Xinlingdu chicken soup

1, two strangers came to Beijing, and then, and then they got acquainted.

2. Why do girls with poor breasts generally eat food? God replied: because poor chest is extremely hungry!

3, this foul, if the referee will be more severe and harsh, may be awarded a penalty.

4. Why are the sunflower collection and the sword spectrum so powerful? God replied: Because it exploded.

5. The boy of Jiaotong University proudly said: At school, we have never seen a woman!

6. This kind of foul is equivalent to the rear-end collision of a car, and the person behind will always be responsible.

7. Keep it forever; Turn on the phone and give you my best wishes: Happy summer!

8. Girl, marry the headmaster with air conditioning in the dormitory!

9. England's performance is disappointing, and now it supports the Netherlands wholeheartedly.

10, this is the first yellow card of this World Cup, and Juarez got the yellow card "sofa".

1 1. When the electric fan becomes a hair dryer, I feel that life has lost its meaning.

12, England is more and more like Italy, waiting for a savior riding alone.

13, four more periods, and the winter vacation will be over. Seeing this sentence today, I feel that my whole world is bright!

14, male and female deskmate. The boys in the class sang "I'm afraid I'll fall in love with you" and the girls said "I'm afraid".

15, this is not diving and performance, this is the "real kung fu" under your feet! Huo ~ Thread, I saw the appearance of flying skill.

16, England, God, I was forced to make peace again. I missed my chance. I can't expect a good day, but I saw it after four o'clock. Dizzy!

17, I clicked all summer and saw your smile; I copy your smiling face and stick it in my heart; I downloaded my ideas,

18, send you a cup of morning tea: take fragrant blessings as leaves, gentle reminders as flowers, boiling enthusiasm as water, and generous tolerance as cups. Let's drink to your good mood all day and good luck all season!

19, Nima is uncomfortable by car now. I really don't know where to put my hand! Look left and right. It's all ass and bare thighs. He became a wretched man if he was not careful.

20. Every child who goes to school in Beijing was an angel with broken wings in his last life ... sauna in summer, refrigerator in winter, flaming mountain in sunny days, and water curtain cave in rainy days. It will be the Monkey King in four years, and you won't die anywhere!

2 1, offside! Is it offside? It should be offside. Yes, that's right. Obviously offside. Let's look at slow motion again. Oh ... this ball doesn't seem offside. Let's take another look. Well, it's really not offside ... "

22. A meteor flashed across the night sky, and China fans immediately made a wish, hoping that the national football team would enter the World Cup again. Unexpectedly, just after making a wish, the meteor came back and said to the fans, "Big Brother! It really embarrassed me, didn't it? ! "

23. When one or two people say that I am not handsome, I don't care, just teasing me. Later, almost everyone said that I was not handsome, and I really realized the seriousness of the situation. There are really more and more such social liars!

24. Cao Cao has a headache. Hua tuo thought that the root of Cao Cao's headache was his skull, so he told Cao Cao, "You should cut off your brain." Cao Cao was furious after hearing this: "I have a terrible headache. How dare you sing? Come on, drag it out and chop it. " Hua tuo, a pawn ...

25. The high temperature in summer is far away, life is boring, revolutionary work is very tiring, and health is precious. Eat more fruits during the day and go to bed early at night. You and me, revolutionary comrades, the above reminder is free.

26. Once at school, I was having a class. Two girls behind me got into a fight. One bit the other, and the other really meant that the dog dared to bite me … The whole class laughed at that time!

27. Someone in a campus forum asked, "Why do cockroaches appear more frequently after the school kills cockroaches with cockroach incense? I haven't seen them before. " A student replied, "Your home is gone, aren't you in a hurry?"

28. An old man took his dog for a walk. I met an old lady with a dog. The male dog ran around the female dog and smelled it. The old people shouted, "Don't look! I won't let others do it! "

29. A brother poured water at my bedside and called me by the way: "Little brother, it's half past twelve, it's time to get up!" I said to him lazily, "Brother gets up early, so don't bother me!" " "

30. I saw the cruelest sentence today: When you are young, don't despair because you have no money, because you have to know. There are many days when you have no money in the future.

3 1, someone sent Weibo: Yesterday, I went to check in with my girlfriend for the first time, and I met the police to make rounds. What could be more tragic than this? The netizen replied: Yes, the police asked your girlfriend in front of you why it was you every time.

32. I give you a lovely smell, a sweet and smooth smell like perilla, and the coolest wind in this season. May you have a refreshing summer!

Sometimes I'm busy … sometimes I forget … sometimes I'm tired … sometimes I'm lazy … but I still remember to miss you … your friends … don't catch a cold on a hot day!

34. The beautiful summer has come quietly, and the breeze brings my cool blessing to you. Wherever you are, I wish you a happy summer.

I never dreamed that after the first round, the first place in Group D turned out to be Costa Rica. ..................................................................................................................................................

36. After my boyfriend chased me, he took me to invite people in their dormitory to dinner. Everyone drinks to increase the fun. A buddy got drunk and hugged my boyfriend and said, I fucking like you so much, you like women! .

37. My friend ran away from the customer and sent a QQ complaint to me. Listening to my distress, I immediately got up and took two steps to give him a call: "You are hot! I'm standing next to the air conditioner now. Listen, this is the sound of a 20-degree cold wind. "

Some people say that if you receive blessings early this summer, your ideal will grow in spring and summer, even if it is very hot in summer, it will grow like a summer flower. Therefore, I send my warmest wishes to you for a happy summer.

39. In the hot summer, I am eager to tear up your clothes with violence. Dry mouth sucks your hard body until it softens. Sweet body fluids make me smile and taste good-popsicles.

40, this is the shortcoming that the goalkeeper is not tall. Haha, 1 meter. Fortunately, the ball passed by the defender 1.82 meters is still not accurate enough. It is obviously unwise to let classic cars participate in the F 1 race.

4 1, continuous high temperature, unbearable heat, boring life, very tired work. Drink plenty of water during the day and go to bed early at night. You and me, revolutionary comrades, the above tips are free!

42. The angel said that as long as you stand in the sun and draw 99 tulips with your heart, God will hear you. I painted flowers all over the yard, and God finally said, make a wish. I said: I want people who read text messages to be safe all summer.

43. Like a sound, it is dew from the breeze; Appreciate a painting, which is a long moon dotted with stars; Intoxicated, the valley is filled with orchids; Bless a friend, it is you who smiles at the text message!

44 years old, pregnant, have loose bowels, working hard in the toilet. The husband ran over and said, "Baby, hold on to that rope in your stomach, and don't let your mother pull you out."

45. Be as strong as swift, as happy as dove, as happy as sparrow, as free as eagle, as handsome as seagull, as beautiful as swan, as graceful as egret and as auspicious as magpie. Haha, the legendary bird man is you!

46. I don't want to be single anymore. I hope someone will help me grab food when I eat, grab my computer during the day, grab my quilt at night and grab my razor in the morning.

47. The high temperature has not retreated in recent days, and you are suffering from the heat every day. Pay attention to cherish yourself, don't be too tired at work, eat more fruits during the day and sleep at night. Don't worry, nourishing the heart and protecting the lungs is precious. You and I know each other like friends. The above reminders are free!

48. Three skills are most needed in summer: how to choose watermelons accurately, how to shoot off ugly mosquitoes at hand, and how to scan beautiful women quickly. In short, bang, bang, bang.

49, butterfly sleeve with bowlegs, high heels with short skirts, Weaver with a cowherd for life, Bajie loves to chase Chang 'e, handsome guys generally match beautiful women, love needs fashion, happiness needs perfection, swans chase! Hurry up and act! Toad!

50. There was a female classmate in college who had a good relationship with me and was a little ambiguous. She went to a big class in heaven. She confessed to me and quietly told me to be my prince. When I get excited, I just answer, okay, mom.

5 1, primary school Chinese exam, there is a topic like this: please write an example of saving water in life! Xiao Ming wrote: urinating … flushing stool … the teacher silently gave full marks!

52. My wife sent a text message saying, "Husband, I love you!" My husband texted me back: "Wife, I have the same idea as you." Wife: "What's the same idea?" My husband texted back: "I love myself, too." Wife: "Get out!"

53. I just found a 5s and want to return it to the owner. Send a message: I lost my mobile phone on purpose. Don't send it back to me, or my boyfriend will buy me one and I will sue you for stealing my mobile phone!

54. When the heat is approaching, I realize that Tanabata is coming quietly. Everything may be forgotten at this moment, but what I can't forget is to say to you gently: You are happy, I am happy, I wish you a happy day!

55. Me: Wife, I seem to be ill. Wife: What's wrong? Me: Prostate. Wife: Nothing, nothing. I don't need to take medicine because I'm three points ill. Me: …

56. Open the door, headmaster. You have the ability to open the door! Don't hide in there and make no noise. I know your room has air conditioning! Open the door, open the door, open the door, open the door!

57. Higuain hit the door! This is a goal! Oh! The goal was actually saved by the goalkeeper and scored from the scene. .

58. The youngest son asked his mother, "Mommy, can I have a younger brother?" Mom explained, "Not yet, you know, dad has been very busy!" " The youngest son said, "can't dad ask more people for help?" "

59. It's almost twelve o'clock, and my wife hasn't come back yet. I sent a message that she and her best friend were singing karaoke! But I exercise in bed with her best friend! Should I tell her Jenny or Jenny?

60. A man saw a very beautiful woman in a restaurant. He wanted to seduce her and asked, "Beauty, I lost a boyfriend here. Is it yours?" The beauty said faintly, "I like your personality." But I don't like your gender. "

Campus spiritual poison chicken soup

1. Only those who have really worked hard will understand the importance of talent.

2. Some things can be changed without hard work. No matter how beautiful the design of RMB in 50 yuan is, it is not as attractive as RMB 100.

As long as it is a stone, it won't shine anywhere.

Some people are born directly at the finish line instead of winning at the starting line.

Some people appear in your life just to tell you that you are gullible.

6. I'm not afraid of becoming someone I hate. I'm afraid I'm not as good as them

7. Some people think, "I'm not young, I'm not mature." In fact, you are mature, and that's it when you are mature.

8. Another day has passed. How was your day? If the dream is farther away.

9. Kindness is useless, you have to be beautiful.

10, the artificial degree can't exceed your own face value.

1 1, who said that women chase men's barriers? Unless men have a good impression on you, the barriers are basically barbed wire, or the kind that charges.

12, after ten years of continuous efforts and struggles, I finally changed from an ignorant teenager to an ignorant youth.

13. As long as you persist in self-study, study hard, have a correct attitude, and endure loneliness every day, the final victory must belong to those who play well in the examination room.

14, do you think you can be as happy as you think if you have money? No, you are wrong. The happiness of rich people is beyond your imagination.

Cinderella married the prince, but please don't forget that she is also the earl's daughter.

16, do you know why beautiful women have been unlucky since ancient times? Because no one cares how long ugly people live.

17, after this busy period, you can continue to be busy for a while.

18, do you think boys like it as long as they are beautiful? Do you think that as long as you have money, beautiful girls will post it themselves? Do you think you can find a good job by learning to bully? Let me tell you, and then all this is true!

19, ugly means sick, otherwise why is the plastic surgery hospital called a hospital?

20. Time is a butcher knife. It's for those who look good. It can't do anything about those ugly people.

Soul poison chicken soup is funny

Soul poison chicken soup funny 1

First, he was awakened by the alarm clock early in the morning, indicating that he was still alive;

Second, I have to get up and go to work, which shows that I am not unemployed;

Third, receiving some text messages or getting together for dinner shows that there are still friends who want to see us;

Fourth, listening to other people's words is sometimes harsh, indicating that there are still people paying attention to you;

Fifth, the clothes are getting tighter and tighter, indicating that the food is still nutritious;

Sixth, I always want to go abroad to see, which shows that there is still a pursuit in life;

Seven, I really want to have a rest, but I didn't approve it, which means that there is still a certain position that can't be separated from you;

Eight, reading this passage can also send a knowing smile, indicating that you are happy.

Soul poison chicken soup funny 2

1, Chicken Soup for the Soul: Your father decides your starting point, your own process, and your wife decides your result.

Sometimes, you may feel that all the doors in your life are closed, but remember that closing the door does not mean locking the door.

My greatest wish in this life is to be a person whose money can't bring me a sense of security.

I tell you, this dress can't be cheaper! And if you take ten thousand steps back, you may not hear what I'm saying!

On the way to send my little niece to school in the morning, she mysteriously said to me: Auntie, you have mastered the skill of 18 to coax the baby, and now you just need to have a baby.

Hearing this, I burst into tears: your aunt, I have mastered the skills of 18 to have children, and now I need a man!

Soul poison chicken soup funny 3

1. A person's life lies not in how many people have changed, but in how many people have been subverted. If you don't pay attention to fame and fortune, fame and fortune are naturally dirt. If you care too much about something, you will lose something. When we don't care about anything, our life is the most chic and free and easy.

When I was young, I constantly wanted to change myself and work hard. When you are mature, you want to have a stable life. At different stages of life, you should do what you should do at this stage, because after that period, you really won't do many things. I am most afraid of being lazy when I am young and regretting when I am old. Life is just a process. If you don't do what you have to do, you will live in vain. Do what you want to do, live in the moment,

3. Many people like running, but not many people run every day; Many people have dreams, but not many people stick to a dream; Many people like to study, but not many people study every day. In real life, everyone's thoughts are rich, but not many people can persist in doing one thing. So, some people succeed, some people fail, some people laugh and some people cry. The key is to see if you can persist.

4. A buddy is doing a training course of Olympic mathematics for primary school students on the ground. In just one week, he received more than 60 children, and each child charged 1.200 yuan. In just one week, he earned more money than others did in a year. Many friends around him attacked him, saying that he knew nothing when he was a child and could not learn well. Isn't it misleading children to run classes and train now? He remained silent in the face of all kinds of gossip. Just because people are rubbish when they are young doesn't mean they are rubbish when they grow up. To be a man, we must look at the people and things around us with a developmental perspective.

All in all, 99% of his attackers are jealous of him. Look at those who attacked him. I studied better than him when I was a child. When I grow up, I will work in an institution or factory, and my salary will be 2000 to 3000 yuan a month. After marriage, his wife is not as beautiful as others. As far as income is concerned, people earn more money in one month than in several years. Who will you scold if people don't scold you? People never care about shit. Someone envies you and proves that you are not shit. ....

Seeing the small advertisement in the street, I don't think about whether he makes money or not. Just spend a little money to print thousands of advertisements and go out and test them. In some advertisements, you can earn thousands or even tens of thousands by posting/kloc-0.000 advertisements. Does advertising make money? You ask me, who do I ask? If you dare not try, you will always be kept in the dark. A person wants to change, not to do what he is happy about, but to do what he is afraid of. Overcoming fear is the first step to change. What do the poor fear most? Spend money. The poor want to change, not to study how to save money every day, but to learn how to spend it first. Some people say that the poor have no money, how to spend it? I want to ask, how can the poor save money without money?

In order to provide a green, safe and concise joke website for netizens, there are not too many annoying advertisements. Most of the content of the website is jokes collected by webmasters from all over the country for netizens to read, thus building a good reading space. Pay attention to uploading jokes, pictures or videos about yourself on Spitter! Tucao. com carries out original collection activities, and participation may win a big gift! What are you waiting for? Go to the page and scan it. More surprise gifts are waiting for you!

Soul poison chicken soup phrase

1. There is nothing wrong with this world. You are ugly and have no money.

2. Some girls like to take selfies with sunglasses. In fact, wearing a mask will look more beautiful.

Look in the mirror more often, and you will understand the reasons for many things.

Don't lose weight, you are ugly not only because you are fat.

Some people think, "I'm not young, I'm not mature." In fact, you have matured, and maturity is like this.

6. Being able to find a boyfriend and girlfriend and having a lot of spare tires can really enjoy single life.

7. Girls would rather be Gao Shuai's spare tire than accept the behavior of diaosi, which ensures the progress of human beings genetically.

8. Losers hate those whose lives are better than their own.

9. There is no shame in selling your soul and principles. The shame is that it can't sell at a good price.

10. As a matter of fact, those people whose moral quality is corrupted by us only directly or indirectly harm our interests.

1 1. I didn't know until I was thirty years old that saying different things to different people and showing different attitudes is a very valuable ability, not hypocrisy.

12. Without the enrichment of wallet, there is no inner peace. Many people put the cart before the horse.

13. Some young people have a simple concept of freedom, democracy and human rights through American dramas, travel and videos; They feel that their bad jobs, poor popularity and lack of goals are all caused by China's system.

14. You just need to watch others wonderful, and God has other plans for you.

15. The four stages of ordinary people's life: ignorance, happiness, hope-the struggle and pain after being ashamed of inferiority-the resentment and disappointment of unrequited love-calm and ordinary and decadent. Where are you from?

16. Most success depends neither on accumulated efforts nor on dramatic opportunities, but on the origin and talent of long-term establishment.

17. "Why do I always feel so ordinary?" "Maybe it's because you are really ordinary."

18. Many people are not mentally ill, but mentally retarded and cannot be cured.

19. I found that many people who can't get along well are very open-minded. I don't know if they are disdainful of worldly success because they have a thorough understanding, or if they have to be open-minded because they are unsuccessful.

20. Besides the rich, there are two kinds of people in the world: one is to scrimp and save on luxury goods, and the other is to scrimp and save on luxury goods.

2 1. After my trip, nothing has changed except what I should do.

22. The success after your efforts can't make up for the pain before your success.

23. If life deceives you today, don't be sad or cry, because life will continue to deceive you tomorrow.

24. If only there was a place where I could sell my soul for material enjoyment.

25. There are many factors for a good figure. It is impossible to have a good figure by dieting and exercising.

26. If you are good-looking, you fall asleep on the bus and subway, and your head rests on the shoulder of the person next to you, who will accompany you until you wake up. If you are ugly, once your head rests on the shoulder of the person next to you, he will wake you up immediately and warmly remind you to take care of your belongings.

27. "Mom doesn't mean you. Look at what you are looking for. So ugly that you can't read it. I will be ashamed if I tell others that this is my son-in-law. " "His family has more than one billion." "Of course, people don't need to live so vain, why do you have to care about other people's opinions? What's more, love is blind, and mom supports you! "

28. The pain of "not trying and telling yourself that you don't want it at all" is much less than the pain of "failing after trying".

29. I will never be stupid enough to expose the famous brand I bought online, because I can't afford it.

30. When I was a child, I felt that rich people were arrogant and black-hearted. When I grow up, I find that many rich people know more, have rich experience, are serious, generous and rational, and get along better than the poor.

3 1. People who are not good-looking are not necessarily good. Just because of long-term loneliness, I sometimes treat people as crazy.

At the age of 32.20, he quit his job, formed a band with friends and performed in a private university. The response was dull. When the money is spent, it will cost a lot of money for dad to get sick. "Give up after singing this song, and youth is here." Before the concert at Qilihe University in Gansu, he left tears and said. A female student handed me a note: I like your songs, so stick to your dreams. He clenched the note and decided to stick to his dream. At the age of 40, he owed hundreds of thousands of debts and his father died.

33. "Hello, teacher, how should a Peking University graduate with no background like me position himself?" "A group of people with the highest level of education at the bottom of society."

34. If you do more work than others every day, but you are happy and feel valued, then your leader is more talented.

When someone tells you that he/she is busy, he/she should leave his/her time to more important people.

36. "People who are well-born and capable strive for success, because others may also succeed. What are we trying to do? " "To survive."

37. You gave me genes, gave me an environment for growing up, and gave me a social class-you still have the face to complain that your children are worthless.

38. Some people have worked hard all their lives, that is, they have squeezed from a fourth-rate society to a third-rate society.

39. The weak are all like this. They feel that there is too much helplessness in life to change.

40. Lack of academic ability does not mean that you are good at mixing society, but that your performance in school is not as good as yours.

4 1. You have tried your best, but you are not necessarily inferior to others.

42. It doesn't matter if you know an interesting thing, but you can't do it and lose your way; If it doesn't make sense, it should be depression.

43. I wish I were rich or good-looking. In that case, even if I am eccentric, someone will be willing to listen to my thoughts and feelings and make friends with me.

44. The limitation of poor students is not just a platform issue. Being born in a bad family means that your parents are not doing well either. Maybe the word "no" is written in your genes.

45. After ten years of continuous struggle and tempering, I finally grew from an ignorant, sensitive and fragile teenager to an ignorant, sensitive and fragile youth.

46. Why do some people oppose the pursuit of spiritual satisfaction with the pursuit of material prosperity? You are unhappy because your realm is not high, and your material life is poor because your ability is not good. This is totally different.

47. Excellent and happy people like to be spoiled and tell others that they are not doing well here and there. Some people take it seriously and think that others cry in BMW every day.

48. Every day seems to be boring or lonely. Eating and shopping with friends is just to meet people's needs, not to socialize.

49. Excellent girls need more care than usual when they are vulnerable (such as breaking up and unsatisfactory work), so they will communicate with more people. Please don't be surprised if she returns to her original circle and ignores you after returning to normal.

50. Friend, that's not laziness. Laziness can be overcome. You just have a weak (stupid) brain. You can't stand long and intense thinking, engage in things with too complicated logic and deal with too much information.