Children are afraid to behave in school? Actually, there is a "spotlight effect". How should parents guide?

Teacher Zhao goes to school to have a parent-teacher conference. The class teacher said that his children are a little introverted, and they are very timid when they usually call to answer questions. Besides, there are not many friends at school. The head teacher often tries to engage in some group activities to increase Xiao Zhao's social opportunities, but he is always a little transparent and quiet in the group.

The head teacher was worried that he had social phobia, so he specifically told Mr. Zhao about it. Teacher Zhao was also worried after hearing the words of the head teacher.

After returning home, he talked to his son Xiao Zhao and asked, "Son, why don't you dare to behave in school and make friends?" Xiao Zhao thought for a moment and said, "I don't think I can do it well by myself. If the teacher calls my name to answer the question, others will definitely look at me and wait for me to answer the wrong question. "

It turned out that once my son answered the wrong question, several students said behind his back that he had answered it wrong. Xiao Zhao was very embarrassed. From then on, he was afraid that the teacher would answer the questions himself. After listening to this, Teacher Zhao said to the child seriously: "Son, you don't have to worry about this. Others won't stare at you all the time. Just be yourself." Xiao Zhao also nodded.

Parents should have encountered such a situation as Mr. Zhao. Children are afraid to express themselves at school and engage in social activities. Many parents worry about whether their children have social phobia or encounter other problems.

Children are afraid to behave in school? In fact, there is a "spotlight effect"

Dare not show it in school, for fear of embarrassment; Afraid of socializing, afraid that others will hate themselves. This happens to children because they have a "spotlight effect".

"spotlight effect" means that people overestimate the people around them and pay attention to their appearance and behavior. The Spotlight effect means that people tend to regard themselves as the center of the people around them and intuitively overestimate the attention of others. "spotlight effect" is also called social spotlight effect.

For example, if a person accidentally spills a drink at a dinner party, he will feel embarrassed. He thinks that everyone around him will read his jokes and think that he is a failure, but not many people actually notice it. Nevertheless, this person's next every move will become cautious, for fear of embarrassing situation again.

When children have a "spotlight effect", they will feel that they have been observed by people around them, and others' attention has always been on themselves. At this time, children will feel great psychological pressure and even feel timid about expressing themselves in public. Slowly, I became afraid to participate in social activities, or look back and forth when socializing, for fear that others would not like me.

The negative influence of spotlight effect on children;

(1) makes children afraid of socializing.

If children have the spotlight effect, they will feel that their every move is being "watched" by others, and then they will have many associations, such as why others pay so much attention to themselves, and then guess if there is anything wrong with them. After a long time, children will instinctively become afraid of socializing.

2 make children feel inferior.

As mentioned above, children with spotlight effect will feel that they have been concerned by the crowd, especially those who were embarrassed before, and are more likely to fall into spotlight effect. Fear of failure, fear of making mistakes and fear of showing yourself are typical feelings of inferiority. If this happens for a long time, it will have a great impact on children's physical and mental health.

3 let children become introverted.

Under the spotlight effect, children are reluctant to meet strangers and make friends with others because of social fear. Children are unwilling to take the first step to make friends with others and become very introverted. Introverted children are easy to be isolated at school, and when they leave society, children without social skills are not easy to adapt.

If the child has a "spotlight effect", parents should guide and guide the child in three steps!

① Listen to the child first.

Parents should first learn to listen to their children, so as to understand the depression in their hearts. Secondly, parents can set an example and teach their children to listen.

Psychologists' research shows that listening accounts for 40%, language expression accounts for 30%, reading accounts for 16% and writing accounts for 6%. So a person's listening ability directly affects his social skills. When children learn to listen, they tend to be more popular with people around them, thus weakening the influence of "spotlight effect".

Parents are willing to listen to their children, give them a place to vent their negative emotions, and help them reduce their fear of performance and socialization.

2 encourage children to try.

Alfred, a famous psychologist, said: "In the process of raising children, encouraging praise is more important than anything else." Parents' encouragement can bring great positive effects to children.

Therefore, parents should encourage their children to try and express their thoughts and feelings boldly and clearly; For example, encouraging children to actively answer teachers' questions in class can exercise their courage even if they may not be completely correct. The more times you try, the less willing children are to answer questions in public. This is a good start and can help children overcome the "spotlight effect" slowly.

(3) guide children out of the first step.

First of all, parents should tell their children not to care about the opinions of people around them. Others don't have so much energy and time to pay attention to themselves. Then try to guide the child out of the first step.

For example, you can usually take your children to parks, children's playgrounds and other places near your home to encourage them to take the initiative to meet friends and take the first step. If children can summon up the courage to take the first step, it will be a great breakthrough for them. With the experience of active socialization, children will not be afraid to socialize because of the "spotlight effect" when they meet social occasions again.

skill

In the process of growing up, children will encounter many problems, especially psychological problems. For children with immature minds, some psychological problems will affect their physical and mental health development and the formation of personality and values. Therefore, parents should care more about their children and know more about their psychology, so as to better educate their children, guide them and help them grow up.