20 short humorous jokes and stories to share

1. Xiao Ming and Xiao Hua went to the zoo to play. When they entered, Xiao Ming pointed at Xiao Hua and said to the gatekeeper: "Look carefully! When you come out later, don't say that I stole your monkey!"

2. There was a man who was selling popsicles at the market for the first time. He was too embarrassed to hawk. There was a man next to him who was shouting: "Selling popsicles", so he had to shout: "Me too."

3. The father said sternly to his daughter's boyfriend: "You only take my daughter to watch movies every day, but can't you do other things?" The young man was surprised and happy: "You mean you can do other things Are you pregnant yet?”

4. A foreigner who has learned some Mandarin. In the morning, I greeted the female secretary, "How are you?" The lady glared at him. He was stunned, and immediately said to her: "Mom, hello!"

5. Two little birds saw one. Hunters were targeting them, and one said, "You protect the scene and I'll call the police!"

6. Two drunkards drove wildly in a car. A: "Be careful! There is a sharp turn ahead." B: "What? Aren't you driving?"

7. A customer ran into a tailor shop angrily and pointed at the fashion design designed for him by the shop owner. Said: "I stood on the street corner and yawned, and two people stuffed the letter into my mouth!"

8. A farmer's daughter was so ugly that he had to let her go to the cornfield to be a scarecrow. crow. Not only did she scare away the crows, but three crows were so frightened that they sent some corn back.

9. The Chinese and Americans were drinking together, and three flies flew into their drinks. The Americans asked for a drink, but the Chinese drank it without paying attention. The *man grabbed the flies and shouted : Spit it out! Spit out the drink you drank!

10. There was an ugly orangutan in the zoo. One day I went to see it and I vomited. You went to see it and the orangutan vomited. ..., I was confused, why are there such big differences between people.

11. A farmer went to a car sales center. He took out 2,000 yuan and slapped it on the table: "Bring me a Santana." The salesperson was shocked: "You don't have enough money! The farmer was puzzled: "Isn't it written 'Santana 2000' outside?" Salesperson: "Oh... Then turn right when you go out, that company's Mercedes-Benz is only 600!"

12. One day , a man came home from work and said to his wife: Honey, I have a new secretary. Guess what happened! Her bra was actually red and white, which are the colors of my favorite football team. Of course, It's not a big deal, but it feels really good. "

The next day, when they came home, his wife asked, "How was your day?"

The man said, "Great! Not only was her bra red and white. , and, the same goes for underwear. You know it's not a big deal, but I feel really good. "

After returning home on the third day, the husband asked his wife: "Dear, did anything happen in your company today?"

She replied: "Nothing special. There's just a new boss and his thing is two inches longer than yours. Of course, it's not a big deal, but I feel really good. ”

13. A gentleman went to take the driver’s license test. During the oral test, the examiner asked: “When you saw a dog and a person in front of the car, did you run over the dog or the person?”

The gentleman replied without thinking: "Of course it's a dog run. ”

The examiner shook his head and said, “You can take the exam again next time.” "

The gentleman was very unconvinced: "I didn't run over a dog, how could I run over a person?"

The examiner loudly reprimanded: "You should brake. ”

14. The class is undergoing vision training.

A smart recruit was called out by the squad leader to count the number of people digging in the wilderness in the distance. Those people looked like just small dots. But the recruit answered without hesitation: Sixteen soldiers and a sergeant, sir.

Correct, but how do you know there is a sergeant there?

He. Don't work, sir

15. Messenger

"Whoever likes music, take three steps forward!" The squad leader gave the order.

The six soldiers left. come out.

"Very good, now please carry this piano to the conference hall on the third floor."

16. One day, Xiaozhen's mother saw Xiaozhen's father rummaging through boxes and cabinets. Looking for something all over the place, he asked Xiao Zhen: "What is your dad looking for?"

Xiao Zhen said doubtfully: "I don't know, maybe he is looking for you, or maybe he is looking for grandma."

Mom was puzzled~

Xiao Zhen continued: "Because while he was looking for it, he said it was really hard to find grandma."

17. Teacher: " There is something with beautiful feathers all over its body that wakes you up every morning. What is it?" Child: "It's a feather duster!"

18. Zhang San and Li Si are both doormen. Zhang San at noon Come on duty and eat for Li Si. Zhang San suddenly said: Wait a minute, I'm going to have diarrhea! Li Si replied: Then go and have a bowel movement. After you have the bowel movement, I can eat.

19. Husband: "You gave that beggar so much at once." What are you doing with money? He is pretending to be blind!"

Wife: "Didn't you hear him say to me, 'Beautiful and kind lady...'"

Husband: "It seems that he is really A blind man!"

20. Several scientists were having a meeting together. Someone asked what 11 times 11 equals. The American scientist wanted to take out his feet to count. The Chinese scientist immediately answered 121. The American scientist immediately criticized him harshly. : How can you be fooled by mathematics? Science is a very serious topic. Then I took out my calculator and pressed it for a long time. Sure enough, it was 121. I couldn’t help but be surprised: Damn, you are so accurate.