Who has a classic campus funny sketch?

Hello, happy holidays!

B: Huh? Festival? What festival? Is today your birthday? Congratulations! Congratulations! Bring a red envelope!

A: What a mess! His birthday has already passed!

Oh, it's not your birthday! So what day is it today?

No way. You don't even know what day it is.

Why should I know? Is today important?

A: Of course! This is a holiday for all of us.

Oh, I see, today is National Day!

A: Ah, it's not 1 October1day yet.

B: That's Women's Day! Let us wish all mothers in the world a happy holiday.

(singing: mom, mom, honey ...)

A: Wait, wait, wait. Wrong again!

Is that labor day?

A: (Laughter) Did the 7-day long holiday of 5. 1 make you sleepy? (touching each other's forehead)

B: Go, go, you are so stupid! Isn't today Children's Day?

A: Ah! Are you kidding? ! ! !

B: I won't fool you. How can students laugh?

A: Ah! I'm a clown?

B: Look at your figure. You are not a clown. Are you an elephant?

A: Well, well, I won't argue with you on the big holiday!

Let's wish all the students a happy holiday!

Yes, but I can't!

A: Ah! What are you up to?

B: There are activities at school during the day. What can I do without me?

A: How about the evening?

Guess what I'm doing?

A: A rare holiday. You must watch TV!

B: vulgar! Your score is too low!

Ah, your score is very high. How tall are you?

B: You're welcome. I'm only a mile tall.

A: Ah! You are a star! No respect! No respect!

It's nothing. It's just an occasional show or something It is rare to show your face on the screen! In fact, you can too!

A: Me? May I?

B: Of course! Let the vast number of young friends have a look: look at this little head, smarter than a smart rest,

Look at this little mouth. More beautiful than a flower fairy. Look at these little eyes. ...

A: Please, stop. Besides, I'm almost a Japanese!

B: She's a super beauty anyway!

A: I won't tease you! How can I be so good? I make people blush!

However, male students usually call me cherry maruko.

B: (Secretly: Is she a cherry ball? I'm still taro watermelon! )

Great! I really found the right person today. Come on, let's go to the TV station. (Pull by hand)

A: Hey, hey, don't pull me yet. I have to ask you first.

B: Is there anything else to ask? It is you! We have to hurry!

A: Your family doesn't own a TV station. Your dad is a big star. Who will let me in as a pupil?

Yo, you don't believe me, do you?

Yes, one of our students wants to be on TV, so Cecilia Cheung and Nicholas Tse have long lost their jobs? Let me guess. People won't even let me in the gate.

B: Then let's talk to the doorman's uncle!

A: Say it well? Do you want me to die in the street like a beggar: "Uncle, have pity on me, please pull, I won't live if you don't let me in!" "

That's because they are used by bad people. We don't have to be so miserable!

What should we say? We can only say, "Uncle, let's go in! We're not young, we're over 20!

B: Huh? Over 20?

A: Yes, two people together!

Do you still think he is senile?

A: Then he said, "Uncle, if you let me in, I will give you a big bottle of Wahaha." ? Drink my Wahaha,

The food is sweet. Mom, I want to-wow, ha ha!

Look at you. You are not famous yet. You advertise like a star! I'm telling you, it's not necessary!

A: Can I really get into the TV station?

B: Nonsense, to tell the truth, we are the hosts of today's "June 1st" gala!

A: Hey! We can also be hosts?

Sure, why not? My hair is longer than that of Li Yong, and my Mandarin is 100 times higher than that of Liu Yiwei. Why not?

So what will happen this year?

B: Listen to me this year.

A: Huh? Are you still the chief director?

B: that's not worth it! Last month, I wrote a letter to the TV station asking for the opinions of my classmates.

Talk about our thoughts and ideas in detail, alas! Guess what, people really adopted it!

Really?

B: They all praised me for my courage to participate, and also said that I have a sense of reform and innovative spirit. That's amazing! Small ambition is big!

A: Wow! Students, let's applaud our big star!

B: (takes a sausage out of his pocket as a microphone) Thank you, thank you! Everybody's applause! I must do better than Sister Juping!

A: Hey! It really is like that!

B: (takes a bite) Ah! It tastes great!

A: Cough, cough! Why did you eat first? Tell me about the "June 1" party!

B: The main idea is that the big studio should be decorated into a beautiful fairy tale world. There are hundreds of birds forests, colorful wooden houses, exotic flowers and grasses, glass palaces and all kinds of big building blocks, which are shining with wonderful aura and colors under the changing computer lights.

A: It's really beautiful!

B: With classic children's songs from all over the world, it's really poetic!

A: The stage must be beautiful, too, right?

B: Of course! They are all the best schemes selected from the designs of small painters in various countries, and then integrated together.

Wow! That's simply beautiful! It is easy to get lost if you are not careful!

What's on at the party?

B: Wow! That's great! Let me introduce the cast first.

A: Who's there?

B: Here is the hero chorus "Singing the Motherland" in one hundred patriotic movies, which is performed by 65,438+000 young actors.

A: Good! Carry forward the patriotic tradition and strive for the rejuvenation of China!

B: This is a large-scale song and dance program "Our Festival" performed by famous cartoon actors at home and abroad, such as the Monkey King, Snow White, Magic Pen Ma Liang, Xiao Sanmao, Flower Fairy, Huluwa, Black Cat Sheriff, Mickey Mouse, Donald Duck, Smurfs, Transformers, Doraemon and Crayon Shinchan.

A: Good! It symbolizes the world children's grand meeting!

B: There are small chorus, small ensemble, small dance, sketch, small acrobatics, small martial arts, small cross talk and small drama.

Magic, games ... Anyway, you can do anything but pee!

A: Nonsense!

B: There are also young reporters interviewing the top ten teenagers. The host invited our space hero Uncle Yang Liwei to meet with you.

Children thank parents, teachers and children artists who have worked hard day and night for our healthy growth!

A: Yes! Should, should!

B: Children's representatives from poor areas are also invited to take the stage to accept our holiday gifts and blessings.

We are hand in hand and heart in heart.

B: Young calligraphers, painters, photographers, poets and inventors perform live!

A: What a rich program!

B: Yes, the applause at the scene is definitely louder than snoring!

Who are the guests invited to the party?

B: Leaders and celebrities from all over the world are here! Even Grandpa Annan, Secretary-General of the United Nations, is here.

Unfortunately, three important people are missing.

Who's missing?

President George W. Bush of the United States.

What a big shelf this old boy has!

B: What! I was burned in the backyard by the Iraq war.

How can you come and play with us?

A: Who else is there?

B: Former Iraqi President Saddam Hussein!

His house caught fire, too?

Your house is on fire! Our old comrade-in-arms Lisa is on trial at the International Court of Justice! Besides, George W. Bush is not allowed to come!

A: Hey! What a pity! Who's the other one?

That is the famous terrorist leader-bin Laden!

A: It should be bin Laden, right?

B: It's all the same anyway.

What happened to him?

B: At present, I am hiding in a cave. If I call him, he won't even answer, and he doesn't know the address when he writes!

We really don't know how to contact him!

A: He'd better not come!

B: Why?

A: When he comes, there are only two people left in the big studio!

B: Where did everyone go?

A: At the sight of old bin Laden, he ran away!

B: Then why is there another one?

A: That's the big star!

B: Who is it?

A: Isn't the host not afraid of death?

B: Ah! It's me ! !

A: Who else is there?

B: I won't do it! I'd better run quickly!

Campus crosstalk script

Environmental protection propagandist

Have you ever read Tang poetry?

B Tang poetry? I am familiar with 300 Tang poems, and I can recite them even if I can't write them.

So, you are familiar with Tang poetry?

B I'm not familiar with it. I only recited three or nine songs.

A can recite 39 songs, which is quite a lot.

B Not 39 songs, but 3 songs with 9 songs.

A 3927 is still quite a lot.

Write three 9s in a row.

A 999? Then I have to learn from you.

B too modest! How much can you recite?

A is not much. 1 ...

B 1？

One plus three zeros.

B 1000 songs? One more song than me, then you are my "poetry brother"!

A: We are the same owner!

B, this unnecessary song ...

A read it to you?

Brother B, please!

In spring, the willows are green, the peach blossoms are red everywhere in the sunshine, the lotus flowers are brilliant in summer, and the winter snow is cold.

I really don't know this poem. Who wrote it?

This is a poem by the great poet Li Bai praising the environment.

Li Bai never wrote such a poem.

A song that Li Bai didn't write ... that's X white.

B x white?

Bai's grandson.

What is the surname of Li Bai's grandson?

A can't be a grandson, can she?

Does grandchild b count Who's that X-white?

A what's my last name?

B, your last name is x!

A isn't it, X white!

Are you Li Bai's grandson? Why did you sell all your ancestors? What's more, your name is not X?

What does Li Bai like?

B likes drinking.

A what kind of wine do you drink?

Oh, this must be studied!

A I have studied it for a long time.

What kind of wine does he like to drink?

Li Bai likes brandy.

He likes brandy?

A I like brandy, too, so it's X white!

B will really "live in vain" and it is "white" enough! Why did you write this poem?

A express feelings!

Who are you in love with again?

What happens when a person lives in a beautiful environment?

B is in a good mood and full of poetry.

What is it like to study in a beautiful place?

B learn fast, remember to stay in prison!

What if A falls in love in a beautiful environment?

B Then I like it!

What's the point of love when A is dead?

Are you really in love again?

A don't wear the word "you", it's just love!

B You have a wife in love, so don't take the word "you"!

How did wife A come?

B lied to me ...

Alas!

B robbed?

A is worse.

How did B come from?

A love!

B You must be in a beautiful environment when you are in love!

At that time, we were among the flowers and under the shadow of Liu. ...

B not in the cornfield?

A Unfortunately, there is no such beautiful environment now.

Why did B leave?

A was destroyed by people like you.

B People like me? Destroy the environment?

What floor does your family live on?

Second floor.

Why do people on the first floor fight with you?

B unreasonable! Didn't I just spit a few mouthfuls from the window and balcony and throw a little peel and garbage?

Isn't that evil? If I were you, I would fight you, too.

B Sometimes I take it off.

A a few meters away from the trash can, you start throwing it. Can this hold it down?

B practice shooting!

A junk shot? Plastic bags, toilet paper, smelly internal organs and rotten fish heads are all over the floor.

B missed!

A gets up early in the morning, and the dog takes you everywhere to shit and pee … ..

Dog B takes me?

A dog runs ahead and you follow, instead of the dog leading you?

B take me to shit and pee. The house stinks.

A grass planted by an environmentalist, a flower planted, you lead your precious son to sit on the grass and fold flowers to catch butterflies.

B Nonsense, can you catch butterflies while sitting? I found him running.

A: Stop blaming yourself! You destroy the environment like this. ...

B this is called destroying the environment? make a fuss over/about a trifle

An environment will retaliate against you.

The environment is dead and I am alive. How can I get back at the living if I die?

A: You came back from shopping and fell down before you entered the house.

B I walked well. How could I fall?

A stepped in shit!

B it's only my carelessness that I didn't see it.

A got up and saw that the tomatoes rolled into the dirty water coming out of the sewer.

My meat ...

A is full of smelly scum.

My fish ...

Nail scales are all white.

B It's not a fish, it's a loach.

The scales on the loach are all white, layer by layer.

B Does the loach have scales?

A piece of shit paper.

My clothes ...

Touch it, yo, smelly shit.

B (Smelling clothes)

What is A doing?

B I have to smell it and see if it is my "little white".

Well, it's still a small environment. If it is a big environment, revenge will be very heavy!

B how good is it?

As soon as you open the door, ah ...

B what's wrong?

A smell of smoke comes at you. You go out, yo ...

B what's wrong?

A piece of rotten paper, sewage, garbage, feces and feet are all involved.

B I walk on tiptoe.

The food, vegetables and meat purchased by Party A have diarrhea after eating. ...

B is poisoned!

The water you drink is also poisonous. ...

B, let me put it all on the witness stand? Oh, I see. There are too many people in the city, which is easy to pollute. I live in the countryside!

What do you understand? People like you live in the country.

B what's wrong?

Jiashan is a mountain with a sudden light, and the land is white. The sewage from the factory flows into the river, and there is not even a fish scale and shrimp skin. When it rains, mountain torrents erupt, and as soon as the sun comes out, the land cracks.

Well, I caught a big fish this time.

What big fish?

Slander our socialism is a "miserable world". Isn't it a big fish that spreads such counter-revolutionary remarks? A large yellow croaker.

A (to the audience) People like him don't do good or bad things, they just want to trick people!

B is this revenge from the environment?

There is a London in England.

Britain is the capital of London.

Answer?

London is the capital of England.

A One year, there was a smog in London, and more than 4,000 people died in five days.

Make SARS!

Ketone, sulfur dioxide and sulfur trioxide.

What are sulfur dioxide and sulfur trioxide?

A is the gas released by burning coal in factories and households.

B gas, nothing. It ran away as soon as the wind blew.

There is no wind.

There is no wind, so everyone is waiting there!

A is waiting to hurt people. Thirty years ago, a strange disease happened in a place called Minamata Town in Japan.

B what strange disease?

Minamata disease

B Minamata disease? How strange is it?

Thousands of people, one after another, slurred speech, walked unsteadily, suffered from facial dementia, deafness and blindness, became numb all over, and finally became insane, even cats went crazy and committed suicide by jumping into the sea.

Cat b doesn't want to live. This disease is a bit strange! What is that?

Methyl mercury poisoning!

Mercury poisoning?

Methyl mercury is mercury. This factory discharges wastewater containing mercury compounds into the sea, and all the fish in the sea are poisoned.

B it's a bit strange that fish poisoning people get sick and cats commit suicide!

People and cats eat fish!

B will you be poisoned if you eat poisonous fish?

A don't believe me, why don't you try?

B I ... I dare not. I'm afraid I'm not even as good as a cat I can't even kill myself.

A: This is only polluting the environment, which is even more damaging.

B and people who specialize in destroying the environment?

A Do you know the importance of forests and vegetation to ecological balance?

B know! Forests and vegetation are too important for ecological balance! What is ecological balance?

A don't know?

B I don't know anything

Ecological balance is a reasonable relationship between various organisms, between organisms and between organisms and the environment in nature.

B reasonable relationship?

A: For example ...

Like what?

You are a herbivore.

Does B I eat grass?

A is not a metaphor!

B Yes, yes, I am a herbivore.

A Eat your jackal, tiger, leopard and lion. They are all carnivores.

So what?

There are countless grasses on the grassland.

B sure!

A few grasses can only feed a few animals like you.

Animals like me can only feed a few carnivores.

A Yes, it's a reasonable relationship.

What about unreasonable relationships?

For example, if there are more carnivores, you will have fewer such animals and more grass.

B: Of course.

A: That's unreasonable!

B of course it's unreasonable. How can I not be such an animal?

A But it won't last long. Can carnivores survive without you?

B will starve to death in large numbers;

But there is too much grass, and there will be more animals like you.

B I have many such animals, and carnivores can breed offspring.

A is right! This is the way nature keeps a reasonable relationship. This is the ecological balance.

B this is the ecological balance! I thought life was too balanced, and it took several people to get rich first before they could get rich together!

Forests and vegetation are called the "lungs" of the earth. People's lungs inhale oxygen and exhale carbon dioxide, while the earth's lungs inhale carbon dioxide and exhale oxygen.

B is that right? Ecological balance!

Forests and vegetation can also prevent water, drought, wind and sand.

B I know this.

A knows? Good to know.

B don't know?

A don't know ... I don't care. Now many people are destroying forests and vegetation.

Who?

A man who wants to get rich!

How can people who want to get rich destroy it?

For example, licorice is produced in the northwest, and people who want to get rich dig licorice, digging it like a well and digging the land into pieces.

That's sabotage!

Inner Mongolia prairie produces a kind of Nostoc flagelliforme, and people who want to get rich dig Nostoc flagelliforme. The sky is grey and the grass is vast, and once the rich army passes, it is like the Japanese devils engaging in three lights.

B what's wrong?

The grass was turned out and dried, and the soil was dry. There is a sandstorm when the wind blows!

Grassland b has become a desert!

Trees and forests are also affected.

They were also turned out and got sunburned.

A isn't it? Reclaiming land, building houses, repairing villas, building cemeteries, making furniture, making paper and making disposable chopsticks. ...

B Isn't that economic development?

Bullshit, that's economic development!

B developed the fart, but it was well developed.

A the lungs of the earth are destroyed, the land is desertification, drought and flood disasters continue, soil erosion, grain production reduction, animal extinction and animal starvation.

Person b will be ecologically balanced!

Do you think the environment should be protected?

B should!

A Should it be destroyed?

B should! Oh, no!

A how to protect it?

B I don't know.

Control pollution, stop destruction and stop population growth.

B stop the population?

A control population.

How to control pollution b?

First, the "three wastes" should be treated first.

What are the three wastes?

Waste residue, waste water and waste gas in production and life.

Treating the three wastes means that there can be no waste residue, waste water and waste gas?

Answer!

This means that no one is allowed to shit, pee or fart.

A who won't let you pull, spread and release? But you have to find the right place!

Is b the right place? Sit on the toilet, take off your pants and fart.

A is a fool!

B also won't let the factory produce.

A whoever doesn't let the factory produce will not smoke, detoxify or discharge pollutants.

B Stop bragging, can you do it?

A will not reform the production process and implement closed-circuit water circulation?

Closed circulation of water? Oh, you peed, you drank, then you peed, then you drank. Closed loop!

A, show me if you pee. Come on!

This closed loop is ...

A turn the sewage into clean water for reuse after treatment.

B can't close the road?

A can't close the road? It must be strictly treated before it can be discharged.

What about waste residue B?

A also handles it!

Oh, thirty cents a catty,

Are you a junk collector? Integrated management!

B what is integrated management?

The waste of this factory happens to be the raw material of that factory, so these factories will be built together and one will eat the other.

B Just like pond culture, grass carp, silver carp and carp are raised together, carp eats silver carp excrement, silver carp eats grass carp excrement, and grass carp eats grass. This is the ecological balance!

Ecological farms can also be built in rural areas.

What is an ecological farm?

A. Crops, farms, fish ponds, feed mills, sludge treatment ponds, biogas plants and processing plants for agricultural and livestock products are built together to form an ecosystem.

Eco-cities, eco-factories and eco-villages have all been closed. ...

Answer?

B it's all ecological. Why should we control the population when the environment is good?

Who is polluting the environment?

B is human!

Who is destroying the environment?

B is human!

Who will eat people in the future?

B is a person.

Answer?

B is the environment!

The more people there are, the heavier the pollution and damage to the environment will be, and the environment will eat people.

B that's right!

A Let me ask you, what is the world population of 1987?

B it seems to be 5 billion.

At that time, the population growth rate was 2% per year.

B Birth and death cancel each other out, with an increase of 2 per 100 population every year.

People born in A were born 20 years later.

B Yes, I just want to have grandchildren.

A wants to have grandchildren! Born like that, 600 years later ...

B what's wrong?

How many people are there on the earth?

B 600 years? There is a10-2 billion.

One, twenty billion?

B how much is it?

A 120 trillion.

B 120 trillion?

You sit on the plane and look down. ...

B what did you see?

The city is gone, the countryside is gone, the mountains are gone, and the river is gone. ...

Where is b?

A is full of people!

B The earth is an adult ball. Can it be ecological?

That's also ecological.

B how is ecology?

One by one, starving. You mean, no population control?

B can you control it? There are many people like Huang Hong and Song Dandan.

Who are they?

B Super Guerrilla.

A: Yes, the poorer, the poorer. You only care for yourself, regardless of your children and grandchildren. You are short-sighted and do harm to others and yourself. Correct it quickly and get rich. Protect the environment, don't underestimate it, start from me, practice it, be consistent from top to bottom, and be United by the government and the people. If there is a ban, it must be stopped, and if there is an order, it must be done. There are flowers and grass, clear water and beautiful mountains, abundant sunshine, fresh air, comfortable mood, long life and no disease, good environment, and rich countries and people.

B Ah, I can see that.

What does A see?

You are not a crosstalk performer.

What is a?

B from the united nations.

A spy?

B environmental propagandist!

I am flattered.