My husband often says that I am not good. What should I do?

When communicating between men and women, if the other party starts to belittle you or use verbal violence against you, pay attention to the following points:

1. What's it like to express your emotions directly to each other?

When the other party uses verbal violence, you should tell TA what your mood was at that time, and don't use silent expressions and expressions, or euphemistically hint at the other party.

Don't expect TA to be an advanced skill. Most partners don't understand at all.

TA will not win your favor because of your forbearance, but will only feel that you are passively confronting, which has angered TA.

2. Don't label each other.

There are many people who like to label each other in marriage, and these labels are mostly negative.

Their original intention is to remind each other to correct in their marriage.

However, it often backfires. Instead of correcting it, the other party increased the negative emotions of anger and anxiety towards the other party, thus casting a shadow over the marriage.

Try to avoid using evaluative words, and try to focus on behavior, not TA himself. For example:

"You are a megalomaniac (label)!"

"It's inconsiderate of you to do so!"

The latter is often better than the former, and the latter seems to be less likely to stimulate each other.

Two people have lived together for a long time, and the words and deeds of the other party are completely incomprehensible to them, and even these behaviors have become shortcomings.

………

When the shortcomings are solidified, they become labels, and the impression of labels exists in all aspects of life.

But in marriage, respect is the easiest to be destroyed, and when the respect system collapses, it is difficult to recover.

An injury will become a negative label. Once the label impression is formed, there will be more and more contradictions and the marital status will become very poor.

Step 3 describe your feelings

When describing a story or a feeling, the most important thing is to slow down.

take for example

"You said let your sister live with us, she just started to work is no problem, but she also want to fall in love in the future, also want to have friends, staring at by my brother and sister-in-law at home every day, will also feel uncomfortable.

I think you and I need more privacy, too How's this? Let's invite her to stay for three months first, and help her find another place to live, shall we? "

………

But if you say, "Go with your sister! Get out! "

Or: "You, your sister and your mother are all here to take advantage!" "

This is an expression full of conflict.

When you describe your feelings, in addition to making the other person return to rationality, you are calm and full of wisdom, which is a rational behavior.

At the same time, it can also break TA's evaluation of your "stupidity".

03

What are the advantages of describing feelings?

In fact, when most people hear their partners describe their feelings and analyze their advantages and disadvantages, they will be surprised and look at their partners with new eyes.

Many of us never trust each other to be reasonable.

When you change from the state of venting your emotions to the mode of expressing your feelings, the relationship between husband and wife will gradually move towards the scope of good communication.

The other side uses verbal violence, sometimes to cover up their inferiority complex, flaunt that they are smarter than the other side, and then attack each other with language and belittle each other to satisfy their sense of superiority.

These people are limited in their own strength, and it may be difficult to find this feeling of crushing others between colleagues and classmates. TA may be bullied in the workplace.

If one side develops a rational description of feelings, it will change the mode of superiority of the other side, and the other side naturally cannot obtain this superiority.

People who are addicted to torturing each other with words often don't consider the consequences of this verbal violence, or think it is an easy mistake to make up.

If you always torture each other with unscrupulous words, once you reach the edge of emotional collapse, it will be too late to regret.

Most people who use verbal violence are actually very fragile. "Those who can do it will not beep blindly" has some truth.

Once these people find that this may lead to the breakdown of their relationship, they will act cautiously and regain their rationality, so as to attach importance to each other's feelings, instead of venting their emotions blindly and hurting each other with words.

You know, being able to express your feelings in a non-insulting way shows that you are stronger.

If you can't say anything, at least one sentence: "I know it's not your fault."