What's a joke in Beijing called?

My husband brought back a girl that day.

She is proficient in poetry and songs, and she will surprise the audience with one or two sentences. The name of talented woman is full of capital.

She is a beautiful pearl, and I am a fish eye.

He is indifferent. It is he who wants to divorce his wife.

But four years ago, the boy who knelt in the winter rain and let his mother break three vines and wanted to marry me was also him.

1

My husband likes this girl, as can be seen these days.

She is smart and talented, bold and charming. Dare to go to the brothel to recite poems against the literati, when her daughter was exposed, she was shocked. She recited the poem of the moon, which made all the cabinet bachelors yearn for it, and praised her for being free and easy, arrogant and poetic.

She compared all the girls in this capital to caged birds, shrinking and petty.

So the old lady asked my husband if he had been with me these days. I lowered my head and she looked at my stomach disappointedly. When my nephew Xu grew up, he just snuggled up to her, pretended to be sick and avoided me, complaining that I was boring and harsh; When my husband avoided my expectant eyes and put a piece of paper on my desk.

I really envy her, even envy her.

I waited for three nights when he came back from the Great Northern Wilderness, but I waited until he personally delivered the divorce certificate to my room.

My husband Xu Ziyi, whom I miss day and night, sat down perfunctory and tasted several dishes:

"I heard that you went to see your mother today. 」

"well. 」

I poured him wine carefully, and the old lady told me to get ready. She will definitely ask Xu Ziyi to come to me today.

"No wonder." Xu Ziyi's eyes flashed disgust. "She scolded me and told me not to spoil my wife. 」

"I didn't ..."

"Next to what I don't want to say." Xu Ziyi took out the divorce agreement. "Meng Xuan said she only needed one person in her life. 」

I thought about this day a long time ago, but I didn't expect it to come so soon.

"If it weren't for nostalgia, why did my husband come here in June tonight?" I also want to see a trace of sadness in his eyes.

He seems to be drunk and out of his mind. I'm busy holding him.

As soon as his body was hot, he realized something, and his anger swept through the soup.

I am afraid to take a step back:

"Husband ..."

He bullied me step by step and told me to step back and sit by the bed.

He grabbed my chin and forced me to look up at him. His eyes are red, and I am familiar with the desire:

"Zhou Qiongyue, you even learned this method. 」

Zhou Qiongyue.

We haven't seen each other for half a year, and the address has been so confirmed.

We fell in love at first sight, and the four-year relationship between husband and wife was not as fresh as his "dream girl".

I carefully looked at the man in front of me, with knife-shaped eyebrows and bright face. It's Xu Ziyi, whom I have loved for seven years.

"Do you want me to help you take it off? 」

My lower lip trembled and I couldn't speak. I looked down and unbuttoned my coat.

I carefully selected the moon white shirt, which lay flat on the ground and was embroidered with our engaged plum blossoms. That plum blossom was brought to me from the Great Northern Wilderness by two good ponies who ran away, just to make me laugh.

I embroidered that pink mandarin duck suit late at night, and my cheeks were burning. When I was making out, he narrowly snatched it from my hand and watched it carefully. I saw that my ears were burning, and I rushed to catch them, but he succeeded in his trick and hugged them.

My tears drop by drop.

The September wind blew in from the window, and the tender feelings of the past blew my heart like skates.

I heard my trembling voice:

"You have chosen others, so why insult Joan month? 」

Xu Ziyi cold hum 1, turn my back:

"If you have seen her, you will know how disgusting you are. You've been in the back room for so long that you've even done this. 」

"Zhou Qiongyue, you don't remember what you said. You said you were afraid of having children. You said wait, I'm counting on you. 」

"Aren't you afraid when she comes? 」

I only remember that my whole body was in severe pain, as if I had a severe sore all over my body, which made him escape.

I clung to the plum blossom hairpin we were engaged to. The plum blossom pattern on it was so sharp that my palm was bloody, but I didn't even notice the pain.

I'm afraid the cheapest prostitute in Zhangtailiu Lane can also get a little tenderness. In the dark, he hastily pulled up the quilt and went to sleep, as if I was sick to death.

My heart seems to have broken a huge hole, and the wind passed through my body all night.

If I knew this ... if I knew this. ...

If I knew you had changed your mind, I would rather you died on the battlefield. Why should I wait for you to come back and pray in front of the Buddha day and night, begging that if the sword on the battlefield is blind and falls on me, I will not be sad.

I flinched and bit my lower lip and cried all night.

From that day on, everything changed.

2

The news that the general will come back after winning the battle spread all over the capital.

Three days ago, I began to tidy up the general's office to meet him, and personally stared at the pigeon soup on the stove in the morning; When I heard that horses and chariots were coming to Beijing, I hurried to dress up and looked at the jewelry in my dowry, hesitating. Even the maid Lvzhu read my mind and made fun of me: I really want to wear that beauty pin.

Seeing the general's mount in the distance, according to the snow-white shadow of the night, the attendants at the door have cheered the master's return.

I met my husband Xu Ziyi, whom I miss day and night. He seems to have lost some weight. He must have been overworked by the tense war.

He turned over and got off the horse, but he didn't look at me. Instead, he gently lifted the curtain of the carriage. A girl can't wait to jump out of the carriage. The water-blue skirt blooms in the air like morning glory, full of vitality and beauty.

"Naughty again. My husband looked at her tenderly and tapped her on the nose.

The girl spat out her tongue and didn't care.

"Husband ..."

I was about to stop talking because the girl jumped in front of me like a rabbit.

"You are the general's wife." The girl looked at me with a smile. "I heard Ziyi talk about you. Although you have been pointed at for a lifetime because of your love with him, you are all victims of the feudal system. 」

What does feudalism mean?

..... Did he tell this girl about our past?

I feel a little uncomfortable.

"Alas, alas, it's good to have my son back, thin and dark," the old lady couldn't help shedding two tears. "At the beginning, your brother went early, and Xing Zi's musical instruments didn't live up to expectations, just like your dad ..."

"Niang, this good house is not sitting, but standing at the door. It seems that we can't find a place to talk in such a big general's house. Aunt Zhou smiled, and the rouge stains around her eyes were very pleasing. She smiled and helped the old lady into the door.

After a brief exchange of greetings, the sisters-in-law and maids surrounded the old lady and went to the East Nuange.

"Husband, I stewed pigeon soup, and so on ..."

"Miss Meng Xuan and I have some things to deal with these days, so don't wait for me. 」

I paused, ignoring the pain in my heart, and bowed my head and whispered a good sentence.

"Ziyi, she is really as virtuous and not jealous as you said." The dreamy girl saw something new and leaned in to look at me carefully. "It's a pity that she looks good too. She only knows how to stick to men. What is the promise? 」

"I told you, how can they compare with you? 」

I just looked at Xu Ziyi, and suddenly my heart was shrouded in a sense of humiliation.

Yiye noticed my mood and rubbed my face with her neck.

According to the name of night, the whole body is white, without a trace of noise, and the night gallops like lightning, so it is named night.

At first, I delivered the baby at night. It is fierce and unruly, and only listens to me.

Xu Ziyi was still a child with a runny nose at that time. Kicked into the mud at night and crying for the first general.

The first general was a loving father. He couldn't resist Xu Ziyi pestering him and telling him a shortcut: please feed the little girl, that is, me.

My father is a horse trainer at the racecourse, and I am his only daughter, Zhou Qiongyue.

When Xu Ziyi saw Zhao Ye's obedience to me, he was envious. He tried his best to please me, but I was stubborn and proud, and I didn't care about anything yellow or white. It is very difficult for Xu Ziyi. He racked his brains to find strange things: glass beads, a villain made of mandrill hair, and a captured sabre. In exchange, I finally agreed to let him touch Zhao Ye's hair.

It was also at that time that we forged a friendship, which seemed incredible. Manu's daughter and the general's only son decided privately for life, crossed the barriers of identity and finally got married.

..... but it's all over.

three

When I woke up, I saw myself lying in bed with wet tears on my face.

I can see myself.

I panicked and went to bed to explore my snorting, only to find that my fingers were thick.

I hurriedly got out of bed and ran to the bathroom mirror, only to see Xu Ziyi's face in the mirror.

..... I exchanged souls with him?

I quickly pinched my face, not a dream.

Before I thought about it carefully, I heard Redjade's voice blaming Green Pearl outside:

"Why don't you call your wife? I got up early today to pay her respects. Do you want people to see your wife's jokes? 」

"Master inside, where dare to shout? 」

I am busy shaking Xu Ziyi, looking at his face feels very strange:

"Husband, wake up, the old lady came to inquire. 」

About feeling sore eyes, Xu Ziyi rubbed her eyes and saw that I was as steady as him when I woke myself up in his face, and almost fell out of bed.

I don't care about anything else. I just think that not meeting the old lady is the first important thing. The old lady didn't like me from the first day I walked in the door. Those mean sisters-in-law had few peaceful days in a year.

"This matter must not disturb others." Xu Ziyi was the first to react. "I beheaded a vicious heresy in Beijing a while ago. 」

By the time we got used to the body and walked uncomfortably to the East Warm Pavilion, the old lady was surrounded by a room full of harem.

The old lady looked at me affectionately, which made me uncomfortable. Then she blamed Xu Ziyi:

"You are more and more precious. Yesterday, I heard the maid gossip that my wife lost her temper last night and overturned the table. 」

Xu Ziyi held my face and didn't know how to deal with it, just lowered her head.

The feeling of watching is subtle, like insanity.

I want to help him say a few words, the old lady lovingly pulled me to sit beside her and rubbed my hand:

"Call niang have a look. 」

I have never seen such a loving expression. I used to see her disdaining me when I walked in the door and laughing at me for not being worthy of her son. I know I came from a humble background and respect her as Xu Ziyi's mother, so I have been swallowing it.

"Mom, it was her son who accidentally knocked over the table yesterday. How can Qiong Yue have such great strength? Qiong Yue also worked hard yesterday ... "

"Serving a husband is not a woman's job, so there is no hard work." Aunt Zhou has a belly and her tone is neither too hot nor too cold.

The two sons of the Xu family, Xu Ziyi's eldest brother, fell off their horses in autumn and died of convulsions, leaving a four-year-old child, Xu, a posthumous child in the stomach of Aunt Zhou, and several difficult aunts.

Aunt Zhou is called Zhou Ruyu and was born in a declining clan in the south of the Yangtze River. Brother Xu Ziyi beat a horse across the south of the Yangtze River in those days, and saw that she was selling wine. Now there are many rouge moles. A few days later, she was carried into the door by a car.

She used to be very generous and friendly to me. Later, the old lady handed over the housekeeping to me, and the trivial things in the back room gradually separated us. She advised the old lady several times, not that I was born, but that my stomach was disappointing. In fact, she is staring at a bunch of my housekeeper's keys.

Zhou Ruyu is looking forward to the power of the housekeeper.

Xu Ziyi stood there awkwardly. When I hesitated to help him out, there was ringing laughter outside.

"Who is laughing outside?" The old lady asked.

"It's the monkey girl and the young master flying kites!" The girls covered their mouths and smiled.

"Help me go out and have a look. 」

It's sunny outside in winter. My little nephew is smiling happily, chasing Miss Meng Xuan and clamoring to fly a kite by himself.

Running, he looked up and saw Xu Ziyi in front of me, sat down on the ground in fear, crying and shouting:

"I don't want my aunt, she is not good, she hit me! 」

Aunt Zhuang conveniently took him into her arms.

Aunt Zhuang has no children, and she hates that she can't bring Xiu Yuan to her room to raise her. Every time she goes to Xiu Yuan to study, she either sends something to eat or instigates Xiu Yuan to go out to play:

"After all, you are a man who has never been a mother. You don't know what the weight is. What can you do if you force him to study at the moment and ruin his health? 」

"Children of this age should play, and reading is a fool!" The dream girl also opened her mouth. "This is called releasing nature! 」

The old lady glanced at Xu Ziyi coldly:

"If you don't live up to his dead mother and really teach well, I will thank the Buddha. If you can't have children of your own, take it out on Xiu Yuan. I advise you to die! 」

Everyone is busy coaxing me. Xu Ziyi gave me a cold look, and a trace of bitterness welled up in my heart.

Xiu Yuan, whose mother died in childbirth, entrusted the child to me in the hospital bed:

"The men in our family won fame and wealth by riding horses. Times are getting better now. I just hope he can learn and win fame ... I was born in a small family and my father is a teacher. I have never read anything in my life, so I made them laugh for several years. In June, my mind is always high, and I refuse to get along with this woman in the back room. I only think of you as my confidant. I know your thoughts are human. Later, you have to help me watch him, don't let him neglect his studies and go astray ... You tell him that it is useful to study and become famous ... "

Pots of blood gushed from her head, her face was as golden as paper, and there was almost no breath. She just grabbed my hand and begged me to promise her.

But Xiu Yuan has a stubborn temper. I don't know how many times I've seen such nonsense. I once pretended to be ill and refused to study in order to escape laziness. I told a long list of lies.

Everyone swarmed in, asked the doctor to ask the doctor, poured water from the basin, and caught up with the old lady to show off her hospitality.

The old lady herself was scared by this battle and turned to scold Xu Ziyi.

They are putting on airs to pull the old lady. From the perspective of Xu Ziyi and me, we can just see Xiu Yuan, the Xiong Haizi, spitting at Xu Ziyi behind everyone's back and making faces.

Xu Ziyi where seen such a stubborn temper, roars 1:

"Xu Xiuyuan! 」

Xiu Yuan immediately lay on the ground, motionless.

"Niang! He ... "Xu Ziyi was about to tell.

"pa! 」

A slap in the face hit Xu Ziyi hard, and I froze.

..... this is for me.

The old lady loves her grandson, and her face is full of tears:

"Smelly wife, you want to kill him, good calculation we xu! Look at the food and clothes on your body, which one is not given to you by our Xu family! Forgetful beast! Those books have been copied into the dog's stomach! 」

Xu Ziyi was shocked. It seems that she didn't expect her loving mother to say such vicious words, and she was speechless for a while.

"Joan month, somehow brother came back, no matter how much you hate your mother on weekdays, it should also be filial. Aunt Zhou continued to fan the flames.

Chaos is more chaotic. The housekeeper came in a hurry and said that there was a messenger from the palace. I heard that he had come to invite his master to return to the Great Northern Wilderness.

I looked at Xu Ziyi. It seems that he hasn't recovered from that slap.

It was not until I knelt down and accepted the order that Xu Ziyi realized the seriousness of the matter.