Who can tell me some jokes that can make me laugh?

1, the bowl fell off, and it was a big scar. 2. At a literary evening, the host came to the stage and announced: Please enjoy the following: Xinjiang song and dance, lift your skull! Creepy! ! ! ! ! 3, the tiger does not send a cat, you think I am critically ill! When I was in high school, the classroom discipline was very chaotic. In a rage, the teacher picked up XXX and said, XXX, stand on the wall for me! ~ ~ The whole class is cold! When I was driving, the female colleague sitting next to me suddenly asked, "Why don't you wear a condom when driving?" Me: That's our physics teacher. . . Classmate: What do you teach? Me: Chemistry. . . 7. In the Internet cafe, a classmate suddenly raised his hand and shouted, "Teacher!" 8. One person in our dormitory drank too much urine and then came up with a cold sentence: if you drink too much wine, you will get more. 9. Buy oranges, boss: one yuan and five Jin. Me: It's too expensive, five yuan and three Jin. Boss: No, 10, my friend asked me about the computer configuration, and I said that the monitor is a color screen. (I originally wanted to say LCD) 1 1, junior high school art evening, grab the answering session. Hostess: "Attention, everyone, don't grab it too fast." When I finished, I began to raise my hand. "Then I began to look at the topic and said," Now. . 。” At this time, a player scrambled to answer. The host said: "This classmate is a little too anxious. I'm still in my mouth, so why did you rob me? 12 I heard a MM shouting "Give me a bowl of vipers ~!" 13, one day at school, I received a phone call from my classmate and handed it to me and said, "Your mother * *." As soon as I answered the phone, I casually said "men and women" Everyone laughed wildly. I was laughed at for four years. My classmate's high school classmate (a boy) walked into the noodle restaurant and tossed his hair. "Boss, two onions don't want rice noodles!" After that, I added: "More rice noodles!" Boss: ". . . . Do you want rice noodles or onions? " 15. once my classmate's mother called me, I used to say "he's not here", but this time I wanted to say "he's gone" and the result was: "he's gone" 16. Gg handed me a sorbet, and I took a bite and shouted, "It's burning me to death. 17, went to Li Ning to buy shoes with my sister. My sister said, "Miss, how much are these shoes? 18, once I patted my roommate's stomach, she said loudly, "Stop patting, I have urine in my stomach. "19, everyone gave out badges in high school. . Before a physical examination, the class teacher ran to the classroom and shouted, put on your bra and come to Zara. . The audience was silent. . . 20. Go home on weekends when you are at school. After dinner, I was addicted to cigarettes and planned to go for a walk on the pretext. When changing shoes at the door, my father asked me why I wanted to go. I said casually, "Go and have a cigarette! "As a result, my father found a pack of 555 from me and gave me a good k 2 1. A leader of the Education Bureau inspected the class exercises. After the end, the PE teacher should have announced "dissolution", but in desperation, he forgot his words and held back for a long time, shouting "retreat! "22. In high school, there was a teacher named Jiang, who looked very much like (the Tang Priest who played a Chinese Odyssey). I went to ask him a question and blurted out, "Mr. Tang, this question ..." 23. One of my colleagues, when I was driving on the road, had a flat tire and asked where there was inflation. Colleague said: "The streets are full of abortions! "24. A teacher probably played mahjong all night. Seeing that the blackboard had not been wiped, he was furious: "Who is the farmer today? "Stop cleaning the blackboard!" 25. Once my uncle saw my sister-in-law wearing a big treasure and suddenly shouted, "You have such good skin, why do you still use soothing treasure?" 26. When the teacher leaves homework, I copy others' if I can't do it, and then go to the office to hand in my homework. I saw the teacher say, "I copied it!" " 27. Once, we traveled to Huangshan Mountain, and the tour guide just introduced that the 100-step ladder was in Liu Xiaoqing. & gt scenic spots. Suddenly, a member of our group blurted out: "Director …" Everyone fainted. 28. At that time, several female students came to my house to play, and I went to fetch some water. They turn on the DVD player to watch movies. I heard Cantonese in the back room, and then I shouted to turn down the volume. The tone is wrong, and I am speechless. My face is rainbow and purple ~ ~ I almost fainted ~ ~ 29. Going home with MM after school, I saw a barbecue seller at the school gate. MM said she wanted to eat beef offal. I am so embarrassed. . . The most embarrassing thing is that MM then asked me, "What is a bullwhip?" I have to answer MM very, very quietly: "A bullwhip is a cow's tail." . 30. quarreled with mm mobile phone. She turned up the TV so loudly that I was annoyed and said loudly, "Turn off the phone for me!" " Now that I think about it, it's cold! 3 1. Have breakfast with classmates in the morning. One of them only eats steamed buns, and the other only eats skins. We were just saying that they were wasting their time when two students who ate stuffing came over and said, "You can eat my foreskin when you are finished." All the porridge drinkers present poured out. 32. Tell a true story. On the factory bus to work, MM asked me: My computer is dying. I said: Then go back and check the virus, and remember to upgrade the antivirus software. MM: oh. The next morning, I saw MM on the bus again. I asked casually: Have you checked? Is the batter out? then ... . . . . . . . . MM said loudly: I am so angry. I checked for a long time and said it was not poisonous. What do you suggest? It was very cold then. . . . I remember your letter. 33. A classmate of my dormitory's high school classmate called. He said who he was looking for, but I said I wasn't there. Then I said thank you. 34. Someone came to my aunt's house before and just entered the door. It happened that my aunt was going to the bathroom. She quickly greeted the guests and said, "Sit down, sit down, I'll go to the toilet and pour you some tea!" " "35. In the past, we had a political economy teacher who was very fond of talking! I once talked about the strength of the dollar. He said, "Do you know why only US dollars are called US dollars, but you have never heard of British gold or French gold? "36. During the military training in the university, the instructor shouted: Look at your sidelight ~ ~ ~ We want to laugh but dare not. That's sad ... 37. The female classmate and her cousin invited me to dinner and asked me to eat more during the dinner. I don't know why I made the following mistake: "thank you, I have no sexual desire recently." Please eat more! "At that time, everyone was having a picnic. . 38. Our company has a car to go to work in the morning, because the car is not big. Once, a male colleague sitting next to me stood up and greeted her warmly and said, "So-and-so, sit on my ass!" "I laughed to get off ~! 39. I used to be crazy about online games, and I often killed myself in Internet cafes. After the semester, I went home with a group of friends, and the train was about to leave, but we haven't found the platform yet. I suddenly said, "MD, why isn't there even a coordinate here?" "~" The buddy laughed after listening to it ~~ 40. When I used to live on campus, I used to sleep in bunk beds. The mobile phone needs to be recharged once. But there is only one socket in a bed, so reading with a lamp can't be recharged. As a result, A plugged the charger into B, and B wanted to listen to music at night. When he saw A's charger, he shouted, "Hey, I said, why do you always plug it into me?" Why don't you put it under you? "After a commotion, sweat ~~ 4 1. When I was in college, a classmate argued with me, and I was at a disadvantage for a while. In desperation, I got up and shouted: You talk nonsense, I'm not stupid! 42. A friend of mine went on a blind date. When he came back, everyone asked him how he was. The buddy said: This girl is really rough. At noon, they walked into a beef noodle restaurant. The girl said loudly to the master: Hey, pull two bowls for Lamian Noodles's master and say: Do you want to eat? I eat and pull. 43. When I was a child, popsicles and ice cream were usually sold on bicycles. Once, I heard an aunt shouting in the house: New ice cream is selling well. (It is estimated that Auntie used to sell fried dough sticks. ) 44. My roommate used to boil water quickly, but after the water boiled, that fellow read leisurely and did not move. I couldn't take it anymore, so I said, "Do you want to pull it out? "It's too noisy. . "No response. 15 seconds later, he added, "It's very hot there, so it's always easy to break down." . "Nothing happened. In half a minute, the water was completely boiled and splashed. " Well, shoot it out. Spit out a lot of things louder and louder, and if you insert them again, you are afraid it will harm people. . Are you sure you won't quit? " .。 . A thick book flies towards my head! ! ! ~ 45, our class teacher teaches senior three mathematics ... when he reviews for us ~ every time he draws a picture and draws a ray ~ ~ he says loudly ~ ~' Nice, classmates ~ ~ I took it. 46. Go to Hengshan to play in college. I was halfway up the mountain. When I was tired, I just wanted to have a rest. I saw an Obasan who bought souvenirs by the roadside. When I went up, I asked: "Wife ..." MM didn't want to be silent, GG asked her, you (touch) me, (touch) me! ! As a result, MM couldn't stand it, shouting, teacher, you see I don't want to (touch) him, but he insisted that I (touch) him ~ ~! ! ! 48. One day I went to my classmate's house for dinner and drank some wine. Her father suddenly came in. He wanted to call uncle, but he made a mistake and said, "Dad, come and sit down! "~ ~ cold! A large group of students laughed to death. 49. My colleague had a quarrel with others and was so anxious that he opened his mouth. " Do you think I grew up eating? "I've always wondered what he grew up eating." 50. When I was in primary school, a very annoying boy asked me to borrow an eraser. If I don't borrow it, he will pester me and hit me. Then I shouted with all my strength, "I won't marry (borrow) you." At that time, the students immediately calmed down. 5 1. A ktv, singing, and a mm shout: Give me a stick scissors of "Double Jielun" every week ... 52. Customer service: Hello, what can I do for you? User: Please transfer me to the manual desk! Customer service:. . . (treat me like a robot? )