GGMMJJDD shares a joke! !

Plenty:

The consequences of eating instant noodles

My younger brother doesn’t like the food cooked by his mother, but he likes to eat instant noodles. His mother scolded him: "You don't know how to go out and buy a bento? Eating instant noodles is not nutritious!!"

My younger brother retorted and said, "I just like to eat, so what!"

" Alas~ Mom tells you that instant noodles are really not a good thing. There is a young lady in your father’s company. In order to save all the money and send it home, she eats instant noodles in the morning, instant noodles at noon, and instant noodles at night. Noodles. She ate instant noodles every day, and she died three months later!”

-Brother (shocked): “Really?”

-How could this happen to my mother? Lie to you? "

-Really, how did she die?"

-This... there was a car accident while buying instant noodles..."

Wulin Unresolved sequelae (you pick a few)

1. When admiring you, say: I am convinced by you, I am defeated by you, I admire you to death.

2. When you are encouraged. Say: I am optimistic about you.

3. When you see something surprising, say: Hungry God.

4. If you want to defeat someone, say: Earth-shattering.

5. When "threatening", say: Be careful, I will exclude you.

6. If you want someone to be unable to move, just "sunflower"

7. Interrupt. Just say: The sun is so beautiful tonight.

8. If you don’t agree, just say: If a tiger doesn’t show its strength, you think I’m a hellokitty.

9. If you’re cheating on your gf, just say: Acting. It’s so bad that I don’t even shed tears.

10. When my colleagues compliment me, they say: Average, xx is third.

11. When my friends compliment my girlfriend, she says: Too ugly. Sister Ya is the ninth.

12. Before fighting, say: Take care of my seventh uncle.

13. Before dancing and singing, say: Kangsang Amida!

14. If you want someone you hate to leave, just say: Brother Wuen.

15. If you offend your wife, say: Your Excellency, you don’t remember the faults of villains, and the Prime Minister can bear it. On the boat, the moon is setting and the sky is filled with crows and frost.

16. When trying to reason with others, just say: Zi once said.

17. Just tease a female colleague. Say: Please, go to Korea.

18. When helping others, say a little mysteriously: There is someone above me.

19. Think like this when you want to curse someone. The world is so beautiful, but I am so irritable, this is not good, not good.

20. When working overtime, you should think like this: no matter how tired and hard it is, just treat yourself as a 250; I am a two-skinned person.

21. When your girlfriend gets angry, you should think like this: Brothers are like the limbs of a centipede, and women are like winter clothes.

22. Takeout at noon. If you don’t like it, I have to say: If God gives me another chance, I will definitely say three words to you... put less salt!

23. If you are the boss, please watch "Wulin". Staff of Gaiden:

“What is your goal? ”

“Be a peerless heroine. "

"Why mention it so far away? Let's talk about something close. ”

“Increase wages. ”

“This one is further than the previous one. "

Getting Lucky

A drunk man walked up to the automatic device, put in a ten-cent coin, and pressed the button. He was surprised to see a piece of pie coming out. So, he He put in coins again and again until a large pile of pies appeared in front of him.

A salesperson noticed and asked him why he had not enough.

" how? "The drunkard shouted, "I'm lucky, I always win! You actually want me to stop? "

Looking familiar

Two drunk men were walking on the road. One of them saw a mirror on the side of the road, so he walked over, picked it up, and said to the mirror: "This is What's going on? This person looks so familiar! ! "His companion came over and said, "Let me take a look! . . .

Idiot, why don’t you even recognize me? "

Lie to the police (hehe)

A Belgian drunkard said to his friend, "Yesterday I lied to the police." The friend asked in shock, "Why?" "I peed on the street yesterday." The police saw me and told me to stop. I put that thing close to my crotch, but I didn’t stop."

Forgot! (Please summarize it yourself)

Formation: 4--4--2

p>

Forwards: Guan Yu, Li Guang

Reason: The former has the ability to defeat six generals in five passes and go to meetings alone, and is powerful in China; the latter has the ability to penetrate Yang with a hundred steps

, with these two people, it is not a piece of cake to score 7 or 8 goals in each game. The goal record in the World Cup finals is constantly being refreshed. What about the Golden Boot Award and the Silver Boot Award? World Footballer, World Football

The two men are all contracted this time

Midfielder: Zhuge Liang, Zhang Liang, Wu Yong, Sun Wu

Reason: The four of them are well versed in the art of war, can advance and attack, retreat and defend, and are well-organized. They can see the opponent's weaknesses at a glance, and can use different tactics according to the enemy's characteristics to win the battle. Occasionally, there will be a "secret crossing of Chen Cang" and "empty city strategy". It is easy to win.

Guards: Xi Shi, Wang Zhaojun, Yang Yuhuan, Diao Chan ( Commonly known as the "Four Beauties")

Reason: The four people have the appearance of "a sinking fish and a falling goose" and the color of "a shy flower covering the moon". As the saying goes, "it is sad for a hero

beautiful person", Whether it's Ronaldo, Baggio, or Owen, when faced with such a back line, their heartbeats are racing, their feet are pounding, and their eyes are straight, so how can they care about playing football?

Goalkeeper: Qianju Guanyin

Reason: "The goalkeeper is equivalent to half the team". How many strong teams have "turned victory into defeat" because of the goalkeeper's mistakes?

I only wish that my mother had two hands, and this person has thousands of hands, whether it is long shots, volleys, or penalty kicks,

Bati and Vie are all confiscated. Here, Bergkamp and so on are all pissed off.

Conclusion: With this lineup, the World Cup will belong to our Chinese team sooner or later.

It was the first time for Mrs. Chen to fly. Mrs. Chen’s two sons were so excited that they ran up and down the aisle and almost knocked the drinks from the flight attendant’s hands. Mrs. Chen immediately scolded the two children: “Don’t play around here.” /p>

That’s enough!