Helping my daughter with her children is often accused, and I really want to break up with my relatives and die. Does anyone have the same idea?

I am a grandmother who helps her daughter take care of her children. I once went to the hospital with my daughter to see a child, and saw a child's mother look disgusted and vicious at the old lady who followed. I thought it was the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law who had a conflict. Later, I learned that the old lady became a grandmother. At that time, I couldn't understand what the child's mother could do to her mother, which led to her face and attitude. Look at that calm, neat and dignified family about my age. She definitely doesn't look like an ignorant, lazy and annoying person. Why did her daughter do this to her? I feel terrible in my heart. I thought, what should I do after my daughter did this to me?

I don't think the mother of the child should treat the grandmother who helps take care of the child with an accusing attitude, no matter what the reason is. The old man should be respected and appreciated for helping to look after the children. For some old and new parenting methods, it should be patient communication and persuasion. The elderly should also understand that they are helping, learn and accept new parenting knowledge, and cannot treat children according to their own habits. As long as the child's mother doesn't deliberately run amok, she should patiently remind and tolerate the improper words and deeds and unconscious mistakes of the elderly.

A mother should have a serious talk with her daughter and tell her that your attitude is wrong. I can't stand it. If she doesn't improve, I think she doesn't respect her mother. She doesn't respect her participation. When her parents become her burden, can she still have respect and sympathy? If it were me, I wouldn't put up with such hard work any longer. Do your own thing early, earn some money to support the elderly, and be prepared for not having children.

There are so many young people who are not sensible and grateful now. Many young people are in their thirties, as naive as those in their twenties. I heard a story about a mother helping her daughter with her children. This is ridiculous and pathetic.

A doctor's daughter got married in Beijing and gave birth to a child. This man is from Beijing. It was his husband's family who took care of him before. As a result, his grandfather was ill and his grandmother had to take care of him. The daughter asked her mother to take care of him. But before the doctor and his wife retired, their daughter cried on the phone. The doctor had no choice but to ask for a few months' leave from work and go to Beijing to help. Daughter and son-in-law live in Beijing, but work in Changping District. They drive early in the morning and go home at seven or eight in the evening. Doctors basically take care of children over one year old day and night. Daughters can't worry about their children. They want their mothers to send videos and photos every day, to know what their children eat, wear and play, and to meet their wishes. If they are slightly dissatisfied, they will complain, make a hullabaloo about and make their mother angry to death. Later, my mother rented a house near Changping's daughter's unit at her own expense and took her children to live near her parents, thinking it would be easier. But who knows, in addition to taking care of children, doctors have to bear the housework of three meals a day and cleaning. The two parents didn't do anything except play with their children. When the meal was served, they came up for dinner. I left after eating, even the garbage. Usually the son-in-law doesn't say a word. If anything happens, he will say to his daughter, where is her? Treat your mother like a servant. If you don't like her, you always blame her. Either she is slow or she doesn't do well. Once when they were eating out, they only cared about eating by themselves. The doctor was so absorbed in serving the children to eat and drink that he spilled the soup for a while. The daughter said loudly on the spot, "Why are you so careless?" Be careful. "Everyone who eats next to him has gone to see a doctor. The doctor was so angry that his self-esteem was seriously damaged that he wanted to leave on the spot and give them a clean break. Think of yourself as a famous and prestigious woman in a big hospital. In front of the children, she suffers hardships, even worse than a nanny. The doctor couldn't wait for them to go home the next day.

After a few months of swallowing up, who knows that the child's grandfather is more seriously ill and has been admitted to the hospital. The daughter wants her mother to continue to take care of the child. The doctor said that she paid for a nanny, but their daughter disagreed, saying that watching the news and watching a nanny was scary. The doctor had to make up his mind to bring the children over one year old back to his hometown, where he hired a relative to work part-time, and the doctor continued to work during the day. Someone asked, is such a small child tired? The doctor said, very good! Tiredness is secondary, mainly because no one around me tells me what to do. I feel very comfortable, at least I am my own master and live happily. She said that doctors no longer go to Beijing to take care of children. They are not even polite to me. They are arrogant and bossy, just like my own daughter! I live too lowly and disreputable.

I have been helping my daughter with her children for two years. Now the baby is two years old and three months old. I hired a nanny for the first three months. Later, she said that the nanny still didn't have a job and asked me to take care of the children and sleep with me at night. I've been following me 24 hours now for two years. I stayed up all night. Get up several times to feed milk powder in the first year. Now the baby always kicks the quilt at night and covers him several times a night. Daughters are also picky from time to time. Recently, my baby caught a cold and had diarrhea. The color Doppler ultrasound and stool examination done by the hospital are viral gastritis. The hospital prescribed some medicine, went to the outpatient clinic to see if the baby had diarrhea, and prescribed several boxes of medicine. When I came back, I saw that the drugs were not symptomatic and there were antibiotics. I didn't give it to him, but all the medicines I took were prescribed by big hospitals. Because the doctor said that viral diarrhea does not need antibiotics, which is not good for the baby's health, I didn't give it to the baby because the medicine accused me. The baby is crying in my arms or shouting accusations. I held back my tears for fear that the baby would be too scared to argue with her. I was so angry that I couldn't sleep for days. Sisters, what should I do?

This mother is responsible for the delivery of her daughter. From delivery to delivery, her daughter is in Lacrimosa all day!

"I will take care of your children, so you have to pay me. Beijingers hire a nanny for one month 10000, and you just give me 8000. "

This is what my elder sister-in-law said when she asked her mother-in-law to take care of her confinement before giving birth.

It is understandable for my mother to take care of the confinement, but my mother-in-law asked for money and my sister-in-law was angry and cried.

My eldest sister-in-law lives in the countryside, and rural women have confinement. Usually her mother takes care of it for free. Her mother-in-law died long ago, so she asked her mother to take care of her. Even if she is paid, it is only according to the wage standard of small towns. I didn't expect my mother-in-law to speak is the standard in Beijing.

On the other hand, the man married by the elder sister-in-law is very poor. He has no house or land of his own. In the countryside, he rents other people's houses and land. Her man is digging coal in the coal mine. My father-in-law is in poor health and takes medicine all the year round. She took her four-year-old daughter (ex-husband's) to farm at home and prepare to have children. It's really hard for her to have no one to look after her.

My sister-in-law who is not related by blood feels sorry for her. Life is already tight, and my mother-in-law still needs such a high salary.

Husband thought her mother-in-law was joking and called her to ask her. What she said is true: "I have no obligation to take care of her baby. I won't go until I start working. "

Husband said, "She didn't say she wouldn't start working, but 8 thousand a month is too high."

My mother-in-law is very confident: "How many times has she sat for a month in her life? How many times have I made her money? Just this once, do you think you have given me too much? "

Under my husband's persuasion, she promised to go with 3000 yuan, and the salary of 3000 yuan was doubled in the small county. She also asked for money first [covering her face], and my husband gave it.

Then, for a whole month, while taking care of her sister-in-law, her mother-in-law scolded her for being worthless and married one man after another, which was so pitiful. My sister-in-law stayed in Lacrimosa all day and only called me behind my back to complain. I advised her to relax and be healthy.

Out of the month, my mother-in-law did not mention it and continued to live in her sister-in-law's house. When the time comes, she will reach out for money, and a day later she will lose her temper and call names.

It is easier for a sister-in-law to ask God than to send him away. After a few months, she couldn't help it. Where does she get 3000 yuan a month in the countryside? Find a man every month, so that she can't talk.

She was worried and called me to ask how to get her to leave without making her angry.

At that time, we were opening a restaurant, and my husband called my mother-in-law and said, "Our business is very busy. Mom will come to help me for a few days. "

My mother-in-law said, "I won't come in a few days. I can do it for a month if I want. "

The husband said, "I'm afraid it will take several months."

"Then how much do you give me a month?"

"Open 3500 with you." She won't come until her salary is higher.

"3500 is too little. Your hotel is too tired. I'll come at 4 thousand. "

"Well, 4000 is 4000!"

It took a month to hire a waiter at that time 1000.

Then my mother-in-law really came and helped my sister-in-law get rid of this trouble. We set up a stall. She doesn't do what she has to do every day. She doesn't like washing vegetables, she doesn't like washing dishes, she just likes collecting money.

However, she always makes mistakes in calculation because she can't remember the price of vegetables. I calculated an account, and when she received the money, it was less. Later, we found that she secretly hid some in her bag [covering her face].

Less than two months later, her husband had a big fight with her because a customer left his mobile phone on the table and she hid it without telling us when she closed the table.

The customer came back soon, but she couldn't find her cell phone. She asked if she had seen it. She said she saw someone at another table take it away.

But that night, my husband found a mobile phone in her apron bag. He said angrily, "How much is the mobile phone worth? You want to discredit my hotel! I dare not keep you, go home! "

Mother-in-law said angrily, "If you want to hire someone, just call me. If you don't want me, neither will I. Give me this month's salary! " I still have to babysit for your sister! "

Husband said, "Don't think that we really need your help, just because my sister can't afford you, call me and let me call you back. Parents are thinking of their children. A mother of yours came to see how to kill her son and daughter! "

"You are such a bad mother! Why didn't you feel like a bad mother when you were a child? Now you think I'm bad? No matter how bad I am, you have to call me mom! "

My mother-in-law left angrily while scolding.

After all, there are few excellent mothers like my mother-in-law, and most mothers think of their children.

The subject was also willing to pay for his daughter, but was accused of complaining. I can't help but sigh, it's really hard for every family to read.

If the theme is as strong as the mother-in-law, the daughter not only dares not to blame and complain, but also speaks carefully for fear of upsetting her mother.

So I think, whether mother or daughter, don't be too passive to Nuo Nuo, but tell what they think truthfully, don't make any noise, and make sense calmly.

You can tell your daughter: I'm sorry you said that about me. If you can't change it, you'll have to ask someone else to take care of the children. I can't take it anymore.

The topic has reached the point of "I want to break up with my relatives and die of old age." What else can I say?

Some young people can't put themselves in others' shoes. If you don't tell her, she won't know what she said to offend you and will always go her own way.

For a while, I talked to my mother like this. I always felt that she wouldn't listen to me. I couldn't help being angry and yelled at her.

One day my mother came to chat with me. After we communicated, I understood the reason why she didn't listen. I knew it was wrong for me to be angry with her.

Therefore, it is suggested that the subject and daughter talk it over and speak their own thoughts directly.

If you speak out your dissatisfaction, there are only two consequences. One is that your daughter changes her attitude towards you and you get along well. The other is that your daughter doesn't want to change, and you are bored, so you can move out. There's no need to live by her face.

I am also a grandmother with grandchildren, and I work hard all day. The first thing my daughter said when she came home from work was, what did she give her children to eat today? Did she go out to interact with the children? How did she sleep? After a lot of experiments, she began to accuse it of being neither good nor bad, even every day. Finally, one day I couldn't bear to tell her that I won't take care of your children tomorrow. I want to live my own life and go home decisively. Although I can't bear to have children, I just won't go. I stayed for a few days. Finally, she couldn't bear to buy me a pair of shoes for her father and me. I made it clear to her that if she found fault with me, she would never take care of your children again. Much better now. Severing the mother-daughter relationship is too extreme. Let her experience the difficulty of taking care of children for a while. It is because we can't let go that they feel at ease and ungrateful.

My cousin is the only child among my uncles and aunts. My cousin has been worried about my uncle and aunt since he was a child. The only thing that doesn't worry them is to find a husband ten years older than her.

Cousin and husband were introduced by others. They are ten years older than her, but their faces are still covered with acne. They are nearly one meter tall and weigh less than 120 pounds. Such a person must have been fascinated by his cousin before he married him. My uncle said that if my cousin insisted on marrying him, she would sever the father-daughter relationship with her cousin, but my cousin was not afraid of my uncle's threat at all. Finally, her uncle and aunt didn't quarrel with her.

My cousin got pregnant soon after she got married. She called my aunt as soon as she was sure she was pregnant. She said, mom, I'm pregnant. After the baby is born, you have to take care of my baby.

My cousin's mother-in-law is over seventy years old and in poor health. She certainly can't help her with the children. Her cousin works in the system and doesn't want to resign. Finally, the job of taking care of children can only fall on my aunt. Although my aunt hasn't reached retirement age, she applied for retirement and went to her cousin's house.

Cousin has been living on campus since junior high school. Because her uncle and aunt have to go to work every day in winter and summer vacations, she has not been with her aunt for more than ten years, and their life together is very uncomfortable.

My aunt used to be frugal all her life, but my cousin always spent a lot of money. Whether she buys fruit or snacks, she always buys them in a box at home. Many fruits have gone bad before eating, and many snacks have expired. Menstruation will inevitably feel a little distressed when he sees them, so he can't help saying a few words. What my cousin can't stand most is listening to menstruation's nagging. At first, she endured it. Later, she didn't want to put up with it, so she quarreled with my aunt and kept saying that it wouldn't cost her money.

In my cousin's eyes, my aunt is clumsy and not careful at all, so my cousin will check it every time she finishes housework.

When aunt mops the floor, cousin will check the floor again. When she sees a hair on the floor, she will pick it up again. Aunt will also brush all the dishes and check them again. Once a bowl is found to be unwashed, she will ask her aunt to wash all the dishes. Aunt washing clothes is the same.

Because I don't trust my aunt to do things, my cousin also installed monitoring at home. Usually, when the unit is fine, I will observe how my aunt takes care of the children at home from the monitoring. If something doesn't agree with her, she will be fierce when she comes home from work at night.

My aunt is full of grievances. She said to her cousin, your requirements are too strict. Who can do things so perfectly? If you are not satisfied with me taking care of the children, I will simply go back to my hometown and ask your mother-in-law to help with the children.

Cousin said: obviously you didn't do things well, and you still don't want to point it out to you. You still say that when you know that my mother-in-law can't help us with the children. If you want to go home, you can go back. If it's a big deal, I'll quit my job and bring it myself.

My aunt knows that my cousin can always keep her word. She and her uncle worked hard for her cousin's education. My cousin finally found this good job, and my aunt couldn't bear to let her resign. Can't, menstruation can only endure.

Cousins sometimes get tired after a day's work or because unpleasant things happen between colleagues, and then come home in a bad mood and unhappy face. Menstruation will feel sad when she sees her cousin unhappy, as mothers may. She will carefully ask her cousin why she is unhappy again. Cousin shouldn't want to worry aunt either. Most of the time, she just said nothing.

But once, my aunt asked my cousin several times in a row, and my cousin finally couldn't help yelling at her: It's okay to tell you a few times. Why do you keep asking me again and again? I'm tired enough after a busy day. When I get home, I just want to relax and be myself. Laugh happily. I don't want to laugh. In my own home, should I smile with you every day? Don't I have any freedom?

My aunt's eyes are crying. She said, I am worried about you because I am unhappy. I want to care about you.

Cousin said: I don't need your concern. You don't care about me, but you are a burden. Just take care of my children, and you don't have to worry about the rest.

Aunt quietly returned to her room, lying in bed, covering her head with a quilt and crying.

My aunt gets up at five or six every morning to make breakfast. At about 6: 30, my cousin and her husband started to get up and wash. At about 7: 30, they go straight to work after breakfast. Aunt made do with a few mouthfuls in a hurry, and then began to coax and feed the children. When the children are sleeping or playing with toys, she cleans the housework or cleans the house, and then starts picking vegetables, cooking and feeding. After coaxing the children to take a nap, she quickly washed out all the clothes that everyone had taken off the day before. After the child woke up, she pushed the child out to buy food. After buying vegetables, she washes vegetables and cooks ... and has no free time.

After a busy day, I want to have a rest when I come back from work at night. But my cousin and her husband came back from work and sat on the sofa watching TV or playing mobile phone after dinner. No matter what the child wants to do, my cousin and her husband always let the child go to grandma. When I go to bed at night, my aunt is as tired as falling apart. She really thinks it is more difficult to take care of the children than at work.

Sometimes after dinner, menstruation wants to go down for a square dance, but she tells her cousin that she has no objection. But often less than ten minutes after the dance begins, my cousin begins to call her aunt. For a while, the child cried and coaxed, and for a while, the child looked for grandma ... so the aunt didn't mind, so she had to go home and continue to take care of the child.

Even though my aunt paid so much, my cousin and her husband didn't say a word of thanks to my aunt, thinking that what my aunt did was what she should do. My cousin's husband is even dissatisfied with my aunt because she opposes them being together.

My cousin's husband will complain to my aunt from time to time that it is not good here and wrong there. My cousin will say a few words for menstruation at first, but slowly, my cousin also has a lot of dissatisfaction with menstruation. Children are usually fine. Once the child is a little sick, my cousin and her husband will accuse my aunt of not taking good care of the child, either because she feeds the child too much or because she dresses the child too little.

Once my aunt had a fever of over 39 degrees. That day, my cousin just worked overtime. My aunt has a high fever and has to take care of the children. The whole person feels a little stunned. Her son-in-law ignored her aunt and children and sat on the sofa in the living room watching TV. Aunt felt really unbearable, so she went to the living room and told her son-in-law that she had a fever and asked her son-in-law to help her buy some medicine at the drugstore.

This is a very small matter, but I didn't expect her son-in-law to refuse, because he didn't know what medicine to buy for menstruation. At that time, my aunt was so cold that she ignored the children. She changed her clothes and went out to buy medicine.

Coincidentally, when menstruation was out, her cousin called her husband. Her husband didn't mention her fever, and told her cousin that her aunt left the child and went out by herself. Cousin came home from work and gave my aunt a good meal. Although my cousin later apologized to my aunt after learning what happened, my aunt still wanted to go back to her hometown.

Then another thing happened, and menstruation finally broke out at last.

Every year on Chinese New Year and children's birthdays, uncles and aunts will give red envelopes to their children, each with a red envelope of 2,000 yuan. On the child's third birthday, my aunt gave the child a red envelope of 2000 yuan as usual. The child's grandmother, my cousin's mother-in-law, gave the child a red envelope of 10000 yuan for the first time in history.

My cousin's husband is so powerful that he speaks with confidence in front of my aunt. The day after the children's birthdays, when they were having dinner, the cousin's husband said to his cousin strangely, you see, I said that grandparents love their children more than grandparents. What's the use of saying that they love their children? When they give money to their children, they can tell whether it is really painful or not.

My aunt is not stupid. He naturally thinks that my aunt gives less money to her children. He's still whispering to my cousin over there. Menstruation suppressed a lot of grievances in his heart, so he finally didn't want to endure it.

Aunt slapped chopsticks hard on the table and said, your parents love children, so let your parents take them. Don't let me bring them, just because I've brought enough! In order to help you take care of the children, I don't even go to work, and I lose thousands of dollars every month for nothing. At your place, I didn't buy any vegetables and meat at home. Have you calculated how much I spend a year? Do you think it's great that parents give their children 10 thousand yuan? Let parents take care of their children, not to mention 10 thousand. I can give your child 20 thousand a year. The child is three years old now. Did your parents buy a suit and a pair of shoes for their children? Even if you haven't bought a pair of socks. Even so, your parents are still good people in your heart, and I am here to give you money and efforts, or bad people! Good or bad, I won't stay at your house. I'm doing fine. However, I came to your house to suffer this injustice. What do I want?

Aunt said, went back to the room and locked the door. My cousin knocked at the door, but she didn't open it. She packed her bags and went back to her hometown early the next morning. My cousin and her husband apologized to my aunt, but she didn't accept it. Finally, my aunt felt sorry for her cousin and asked her to hire a nanny. Let menstruation and my cousin's in-laws share the money equally every month.

Cousins have to hire a nanny for their children. They didn't realize their aunt's kindness until they hired a nanny. They asked her to go back several times and she refused without thinking. My aunt said meaningfully: If I stay in your home, I may even lose your only daughter.

I found a phenomenon around me. Old people who help their sons with their children always envy those who help their daughters with their children. They thought it would be less troublesome to help their daughters with their children, but the fact is that it is not easy for the elderly to help their sons with their children or their daughters with their children, and they will have various contradictions with young people.

What troubles do old people who help their daughters with their children have?

1, I don't get along well with my son-in-law.

The situation of mother-in-law and son-in-law is actually the same as that of their mother-in-law and daughter-in-law. Although the son-in-law is a man, he may not care as much about many small things as his daughter-in-law, but he will inevitably have many contradictions with his mother-in-law. If the son-in-law and the mother-in-law are generous and meticulous, once one of them is stingy, problems between them will be inevitable. Over time, the son-in-law will have a lot of dissatisfaction with his mother-in-law, and he will be more cautious and embarrassed in his daily life.

Living with the son-in-law will cause a lot of inconvenience in life.

This is just like my father-in-law and daughter-in-law. My mother may just pay attention when I am at my son's house, but when I am at my daughter's house, especially in summer, it will be very inconvenient. Wear a straight plate after taking a shower, and generally close the door when going to the toilet. In short, there are many inconveniences.

The daughter will blame herself if the child is ill.

My son is careless, and many things may not be taken too seriously, but my daughter, as a mother, will be very nervous when her child is a little uncomfortable, and will analyze why her child is sick, and finally put the blame on her old man. It is said that my daughter is a sweet little cotton-padded jacket, which is true, but because my parents and I are closer, I will speak without scruple and say what I have in my heart. These words may be a little sad in the ears of the elderly.

4. Different from the living habits of daughters and sons-in-law, quarrels occur frequently.

Everyone has everyone's living habits, and no one can change or convince anyone. The end result is that the two sides quarrel again and again. Everyone feels that what they say is reasonable, and they don't feel that they have done anything wrong, so the gap between them will get deeper and deeper. It is becoming more and more unpleasant for the old man to stay at his daughter's house.

In a word, it's not easy to help a daughter with children, and it's not easy to help a son with children. Every family has its own problems. Old people are more tolerant of children, do their own thing, talk less to children, and don't sow discord behind their backs. Children should be more understanding and grateful to the elderly, and don't be angry with them easily.

When unpleasant things happen, both sides sit down calmly and communicate well, so that the family atmosphere can be more harmonious and happy.

Why do you want to do things that God doesn't like without supporting your family?

At this age, I should be able to be humiliated. Why are you so angry because children are not sensible?

The concept of two generations must be that two cars run two roads, not one road. Moreover, in the matter of bringing a baby, the old and new ideas will definitely collide. I remember that a few days after my son was born, little ass was flooded with urine, as red as a monkey's ass.

My old mother brought a bag of fried river sand. Put it under your ass. As a result, a layer of skin fell off after a day of paving. Why don't you listen to the doctor and apply ointment?

We are "helping" our daughter with the children, and the children are theirs. Why don't we do everything according to their opinions? If you are not satisfied and accuse again, then we will take the initiative to withdraw. Can't we entertain you?

As for saying that I want to break up my family and die, this is angry words. Ask me anyway, I don't have this idea. You should move around more if you have a good relationship, and contact less if you have a bad relationship. Why do you say that?

There is no such idea. My granddaughter and I have been together for more than two years and have always been very harmonious. Principle: Let the children understand that if parents want to take good care of their children, everything should be done according to their parents' methods. If children are to blame, parents will not take care of them. Some ways and means of parents may be unscientific, but most of them are experienced. Children can exchange new ideas with their parents to bring up their children. Your daughter's accusation against you is actually a failure of your education. Generally speaking, your daughter won't accuse you, but she will definitely communicate with her mother. In addition, we are only responsible for helping with the children, not helping our daughter and son-in-law cook and do housework. So is in-laws.

Just follow your own plan! If you don't want to do it, don't do it Why don't you entertain them?

It can be seen from this incident that girls' attitude towards their mothers is not just to take care of their children. Before, she didn't take her mother seriously. She was used to disrespecting, belittling her and arbitrarily accusing her of being "mediocre". In this case, it is difficult to wake up on her own initiative, because she doesn't know how to respect her mother at all ... The old and the new have different ideas on helping to look after the children. Old people's methods may not be ideal, and they can't meet the requirements of young people at once, but teaching and learning and exchanging opinions with each other are enough, and we can't always criticize. Since this is irreconcilable and there is no understanding and tolerance, it is better to leave for a while. Of course, mothers should not go to extremes, and such a thing as "breaking off relations" cannot be easily said, let alone done! With a clear attitude, it is difficult to get into the role if you don't meet the requirements. Just leave early and don't delay your work. Let the girl find another nanny to take care of her. Mothers should be calm, calm, clear-headed, have the right ideas, be able to bear and let go, otherwise girls will be more presumptuous and disrespect you.