Humorous jokes that like to laugh.

Laugh heartily, and nothing will happen. Laughter can solve many contradictions and problems in life. Here are some humorous jokes that I like to laugh at. I hope you like them.

1. In the park, a woman met a rogue. The woman was furious and pointed at the rogue and scolded: you are shameless.

Rogue: How do you know? This is my charm.

Woman: mean!

Rogue: Yes, this is my unique moral quality.

Woman: You bastard.

Rogue: Concession, concession, this is the personality fashion I have always adhered to.

Woman: Dirty!

Rogue: Thank you. This is a service provided by my profession.

2. In class, I witnessed the sandwich biscuits made by Meng Xiao.

The making process is: first break the biscuit, then scrape off the cream with a knife, then squeeze the toothpaste and stick it together, and finally hand it to another buddy Xiao Wang quietly and carefully.

After class, Xiao Wang came over and asked: Hi, the sandwich biscuits you gave me in class are so cold in your mouth. ?

? Mint?

3. A real estate developer engaged in promotional activities in the sales office, and even played? Zero down payment? Banners attracted customers, and soon the sales office was crowded with people who came to consult.

One of the customers asked the sales girl: Can I buy a house worth 1 10,000 with zero down payment?

The sales girl simply said:? Sure! ?

The customer then asked:? How much is the monthly payment?

The sales girl said:? At least 300 thousand in the first month! ?

4. As long as you pay attention, defecation is also a very artistic thing. This requires not only hard work but also relaxation. Pay more attention to the beauty of defecation and falling into the water, and don't splash too much. As for the shape, there can be hard shape, soft shape and porridge shape. Of course, the most beautiful shape is flowing water, which is not only fast but also easy to arrange. Finally, a wonderful hand rejuvenates, and a piece of paper collects the residual poop in your hand.

5. A person burns incense to God. When the first incense was inserted, it broke. The man felt unlucky because of panic. When the second incense was inserted, the incense was also broken. The man quickly knelt down and prayed for God's blessing. When the third incense was inserted, the incense was broken again. The man smashed the incense angrily and threw it on the ground, saying, what is this broken incense? The quality is too bad!

6. On his first day as a security guard, Brother Dai's colleague asked him? How did you get here?

Brother Dai said to his colleagues who stood guard together: I went to find several candidates, and they all said that my IQ was low. When I arrived at this company, the captain said that the jobs here are full of you, so let me stand here.

7. In primary school, the teacher took us for an outing. Everyone gave us a small yellow hat, even the teacher wore it. It happened that the teacher wore a green shirt that day.

I suddenly remember hearing on TV that you must wear the same color hat, or you won't wear it.

So I asked the most embarrassing question in my life in front of all the teachers and students: Teacher, why don't you wear a cuckold?

When I was a child, I thought it meant what it was made of. For example, raisins are made of grapes and beef jerky is made of beef, so I later found baby noodles (a kind of children's cream) and baby oil extremely scary.

9. Daughter: Dad, someone asked me to marry him. I don't know if I should say yes.

Dad: Does this person have a house and a car?

Daughter: No.

Dad: Never marry such a hopeless person.

Daughter: He said his father was rich.

Dad: Then you can think about it. After all, I don't have many heroes now

10, the father and son went to take a bath, came home, saw their mother, and said to their mother, Mom, I saw my father's elephant.

Mom: Hmm.

Son: Dad's elephant is very cute.

Mom: Hmm.

Son: Dad, the elephant is so big.

Mom: Hmm.

Son: Mom, I also want elephant cartoon underwear like Dad's.

Mother held her breath and said, son, you should distinguish the key points in your next speech.

1 1, the teacher said to me: If your English is as fluent as your eloquence; When you do math problems, you remember the names of the stars so accurately and carefully; When answering questions, you are as elegant as going to physical education class; As quiet as the exam when you study by yourself, then I will admit that my ability is very poor, and I didn't see that you are so excellent.

12. Once upon a time, butt and face were lovers. Later, butt found a new lover and abandoned her face. Everyone called it sad, and almost everyone cursed it when they saw it. Therefore, when you go out, you should wrap your ass tightly, because as long as it is slightly exposed, people will say: shameless, you shameless! !

13, the earthquake, the kitchen is a mess, the kitchen owner refrigerator took the lead to stand out: wake up, everyone, and see if you are injured.

Banana: I can't move my lower body.

Apple: I'm applesauce.

Spinach: I became the paint for painting the wall.

. . . .

After everyone talked about their injuries, the refrigerator found that only the egg didn't speak, so it asked, Egg, what's wrong with you? Are you seriously injured?

Eggs: I don't feel hurt, but I feel egg pain.

14, Teacher: Students, there is good news and bad news, which do you listen to first?

Classmate: Bad news.

Teacher: You do five sets of papers this week, and I will check them next Monday.

The students complained of pain. Only one person stood up reluctantly: What's the good news?

Teacher: So you won the prize, won the prize? Another one? Examination paper.

15, there was a married man with many friends from all walks of life, and their blessings were varied.

The lawyer said: I wish your marriage as long as life imprisonment!

The traffic police said: I wish you a green light on the road to marriage!

Engineer: May your marriage be as indestructible as the Great Wall of Steel!

The fireman said: I wish you a happy marriage!

Doctor: I wish your marriage more heartbeat and romance!

The teacher said: I wish your marriage is like keeping a diary, and always write new things!

Astronaut: May your marriage be as vast as space!

16, you are very proud, because you have deep pockets, and you never care how much money flows into your hands and how much money flows out of your hands. You can have as much money as you want. What makes you proud is that there are many people with live ammunition to protect your safety every time you travel. There are countless people spying on you from the darkness, always following your footsteps, going through fire and water and going in and out of hell in order to have you. Do you think so? My darling? Armored bank vehicle

17, Xiaoming introduced his home to his classmates. My home is simply a computer.

My father is a hard disk. He adheres to principles and has a wealth of knowledge reserves.

My mother is the central processing unit, and she arranges and regulates all the big and small things in the family.

I am the keyboard, sometimes my father insinuates that I should study hard, and sometimes my mother tells me to study hard, and I accept it.

18, Huang Li and Lin, senior one students, have been talking from the first time they met, fell in love, and then fell in love.

The math teacher said:? They take notes in class, which is a function; Later, when I was in class, I fell in love very much, which was logarithmic; Now they are finished. They are sitting in their seats. This is the score. ?

The Chinese teacher said:? When they first met, they were very disciplined. This is a formal poem. Later, they were inseparable, which was a doggerel; Now, they broke up, which is a quatrain. ?

The political teacher said: Before, they were just classmates. I look at them from the perspective of universal connection; Later, they fell in love, and I saw it from the perspective of unity of opposites; Now, they screwed up. I use the dialectics of two to look at it. ?

19, 1. Under the guidance of the idea of occupying the toilet, capital began to speculate in real estate and bought a lot of vacant houses, and people who wanted to have diarrhea came to the door and bought them at a high price before they were willing to pull out the house.

2. Under the guidance of the discerning minds of the masses, cracking down on fake and shoddy products has become a folk activity, and food and medicine with problems in the pen. The expert with glasses said with shame. It's okay to eat a little. ?

3. Under the guidance of the idea that flowers at home are not wild flowers, Tao Xiangke began to be a flower thief, a lover, a mistress, and a mistress, and evolved into a woman who is just a fragrant cake.

4. Under the guidance of the idea of only reading high, parents dare to jump high prices and thresholds, and students are not afraid of high risks or even anti-aircraft guns, and strive to get high diplomas.

One day, two men were chatting in the car, and one of them said to the other. Recently, I have a cat. He has a super good temper and won't run around arresting people. If you are in a bad mood, take it out, slap its face and hit its hands and feet. It didn't dare to resist. I am so excited. I'm free to vent for you. ?

At this time, the people in the car looked at him viciously, knowing that cruelty to animals would be condemned by God!

Several passengers immediately took out their mobile phones, took photos of him and posted them on Weibo. In a few days, there were tens of thousands of reposts, all of which said that they would kill him and punish him.

His girlfriend was about to break up with him when the police found him. The police asked him to explain, and he said unfairly, which cat do I have? Talking Tom Cat? ! ?

2 1 An elephant often lives with ants, and the ants soon abandon him because he never washes his feet when he steps on ants.

22. A crow flew over the fox's head with a piece of meat in its mouth. The fox said to the crow, in order to get the meat in her mouth. Everyone heard that you sang very well. Is it true?/You don't say. Can you sing a song for me?

The crow stopped in the tree, swallowed the meat in one gulp and said to the fox. Fool, then fool. ?

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