Somebody tell me some jokes to cheer my sister up! ! !

1, I found a fortune teller to calculate a divination for me. He looked at it and said, "Brother, you must have been born in the early hours of the morning." I was surprised: "How can you calculate so accurately?" He stroked his beard and said, "Because it's ugly from one to three in the morning."

2. One day, I was drunk with three buddies. I started talking about life and ideals!

It's my turn, I said: My ideal is to earn 100 thousand a month like my father!

At that time, I was shocked: I didn't see that you were also a rich second generation!

I picked up my glass and said, no, my dad's ideal is a monthly salary of 100 thousand ...

3. At the age of seven, Luo went out with his father and Lu Yu Goose swam on the water. Luo's father ordered him to write poems, and Luo came with his mouth open: Goose, Goose, Quxiang, white hair floating green water, and red palm playing clear waves. Father Luo clapped his hands and exclaimed. When he met the lotus again, Luo's father ordered him to write another song, and Wang Zhangkou came: Hoho Hoho ... Bang! Father Luo slapped me in the face: I asked you to write poems and laugh at your paralysis!

4, long-distance love, this year's Spring Festival, a second-rate boyfriend went to my house for the first time, because my plane was late, so he went to my dad first and liked to have a few drinks. When I got home, they had been drinking for a while. I deliberately said, "Who is this handsome guy? Dad says it's not your date?" I said no, he hasn't come back. As a result, my dad said in a gorgeous way: "This young man is good. Let's cancel your appointment. " My boyfriend and I were messed up.

5. Q: In the middle of the night, if a villain puts a knife to your neck and says, "You have one minute, you can call anyone."

Besides your parents, let him pick you up. Don't say superfluous words. If he agrees to come, I will let you go. If he doesn't want to come, I will kill you. "Who will you call?

The netizen replied: "Hello, I want 1 Big Mac, 1 Chicken McNuggets, 1 Potatoes, 1 Coke."

Ha ha ha, please adopt it.