Who has a hilarious joke to be super funny (funny plus points)

kill the panda and I will be a national treasure!

2. Urgent communication: Please prepare a one-inch color photo, a copy of your ID card, a copy of your education background and your resume, and send them to the National Space Administration. According to reliable information, in order to celebrate the Mid-Autumn Festival, you should recruit Chang 'e! (Bring your own rabbit)

3. Ask what the world is like, but everything has its vanquisher ~

4. Ask: What do you like about me? A: I like you to stay away from me!

5. The man riding a white horse is not necessarily a prince, he may be the Tang Priest; It's not necessarily an angel with wings-my mother says it's a bird man

6. I heard that women are like clothes and brothers are like brothers. In retrospect, I actually ran naked in too many cooks for 19 years!

7, the tiger is not arrogant, you think I am hello kitty! Xiao Lv is not arrogant, you think I'm Snoopy!

8. If you fall, get up and cry again ~ ~

9. Part I: Recalling the past, red rice, pumpkin soup, a wife and a group of children. Part II: Looking at the present, white rice, tortoise soup, a child and a group of wives

1. The bachelor's degree is a master's degree, and after the master's degree, a doctor, a doctor. If you are brave enough to study for another two years, you will be a warrior, another five years, a strong man, and another seven years, a martyr. What will happen after the martyr? The Ministry of Education will launch a saint, who will be bronze for two years, silver for five years and gold for seven years. Girls who are willing to go to school again after graduation will have a chance to get Athena! ! !

11. Today, when you wake up, there is a mosquito lying beside your pillow, and there is a will next to it: I have struggled all night, and your thick skin makes me ashamed to live in this world. Lord! Forgive him, I committed suicide!

12. Notice: Recently, the autumn cold has arrived. Please do a good job in defense. Those who have husbands hold husbands and those who have wives hold wives. Please hold thermos bottles if you don't have them for the time being. If you really don't have thermos bottles, please hold gas tanks (be careful to light them). Please don't hug chickens, ducks and other animals to prevent bird flu. If you want to fly south, you should change your hair, and if you really can't, you will hibernate

13. If God wants to make people perish, he must first make them crazy; If God wants to make people crazy, he must first make them buy a house

14. Money is not the problem, the problem is that there is no money.

15. A diamond will go bankrupt if it lasts forever.

16. Water can carry a boat and cook porridge.

17. One mountain can't accommodate two tigers unless there is a male and a female.

18. Fire can try gold, women can try men.

19. It is not necessarily a monk who burns incense, but a panda.

2. When I'm drunk, I won't obey anyone, so I'll hold the wall.

21. I am like a fly lying on the glass. There is no bright future.

22. Q: Who is the darkest among all cartoon characters?

a: Doraemon.

q: why?

a: because it is opaque.

23 q: among all cartoon characters, who is the most helpful?

a: there are still many dreams.

q: why?

a: because it always likes to lend a helping hand (round hand).

24, "Wochun" and "I'm stupid"

Dark plum flowers are heard in the dark, and I have no culture.

Lying on branches hurts my bottom, and my IQ is very low.

I'm like water, so if you ask me who I am,

I can easily reach Chun Lv. A big donkey.

the shore is green, I am a donkey,

the shore is green, I am a donkey,

The shore seems to BEAR green. I am an ass

--------------------------. Hold one's head high (the sheep didn't exhale)

4. The mobile phone should not fall into the toilet/it's now or never (wet)

5. The dog stops barking when crossing the wooden bridge/never forgets anything (when crossing the wooden bridge)

6. The bees stop on the calendar/it's sunny (bees and calendars)

7. Painters like to draw thick ones. One crouches in the pigsty/cadence (one sheep squats wrong)

9. The sheep calls the eagle, and the eagle picks up the PHONE and says "hello"/(the sheep phone eagle "hello")

1. Turn the hat over when it is dirty/wear it with a crown and a Li Dai (in the dirty crown)

11. Who doesn't have a phone? /perfect phone

12. Who knows birds best? /A bird frightened by a bow knows a bird

13. How to make a sparrow quiet? /press it (silence the sparrow)

14. What kind of snake has many mouths? /talking (snake)

15. What medicine is not poisonous? /yam

16. Why is the iceberg only a tip? /The other corner was broken by Titanic

17. Xiao Bai, Xiao Huang and Xiao Lan take a long-distance bus. Who will get carsick? (Little white rabbit, dusk)

18. Xiaobai+Xiaobai =? A: White Rabbit (Little White TWO)

19 What animal is the easiest to fall? Fox, because he is the most cunning

2. The spider fell in love with the butterfly, but the butterfly refused it. The spider asked: Why? This is why! Butterfly said: My mother said that people who spend all day on the Internet are not good people. < P > 21. One day Xiaoqiang asked his father: Dad, am I a stupid child? Dad said: silly child, how can you be a silly child?

22. What about Xiao Ming? He will have an exam tomorrow, but he is watching TV at night.

Xiao Ming's mother asks anxiously: Have you finished all the books? There will be an exam tomorrow.

Xiao Ming readily replied, Mom, I finished reading it.

Xiao Ming's mother happily praised Xiao Ming: Good boy, then you must do well in the exam tomorrow.

Xiao Ming cried and said: Mom, I mean,' Mom, I think it's over'.

23. One day Xiaoming was walking on the road! I suddenly feel sore when I walk! Why is this happening? Because Xiaoming stepped on a lemon!

24. One day, a university teacher asked a student, there were ten birds in the tree, and one was shot and killed. How many were left?

The student asks: Is it silent pistol? No, how loud was the shot? 8-1 decibels Is it illegal to shoot birds in this city? No offense. Are you sure that bird was really killed? Sure. At this time, the teacher was impatient: "just tell me how many birds are left, OK?" Are there any deaf birds in the tree? No. Have you ever been caged and hung from a tree? No. Are there any other trees nearby? Are there any other birds on the trees? No. If a bird is pregnant, does it count as a bird in its belly? Not really. Do people who shoot birds have flowers in their eyes? No flowers, just ten. The teacher was sweating all over, and the bell rang, but the students continued to ask: Are there any birds that are too stupid to be afraid of death? Are afraid of death. Will you kill two with one shot? No. The student said confidently, if your answer is not deceptive, "If the killed bird hangs on the tree and doesn't fall, then there is only one left. If it falls, there is no one left." The teacher immediately foaming at the mouth fell to the ground!

25. There was a fat man who jumped from a tall building and turned into a dead fat man.

26. A pothole was crossing the road, but he was accidentally crushed by a truck. When he was dying, he looked at his body. He said, "So I am stuffed with bean paste, not meat."

27. Two people fell into a trap. The dead one is called dead, and the living one is called dead. Call for help.

28. Once upon a time, there was a swordsman. He was very cold, his heart was very cold, and his sword was very cold. At last, he died of cold.

29. A deer ran faster and faster on the road, and it became an expressway.

3. There was a tomato, which was smashed by a stone, another tomato was smashed and smashed, and another tomato was smashed. Ketchup

31. The soldier asked the company commander: What should I do if I step on a mine in battle? The company commander was greatly annoyed: depend, what can I do? Pay the price for stepping on it.

32. I am very distressed that I haven't received your message for a long time. I thought of death, and I used potato chips to cut my pulse; Hit your head with tofu; Jump over the building with a parachute; Hanging with noodles. But none of them died, so you can treat me to dinner and support me to death.

33. An ant happened to pass by when the elephant put its shit in the middle of the road. It looked up at the misty peak and couldn't help singing: Yalaso, this is the Qinghai-Tibet Plateau! ~ ~ ~

33. Two counterfeiters accidentally made counterfeit banknotes with a face value of 15 yuan, and they decided to take them to a remote mountainous area to spend. When they bought a candied haws from 15 yuan, they cried, and the farmers gave them two 7-piece ones.

34. Your life portrayal: at the age of ten, learn to take a bath by yourself, and the pig cleans itself; At the age of 2, I am radiant, and when I am a pig, I am Mao; Find a job at the age of 3, and start a career as a pig; At the age of forty, I hired a servant, and the pig got a servant; Learn to play basketball at the age of fifty!

35. A man climbed the wall out of the school and was caught by the headmaster. The headmaster asked: Why don't you go through the school gate? Answer: Metersbonwe Bang Wei, don't take the usual road. The headmaster asked again: how did such a high wall get over? He pointed to his trousers and said, Li Ning, anything is possible.

The headmaster asked again: What's it like to climb over the wall? He pointed to his shoes and said, Xtep, it feels like flying. The next day he entered the school from the main entrance, and the principal asked, Why don't you climb over the wall? He said: Anta, I choose, I like it. On the third day, he wore a gangster costume, and the principal said: You can't wear a gangster costume! He said: You are what you wear, Senma clothing. On the fourth day, he wore a vest to school, and the principal said that he could not wear a vest to school. He said, men, it is good to be simple, and they love fort clothes. The headmaster said I'd give you a bigger score. He said: Why? The headmaster said, M-Zone, my site is my decision.

35. Notice to robbers: Our staff only know Spanish. Please be patient when robbing, and it is best to bring an interpreter. Thank you!

36. Hair is gone, and dandruff is more outstanding!

37. We should keep quiet when listening to the sermon in the church. It is impolite to disturb others' sleep.

38. Thief A: Count how much money was robbed today? Thief B: No, just read the newspaper tomorrow.

39. Go your own way and let others take a taxi.

42 Wear other people's shoes, go your own way and let them find it.

43. At a literary evening, the host came to the stage to announce: Please enjoy the following: Xinjiang song and dance, lift your skull! Creepy! ! ! ! !

44. if a tiger doesn't send a cat, you think I'm dying!

45. ktv once, order songs, One mm shouted loudly: Give me a piece of "Double Jielun" with a stick cut every week.

46 ancient poems actually predicted the top four super girls last year.

(Yu) The rain knocked on the dream and wasted a sigh.

(Spring) Flowers bloom and fall in spring.

(Yes) It is unknown whether they are dreaming or waking up.

(1) ) The cool breeze does not make people drunk

(Ying) There is no doubt in the shadow

(Should) be a beautiful day

(3) Ask the heaven whether to return

(Why) Why bother to grieve for the old god

(Clean) It's all lovesickness that makes people feel

(First) I laugh at myself at the end of time. The Korean coach burst into tears: I won't see it again. God also said: Japan needs 1 years. The Japanese coach burst into tears: I won't see it again. Coach China quickly asked: What about us? God burst into tears: I won't see it again.

48. Three white rabbits picked a mushroom.

Two big ones asked the little ones to get some wild vegetables to eat together.

The little ones said I wouldn't go and I left, so you ate my mushrooms.

The two big ones said they wouldn't, so the little rabbits went ~ ~

Half a year passed and the little rabbits didn't come back yet. One big one said it wouldn't come back, so we could eat < The white rabbit hasn't come back yet. The two older people don't have to wait for us to eat.

Just then the little white rabbit suddenly jumped out of the nearby jungle and said angrily, Look! I knew you were going to eat my mushrooms.

49. Many things will have all kinds of smells when cooked ... so cook? #123; Always very particular.

But ... on the contrary ... there is something; It will smell better if it is iced. What is it?

electricity. Because ... refrigerator -> Electricity-ice-(fragrance) ...

5. Cars can fly. Please guess a drink ... coffee ...

Because ... (Car)- (flying)

51. Once upon a time, there was a medium-rare steak and a medium-rare steak in the street. Why didn't they say hello?

Because they are strangers ...

52. Q: What kind of chicken runs fast in the world? What chicken is slow?

A: Chicken nuggets (fast)

Nicole Kidman (slow)

53. On the plane, an air hostess asked a little girl, "Why doesn't the plane hit the stars when it flies so high?"

The little girl replied, "I know, because the stars will' flash'!"

54. Excuse me, who gave you the water of forgetfulness?

Answer: Aha ~ ~

Reason: "Aha, give me a cup of forgetful water ~ ~ ~"

55. Q: What animal is the easiest to stick on the wall?

A: sea (newspaper) leopard

56Q: who will help you with your meal when you are full?

A: Fei long, because Fei long adds

57 stars, the moon and the sun. Which one is dumb?

stars, because there is a saying in Lu Binghua's song, "The stars in the sky don't talk.

58. What's the pencil's surname?

Xiao, because: sharpening pencils

59. 4 people were playing mahjong in the house. Why did the police come and take away 5 people?

Because the person they beat was called Mahjong.

6. Let me tell you a touching story.

Get out of here! The story of driving people away

61. Female: "I am better to marry the devil than to marry you."

M: "This is impossible, because close relatives are forbidden to get married."

62. Once upon a time, there was a white cat and a black cat. One day, the white cat fell into the water and the black cat rescued it. The white cat said a word to the black cat.

Q: What is this sentence?

.................... "meow"---------------.

The first doctor said, "I like operating on librarians best. When you open their bodies, everything in them is arranged in alphabetical order. "

The second doctor said, "I like operating on accountants best. When you open their bodies, everything is pressed.