Give 50 points to whoever tells the funniest joke. If your girlfriend smiles, she is chasing 50 points.

1. Female: "I can marry anyone as long as I have money." Man: "Will you marry the safe in the bank?"

When arguing, the difference between a man and a woman is like the difference between a pistol and a machine gun.

My wife wants to lose weight, so she goes cycling every day. As a result, the horse lost 40 pounds in a month.

4. Patient: "Doctor, you left your scissors in my stomach." "Never mind, I have another one."

Judge: Why do you print counterfeit money? The defendant said innocently, because I can't print real money.

6. Wife: "Men are timid." Husband: "Not necessarily, otherwise why should I marry you?"

7. Part I: Hahahahaha Part II: Hehehehehehehehehehehehe. Horizontal batch: there is something wrong with the nerve.

8. The first year: He said and she listened. The following year: She said and he listened. The third year: they said that the neighbors listened.

9. If the cold world we live in is still hard to change, at least I still have your face to melt the ice and snow.

10. Thief A: "How much did you rob today?" Thief B: "No, just read the newspaper tomorrow."

1 1. Teacher: "Peter, do you know how many years a mouse can live?" Peter: "It depends on the cat's mind."

12. Kangaroo said to the dog, "I can put my mobile phone in my bag, and you can only hang it on your ass!" "

13. Pig Bajie: I changed my name to Sai Pan An, and many beautiful women are waiting for me! The Monkey King: Unless you surf the Internet, you idiot.

14. The daughter asked her mother, "Was Dad shy before?" "If he wasn't shy, you would be at least four years older now!"

15. Father: You are so old, it's time to find a wife. Son: Yes, but there are too many people. Whose wife am I looking for?

16. Female: "Why do you always chew candy when you talk to me?" Man: "How can there be so many sweet words without chewing sugar?"

17. Female: "Does your fiance know your age?" Woman B: "Yes, he knows part of it."

18. "I regard her as the North Pole!" "How?" "She is as cold as ice and as attractive as a magnet.

1. One day, a miser bought two ice creams and was about to eat them. Suddenly he saw an acquaintance coming and hurriedly hid them in his clothes.

Soon after chatting, acquaintances saw that the clothes were wet and there was water oozing out, so they subconsciously touched them, which was very cold. Ask why.

The miser replied, "I haven't been feeling well recently and I broke out in a cold sweat."

Many years ago, a remote mountain village just had electricity, and every household used light bulbs. An old lady somehow turned off the light and blew it like a kerosene lamp for a long time, but it still didn't go out.

She said to herself, "This new thing is really good, windproof."

A jeweler panicked and rushed into the police station to report the case. He said to Pol.ice, "Just now, a container truck came to my shop, the door opened, and an elephant ran and ran out of it. The beast broke the window glass, stuck out its long nose, rolled away all the pearls, pearls and jewels, then got into the container, and the car drove away, drove away, and drove away!

The rigorous policeman asked, "Did you get a good look at the gangster? Is that an African elephant or an Asian elephant? "

"What's the difference between them?"

Pol.ice explained: "Asian elephants have smaller ears, while African elephants have larger ears."

The jeweler shouted, "My God, haven't you ever robbed before?" It has socks on its head! "

4. Do you like sleeping beauty?

Yes, but I've never slept.

5. An old farmer went to the county to buy a mobile phone. When he entered the store, he asked, "How much is a catty of mobile phones?"

The shopkeeper secretly pleased, and such a fool? Too much trouble to quote one by one? The mob waved and said, "5000 kilograms, take whatever you want!"

The old farmer chooses a high-grade ultra-thin machine and weighs it, 220, 1000 yuan.

The shopkeeper regretted it and pushed his machine, but the old farmer dismissed it: "Want to cheat me as a junk dealer?" Those are obviously refurbished machines, and the configuration is not good. Even angry birds can't play! "

1. I saw from the magazine whether my girlfriend was a rotten girl and asked her what was the antonym of' attack'? If she replies' defense', it means normal, if she replies' endure' that obviously rotten woman.

One day I suddenly remembered and asked her, "What is the antonym of' attack'?"

She replied, "Mom!"

It seems that I didn't express myself clearly, so I went on to say, "No, it's an attack."

She said, "Yes, the mother of the hen!" " "

Her answer proved that the dog sample test was completely unreliable. ...

2. Wandering around the community at leisure, I saw a little girl playing with a wooden stick, shouting lightning magic in her mouth, and then all kinds of pictophonetic characters. I was going to scare her when I passed by. When she saw me passing by, she shouted lightning magic at me and pointed a stick at me. Then I fell to the ground convulsively … Then the little girl cried and ran home to find her mother …

Everyone in the group is discussing salary. A group of friends said, "The annual salary after graduation is 6 thousand."

Another group of friends said, "I earned 6 thousand six months after graduation."

I can't take it anymore. I said, "I just graduated with a salary of 6 thousand."

As a result, everyone praised me, but I was actually bragging.

4. Give fat people some advice on dressing in cold weather: Don't wear red down jackets, just like tomatoes. Don't wear green either. It looks like a watermelon. Don't wear yellow, dress like grapefruit. Don't wear white, put it on like cabbage. Don't wear black, put it on like a bear. And don't wear beige. Wear it like a potato. Even if you don't wear anything, you look like a big steamed stuffed bun