Classic black humor jokes

1, five dollars was * * * by a criminal gang, so I called the hundred-dollar bill and said, "Hey! Your son is here. If you don't want us to kill the ticket, you can exchange yourself for him! " The hundred-dollar bill thought for a moment and said, "tear it up, you don't even have five dollars!" " "

2. The earthworm family was bored this day, so the little earthworm cut himself in two and played badminton. Mother earthworm thinks this method is good, so she cuts herself into four sections and plays mahjong. Father earthworm thought about it and cut himself into minced meat. Mother earthworm cried and said, "Why are you so stupid?" You will die if you cut so hard! Father earthworm said weakly. ... I suddenly want to play football. "

4. A race between the tortoise and the hare ... The hare quickly ran to the front ... The tortoise saw a snail crawling slowly ... and said to him: Come up, I'll carry you ... Then ... the snail climbed up ... Soon ... The tortoise saw an ant again and said to him: Come up, too. When the ant appeared ... he saw the snail on it ... and said to him, Hello! Do you know what the snail said? Snail said: hurry up, this turtle is so fast. .......

5. A man and a woman are eating. Girls keep asking boys: Do you love me? The boy glanced at the girl and went on eating dinner. The girl was very angry and asked, Do you love me or not? The boy finally said: love! The girl asked again, then how do you prove it? Suddenly, the boy took out thirty dollars from his pocket and asked the girl, do you have ten dollars? The girl gave the boy ten yuan ... and the boy put forty yuan on the table. Soon ... the girl was very angry and asked the boy, Do you want to prove that you love me? The boy said: I have been proved! Forty is just around the corner!

One day, a family caught fire, and both parents escaped, leaving only one son inside. Mother shouted nervously outside the house: "Son ... what are you doing ... you won't come out after the fire ..." Son replied: "I'm wearing socks ..." Mother said: "What socks did you wear after the fire?" Five minutes later, my son hasn't come out yet ... The mother shouted nervously, "Son! Come out ~ it's on fire, stay inside … "The son said," I'm taking off my socks … "

7. When a man went fishing by the river, he first wore a leaf ~ no fish took the bait for a long time, and then he changed a piece of bread ~ no fish took the bait for the same long time ~ no choice but to change earthworms ~ no fish took the bait for the same long time ~ ~

In a fit of pique, he took out a hundred yuan stir-fry and threw it into the water to scold:

"He *, what to eat! Buy it yourself! "