Funny quotations and sentences that ridicule life

Funny quotations and sentences that ridicule life

1, I used to be young and energetic, but now my youth is gone, and I am so energetic.

2, there are no fat people in the world, only when there are many thin people can there be fat people!

I often wake up from my dreams, because I had a hungry dream, a hungry dream.

I am afraid of three things in my life, the first is death, the second is illness, and the third is death.

5, three points are doomed, seven points depend on hard work, and ninety points are at the teacher's place.

6. Never argue with the same fool, because in the end, you will never know who the fool is.

7. Eating food is like a train. To sum up, just eat, eat, eat.

8. Every time I see a couple, I will sing the song "Happy Break-up, I wish you happiness".

9. Teacher: "Daxiong, the teacher gave you yuan, and then you borrowed yuan from Pang Hu, so how much money do you have in total?" Nobita: "Yuan." Teacher: "You don't know math at all!" " Nobita: "You don't know anything about Pang Hu! "

10, a woman in the new era, went to the hall, climbed over the fence, fought for a mistress, and beat a hooligan, but she couldn't get out of the kitchen.

1 1, if you don't want to answer my phone, just say so. Don't always let others move around to help you tell me you're sorry.

12, heartless, can live a hundred years, have a clear conscience, not tired.

13, I don't know music, so sometimes it's unreliable and sometimes it's out of tune.

14, I took your promise to feed the dog last night and found the dog dead the next morning.

15. There was an activity in a shopping mall yesterday. I heard there was a song by BiBi Zhou, so I went there. I didn't know there was a man named Zhou Bi until I got there.

16, I believe you are not difficult. You go to heaven first, and I'll watch!

17, I counted my fingers and found that I was missing in your life.

18, I just saw a girl in Weibo who said she really wanted to see Zhao Zhongxiang. I replied "After the rainy season", and the girl quickly replied "Animals are going to mate again".

19. In this fickle age, the best way to make people forget you is to owe money.

20, people don't commit me, I don't commit crimes; If people offend me, comity three points; If people force me again, I'll give you an injection; People still attack me and kill the grass.

2 1. In order to increase nutrition for my daughter, I cooked roast chicken wings in the oven. When my daughter came back, I took the chicken wings out of the oven and found something wrong with the color. Obviously not cooked, I said to myself, "Alas, it's not cooked well this time." My daughter standing by whispered to me, "Mom, it doesn't matter. I didn't do well this time. "

22. Fart is the unyielding soul of the food you eat.

23. Why have I never seen a ribbon float when I eat Dove? Why can't I see a big piece of beef when I eat Master Kong?

24. It's not that I don't want to be a lady, it's that life has turned my mother into a bitch.

25. When I was particularly sleepy, my moral standards didn't wake up. Teachers should be careful.

26. Don't say that the wolf didn't eat mutton in 2008. Cats and mice have stopped eating mice since 2008.

27. I always feel that a bed that is too neatly paved will mean a little peace in my old age. Well, it's still messy and energetic.

28. Being in a daze, doing well is called profound. If you can't do it well, you are likely to fall asleep.

29. You play with others in front of me, and I watch quietly like a stranger.

30, junior high school art evening, answering session. Hostess: "Attention, everyone, don't grab it too fast." When I'm finished, I'll start raising my hand! Then he began to look at the topic and said, "Let's start now ..." At this moment, a player scrambled to answer. The host said: "This classmate is a little too anxious. I "started" (shit) is still in my mouth, how can you rob ... "

3 1, shopping with a great god, found the difference of 50 cents at the bus stop, and then saw a beggar next to him. The goods took the money and said, "Anyway, you are here every day. Lend me your hair first and pay you back tomorrow."

32, the teacher said not to eat or drink before the physical examination, and the last row came out silently. Can the teacher swallow saliva? ...

My mother told me not to be an irresponsible person, so I have always been an idiot.

Don't cry there every time you are sad, crying won't solve the problem-you have to die.

Today's love is like two people drinking, I propose a toast and you are free.

36. What do you think is the most hurtful sentence for fat people? How many months? Can you cross your legs? Someone gave you socks. . .

37. Rome was not built in a day, and the three layers of the lower abdomen were not built in a day. .

38. If you treat your wife badly, don't blame others for treating your wife well.

39, in fact, the rainbow is the' Baba' of white clouds! ! !

40. A man's promises are like an old lady's teeth, few of which are true.

University is a place with strong academic atmosphere. When there is no class, we collapse on the bed like Zhang Haidi, and when there is class, we collapse on the chair like Hawking. . . .

42. For men, women are sheep and careers are grass. If the grass is well planted, it is good for the sheep, but if the grass is not well planted, it is only a matter of time before the sheep eat the grass planted by others.

43. Modern women have three obedience and four obedience: three obedience, never gentleness, never thoughtfulness and never reason; Fourth, say no, fight no, scold no, and provoke no.

44. The wife is a periodical. If you choose her, you have to pay. Ernai is a novel, and it is very tiring to read it from beginning to end; Xiaomi is a prose poem, which is meaningful and long; Miss is a cartoon, which is readable by everyone and cheap!

45. There are two kinds of creatures in the world who can lie on the glass, one is the gecko and the other is the class teacher.

46. Past love has been formatted; Love now, this page cannot be displayed or temporarily unavailable; Future love, memory is seriously insufficient, please close some programs and try again.

47. After breaking up, I shook my head smartly and threw away my wig. ...

48. Going to eat Italian pizza for the first time. I didn't know what to eat, so I ordered a set meal of RMB and Canadian dollars and asked for a cheese. After dinner, I found something missing. I thought there was a piece of cheese missing, so I shouted, "Waiter, why hasn't my cheese been served yet?" I ate it all. Should I let others eat it? Waiter: Sir, your cheese has been poured on your pizza. Me: Nothing, you go and get busy!

49. Every dormitory has one who grinds his teeth, one who talks in his sleep, one who snores and one who sleeps late.

I can resist anything but money and beautiful women.

5 1, I think it is good to make a phone call, so everything I say is valuable.

52. Last Singles' Day, a bachelor ate hot pot together. I swear: "I will leave you next year!" " "As a result, I did it, and now I am the only one left.

53. You talk to him about civilization, and he gives you barbarism; You reason with him, and he plays rascal with you.

54. On rainy days, treat beautiful women to hot pot. My nearsighted lenses were foggy after I entered the store, so I took them off. I vaguely saw a mop head on the ground. In order to show my high quality in front of beautiful women, I stamped my feet on the mop with muddy soles. That's not a mop, it's a long-haired dog on the ground! Brother ran 100 meter and was chased by that dog for half a street!

55. You don't need many good friends. Two is enough. Someone is willing to lend you money. He asks you for a debt, and the other party is willing to kill him. If anyone bullies me, I will carve his name on the wood and light two white candles. ...

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