Who has the most jokes?

The first one:

In high school, the whole school must wear uniforms, and some students who are repeating never wear uniforms. The teacher in charge of this aspect squats at the door every day to check. One day, the teacher saw this classmate not wearing a school uniform and asked him why he was not wearing one. This classmate was furious and said: My mother is not dead, why do I have to wear mourning clothes?

The second one:

An art teacher was slightly famous, and a newspaper had a large report with photos, so he boasted in class: "There are always classmates recently. Tell me, teacher, you are really good. You even published a photo in the newspaper..." A student asked: "Is this a missing person notice?" From then on, the art teacher refused to allow this student to take art classes.

Third:

In Chinese class, the teacher called a sleeping classmate to answer a question, but the classmate was confused and could not say anything. The teacher said helplessly: "Can you do it? If not, just squeak!" The student said: "Squeak." The teacher sweated.

Fourth one:

When I was in high school, it was almost time for the general examination. One day in geography class, the teacher reported a place name on the top and asked us to answer the minerals produced in the place below. After talking about many places, the teacher suddenly asked: "What is produced in Jiangnan?" All the boys in the class answered in unison: "Beauties are produced in Jiangnan!"

Fifth:

Junior high school At that time, once the biology teacher was talking about the ecological environment on the African grasslands. No one in the class listened, so he got angry and said, "You all look at me! If you don't look at me, how do you know what an African wild cat looks like!"

Sixth:

In a high-level mathematics class, the teacher asked one of my brothers: "Calculus is a very useful subject. What is our goal in learning calculus?" That brother was on a desertion at the time. , and without thinking loudly said: "There are no cavities!" The whole class burst into laughter.

Seventh:

In the biology class, the teacher said: "Actually, weasels do not eat chickens. Scientists have done an experiment and once locked up a chicken and a weasel. Together, guess what happened the next day?" The classmate interrupted: "The chicken is pregnant?"

Eighth:

In the third year of high school, the geometry teacher is an old lady. Bragging is very annoying. One day in class, I said: "I am very valued in the Municipal Education Bureau. They always invite me to study problems together, and every time I am picked up and dropped off by car." I accidentally asked: "Three-wheelers?" "As a result, he was banned from geometry class for a week.

Ninth:

When I was in high school, my English teacher (a middle-aged woman in her fifties) thought that some of us boys were not listening, so she yelled: "What are you thinking? ?” I was confused at the time, and somehow I said, “I miss you!” There was silence in the classroom for a while, but a pair of frightened eyes were looking at me. The teacher stayed for a while, then pointed at me and yelled: "You are just a stinky hooligan!" What an injustice!

Tenth:

When I was in high school, I took a labor class for the first time. The teacher was an old man. He introduced himself: "My name is Wu Shushan." I suddenly had inspiration and immediately Then he said: "Looking northwest to Chang'an, there are countless pitiful mountains." The whole class burst into laughter, and the teacher looked livid, and then I was punished to do heavy work.

The first one:

This is the first time a primary school student participated in the school's recitation competition. He was very nervous. The teacher encouraged him for a long time, but his palms were still sweaty. It was finally her turn.

The primary school student gritted his teeth and walked to the center of the stage in a few steps: "Teachers and classmates, the title of my recitation is: The red leaves are crazy (maple leaves are red)

No. Two:

When I was a primary school student, I was very envious when I saw my classmates who were asked to read their compositions by the teacher. I always hoped that the teacher would let me read them again.

< p> "So-and-so, read your composition to everyone!

The primary school student stood up suddenly and said: ""My Teacher". Teacher, I am so much like your mother..."

The third one: < /p>

This time it was a poorly trained host of a song and dance troupe.

He was very nervous before a performance, but after registering for each program one by one, he was no longer nervous. He relaxed.

The performances proceed in sequence.

It was her turn to announce the curtain: "Friends in the audience, please listen to Duzi's flute playing..."

Fourth:

In my family, I often plant green onions in pots in winter to keep them fresh and tender.

My sister saw it when she came home during the Chinese New Year, and said happily to my mother: "Hey! Mom, these are really green onions..."

My mother and I both Fallen laughing.

Fifth:

There is a neighbor who I call "Auntie" who rides a bicycle to work every day.

Early in the morning, when I met her at the door, I smiled and said politely: "Shanggu, the top class..."

Bah! ...I wanted to bite my tongue off.

The sixth one:

A certain female classmate was feeling sorry for herself one day, and suddenly turned to the person behind her and said, "Is my chest hair beautiful?"

Startled, he added: "Oh, I want to ask if my eyebrows are fierce."

Seventh:

When I was a primary school student, at the school assembly Expressing determination: "We must learn from the revolutionary spirit of the Red Army in crossing snowy mountains and climbing grasslands."

From now on, we will be deprived of the right to speak politically for life!

Eighth:

When I was a child, my dad told me that there was a text about Liu Hulan in the Chinese language book. When Liu Hulan took the initiative to admit to the Japanese that she was a prostitute to save the whole village. When she was dying, an old man stepped forward to save her. The line was: "Xiao Xiangzi, are you crazy?!" But in the *** era, a poor rural child read aloud: "Little madman, are you crazy?"

Ninth:

When I was in high school, my teacher asked my classmate to read the text aloud. This girl has always been known for her vivid reading. That day, she also read aloud in a rhythm while holding the textbook: . .....He stood guard in the blizzard, holding a steel gun tightly in his hand... (original text)

What we heard was... < /p>

. He stood guard in the snowstorm, holding a pen tightly in his hand...

. The whole class was silent for a while, the teacher laughed, and then the classmates .

The tenth:

Everyone stand up! Play the national flag and sing the national anthem...

The eleventh:

Me Take your son to feed the ducks. He was spreading breadcrumbs to the ducks while chasing the ducks around, and I was chasing him with his apples (he didn't like to eat them, so I could only give him a few bites when he was distracted). He kept running, and I kept calling him: "Come here and have a bite of the apple before chasing the duck!" I kept repeating this sentence, and I finally shouted loudly: "Come here and have a bite of the duck..." and then He braked the brakes very smartly.

Twelfth one:

I remember when I was in elementary school, there was a text called Waterfall. In the middle, it said that the author turned around a mountain and saw a waterfall hanging in the mountain. I A female classmate also read with emotion when she read aloud: When I turned around the mountain, I was shocked to see a rag hanging on the mountain. . .

The whole class was shocked.

Thirteenth:

There is also a sentence taken from a novel by a Russian writer: The houses here belong to the lords (referring to the rich) . As a result, one of my male classmates read aloud: All the houses here belong to gentlemen.

As soon as he finished speaking, our Chinese teacher asked him doubtfully: Where do all these old ladies live?

Fourteenth:

The most classic thing is that I once watched Dou Wentao talk about the embarrassing things he did when he first became the host. He never said that the opening was the curtain call. What pissed me off the most was when I was hosting a party, I walked up calmly and said affectionately: "Friends, have you ever seen the Yellow River? Do you know that it is our mother river~." After an affectionate introduction to the Yellow River , he said: "Please listen to "Song of the Yangtze River" now"

Fifteenth:

When I was in college, a vain girl showed off to us: I wash my feet every day Wash your feet (I wash my feet with facial cleanser every day)!

Sixteenth:

One day, an aunt of mine saw that the person walking in front of her had dropped a glove, so she hurriedly shouted: "The person in front of you has dropped your socks." ! After he finished, he realized that the words were wrong and he quickly covered his mouth.

Sixteenth:

When describing the ratio of men to women, the roommate said, "More monks and less meat"

It's extremely sweaty. Do monks eat meat? ? ! ! ! !

Seventeenth:

After washing my feet before going to bed at night, I told my husband that my husband had thrown the socks into the refrigerator

Eighteenth:

A certain child was disobedient

My mother jumped out of excitement

Take off your butt and pants for me! ! !

Nineteenth:

When I was at home during the winter vacation, my sister asked me to play badminton. I was in the toilet. My mother came back and saw my sister standing in the yard and said, "You didn't call me badminton." "Hit your sister?" My sister and I laughed wildly

Twenty:

In high school, a classmate named Li Yu was from the school radio station and was very good at reading. I was reading a text in a geography class. During that period in the life of the Korean people, there was a fire pit when entering the door. As a result, he read that there was a fire pit when entering the door~

No. 21:

When I was in middle school, my classmate The little girl who often laughed at me was really angry, so I laughed at them and shouted: "What's so great! The beauty of a human is in his feathers! The beauty of a bird is in his heart!" Suddenly everyone laughed. Now I often pronounce this sentence incorrectly.

Number 22:

I am a middle school teacher. One day I taught students to give up their seats to the elderly and women carrying children on the bus, and I said, "Give me a hug." The woman's child gave up her seat." The class burst into laughter. At the same time, many sleepy students also cheered up.

Twenty-three:

Once, in a physical education class, the physical education teacher said: "Students, listen to my instructions, raise your hands in the air, and put your feet on your hips." It's very difficult. As a result, all the students’ waists were twisted that day.

Twenty-fourth:

When I grew up, I loved singing. Once when I sang, I loved the country more than the beauty. I sang "Flowing the same water, drinking the same water." "blood". From then on, my classmates often called me a witch.

Number 25:

A certain girl was very arrogant in class, chewing gum while stretching her feet outside the table and shaking wildly.

The teacher couldn't stand it anymore, so he walked up to her, slammed the table and shouted: "Spit out what's in your mouth! Put your feet in!!"

Twenty-sixth:

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I saw a strange phenomenon, that is, some of the people who read my post did the following things soon after:

1. The relationship was successful;

< p>2. The business was concluded;

3. I was promoted and made a fortune;

4. I felt comfortable;

5. The family was harmonious;

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6. The body is healthy;

7. Everything goes well.

This group of people are brothers and sisters who like it first and then read it, and then like it after reading it.

Little Rabbit said: "My mother calls me Little Rabbit, which sounds great!"

]Little Pig said: "My mother calls me Little Piggy, which sounds great!"

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]The puppy said: "My mother calls me little dog, which sounds nice!"

]The chicken said: "You guys chat, I'll leave first!"

The little rabbit said: "I was raised by a rabbit mother!"

]The little pig said: "I was raised by a pig mother!"

]The chicken said: " I was raised by a chicken!"

]Puppy said: "You guys chat, I'm leaving first!"

Sparring partner No. 0 said: "It sounds nice to outsiders to call me Lingpai! !”

]Sparring partner No. 1 said: “It’s nice for outsiders to call me first partner!”

]Sparring partner No. 2 said: “It’s also nice for outsiders to call me second partner! "

]Sparring partner No. 3 said: "You guys talk, let's go first!"

The cat said to me: "I'm your grandma's cat, nice!"

]The dog said to me: "I am your grandma's dog, and it sounds good too!"

]The fish said to me: "I am your grandma's fish, and it sounds good too!"

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]The bear said: "You guys chat, I'm leaving first!"

The rogue said: "People call me rogue, it sounds nice!"

]The warrior said: "People call me warrior, and it sounds nice!"

]The master said: "People call me gaoren, and it sounds nice!"

]The swordsman said, "You guys talk, I'll talk first Gone

Zhang Liangying said: "The fans who admire me all say: My idol is named Ying"

] He Jie said: "The fans who admire me say: My idol is Jie ”

]Zhou Bichang said, “The fans who admire me all say: My idol is named Chang.”

]Li Yuchun said, “You guys chat, I’ll leave first

The advanced mathematics teacher said: I teach advanced mathematics this semester,

] The college physics teacher said: I teach big physics this semester,

] The analog electronics teacher said: I teach analog electronics this semester Electricity,

]The socialist economics teacher said: You guys chat, I’ll leave first.

The student from Peking University said: I am from Peking University.

]The student from Tianjin University said: I am a great student.

]The student from Shanghai University said: I am a university student.

]Xiamen University said: You guys chat, I’m leaving first!

General Li Zongren said: I am a kind person!

]General Fu Zuoyi said: I am a righteous person!

] General Zuo Quan said: I have the power!

]General Huo Qubing said: You guys chat, I’ll leave first.

Minolta users said: We are beauties!

]Canon users said: We are beauties!

]Huaguang users said: We are Chinese!

]Nikon user said: You guys chat, I’m leaving first

The door of Lao Zhang’s house is made of willow wood, Lao Zhang said: The door of my house is made of wood

]The door of Lao Li’s house is made of plastic. Lao Li said: The door of my house is made of plastic

]The door of Lao Wang’s house is made of brick. Lao Wang said: The door of my house is made of brick. Door

]The door of Lao Liu’s house is made of steel. Lao Liu said: You guys talk, I’m leaving first!

White Jade said: My name is Bai Yu.

]The green jade said: My name is Biyu.

]Red Jade said: My name is Hongyu.

]Apricot-colored jade said: You guys chat, I’m leaving first!

Students from the Normal College said: I am from the "Normal College"

]Students from the Railway College said: I am from the "Iron College"

]Professional Students from the college said: I am from a "vocational college"

] Students from the technical college said: You guys chat, I'm leaving first!