How is the bar essence practiced?

From a psychological point of view, a "lever-smart" person is first of all a person who looks "overconfident" in many cases. In other words, looking overconfident may reflect his inner inferiority.

Self-confidence, inferiority and conceit, these three good partners have always appeared in the form of mutual erosion and complementarity. It is unreliable for either side to dominate. The best state is balance, which is commonly known as "supercilious". Low self-esteem tends to belittle yourself, while excessive self-confidence tends to become conceited, resulting in a misunderstanding of self-judgment, "self-righteousness, but it is not." This is embarrassing.

Have a clear understanding of yourself, be able to know yourself correctly, do not overestimate or underestimate your ability, have a basic and accurate judgment on success or failure in doing anything, take the initiative to try your best, let nature take its course without demanding, be calm and calm, and be normal. This is the direction that everyone should practice.

In social occasions, the content of our conversation with the outside world will vary from time to time and from place to place, but in general, it is on the same track as the social objects and environment at that time; For example, friends get together to talk about each other's recent situation, intimate chat may involve emotional problems, and interviews at work mostly involve professional issues in the industry. Most people will switch the corresponding social tone according to different occasions and characters, while "Bar Jing" will not; The so-called "lever essence" means that on different occasions, different topics and different people's backgrounds, without exception, the topic will suddenly stop, making the conversation impossible.

In fact, the reason why "Okai" always chooses "amazing words" is to get more attention from others, to become the center of social occasions, and even to achieve the goal of overwhelming each other through words, but in fact it often backfires. This practice of over-brushing the sense of existence not only makes people feel that you are ignorant, but also makes people feel disgusted with you and stay away from you, which is far from what you want to attract attention and attention.

The psychological counselor told us that people like "Gao Jing", on the surface, all show arrogance and even overconfidence, which just reflects the inferiority hidden in their hearts. By "talking to death", we can release the aggression in the subconscious, let the inferiority complex be better suppressed under the iceberg, avoid conflicts in the subconscious and avoid anxiety.

2. "Intimacy" and unclear self-boundary.

If the "lever essence" facing the general social needs is to release its subconscious aggression and suppress inferiority by brushing the sense of existence, then there is another situation, which is also the easiest point for the "lever essence" to touch, that is, the "intimacy" in psychology.

Let's understand what is "intimate relationship" in a popular way; Usually, "intimacy" can be considered as the subjective feelings of individuals towards others. If you think the other person is close enough to you, you will subconsciously ignore the reprocessing, unadorned or even inappropriate language and expression, because "intimacy" makes you feel that "even if I go too far, the other person will not really be angry with me" or "I say this because I am close to him".

However, in fact, the closer you are, the easier it is to be hurt by your "outspoken" and "unclear boundaries". You don't think the other person will really be angry with you. You think you communicate with the other person in such a direct way because you are close to him and it is good for him, but I don't know, maybe the other person has already turned over countless eyes in his heart, but he didn't tell you, and you still feel good.

If the "intimacy" between the two sides is relatively equal's, the two sides will not think that the other side is consciously crossing the border, not showing provocation, so the communication may continue without being terminated. On the other hand, if the "intimacy" between the two parties is not equal, it will easily lead to embarrassment, the topic will not go on, and even the other party will have the resistance of "who do you think you are?"

"Bar essence" is most likely to deviate from the "intimate" self-cognition, fall into the strange circle of thinking that he is very close to others, and express himself with unclear self-boundaries, which causes resentment from others.

3. Different temperament types make communication aggressive.

In addition to the above possibilities, the cultivation of "bar essence" may also stem from its own temperament type.

Temperament is a typical and stable dynamic characteristic of psychological activities, and it is the innate basis of personality. Hippocrates, a famous ancient Greek doctor, believed that body fluids were the material basis of human nature, which led to the "four fluids theory". He believed that there were four fluids with different properties in the human body, which came from different organs-mucus was born in the brain, which was the root of water and was cold; Yellow gallbladder is born in the liver, which is the root of qi and has the nature of heat; Black gallbladder is born in the stomach, which is rooted in the soil and has the nature of gradual warming; Blood comes from the heart, is the root of fire, and is dry. Everyone's physique is different, which is caused by the different proportions of the above four body fluids.

Galen, a famous biologist and psychologist in the Roman Empire, founded the temperament theory on the basis of Hippocrates' theory of four liquids. He believes that temperament is a combination of different properties of matter (or juice), and later developed into a classic "four temperament theories", namely, sanguine, mucinous, choleric and depressive.

"temperament theory" holds that sanguine personality is extroverted, lively and active, sociable, quick-thinking, easy to accept new things, easy to change and disappear emotions, easy to expose, and not profound experience; Mucus is calm, good at restraint and tolerance, regular in life, not distracted by irrelevant things, relatively diligent, persistent, heavy-hearted, supercilious, unwilling to talk, serious but not flexible enough, not easy to divert attention, conformism, and lack of enthusiasm for the cause; The choleric emotions occur rapidly, strongly and continuously, and the actions occur equally quickly, strongly and powerfully, with enthusiasm, frankness, exuberance, impatience, drastic emotional changes, emotional excitability, extroversion, quick response, and sometimes intense and impulsive emotions; Depression is withdrawn, unsociable, meticulous, sensitive, shy, sentimental, slow-moving, indecisive and obviously introverted.

Temperament types are relatively stable for everyone's life. If a person's temperament type is extroverted, then he is probably a "lever essence", because they like to express themselves and become the focus of the crowd, let people pay attention to themselves and make themselves the center. Based on this temperament, they are relatively more aggressive and aggressive in interpersonal communication, and are more likely to use sharp or negative sentences.

As a "leverage" himself, he doesn't think he is arguing with you. He felt that he was just expressing his inner views and opinions truly. What's the problem?

Therefore, if you meet a "gangster", you should either go straight back or stay as far away as possible, because if you go straight back, there may be consequences of continuing to come back. If you don't want to waste your time, life and limited energy on people who have nothing to do with others, it is a more reliable choice to keep a respectful distance from others. Life is short, knowing that the other person is a "lever essence" and still pestering him, it is also drunk to think about it.