Who tells jokes for a few days? Come and listen

1. One day when everyone returned to the dormitory, they found a lot of McDonald's and KFC coupons stuffed under the door, so I picked up a few and pretended to be cute and said to everyone: "I want McDonald's." ..." Another lively girl also imitated me: "I want Kenji..." 2. A man and a woman were in a hurry on the train. The man in front of the toilet door said to the woman: "Sister, please let me go first, I can't even hold it. "The woman made a cry for help: "Brother, let me go in first, you still have something to hold on to, I have nothing to hold on to, my legs are sore!" 3. Chat record: Man: Beauty, are you free tonight? The female vigilant reply: What do you want to do? Man: Think! 4. Xiaoqiang often goes to the school playground to practice running at night. One day, he found that a girl was like this, and he also discovered a pattern, that is, the girl ran one lap every day in the first week, two laps every day in the second week, and three laps every day in the third week... ... One night in the third week, he finally plucked up the courage to strike up a conversation with the girl and said, "Classmate, I have been observing you for a long time. The number of laps you run increases by one every week, and next week it will be fourth." Isn’t it time to run four laps every day?” After hearing this, the girl wrote a note and gave it to him, then ran away. The note read: No more running next week, you little fool. ! 5. A driver drove by a village in his daughter's country. He saw a woman with dignified appearance and graceful figure, so he got out of the car and wanted to molest her. When the woman saw her, she hurriedly shouted: "Someone is coming, someone is coming." After hearing this, the driver quickly jumped into the car and fled. The woman stamped her feet behind the car and said: "Coward, I just want to invite a few more sisters to come and play with you, but I'm afraid it will end up like this!" 6. The roommate was wearing sexy briefs and pointed at her slightly bulging area for us. Guessing a Hong Kong star made everyone laugh without saying a word. The roommate asked with a puzzled look on his face: "Why are you laughing? You should be honest! Do you think it's Leo Ku?" So everyone laughed even harder. After a while, someone finally took a breath and said, "We...we... I thought it was Zhu Yin..." 7. A woman rushed in and asked in a low voice: "Do you have that...that one-time medicine after the incident?" The clerk: "Is it Yu Ting?" The woman: "Really... ” Clerk: “Would you like one pellet or two? ” Woman: “What’s the difference? ” Clerk: “Take one pellet once, two pellets twice” Woman: “Then take two pellets…” 8. An old woman thinks about how coquettish and beautiful she was back then, and her face is as convex as it should be, and as concave as it should be. And he happens to be in that kind of special industry, so business is no problem. But then I got older and my body changed. She suddenly felt that if she lived in such a boring life every day, it would be better to die and forget about it. So she had the idea of ??committing suicide, but because she had never read a book before, she didn't know where her heart was? Just ask the doctor. The doctor kindly told her that it would be just one centimeter below the left breast. So the old woman went home and tried it! After everything was ready, there was a 'bang' sound, and soon I heard a cry: "Wow! My thigh hurts so much!!" 9. One afternoon, a thunderstorm suddenly started, and the school girl saw her favorite girl from a distance. Seniors, you must seize this opportunity! The school girl thought in her heart: She would say to him in the gentlest tone later: "Ah! Senior! It won't be good if you get wet. Come in quickly!!" Then the two of them can hold a small umbrella together. , take a walk in the rain! Then I will have a chance... Wow hahaha!! God is really helping me! So, I straightened myself up, approached the senior in a ladylike manner and said: "...ah...learn...learn...grow!...wet...come in!...quickly..." 10. Several male and female colleagues met after get off work. At a restaurant gathering, the male colleague asked for liquor and the female colleague asked for yogurt. After a while, the girl brought the dishes and liquor, and the male colleagues started eating and drinking. A male colleague suddenly realized that there was no yogurt for his female colleague, so he asked the girl: "Do you have milk?" The girl blushed and replied: "Yes, not much." 11. The beautiful Egyptian female spy returned from Israel to Cairo Report to headquarters. "I got General Dai Yang's latest attack plan. This plan was stolen from his desk. Not only that, I also captured his son..." "Awesome!" the Egyptian general shouted, "Where? We will interrogate him immediately." "No!" said the female spy, "We have to wait another 10 months." 12. The couple were having dinner together, and the wife asked: "What are the benefits of leeks? Why do you like to eat them so much?" The husband said, "After eating this, your penis will become as hard as an iron rod."

After hearing this, the wife kept eating. The husband said, "What's the use of eating it?" The wife said, "I ate it, and the place was like an iron hoop." 13. A tall boy and a girl met for the first time. The girl was overjoyed when she saw how tall the boy was, and asked the boy, "How many meters tall are you?" "The boy laughed... The girl knew that her question was inappropriate and her face turned red. She quickly changed her words: "I was asking how long you are? "The boy fainted... 14. Since ancient times, there have been many mentally retarded people. During the Qing Dynasty, there was a couple who got married and gave birth to a son. Unexpectedly, the son was mentally retarded and a fool, but his family was very rich. That's how it goes, but when people grow up, they have to start a family, and fools are no exception. However, the parents are worried about how the fool son will spend his wedding night. At this time, the father is thinking of the fool son's second uncle, who is alone. He often went to Yichun Court to hang out, so his father asked Shaer to go shopping with his second uncle. When the second uncle arrived, he told the old madam: "Bring me two girls! "At this time, the old madam saw that it was a long-term guest. Without saying a word, he called two girls and took the two people into the room. The fool was dumbfounded. At this time, the second uncle said: "Watch it! Teach you what to do on your wedding night! " Randomly said to two girls: "Take off your shirt, pants, and underwear." "The two girls did as they were told without saying a word. At this time, the stupid boy said stupidly: "Hey, second uncle, I know what to do! "Then he ran home and told his parents! On the wedding night, Fool drank a lot of wine. Then he entered the bridal chamber and yelled at his wife: "Take off your shirt, take off your pants, and keep your underwear on." Take it off! At this time, the wife did as she was told without saying a word. After a long time, her husband did not come home and made some move, saying, "You want to freeze me to death?" ! "Unexpectedly, Silly'er said something that made his wife faint on the spot! "You wait until I call my second uncle..." 15. The mother took her adolescent son to see a doctor because of his male sex symbol and small size. Just like a child, the doctor advised: “It doesn’t matter! Just let him eat the burnt hot dog. "The next morning, there were a lot of burnt hot dogs on the dining table. My son looked at them with a sad face and said, "Mommy, how can I eat so many?" "Little darling, you can just eat one, and leave the rest for your dad to eat." " 16. There were three brothers, and the eldest brother liked to gamble, while the second and third children were fond of cheating. One day, the eldest brother was gambling, and the daughter-in-law of the second and third brother complained to the eldest brother: "They are always out looking for girls and never come home. "The boss said: "It's all because of you two that they got to this point. "The second daughter-in-law said: "I didn't! "The third daughter-in-law also said: "I didn't force it either! The boss slammed the table and shouted: "By the way, you two didn't force them to find a girl!" ? " 17. There is a buddy in the university who is always outspoken, but he is often refuted by us. Every time he is refuted, he always says angrily: "I curse your girlfriend for not being a virgin! "This trick is really effective, and everyone can't do anything to him. On this day, he repeated his old tricks again, and even cursed harder: "I curse all the girlfriends in your dormitory to not be virgins!" ! ! "My roommate, who usually rarely talks in words, now said: "We also sincerely wish you will always be your girlfriend..." 18. MM was bitten by a mosquito on her neck. Because mosquitoes fly slowly in autumn, so I caught the mosquito with my hand and said jokingly: "Don't kill it. Letting two more mosquito bites will help you enlarge your breasts, hehe!" ! After hearing this, MM pulled down my pants, then threw the mosquito in and yelled, "I'll give you a boost after I've enlarged my breasts!" ! ! 19. A girl named Wang Ying received a letter one day named Wang Ying. She called the writer and shouted: "You are so stupid. Where did the bird come from?" Is it obviously the mouth? 20. There was a girl in the class who was a wolf, and her online chat nickname was "Reject". Once, I asked her out of curiosity: "Why are you called this name?" She turned back with a shy expression and said, "Don't you think it would be more subtle to add the radical?" 21. My girlfriend asked: "Why do women have menstruation?" Answer: "Because men also need to rest!" 22. The dean was on a business trip and passed by a boutique underwear store and wanted to surprise his wife! ! ! Waiter: "Sir, what are you buying?" Dean: "Buy some underwear for my wife." Waiter: "What size of underwear does your lady wear?" The dean touched his head and said naively: "Me too. I don’t know, but I can’t catch it all with one hand (I’m having sex on one side) and two hands are not enough.

23. A migrant worker was caught by the police after buying "pornographic" photos on the street. The police took the photos and asked the migrant worker: "Which of the photos here have you seen?" After reading it, the migrant worker said: "I have never seen any of these." "The police couldn't find any evidence, so they could only reprimand the migrant workers. When they were about to let them go, a policeman asked: "Tell me how you feel about being arrested this time. The migrant worker thought for a while and said: "As a migrant worker, my understanding of Cecilia Cheung can reach the level of Nicholas Tse, it's worth it!" 24. An old man was sitting in a bus, and then a hippie came up. His hair was dyed red, green, yellow, orange... and he was wearing feather earrings. The hippie saw the old man looking at him. , asked: "Hey, what's the matter, old man? Have you never done anything crazy? The old man replied: "Yes, once I fucked a parrot, I thought you were my son." " 25. Xiaoxuan felt that his sins were serious, so he decided to go to the church to find a priest to confess. When he arrived at the church, he walked into the confession room and said to the priest. "Father, I am guilty. "Yes kid, tell me what you did?" God will deliver you. "Father... when I was a child... I saw a little bitch... and there was no one on the road... so I naughtily touched the little bitch's MiMi." "Well...it doesn't matter...you were still young...ignorant...little Case." "Father, my girlfriend and I have always had a close relationship. It's been three years and nothing important has happened." Yesterday, when I went to her house to find her, her sister was the only one at home, so I slept with her sister. "Son, this is wrong, but you can still get forgiveness from God." "Father, I went to her office to look for her last week, but no one was there except for one of her female colleagues. I also slept with her colleague." " "This is really bad behavior. "Father, last month ago, I went to her uncle's house to find her, but her aunt was the only one at home, so I slept with her aunt again." "... "Father? ...Father? "Suddenly the man noticed that there was no response from the priest. He walked to the priest and found that the priest was not here...so he started looking for the priest. "Father, where are you? "He searched and searched, and finally he found the priest under the piano. "Father, why are you hiding here? "I'm sorry... kid, I suddenly realized that I'm the only one here..." 26. A department party went to have a barbecue. A colleague and I went to the toilet. When we came to the toilet, we saw a long line of people standing in front of the women's toilet and several people standing in front of the men's toilet. A few men and a few women ran into the men's room, shouting that they were so anxious... I sweated for the first time! Later I realized that the men at the door were their boyfriends and wanted us to wait for a while. Wait, let’s go in after they’re done. When the girls inside came out, one girl said something even more chilling: “Is this a human or an elephant? So thick! "While talking, they bent their thumb and index finger into a circle to demonstrate to their boyfriends that there was still a large distance between the index finger and thumb... The second drop of sweat! When we later eagerly and respectfully went in to see When I was looking at a macho man with such a magical weapon, I suddenly heard the buddy who went in first shout: "Holy crap!" Who the hell doesn’t flush such a thick stool! 27. Once upon a time, there was a male monkey and a female monkey living in a tree, and a sheep lived under the tree. One day the wolf came and ate the sheep. Not long after, the male monkey violently attacked the female monkey, because The female monkey said to him: "The sheep down there is (itchy) dead. ”

Reference: /jingdianxiaohua/2010-09-14/2296.html