The spiritual appointment between psychological counselor Teacher Bu Yun and the Little Koala Club

We agreed to meet a year ago, and finally our dream became a reality. So, you still have to have dreams, what if they come true?

Teacher Bu Yun focuses on personal psychological analysis and spiritual growth, making everything possible. Just like what she shows on her official account and circle of friends, she is beautiful, intellectual, and a lady, just like a sonorous rose blooming in the fertile soil of Kunming, overflowing with fragrance.

Little Koala, also known as Liu Li, is a self-media person who lives affectionately in this dull world and writes about her daily life with words.

On August 5, little Kaola and Teacher Bu Yun had a spiritual appointment. She said that in this world, it is a great happiness to be lucky enough to meet someone who has a clear understanding of the heart. She was grateful to her sister for bringing her such happiness.

Little Koala: How many times have you come to Beijing? What is your impression of Beijing?

Teacher Bu Yun: This must be my 6th or 7th time here. My impression of Beijing: I feel that Beijing is a very tolerant city; I remember reading an interview a few years ago. Ask someone who has been abroad: Where do you think your home is? The person said that for a person who has been abroad, as long as the plane lands in Beijing, he has returned home. Because I have been coming to Beijing every year to study psychology techniques a few years ago, I am somewhat familiar with it. There are different psychology scholars and teachers from all over the world, such as Mo Lin, the author and leader of Yalong Group Therapy. Teachers, dance therapy Marcia, Teacher Irene, etc. Such an encounter will also reveal the vibrant impression of Beijing and the various possibilities of future psychology that one feels and connects with in Beijing. In addition, every time I come to Beijing, I will receive warm invitations and sincere care from relatives, classmates, and friends, so sometimes I feel that Beijing is like returning to my own home. I am very happy, not a stranger, and I feel like it from the bottom of my heart. I like and identify with this place and feel very happy and joyful.

Little Koala: How many years have you been engaged in psychological counseling? In general, who come to you for help? Why choose this industry?

Teacher Bu Yun: I have been engaged in psychological counseling for 12 years. In the first few years, I mainly provided psychological counseling to patients with uremia and hematuria. In the following years, the scope of consultation became more diverse; At present, we mainly accept short-term personal growth and long-term personal analysis, and have sorted out the current consultation issues into six categories:

Category 1: Counseling on adolescent psychological issues: including school adaptation, planning, time management, and adolescence adaptation Problems, distractions, conflicts, growing pains and confusion, etc.;

The second category: love, marriage and family problems, interpersonal problems, workplace work pressure and adaptation problems, gender relations, stress management, Parent-child relationship, emotion management;

Category 3: Consultation on physical and mental problems: including insomnia, constipation, cough, dyspnea, and chronic body pain;

Category 4: Uremia and hematuria Psychological adjustment for patients and psychological adjustment and supportive treatment for family members;

Category 5: Neurotic psychological problems: including anxiety, depression, obsessive-compulsive disorder, hypochondriasis, bulimia, stuttering, social Phobia;

Category 6: Counseling on sexual psychological issues: including homophobia, fetishism, sexual trauma, assault, and SM.

I think the choice of this industry has something to do with personal personality characteristics or family upbringing. I remember that I was a member of the Red Cross when I was in primary school. Every week we would organize charity activities such as buying food, cooking and cleaning for the "Five Protection" orphans. My grandma at home would often ask me to do things for the people around me. It’s a good thing that in every communication and interaction with others, she is always willing to give her best things to others, and give the most beautiful and sincere words to others unconditionally, but she never cares about it, and she practices it personally. Subtly, it also formed a role model for me. In addition, I thought psychology was very mysterious at first, so I had the desire to explore this subject. To sum up, my choice of this industry should be due to the subtle influence of personal personality characteristics and family members’ actions on me, and I am attracted by psychology itself.

In addition, I would like to add one more point: "Helping others" is the core element of psychological counseling and the cornerstone of all professional growth and counseling effects of psychological counselors. Therefore, whether a person has a heartfelt "helping heart" is also the most important criterion for testing whether a person is suitable to become a psychological counselor.

Little Koala: What is the age group that seeks psychological counseling from you?

Teacher Bu Yun: The age range of my current consultation clients is about 7 to 60 years old. The oldest client I have consulted before is over 90 years old, but the age range is still between 7 and 60 years old. Most of the people.

Little Koala: Do you still remember your first consultant? How did you help him?

Teacher Bu Yun: I don’t remember the first consultant very well, but I remember a visitor who had a deep impression on me before. The specific content needs to be kept confidential. I can give you a few words. The previous situation was I haven’t been out in 20 years and don’t really trust the people around me. We have been consulting for half a year, and the frequency of consultation is about once a week. After that, the improvement: 1) I can go out; 2) I am willing to trust others; remember to consult Before the end, she gave feedback that although you are not old, Teacher Bu is very suitable for psychological counseling, and you will definitely do well in the future. This can be regarded as the recognition and feedback I received in the first few years of psychological counseling work. I was very grateful for her feedback to me at that time.

Little Koala: In today’s society, who do you think are prone to psychological problems? What should I pay attention to?

Teacher Bu Yun: In fact, when you integrate the theories and meanings of psychology and add some philosophical thinking, you gradually become less interested in labeling and conceptualizing things. In fact, the psychological counseling or treatment process is more of a de-labeling process, but the psychological counseling process is not only these, it also includes the following two attitudes: 1) Determination without malice, affection without temptation; 2) Be a 60% mom.

Let me explain the meaning of these two sentences:

The first sentence: "Determination without malice, affection without temptation", psychologist Kohut, created These two poetic words. It means: When I don't agree with you, I am firm, but not hostile, and will not say you are wrong; I love you when I love you, unconditionally, and I will not tempt you into a situation where you need me.

The second sentence: To be a 60% mother means to be a good enough mother. This is a word invented by the psychologist Winnicott in the theory of mother-infant relationship. It refers to a well-functioning parent. At first almost completely attuned to the baby's needs, over time she becomes less and less attuned to the baby and adjusts herself to parenthood according to the baby's growing abilities.

When is psychological counseling needed:

1. When you want to explore yourself;

2. When you feel psychologically unbalanced;

3. When you feel that your development is blocked in the process of self-development;

4. When you feel anxious or depressed and unable to adjust;

5. When you If you want to make your interpersonal relationships harmonious, you need the help of a counselor.

6. When you have troubles and sorrows, you need someone to support you;

In any of the above situations, you can find a psychological counselor you trust and match for systematic psychological consultation.

Little Koala: If the consultant doesn’t trust you and is unwilling to open up, don’t say anything. What would you do?

Teacher Bu Yun: A necessary condition for analysis is to measure the degree of trust of a certain part of the person seeking help or the client, and then speculate on whether this special treatment can benefit him. If many people do not meet this minimum requirement, they cannot be analyzed. Like religion, analysis requires at least some humility from newcomers before it can bring real value.

If such a problem occurs between me and the seeker, will I discuss with her how this distrust affects her life? At the same time, I will also enter our psychological counseling work with the desire to know more about her.

Little Koala: If a person cares too much about others, is it because he is too sensitive? Do you want to change it? For example, if someone criticizes the kindergarten article I wrote, I will blame myself, feel annoyed, feel frustrated, and have no confidence.

Teacher Bu Yun: Let’s look specifically at what do you care about what others say? If what others say has nothing to do with you, but you feel that they are talking about you, then at this time, can you consider whether you need too much attention? Do you have this uncomfortable feeling? Or do you have a self-centered tendency? The answers to these questions will not be standard answers, and the above answers are for your reference only. In addition, everyone has a characteristic. When others ask a question, we often hope to compare it with ourselves or reflect on whether we have this. Questions habit thinking. This also has something to do with your own personality characteristics. If you must clarify and understand yourself clearly, I personally recommend finding a psychological counselor for one-on-one consultation and discussion. This will be more conducive to your personal growth and will not just be labeled or subjected to barbaric analysis.

Little Koala: You consult with so many visitors every day, how do you prevent their emotions from affecting your own?

Teacher Bu Yun: This is a very good question. If a counselor keeps consulting on the same type of problem, when her own physical and mental state is not very good, she will be easily disturbed by our help seeker, because the counselor herself is also a human being, she also has emotions and desires, and emotions. , if the consultant is not in good condition, it is like being in a lake and preparing to save a person who has fallen into the water. When rescuing the person, the person (the consultant) is not in good physical condition. When he wants to save the person, It is easy to be led or involved in the current danger of the drowning person; on the contrary, if the consultant is in good physical and mental condition before rescuing the person, he can take the drowning person out of the lake. Therefore, it is not actually because the emotions of our clients affect the counselors, but because the counselors themselves are not in a good state and do not try their best to help our clients, and finally put their own emotional state into the interaction with our clients. Presented. So why it is said that how far the seeker can go depends on how far the counselor has gone. This is the reason. Therefore, our counselors usually need to understand what type of seekers we are likely to be led into "water". Not only will they not be able to help them, but they will also be in danger of falling into them themselves. In addition, counselors also need to have personal experience on a regular basis. For this reason, it is particularly important to adjust your physical and mental state at any time during psychological consultation. We will discuss this issue again when we have the opportunity in the future.

Little Koala: How can I love beauty as much as you do? I feel so sloppy, don’t like to dress up, and don’t know how to dress up.

Teacher Bu Yun: I saw that you wore a blue skirt today. It is very beautiful and suits you very well. It is not sloppy at all and is very beautiful. I think that wearing makeup is actually to please yourself, not to please others. It is for yourself because it makes you happy and happy. When you have such an idea, you will slowly develop the habit of wearing light makeup; when you When you like and accept yourself, there will no longer be an external voice to evaluate yourself.

Little Koala: How to find the entry point with patients?

Teacher Bu Yun: This is a very good question. But I guess the content I gave you will make you a little disappointed! The process of psychological counseling is not carried out consciously but subconsciously, that is, it is carried out under the iceberg; we counselors will not interpret our clients like "cold reading" or "mind reading". Such interpretation It is unethical. All our understanding and analysis are only based on helping the seekers. I wish I could describe this problem in terms of “the position of a counselor.” The position of counselors: We are neither in front of nor behind the seeker, we are beside the seeker.

Little Koala: What is your biggest gain in this line of work? What do you think?

Teacher Bu Yun: The biggest gain is that my client and I grow up together. When you grow up, you will always be very happy mentally, and you are lucky enough to be able to do what you like and do. A job that I love. Another great gain is that I have gained important friendships in my life on the path of growth in psychology.

Teacher Bu Yun: You write articles every day, I admire you so much. I can't even do it. Why do you want to write? How to achieve daily updates?

Little Kaola: At first, I wrote a public account because the company asked me to do so. Then, I registered a private one myself. I write my own from 8 to 10 pm every night. After writing for a while, it became a habit. If you don't write on any day, you will feel that the day has been wasted. Just like this, I wrote from March last year to now this year. Many friends say they admire me, but they think nothing of it. When something becomes a regular habit, you stick to it. Writing is like running or reading. Once you get used to it, you will continue. We can all persevere, no matter what the outcome will be in the future. You can give yourself a task to write a thousand words every day. If you can't write it, you won't sleep. Over time, you will definitely do it. Initially, that's what I did. I am still writing now, but I find that, as readers said, there has been no progress at all in a year. So, now there is one more thing. I read at least one hour every day and hope to improve.

Teacher Bu Yun: What motivates you to write?

Little Koala: I have no motivation, I’m just used to writing. I think it is a very happy thing. When I write, I am very happy, and that is enough. Sometimes, I have a lot to say in my heart, but I am not good at expressing it, and I don’t know who to say it to. Just don’t say it, write it down.

Teacher Bu Yun: How do you collect materials?

Little Koala: Chatting, traveling, thinking about reading. When chatting, something suddenly comes up that sparks inspiration. Write it down and polish it, and it becomes an article. When traveling, the beautiful scenery somewhere makes your heart startled. Recording the excitement and surprise at that moment is also an article; When reading, writing book reviews and analyzing the author's ideas are also very good materials; without traveling, reading or chatting, you can still think and write down these little sparks to create a beautiful article. Some friends said that you waste your time running around all day long, meeting people who are of no use to you. But I think it's not wasted. The places we go to sometimes become the articles we write about. The people you meet will become the most beautiful scenery in your heart. What's the waste?

Teacher Bu Yun: Will parents be worried? Out alone?

Little Koala: It’s been like this since graduation, and my parents are used to it. When I graduated, I went to Shenzhen and then wandered around the country, working and traveling. I call my parents every week. My parents are used to my state.

Teacher Bu Yun: Do you have any worries?

Little Koala: Yes. Sometimes, I feel like a failure and no progress. Many authors, after writing for one year, have signed contracts with many platforms, gained 100,000 followers, and earned 100,000 plus monthly income. However, I still crawled slowly like a snail, and my life became a joke. But it doesn’t matter, after ten years of chopping firewood, I have only been cutting firewood for more than one year, and there is still hope. When I was a child, I laughed when I cried. When I grow up, I cried when I laughed. But we still have to bite the bullet and move forward. No matter what, you have to finish the road you choose on your knees, even if you are in tears, even if you swallow blood.

Teacher Bu Yun: Are you troubled by personal problems? I suggest you solve your personal problems first.

Little Koala: Personal issues don’t matter, just let it go. In fact, I am already used to being alone. If I meet someone I like, I will work hard for it and leave it to fate. It is also a happy thing for a person to die alone if he can't meet someone he likes.

I am busy from 7 am to 11 pm every day. I feel very fulfilled. I don’t care much about whether I have a boyfriend or not. Believe in fate, it doesn't matter whether it comes late or never, it doesn't matter.

Many people ask me what I want in a boyfriend, so let me tell you: Female, born in 1984, who likes reading, writing and traveling, a man with sound limbs, a healthy mind, and not sarcastic, anything else.

What I care about most is mental health. I feel that meeting a mentally unsound person is as scary as a nightmare.

Teacher Bu Yun: What changes has writing brought to you?

Little Koala: Writing has made me more sensitive. When watching "Wolf Warrior 2", the male protagonist was infected with a virus that may be life-threatening. The background music was very sad. I listened to it while watching the lonely scene, and tears rolled down the corners of my eyes; I went alone. When I was in Zizhuyuan, I heard Buddhist music in the palace and knelt in front of the main hall to make a wish. I was so sad that I wanted to cry. In fact, this is not good, it is too fragile and easily hurt.

Teacher Bu Yun: How did you come up with the idea of ??giving away books?

Little Koala: At first, I wanted to read a book and asked a familiar friend for a book. I sent it to Moments and asked whoever wanted to send a book, please give me the title and address. All of a sudden, many people asked me for addresses and book titles, and I stocked up on nearly thirty books. Later, a few friends asked me for my address. I said, there are too many books, but thank you very much. I feel that the world of words is so warm, and I am moved by literary friends!

Teacher Bu Yun: Do you interact a lot with literary friends?

Little Koala: I have 5,000 WeChat friends, but no more than 20 of whom I interact with regularly. Recently, WeChat developed a program that allows you to check who has not interacted with us for half a year. I think 4,950 of the 5,000 people have not interacted with us for more than half a year. Many friends say that I am aloof, but in fact I really don’t have time, so please bear with me. If there is nothing else, just ask me if I have eaten or slept, and usually just smile and not type, because typing takes up too much time.

Teacher Bu Yun: What are your goals for the future?

Little Koala: No goals, live in the moment. Let me think about it, actually, there is still a goal. Read a thousand books, watch a thousand movies, write a thousand articles, and hope to have the opportunity to publish an autobiographical novel. I wanted to write 300,000 words, but I only wrote 10,000 words, so I just threw it away. In fact, I also have procrastination. I hope to be financially free one day, get rid of the embarrassing life, and do the things I like without worries.

(This article was written by Teacher Bu Yun, with slight changes. You are also welcome to follow her public account Kunming Xinyue Psychological Counseling Studio.