tongue, typing or input methods?

1. When I first started working, I ordered takeout at the company for lunch. After I ordered it, my boss suddenly came to me in the company group and said that I would like to add a dish for lunch and there would be a delivery man here to eat it. I just replied, is it okay to add braised pork ribs, but when I hit the pork ribs with the input method, my hand quickly hit the buttocks, so the whole company looked at me and replied, is it okay to add braised buttocks? After a few seconds, the boss replied, yes, yes, but you ask the restaurant if the ingredients are easy to get. . The company group exploded instantly. . .

2. I went shopping with my friends. When it was time for dinner, I didn’t know what to eat. After discussing for a long time, there was no result. I wanted to say go to McDonald’s, but the result was that I just went to McDonald’s. . My friend laughed like a pig and was confused by the point of laughter. . .

3. When I was a kid, I rode bicycles with my brother. I wanted to tell my brother that when he rode downhill, I rode in the car. When I rode uphill, he rode in the car. As a result, the exit was like going up. I ride uphill, but you can ride downhill. . . He decisively agreed, and later refused to ride a bicycle. As a result, I rode for most of the day and my legs were not broken.

4. I have a friend. Once when he was a child, his father was playing mahjong and asked him to buy a pack of cigarettes. Then he asked his father what cigarettes he wanted. His father wanted to say Yellow Crane Tower, but then When I mentioned Honghe, I didn’t know what to do and told my friend to buy a package of Honghe Tower. My friend ran to a small store and was told there was no such cigarette, but he didn’t believe it. Then he went to a tobacco and alcohol store on the street to look for it, but they also said there was no such cigarette. Finally, he went to the supermarket and searched around but couldn’t find it. He could only take the money and go home in frustration. As soon as he entered the community, he saw his parents looking for him frantically on bicycles. . Later, it was said that after his parents found out the reason for his disappearance, his mother scolded his father for several days. . . What a straightforward boy. .

5. When I was in my senior year of high school, when the exam was about to take place, I went out to play ball. My mother scolded me angrily and said, I am almost dying of anxiety about your score. Are you not worried at all? The emperor is really not in a hurry, but the eunuch is! I was quite depressed at first, but when I heard this I accidentally laughed out loud. My mother didn't realize it and scolded me for a long time. .

6. A friend told me that he and his girlfriend had a fight, and he cursed in a hurry, "You bastard," and his girlfriend calmly replied, "Yes, he did it all at once." It lost its momentum. . .

7. I suddenly remembered something. It’s not a typo, it’s just silly.

I have a cute cousin. On Father’s Day, she bought her father, my third uncle, a gift online in advance, but I hadn’t bought anything for my father at that time, so I Ask her what she bought for her father.

She said that she bought a pair of forest shoes.

What do I mean by big forest shoes?

She said, Oh, no, the big forest seems to be called a wooden man. .

I said I’ve never heard of any Wooden Man brand shoes?

She said, it’s not a wooden man, it’s that one. . Timberwolves. . .

I said the Timberwolves are an NBA team and don’t sell shoes

She said no, no, it seems to be called the Timbers. .

Did I say you bought your dad an SUV?

She said no, what is it called? Green forest?

I said it was diatom mud for decoration. . .

She said I would think about it later. . . After thinking about it for a long time, I said, forget it, I can't remember it. I'll give you the link and you can see it yourself

When I saw it, she bought a pair of shoes for her father, from Mulinsen. . .

8. Finally, I will give you a joke, saying that there is a fan of Li Yuchun who is short-sighted. One day, he was walking on the street and suddenly saw a store in front of him, with a red banner hanging at the door. It says, Li Yu spring dress B! This fan is so angry that he rolls up his sleeves and goes to the store to fight.

When I got closer and took a closer look, it was written that Li Ning's spring clothes are 20% off?

Emma received a lot of likes, which feels so good hahaha

In order not to let down Thanks to everyone, I interviewed a few friends around me

9. When Xiao Chen was in school, he recited his teacher's example. Among them was the sentence "If you live your life in troubled times, you don't want to be educated and reach the princes." , he didn’t know what was going on in his mind, and he memorized it wrongly from the first time he memorized it, and it became “a dog’s life is fulfilled in troubled times.” He said that when he took the exam later, he neatly wrote on the paper "To fulfill a dog's life in troubled times, and not to seek knowledge and reach the princes". The funniest thing was that during the exam, whether it was a "dog's life" or a "gou's life" He struggled with this issue for a long time, and even put himself in the position of possessing the Prime Minister to experience the miserable era the Prime Minister lived in, so he finally wrote the word "Dog's Life". Finally, it was said that when the teacher was grading the paper, he drew a big cross on this sentence. The cross was so strong that it scratched the paper. He said that through this cross, he perfectly felt the true meaning of Chinese language. The teacher is angry. . It really made me laugh to death. This guy went to Chengdu during the high temperature vacation last year. . When you visit Wuhou Temple, aren't you afraid that the Prime Minister will come out and slap you in the mouth? . .

10. Doubi Lao Liu has 400-degree myopia. Once, he was sitting in the passenger seat on a highway in another province and saw a bridge far ahead with a huge hanging on it. An advertisement, the pictures on the advertisement are all about gold coins, lucky cats, etc. However, there are four big words on the advertisement: Spend a lot of money to get a child! He was confused on the spot and secretly speculated that xx province is really awesome. Such a big scam advertisement is hung on the highway so openly. It is indeed a province with big scams (not a bad region)! result. . . As the car got closer and closer, he saw clearly the huge advertisement in front of it. It read: Gold is coming! . . Originally, this advertisement was a real estate advertisement for a local real estate company. The general idea was that if you come to buy a house on a certain day of the year and pay the money, you can participate in a lottery. The prizes include gold bars, gold jewelry and the like. This funny person insists on taking such a huge advertisement as a real estate advertisement. He asked for a lot of money on the telephone pole. . .

11. During college, due to lack of social experience, I was deceived. So I felt very aggrieved. So I sent a text message to my mother

"Mom, I was deceived."

It turned out that on the Nokia nine-square grid keyboard, plus I had typed this word a few days ago, with a swipe of my hand I wrote:

“Mom, I was cheated.

12. The daughter said: “Mom, I want to drink water.” ”

“Don’t drink too much. You’ll have to pee after a while.” "I poured the water for her, then told her this, and then went to do what I was doing.

As soon as I put down the water glass, she said: "I need to pee. "

I was writing something and said without raising my head: "Go by yourself, I told you not to drink so much urine. You will have to have a bowel movement soon, right? ”

Leave a child with a silly look on his face?