Funny and wonderful quotations

Funny words are always remembered at once. Funny and wonderful quotations 100. Let's have a look.

1, I want to let the world know that I am very low-key!

2. Smart people are unmarried, and married people are hard to be smart.

Don't be lazy with me, I'm too lazy to compete with you.

4, law-abiding, is a good citizen, but not necessarily a good person, so citizens are not equal to people.

Because I love you wholeheartedly, I can only give you up mercilessly.

6. Without a strong owner, don't think you can bite just because you are a dog!

7. Life is a process from the white rabbit to the wolf and then to the old fox.

8, you can't shit on one foot, you are clean!

9. I finally know why I feel sleepy when I study, because reading is where my dream begins.

10, remember what should be remembered and forget what should be forgotten. Change what can be changed and accept what cannot be changed.

1 1, who called me * * I like to make friends with 2B.

12, life is interesting, because life always fucking plays with me.

13, note to robbers: our staff only know Spanish. Please be patient when grabbing, and you'd better bring an interpreter. Thank you!

14, it's not necessarily monks who burn incense, but pandas!

15, you see, the rainbow on the other side despised me that day because I was brighter than it.

16, I will find you in my next life, because you are the stupidest except me.

17, I said I love you to heaven, and it thundered.

18, wechat is so awesome that it is difficult to make a mobile phone into a walkie-talkie.

19, angry is to punish yourself with other people's mistakes.

20, look into my eyes, in addition to gum, you will see perseverance and sincerity.

2 1, I threw a glass of water in your face, which is equivalent to ruining your face.

22. I am really innocent, thinking about how to harm people all day.

23. I have been infatuated with you for a long time, a little narcissistic!

24, there is no way to go, just take the car.

25, the perfect figure, in the eyes of people who don't love her, is also a kind of teasing material.

26. Thank you for stealing my partner and letting me know that he is putting on airs.

27. I only drink pure water when drinking water and pure milk when drinking milk, so I am very simple.

28. If I want to sweep the floor, I will never wash the dishes. If I want to wash the dishes, I will never sweep the floor. Both? You think I'm an alien!

29. My brother smokes, but he is cold and wants to keep warm.

30. Even if my heart is the liver and lungs of a donkey, it is enough to feed the dog's stomach.

3 1, there is no rehearsal in life, and it is broadcast live every day.

32. You will never become an excellent college student, relying on excellent quality!

After all, I can't outrun that BMW, so I can only watch it go away in the sunset. It's not that my engine is broken, but that my chain has fallen off.

34. University is learning!

35. Be respectful to superiors, bossing around subordinates, and hiding from peers.

There are so many brain-dead people in the world, but you have become one of the best.

I always regard money as air, because I can't live without money.

38. Take a newspaper to the toilet. I am a scholar.

39. I am a civilized person, and all the dirty words have been disinfected with saliva.

40. Listen to you and save me ten books!

4 1. If you love me, put on a wedding dress for me and strip it off yourself.

42, people are not embarrassed, standing instability! People are not damaged, not standard! People are not bad, they die quickly.

43. Don't think that I am out of reach because I am handsome. Actually, I am a sea of rivers.

44. I have thought about the five words "special efforts", and I have only achieved the first four.

45. The thrown brick may not attract jade, but it may hit people.

46. Some people are alive, but she is dead. Some people are still alive, and he should have died!

Live well, because we will die for a long time!

48. It is not necessarily a virgin who cries and hurts, but a man who seduces.

49, commitment, like fart, earth-shattering, and then pale.

50. A lover will eventually become a house slave, and a house owner will eventually become a wife.

5 1, sleep until I wake up naturally, but I only have five dollars.

When I reached the top of the mountain, I found that the wrong road and the right road were only a few steps away.

If you abolish my present, I will abolish your future.

54. After hearing what you said, a sense of superiority in IQ arises spontaneously.

55. After studying for more than ten years, it is better to mix in kindergarten!

56. Not getting it is not terrible. Failure to keep it is a joke.

57. Before I touched the flowers and twisted the grass, I was already pulled out by others.

58, accumulate over a long period, may lead to an outbreak; And if it breaks out for a long time, it may lead to collapse.

59. Put down your college students' airs and find a bowl of rice first!

It takes only a minute to meet someone, an hour to like someone and a day to love someone, but it takes a lifetime to forget someone.

6 1, hate me. It's okay. I don't mind. I don't live to please you.

62. Nothing money can solve is a problem.

I am young and need to be pointed at, but I don't need to be pointed at.

64. Only when a man has no money can he say that a woman loves money.

65, angered me, I ate the map, this is called swallowing mountains and rivers.

If one day I become a hooligan, please remember to remind me that I was innocent.

67. Oh, my God! My clothes have lost weight again.

68, breaking up is boring, we have the ability to play divorce!

69. I have an impulse to take a nap as soon as I get up in the morning.

70. If the exam rewards QB, then the country will become rich and strong immediately.

7 1. The future is bright, but there is no road.

72. Rats never waste time at night, but we humans waste one-third of our time every day.

73. I have a crush on you because I'm out of my mind, and now my brain is shaking dry.

74. Give me a woman and I can create a country; Give me a bottle of wine and I will lead them to conquer the world!

75. If you don't sleep in class, you will get drunk on the wine table.

76. I don't even want a basin for spilled water.

77. There are two ways to pollute a place: garbage or money!

78. Chopin of Niu B can't play the sadness of Lao Zi!

79. The reason of constipation is that the gravity of the earth is too small.

80. Don't call me if you have nothing to do, and don't call me if you have anything to do.

8 1, kindness means I don't eat meat when others are hungry.

82. It's not that I was careless, but that I did it on purpose!

83. People who hang up QQ all day these days have nothing to do but go to work, and no one loves them after work.

84. You'd better let me kneel on the washboard. Kneeling on the electric heater is unbearable.

The night gave me a pair of black eyes, but I rolled my eyes with them.

86. Nothing is meanest, only meaner.

87. Galvanized coffins are certainly more durable, but wooden coffins are good for health.

88. Life is like a news broadcast. You can't escape by changing channels.

89. A little girl once said to me upstairs: Brother, you are so handsome! I immediately replied: not handsome, not handsome, just long.

90. Don't be afraid that your enemies are like tigers, but your teammates are like pigs!

9 1, people who are not afraid of death are not born, so don't pretend to be TM!

92. I am in the Jianghu, but there is no legend about me in the Jianghu!

93. How to lose weight if you don't have enough to eat?

If I don't beat you, I will fall out with you.

95. Men who go home early tell stories to their wives; Men who come home late make up stories for their wives.

96. I have done two things wrong in my life, one is to live and the other is to live.

97. When arguing, the difference between a man and a woman is like the difference between a rifle and a machine gun.

98. I only trust two people in this world, one is me and the other is not you.

99. Live or die.

100, looking at your dirty face, I have an impulse to throw up.

10 1, I am not a good person, I don't accept your good cards!

102, I'm not afraid of beautiful women treating me like a pervert, but I'm afraid of ugly women treating me like a rogue.

103, the existence of tears proves that sadness is not an illusion.

104, erection is not everything, but erection is absolutely impossible!

105, if my son doesn't listen, he can fight appropriately, otherwise it won't show Lao Tzu's majesty. That's it.