No fun, tell me some jokes!

1. If the bowl falls, there will be a big scar 2. At a literary evening, the host came to the stage to announce: Please enjoy: Xinjiang singing and dancing, lift your skull! Creepy! ! ! ! ! 3. If a tiger doesn't send a cat, you think I'm critically ill! 4. When I was in high school, the classroom discipline was chaotic. The teacher grabbed XXX in anger and said: XXX, stand on the wall! ￣￣The whole class is freezing! 5. One time I was driving, and the female colleague sitting next to me suddenly asked: "Why are you driving without a condom?" 6. Me: That’s our physics teacher. . . Classmate: What do you teach? Me: Chemistry. . . 7. In the Internet cafe, a classmate suddenly raised his hand and shouted: "Teacher!" 8. A guy in our dormitory had to pee after drinking too much, and then he made a cold remark: If you drink too much pee, you will have too much alcohol. 9. Buy oranges. Boss: One yuan and five pounds. Me: It’s too expensive. It costs five yuan for three pounds. Boss: No, no. 10. A friend asked me about the computer configuration, and I said the monitor was a color screen (I originally meant to say LCD). 11. Junior high school art evening, quiz session. The female host: "Please be careful, don't rush in too quickly. Wait until I finish speaking before raising your hands." Then she started reading the question and said, "Now..." At this time, a contestant jumped in to answer. The host said, "This classmate is a little too anxious. I am still saying 'Shi (Shit)' in my mouth, why did you snatch it away?" 12. I heard a girl shouting in the cafeteria, "Give me a bowl of viper￣!" 13. When I was in school, one day my classmate answered the phone and handed it to me and said: "Your mother ＊＊" I picked up the phone and casually said: "Male or female?" Everyone laughed wildly and I was laughed at for 4 years. . 14. A high school classmate of my classmate (a boy) walked into the noodle shop and tossed his hair coolly: "Boss, I don't want rice noodles for 2 liang of green onions!" After that, he added: "Please order more rice noodles!" Boss: "... What on earth are you doing? Do you want rice noodles or green onions?" 15. One time, the mother of a classmate in the dormitory called me. I was used to saying "He's not here", but this time what I wanted to say was "He's gone out." The result was: "He's... gone." 16. gg handed me a piece of ice cream, I took a bite and shouted: "It burned me to death!" 17. I went to Li Ning to buy shoes with my sister. My sister said, "Miss, how much do these shoes cost per pound?" 18. Once I patted the belly of my dormitory classmate, she said loudly: "Don't pat, there is pee in my stomach." 19. Everyone in high school is issued a name badge. . Before a check-up, the head teacher ran to the classroom and shouted loudly, everyone, please put on your bras quickly and come for a check-up. . The whole place was silent. . . 20. When I was in school, I went home on the weekend. I got addicted to cigarettes after dinner, so I planned to use it as an excuse to go for a walk. When I was changing my shoes at the door, my father asked me why I was going there. I casually said: "Go and smoke!" As a result, my father found a pack of 555 from me and beat me severely. twenty one. Once the leaders of the Education Bureau inspected recess exercises. After the end, the physical education teacher was supposed to announce the "disbandment", but in a moment of urgency, he forgot the words, held it in for a long time, and shouted: "Retreat!" 22. There was a teacher in high school whose surname was Jiang, who looked exactly like Luo Jiaying (who played Tang Monk in Journey to the West). I went to ask him a question and blurted out: "Teacher Tang, this question..." 24. There was a teacher who stayed up all night playing mahjong. When he saw that the blackboard was not wiped, he was furious: "Who is playing banker today? The blackboard was not wiped!" 25. One time, my uncle saw my sister-in-law applying Dabao and suddenly shouted: "Your skin is so good, why do you still use Hushubao?" 26. The teacher left homework, and I didn’t know how to do it, so I copied other people’s homework. Then I went to the office to hand in my homework. When I saw the teacher, I said, “I’ve finished copying!” 27. Once, we went to Huangshan for a trip, and the tour guide happened to introduce: The Hundred-step Ladder was the scenic spot in Liu Xiaoqing's "Little Flower". Suddenly a man in our group blurted out: "Director..." Everyone was stunned. 28. That time some female classmates came to my house to play. I went to get some water. They turned on the DVD player to watch a movie. I heard it in the back room and it was in Cantonese. Then I shouted to turn down the sound. The sound was wrong and I was speechless. Yan, my face turned rainbow and purple~~I almost fainted~~ 29. When I was in high school, I went home with my girlfriend after school. I saw a barbecue vendor at the school gate. My girlfriend said she wanted to eat beef offal. Because there were many people in front of the grill, I was afraid that the boss wouldn’t hear, so I shouted loudly: “Boss, 5 skewers of bullwhip” and then there was silence, and three seconds later everyone burst into laughter. Very embarrassing. . .

The most embarrassing thing was that MM then asked me, "What is a bullwhip?" I had to answer MM very, very quietly: "A bullwhip is the tail of an ox." 30. I had an argument with my sister on the phone, and she turned up the TV volume very loudly. I was upset, so I shouted loudly: "Turn off the phone!" Now that I think about it, it's so cold! 31. In the morning, I went to have breakfast with my classmates. One of them only ate the fillings of the buns, and the other only ate the skins. When we were talking about the waste of the two of them, the classmate who ate the stuffing said, "Okay, you can eat my foreskin from now on." All the porridge drinkers present sprayed out. 32. To tell the truth, on the factory bus at work, MM asked me: My computer is not working anymore and it keeps dying. I said: Then go back and check for viruses, and remember to upgrade your anti-virus software. MM: Oh. Early the next morning, I saw MM again in the car, and I casually asked: Have you checked? how? Then. . . . . . . . . MM said loudly: I was so angry. After checking for a long time, I was told that there was no syphilis. What do you think we should do? It was so cold at that time. . . . It’s still fresh in my memory. 34. Someone came to my aunt's house as a guest before, and they just walked in. It happened that my aunt had to go to the toilet. She quickly greeted the guests and said, "Sit down, sit down, I'll go to the toilet and pour you some tea!" 35. We used to have a political economics teacher who really liked to talk! I once talked about the strength of the U.S. dollar. He said, “Do you know why only the U.S. dollar is called ‘US dollar’, but you have never heard of them being called ‘English gold’ or ‘French gold’?” 36. During military training in college, the instructor yelled: Use your peripheral vision (peripheral vision) to align ￣￣￣￣Oops, you want to laugh but don’t dare to laugh, that’s sad. . . . 37. A female classmate and her cousin invited me to dinner and asked me to eat more during the meal. I don't know how I could make the following mistake: "Thank you, I haven't had any sexual desire lately, please eat more!" Everyone was irritated at that time. . 38. Our unit has a bus to pick up and drop off work in the morning. Because the bus is not big, one time, after getting on the bus, there was no seat. A male colleague sitting next to me quickly stood up and greeted her enthusiastically: "So-and-so, you sit with me." Get on your butt!” I laughed until I got off the car! 39. I used to be obsessed with online games and would often kill people secretly in Internet cafes. After the semester, I went home with a group of buddies. The train was about to leave, but we hadn't found the platform yet. We said in a hurry: "MD, what's going on here?" There’s not even a coordinate (actually you need to look for a sign) ￣” My friend burst into laughter after hearing this ￣￣ 40. When I lived on campus, we had bunk beds. Once mobile phone A needs to be charged. But there is only one socket for each bed, and it cannot be charged when a lamp is plugged in for reading, so A plugs the charger into B. B wanted to listen to music at night and saw A's charger and shouted: "Hey, why do you keep plugging me in? Why don't you plug me in?" After that, there was a commotion, sweating 41. When I was in college, a classmate and I were arguing about an issue. We were at a disadvantage for a moment. In desperation, he slammed the table and stood up and shouted: You are talking nonsense, I am not stupid! 42. One of my buddies went on a blind date. When we came back, everyone asked how he was doing. The buddies said: This girl is really rough. At lunch time, two people entered a beef ramen restaurant. The girl said loudly to the chef: Hey, the chef who served 2 bowls of ￣￣￣ ramen said: Do you want to eat? I poop when I eat. 43. When I was a kid, people selling popsicles and ice cream usually pushed bicycles to sell them. Once, I heard an aunt shouting in the house: "The new ice cream is hot." (I guess my aunt used to sell fried cakes and fried dough sticks) 44. My roommate boiled water with a hot pot, but after the water boiled, the man was reading leisurely and not moving. He couldn't stand it any longer, so he said, "Is it time to pull it out? He was screaming so loudly..." No response. Fifteen seconds later, he added: "It's very hot in there. It's easy to break the plug if you leave it plugged in like this..." No movement. After half a minute, the water boiled completely and splashed. "What, it's ejaculated. A lot of things are squirting out, and the screams are getting louder and louder. I'm afraid I'll break it if I insert it again... Are you sure you don't want to pull out?" . . A thick book flew towards my head! ! ! ￣45. When we were in our third year of high school, our class teacher taught mathematics. . . When he was reviewing for us, whenever he was drawing pictures or drawing rays, he would say loudly, "Students, look at it, I'll shoot it" 46. When I was in college, I went to Hengshan. I was half way up the mountain. I was tired and was about to take a break. When I saw Obasan buying souvenirs on the roadside, I went up and asked: "My wife..." ”47.

During self-study, everyone was watching the review. GG said to MM: "I just memorized the words, help me write them silently." MM didn't want to be silent, so GG begged her, please (touch) silence me, (touch) me. ! ! As a result, MM couldn't bear it anymore and shouted, "Teacher, look, I don't want to (touch) him silently, but he insists that I (touch) silently￣￣￣!" ! ! 48. One day, I went to a classmate's house for dinner and drank some wine. Her father suddenly came in. He originally wanted to call her uncle, but he made the mistake of saying, "Dad, come and have a seat!" ￣￣Han! A lot of classmates laughed to death. 49. My colleague was arguing with someone, and he said in a hurry: "Do you think I grew up eating?" I have always wondered what he grew up eating. 51. Once at a ktv, when I asked for a song, a girl shouted loudly: Please order me a song called "Double Jay Chou" by Zhou Jiegun. . . . . .

Hope to adopt