I finally accepted that the person who was best for me had left me.

Maybe I get too little, so I always cherish what I have and can't let it go.

When I was a child, I wanted to have my own room, but my family was poor and I had to share a bed with my sister.

When I was at school, I wanted to have my own desk, but my father thought it was a waste of money, so I didn't have my own desk until I went to college.

In high school, I wanted to buy a mobile phone. Everyone has it, but my family said that my classmates won't buy any mobile phones, so many friends who used to play well later lost contact. ...

When I grew up, I finally controlled my financial ability, finally got my own room, bought a big desk and bookshelf, filled with books I wanted to read, changed one mobile phone after another, and added many friends. ...

Maybe it's a sense of loss all the time. I always cherish what I finally got, so that I experienced some normal life later, which is always hard to let go.

After graduating from college, I changed four jobs back and forth before I decided, that is, there I met my first noble person after graduation.

When I first met him, he was thin and small, wearing thin glasses and chewing betel nuts, with a quiet and depressing atmosphere.

But he's really a nice guy.

When I first entered the company, I was both proud and uneasy. I wanted to integrate into the group and was afraid of integration.

But he always seems to have the ability to turn embarrassment into joy, but it is not too abrupt, which makes people feel that things are silent and flowing.

Obviously he has a quiet face, but he has a teasing heart.

It seems that he always has countless strange jokes that always make us laugh at work.

He always tells some corny jokes:

I often stay up late recently. My liver doesn't seem to be well. Can you call me honey?

I have passed a person countless times, and my clothes are scratched without sparks …

At this time, I always laughed at him rudely:

Your jokes are so corny ~ ~

He never gets angry.

I don't remember him getting angry.

But most of the time, he cares more about my work. If he can't do it well, he will teach one by one. If you don't understand, just train bit by bit. He will help me analyze my career plan when he is free. ...

At this time, he is really like a former high school teacher, very serious and responsible, and also very competitive.

In his spare time on weekends, he will invite all the people in the office to go out for dinner, eat hot pot, play games and sing.

If I was in my previous company, I would be very resistant, but the thought of being with them made me feel good.

I don't like drinking very much. At the annual meeting of the company, everyone held a table and a table with wine bottles, so I had to bite the bullet and follow the big army.

But he quietly took me aside and told me in a low voice that coke could be used instead of wine, and some red wine could be dropped to taste the wine, so that no one could see it.

In the flower room, people push cups for a change, and there are many people guessing boxing. I followed him, toasting table by table. The toast was poor, and I poured iced coke mixed with wine, but I felt full of warmth and unspeakable sureness.

For the first time, I feel the feeling of being truly accepted, recognized and cared for;

For the first time, I also had a sincere and irrelevant emotion.

For the first time, I had a sense of belonging and began to look forward to work and the workplace.

But the blow is always unexpected.

One day, the company organized a party, and somehow, the atmosphere was a little depressing.

Several boys in the office have been clinking glasses with him, saying inexplicable things and holding him out of the box again and again.

Several times I came out of the bathroom, and when I was at the corner, I saw them leaning against the railing, smoking, and their faces were in a trance. Dark colors hide people's faces, but outline their worries.

Maybe I'm too slow to react, maybe I dare not think subconsciously. Although I had a guess, I didn't delve into it.

In the next few days, the office fell into a long-lost silence for no reason.

Everyone will still laugh and play with each other, and he will occasionally make fun of me, but the news from the company gradually makes me confused every day.

Finally one day, I couldn't help it.

I bluntly asked him:

Are you going to resign?

He was a little surprised. After a short silence, he finally said: Yes.

I tried to say something, but I swallowed it on the tip of my tongue.

I think of the company dinner that day, their inexplicable depressing atmosphere that night, and the smoke in the lonely lamp. It turns out that everything has a sign.

I inexplicably burst into anger in my chest, a sense of sadness of being abandoned, and an inexplicable fear. In an instant, a lot of things came to my mind, and tears could not help but flow out.

But in the end, I just pretended as if nothing had happened and said, ah, everyone knows, but I still don't know?

He smiled and said, no, but everyone guessed.

That night, I tossed and turned and couldn't sleep.

In the office, I can hold back my emotions, but in the dead of night, my tears seem to be out of control, and I have been waterboarded one after another in my face.

Why did you leave?

Why didn't you tell me earlier? Am I not trustworthy?

Why not stay a little longer?

Why do you have to leave when you get used to it?

……

I can't tell whether I can't bear to leave him or I'm confused about not having a boss soon. I can't sleep.

A few days later, on an ordinary Friday, it was time to get off work. He packed all the things, wiped the desktop, put on his schoolbag, greeted us one by one as usual after work, waved and left.

I sat in my seat and pretended to be calm. After all the people in the office left, I looked at his vacant seat and felt empty at once.

The evening light came in from the window, and gold enveloped the office in the dim twilight. There is dust floating in the air, and the light seems to flash through scenes, and an empty sense of suffocation stings.

Overnight, it seems that the whole city is cold.

The weekend after he left, I sent a party invitation to the group for the first time.

Everyone in the office is here except one who is going home.

I ordered a big table full of vegetables and a few bottles of beer and chatted enthusiastically with them.

At the dinner table, they all advised me not to drink, but I drank a whole bottle and was not drunk at all.

I really seldom drink, but I actually drink well and have never been drunk.

I want to feel the pleasure of getting drunk for the first time.

I hate it, but it's time to leave. After drinking wine and talking about the past, we looked at each other silently, but we didn't want to leave.

Finally, someone suggested: let's play mahjong.

Everyone cheered up and agreed.

That night, we played mahjong all night until seven o'clock the next morning.

When I left the room, my brain became groggy.

When preparing to go to the subway station, a man suggested having breakfast, but it was funny that there were few tea restaurants and breakfast shops in nearby Fiona Fang Baili. Finally, we walked several hundred meters before finding a rice rolls shop in a corner.

Rice rolls's shop is very small, and the four of us squeezed into the small storefront and finished our breakfast.

Seeing that everyone is eating rice rolls, I want to laugh inexplicably. For an instant, I seemed relieved, and my inner gloom suddenly dissipated a lot.

It's been a long time, and I still think of those days from time to time.

Laughing and laughing at each other in the crowd, shouting and singing at each other in the middle of the night, playing mahjong all night without feeling tired, walking for more than 20 minutes on the main road to have breakfast and taking photos as a souvenir. ...

Those relaxed days, as if they were still in college, were as soft as the waves on the lake, which made me remember and miss them.

Six months later, I also left my job.

On the day I was about to leave, I sent a mass message in my former office. He learned that I was going to resign and suddenly asked me:

Are you interested in coming to my present company? There's a vacancy just like yours.

I looked at the short message on my mobile phone, hesitated for a while, and then slowly replied: Well, it's been a long time anyway.

I haven't seen him for a long time. He doesn't seem to have changed much He is still the same as before, with gentle eyebrows and eyes and casual posture. But something seems to have changed, and an invisible strangeness has pulled us apart.

His company has a spacious terrace full of flowers and plants. Looking up, it is a blue and pure sky.

Sitting on the terrace, we talked all afternoon.

He asked me: What do you think of it here? If you want to come, the treatment is not a problem.

I am no longer the little girl who just nodded yes. I asked him: What do you think of this job?

He put his cigarette in the ashtray, took a deep breath, and then said slowly, actually, I hope you will come, but if you come, I will be responsible for your work, but I may not stay here for long.

Feeling a little gloomy, I hesitated to ask him: Are you ready to go again?

"Yes, I plan to start a business."

He smiled helplessly.

It is getting dark. But there was a golden light in the sky, the fog curtain was torn open, and the flowers and plants on the terrace were suddenly enlightened.

I breathed a sigh of relief, as if I had spit out all my pent-up gas. I got up to say goodbye to him.

"I'm leaving, goodbye."

"Do you want to have dinner together?"

"No, I'm not hungry yet."

"Then I'll send you."

"No, I called a car."

"Then, be safe, goodbye."

"Goodbye."

After I walked out of the park gate, I turned around and saw the terrace where I was chatting just now. No one was there.

The wind in this world is so strong that it blows away the tacit understanding and the familiar people.

It turns out that some people appear in your life, can only take you for a short time, and then jump into the sea of people, each with its own brilliant storms.

I am finally relieved.

In front of the gate of the park, the setting sun stretched my shadow, the residual wind rolled up the fallen leaves on the ground and blew them into the distance, and a group of sparrows stood on the telegraph pole on the horizon.

I remember now, it's the spring of the new year.