The classic dialogue between two and a half heroes in the first season

Judith: Charlie thinks with his lower body.

Jack asked, where is it?

Allen: Where do men have it and women don't?

Jack: Beard (beard)

Charlie: Lower it.

Jack: Beard (in a low voice)

PS: Cold jokes combined with childish words of colored children will always have unexpected gains.

The second part:

Allen's pet mouse died, and Allen was very sad.

Charlie: We can be friends again. ...

Allen: What do you mean?

Charlie: People are crying in front of me. That's all I can say. ....

Allen: Sorry. ...

PS: Some people just don't leave their jobs for three words. Charlie's work is obvious.

The third part:

Allen and Judith will formally sign the divorce agreement.

Jack is a little depressed at home.

Jack: My parents are getting divorced.

Charlie: You are very lucky. At your age, I can only dream that my parents are separated.

PS: I don't know whether I should sympathize with Charlie or spit on him.

The fourth part:

Allen is going out on a date, because it's rare. He dressed up and asked Charlie to make an evaluation. Charlie gave him a perfunctory look.

Charlie: All men want to be you, and all women want to be with you. )

Accepting Allen's request, Charlie looked at it and corrected his mistake.

Charlie: I was wrong. It should be that all men want to be with you.

PS: In the play, Allen seems to be treated as a comrade ... Charlie is not the only one, nor the only one.

The fifth part:

Charlie went bankrupt and refused his mother's help in order not to have dinner with him. At the last moment, Ross's help let him know her rich background.

Charlie: Sorry, I don't know.

Rose: You slept with me because you were drunk, not because I had money! This is what I admire about you.

PS: Conscience of heaven and earth, this is definitely not Charlie's moral integrity.

The fifth part:

Charlie: How come you never believe me!

Allen: You once told me that if I jumped off the top of the garage in a bath towel, I could fly to school.

Charlie: You once believed it!

PS: I'm no longer impressed by Charlie's low taste ... I'm impressed by Allen's IQ. You can trust this. What else can't I do?

Part 6:

Allen: I have nothing!

Charlie smiled and said, you still have me.

Allen: Go to hell!

Charlie: Then you really have nothing.

PS: Charlie, can't you pity this loser brother? Hey!

Part VII:

Charlie and Jack came back from the window together and were caught by Allen who was waiting for Jack outside the bedroom.

Allen (to Jack): Do you know how much trouble you are in?

Charlie: I don't know. Do you know how beautiful you are in the light?

Allen (embarrassed! To Charlie): I didn't tell you!

Charlie: I didn't tell you either, except for that sentence just now. I won't talk to you again.

Allen was speechless. Charlie: Why don't you go to bed?

Charlie: OK! (Grab a pillow and lie down on the spot)

Allen (to Jack): We need to talk!

Charlie suddenly looked up and said to Allen, can you have a definite idea? !

PS: Charlie, even if you don't flatter yourself, we still love you very much.

Part VIII:

Charlie is in the kitchen. Someone rang the bell and Allen answered the door.

Charlie: Who's here?

Allen: It's death.

Charlie: Hello, Mom!

PS: The power of poison mom is self-evident.

Part 9:

Allen: Mom's gone!

Charlie: Don't make me laugh.

Allen: Maybe she will leave us forever!

Charlie looked at Allen affectionately: You are too optimistic.

PS: I fainted ... that's all.

Part 10:

Charlie's anonymous: I'm going to my ex-husband's mother's funeral, and I'm going to spend a weekend there with my ex-husband. Are you jealous?

Charlie: No! How is that possible?

After a pause, Charlie changed his tone.

Charlie: Maybe a little ... I'm jealous that his mother is dead.

PS: I don't think I can afford to lie down ... Charlie, your poisonous tongue is infected by your poisonous mother. It's just that you dare not play poison in front of your mother.

The eleventh part:

Evelyn was jealous that Jack only spent the weekend with his grandmother, and urged to take Jack home. After some coaxing, Jack went to Evelyn's house and made a mess of Evelyn's expensive home by virtue of his excellent nature. Evelyn is almost crazy.

Charlie: Allen, has it ever occurred to you that he has done something that we haven't done for so many years? He swallowed her, chewed her up and spit it out. People call him Jack.

PS: Maybe that's why Charlie insisted on keeping Jack around.

Part 12:

Allen came back from the outside early in the morning and pretended to have just got up, but he couldn't help showing off to Charlie that he had sex with Katie twice.

Charlie: I found an interesting fact. You just slept with a girl born in junior high school with you. (pause)

But you were a virgin when she lost her virginity!

Allen: (trying to come up with words to defend)

Charlie: (pause again) I also found an interesting fact. She has slept with more women than you.

Allen: (Keep trying) Yes ~ (Reluctantly admit)

PS: Seeing Allen, there is nothing in life.

Part XIII:

Charlie sincerely educated Jack.

Charlie: You'd better behave yourself. If there are naked girls in the sun, you can't stare at them. (suddenly excited) You should tell Uncle Charlie first.

PS: With such an uncle, what good things can Jack produce? ... let's look forward to it together.

Part 14:

There was a time when Charlie was driven to the last straw by Allen's turtle hair temper. He's been fantasizing.

Fantasy One, Allen is whining. Charlie angrily tore off Allen's arm and slapped Allen hard.

Fantasy 2: At breakfast, Charlie kept changing knives behind his back. After Allen left, Charlie said excitedly, "It's fun to think about it."

PS: With a younger brother like Allen, why not go to jail?

Part 15:

Allen suffers from mental oppression and mild schizophrenia. He always talks to himself with a puppet that looks like him.

Puppet: He is using you.

Allen: I know ... but what can I do?

Puppet: You can kill him.

Allen: I can't.

Puppet: I can help you solve it.

PS: Stop talking about Charlie. I was scared to death.

Part 16:

Charlie had a whim and wanted to learn cooking.

Charlie: (while beating eggs): What eggs do you want, Jack?

Jack: It's in the Easter basket.

Charlie: That's scrambled eggs.

Charlie: What kind of eggs do you want, Baida?

Patek: sunny side up, please.

Charlie: (hesitates) That's scrambled eggs.

After Charlie finished eating, he gave Allen a bite.

Allen: Why does it smell like bourbon?

Charlie: The book says "Flavor according to taste".

Then I tasted it myself.

Charlie: Damn, there are too many eggs.

PS: Awkward ... This is Charlie. Even if you are scrambled eggs, you are a unique Charlie egg! Ah!

Charlie called a girlfriend and asked her out to dinner.

Charlie: I love you. Yao ~ (kissing)

Jack: Yao (imitating Charlie)

Charlie: Give that boy a slap for me, Allen.

Allen: Aren't you afraid to hit him on the head more?

Jack: (pause) Thank you for speaking for me, Dad.

Allen was speechless.

After a while.

Allen: I'm running for custody.

PS: Even when he grew up, Jack's IQ remained in the first season.