Excessive self-awareness

Excessive self-awareness is a psychological concept, which includes psychological states such as coyness, shyness, embarrassment, and unnaturalness. For some people, excessive self-awareness manifests itself in insecurities and concerns about their physical appearance, while for others it is concerns about status, pain, or money.

Text | Anke, pictures from the Internet

L’s self-awareness began in elementary school: at that time, she was a chubby transfer student with a strong hometown accent and hand-made sewing Made clothes. She desperately wanted the other kids to like her, but she didn't know why everything she said and did seemed to turn them off.

L Every joke or remark is met with an awkward moment of silence and ridicule - especially in a group. Those moments often left her in a trance and confused her: How on earth am I going to get people to accept me?

When she started learning English, she found some friends on campus, but she was still bullied by others because of her body, clothes, and face.

F still remembers that one day, two boys followed her home and shouted, "How much do you weigh now?" L lowered his head and ran home quickly.

The wounds of being rejected, bullied and ostracized run deep. F came to believe that she could not feel any safe unless she was in a state of complete solitude.

In high school, F remembers one time when she was walking and noticed a popular boy in school walking behind her. He didn't say anything to her, but F's heart started beating crazily, and then my arms began to swing back and forth unconsciously. Later I remembered how embarrassed I felt!

L would walk home as fast as possible after class, but even at home she did not feel safe. There is no encouragement, no expression of emotion; the only safe place is alone.

But as time went by, F became anxious about other people’s opinions. Quietly entered my lonely time. She worries, ruminates, overthinks - in other words, is overly self-aware!

Excessive self-awareness is a psychological concept, which includes psychological states such as coyness, shyness, embarrassment, and unnaturalness.

For some people, excessive self-awareness is reflected in lack of confidence and worry about their appearance, while for others it is concerns about status, pain or money.

If you always feel that you are being judged by others, then you need to untie the knot that makes you care so much about external comments. At the same time, you can also realize that other people's comments mean nothing to you.

Through this article, you will learn how to detach your inner critic and find constructive ways to alleviate feelings of excess self-consciousness.

1. Identify the object of your self-awareness

A certain aspect of appearance? Eyes too small? The accent is not standard? Physical disability (mental or physical)? Learning ability...

List these trigger points one by one. Once you identify your triggers, you may be able to think of specific ways to reduce your self-consciousness.

2. Figure out who you want to please and why (what kind of expectations make you feel overly self-aware?)

How would you behave in front of your crush or spouse? Develop a sense of self-awareness? Is there someone around you who you think is perfect? Or you often think that others are flawless and infallible. Do you compare yourself to models on television? Did you know that these models spend a lot of time dressing up and grooming themselves every day? Do you live by someone's comments about you? In most cases, you may be involved with people with toxic personality types who have a hard time making you feel good.

3. Think about whether you would make harsh comments about others

People with excessive self-awareness usually resent other people’s comments, looks or self-righteous tirade. Then it turns into inner pain, which then turns into a more serious problem than the original one.

If you never follow others, how can others follow you?

If you wouldn’t say this to your friends or think of your friends this way, then why do you think they would think or comment about you this way?

First of all, you have to be your own good friend. Specific methods of expression are:

3.1 Change your inner self: Realize that you are a part of the team or environment, just like everyone else - and that others are not better or more important than you.

When you are sitting or working, don’t let your mind repeatedly think about how others see you. When the same thoughts are repeated over and over again, a channel will form. You have to force yourself to get out of this channel. When you feel overly self-conscious while talking to someone, immediately listen to what they are saying. It helps to focus on what others are saying. Listening is also a very powerful ability. Being a good listener can overcome excessive self-awareness. Shift your attention. When you start to feel overly self-aware, find an object—anything, it could be an insect crawling on the floor—and turn your attention to that object. What color is it and how many legs does it have? Anything that distracts you will do. Distractions bring you back to reality and keep you away from your inner hell.

3.2 Build self-confidence: Strive to gain a deep understanding of self-worth. Replace your worries about what others think with your goals, your accomplishments.

Confident people don’t dwell on temporary mistakes, eccentric habits and physical disabilities. They can accept reality and look for the positives. Don’t let outsiders see these issues as weaknesses and be controlled by outsiders’ opinions. Self-confidence is a skill that can be learned and developed if you are willing to do so.

Write down your goals. This will push you towards your goals. Tell others you are making progress toward a goal. This can also push you forward and allow people who care about you to support your actions. Prove your achievements. Celebrate when good things happen: go out for a nice meal, call a friend, go shopping. Formally acknowledge the good things rather than dwell on the mistakes. Self-deprecating. This is not in a self-deprecating way, but in a self-effacing, intelligent way of acknowledging your imperfections and that you can embrace your imperfections. For example: when you accidentally break a jar of peanut butter in front of your crush and the pieces scatter on the floor, you laugh at your natural clumsiness, make a harmless joke and then clean up the floor and apologize. 3.3 Examine your reality: The Internet makes it easier for us to see the ugliness of famous, seemingly innocent celebrities or leaders, such as the weird dressing of singers, the various corrupt styles of leaders, the mistakes of actors, etc.

Choose some of your favorite celebrities who you think are perfect and search for their faults. Not to insult them, but to make you realize that everyone has their moments of failure and bad days.

3.4 Free yourself from other people’s comments or unintentional comments

For those malicious comments, you can prepare some standardized replies in your heart, so as not to let yourself down or hurt yourself. Help yourself get out of this situation on the premise of others. That way you won't be stuck in awkward silence when someone says something rash to you. Something like: "I'm surprised you said that to my face." or "I don't think you have the right to speak so harshly of others." etc.

Sometimes, when someone realizes your weakness, they may deliberately annoy you. In this case, don't let others define you; it's your life, not someone else's.

Surround yourself with people who make you happy. Stay away from negative people who bring you down.

Tips:

Don’t always be defensive. Taking the initiative to admit your mistakes is not the end of the world. Everyone makes mistakes, sincerely apologize. Then move on. Don't always expect approval from others. If your life depends entirely on the approval of others, you'll never escape an overabundance of self-consciousness. You are your own worst critic.

Stop judging yourself and the world won't judge you either. Sometimes, when someone realizes your weakness, they may intentionally bully you. In this case, turn away and don't engage. Don't waste your time on such people. They are actually empty inside and full of resentment towards the world. This is their problem, not yours. Others are actually worried about what others think of them. The difference is that confident people don't dwell on such thoughts or let such thoughts affect their external relationships. They also need to do some inner struggles to deal with the big issues in life. So don’t think that others have it easy.