The divorce rate is surprising. The Helpless Marriage of China Immigrants

The famous Russian writer Lev? Tolstoy in his masterpiece Anna? Karenina begins with a sentence: All happy families are similar, but each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way. Now this sentence has become a footnote to an unhappy marriage. When immigrants come to a foreign land, marriage should be a harbor for husband and wife to comfort each other. However, contrary to expectations, a batch of new immigrants came side by side, but many people parted ways, and the divorce rate of immigrants in China was surprising.

At the same time, it is lamentable that statistics show that the divorce rate in Canada has been declining since the peak of divorce in the 1980s, and now only 38% of couples divorce within 30 years of marriage. The vast majority of Canadians have only been married once in their lives. Many Canadians think that marriage belongs to? Life events? Only a few people think that marriage is insignificant, but the latter is about 70% more likely to divorce than the former.

In contrast, a sociologist at the University of Toronto, after analyzing the reasons for the high divorce rate of new immigrants in China, pointed out that the different understanding of the new environment between men and women in immigrant families is the direct cause of divorce. In China, many families strive to maintain their marriage for the next generation. After arriving in Canada, the culture has changed, personal values have improved, and social constraints have been relaxed, so marriage is the most vulnerable to challenges. In recent years, with the continuous growth of Chinese mainland's immigrant army, China? Mistress? 、? Little three? This phenomenon also happens here from time to time. Some people are afraid of the trouble of dividing their children's property after divorce, and take marital separation, even in the name of marriage rather than in reality. This quietly emerging marriage with immigrant characteristics not only surprised the local people, but also showed another color to the chaotic world.

Too lazy to divorce and find it yourself? Did you have fun?

Since the publication of China woman writer Chen Rong's Too lazy to divorce, I have often received letters from people in China? Too lazy to divorce? . These four words mean that marriage has come to an end, but for various reasons, I don't want to divorce, so I have to make do. Some immigrant couples put China? Too lazy to divorce? This idea also brought to Canada, they? Too lazy to divorce? There are many reasons, some for children, some for face, and some for property. For them, the relationship between husband and wife has broken down, but they muddle along and dare not divorce lightly.

After emigrating, Ann found that her husband was much more decadent than when he was in China. He says every day that learning English is actually playing online games. He claimed that professional jobs were hard to find and laborers were unwilling to do them. He doesn't even want to cook at home. He always takes it out on his children. Ann said that she had reached the limit of patience. Husband and wife often quarrel, get angry and torture each other, and their married life is extremely painful. But for the sake of the children, she doesn't want to choose divorce. Later, I met a male friend who understood me very well, which made her extramarital life a lot happier. But she never wants to get too close to each other. She just wants someone to tell her happy words and stay with her when she is free? Play? . In fact, the husband has long discovered that his wife has other plans, but it is also because of the man's face, or because he is afraid that life will be more difficult after leaving his wife, so he turns a blind eye. As long as his wife doesn't file for divorce, he is in this family? Lai? Go down. Now two people have signed a rule of marital separation, which is called non-interference. On the surface, this family is calm, but in fact there is no affection between husband and wife. Ann finally said, wait until the children go to college, and then divorce.

Sometimes, the one who is hurt by extramarital affairs may also be the most helpless one. Linda said that she knew her husband was having an affair on her friend's mahjong table, and her friend inadvertently revealed her husband's affair? Playboy? Story, at that time, everyone said that this can be stabbed? A hornet's nest Linda's marriage will definitely be popular. However, the following weekend, Linda still got together to play mahjong as promised. Seeing everyone's embarrassment, she smiled and said, as I am now, I want to go out to work, I don't want to do ordinary work, and I can't find a good job. Can only continue to take care of the children at home. If my husband wants a divorce, he has to prepare my life's money. Besides, we are all adults. If he remarries, if the other person has children, he has to take care of the family for others. If the other person has no children, then he must have another one. How is the cost of divorce not low? So, our situation is, since the two are married? Play? If you're not together, why don't you go find each other? Did you have fun? Play.

As Chen Rong wrote in "Too lazy to divorce": Are you married? Not bad? Our people must be prepared for endless enthusiasm, courage, endurance and wisdom. ? Those who are divorced, they have courage, they live seriously, and they take marriage seriously? . ? However, some people are too lazy to leave even if their marriage is not ideal. ? Maybe that's why some people turn marriage into. Consortium? Reason.

It's hard to be apart and it's hard to be together.

Among immigrants, the most common marital problems are those who fly around. Astronaut family? . Especially in recent years, with the rapid development of China's economy, many people are unwilling to give up their relationship with China even if they emigrate, and some simply leave their wives and children in Canada and go back to work by themselves. As a result, the husband and wife separated for a long time and lived their own lives. When two people get together again, there will be distance and friction, which will lead to marriage in name only.

I met Jack on the plane to Beijing. He seems to be a successful man. He said that he was actually a very responsible person. Jack told me that his relationship with his wife is maintained by flying an average of three times a year. When they broke up a few years ago, they were reluctant to part, and tears for you was looking forward to the next reunion. But I don't know when his wife's tears stopped flowing, and his grief also came out. Have a safe trip. Replace with. Just sitting on the plane between Beijing and Toronto, he often thinks: if there were no daughters, wouldn't this marriage have ended long ago? But later, he found that apart from his daughter, he and his wife still had an eight-year relationship, and there was an invisible force pulling them. Is it family or habit?

He can't explain clearly. He went on to say that every time he got off the plane from Beijing and returned to his empty home, he felt empty in his heart. Jet lag is not a problem now. What about this? Heaven and earth? Change is the most tormenting. At this time, he will blame his wife. Why can't he give up Canada? However, it is not easy to think that his wife has been working hard with her daughter in a foreign country for so many years, and a feeling of sadness and guilt arises spontaneously. But Jack says Toronto is not for him. He can't give up his career and circle of friends in Beijing, nor can his wife give up Canada. The two sides often argue on this issue, holding their own opinions, not talking about who is right or wrong, but secretly fighting. Now he would rather spend money and energy on the round-trip plane than slip in front of his wife.

The long-term separation made the couple reach a consensus: give each other some freedom. He said that his wife never asked him about Beijing now, and he sometimes casually said to her: Find a lover here and help me take care of you. ? But both sides know that this is just a joke, that is to say.

Finally, he told me that their marriage has become a combination of economy and emotion. Husband and wife run the business together, each with his own pursuit, just like a plate? Unfinished chess? Both sides are used to each other's ways, and no one can stand the situation without opponents.

In fact, families separated like this are like two planets, both revolving around the track of marriage and on their own tracks. No one can live without anyone, and it is difficult to blend in. Is it true?/You don't say. Consortium? As long as the husband and wife are used to their own trajectories and no one is too derailed, marriage can still be maintained. So this? Astronaut's family? Finally together, and finally separated, the marriage finally became? Consortium? It is purely helpless.

You can't find me after the divorce.

Here, I often hear someone half-jokingly say that there is nothing more likely to feel lost abroad than men in China. Perhaps it is because women in China are more resilient and bear hardships than men. So many new immigrants are women who find jobs first. No matter what they do, they can put down their bodies and work without regrets for their families and children. Therefore, in the divorce cases of new immigrants, most of them are put forward by the woman. If a new immigrant couple comes to Canada, and the woman is better off than the man, most of them will end up parting ways. However, there are also women who are worried about their children after divorce and will return to their original homes. Although the relationship between husband and wife is difficult to reconcile, many people still can't give up that home. Nest? .

Nancy said that she never dreamed that she would still be with herself at the age of nearly 60? Old man? Divorce. She said that her husband used to be an engineer in a research institute in China, and she worked in a street office. Old man? She listens to everything she says. She has been husband and wife for most of her life. No one expected that the daughter actually moved the old couple to Canada. She, an uneducated person, soon found a job selling refreshments on a restaurant trolley. She has quick hands and feet, often works overtime and earns a good income. She didn't spend her daughter's money, but? Old man? However, I only brought my grandson at home. Later, because of the conflict with my daughter and son-in-law on the issue of educating my grandson, my temper became worse and worse, which made my family restless. Then they quarreled and started fighting. When both parties are annoyed, they say divorce. She rented an apartment and her life was not greatly affected. Old man? I can't live in my daughter's house, but I can't live with others either. Life is difficult to take care of itself, and people suddenly collapse. The children found her and advised her to make up with her father. What about the divorced one? Old man? She moved into her house again, but this time she stopped accommodating him and made three rules. Old man? She said that she didn't want to remarry, and cleaning up the old one was not a husband and wife, but also a husband and wife? Companion? All right.

I remember a movie in China called: If you are divorced, don't come to me. But some people are divorced, but for various reasons, they have to go back to that home. Helen's immigration experience is different from that of many female immigrants. She was the main applicant when she applied for immigration, and her husband and children didn't come until two years later. That day, because Helen was going to work, she asked a male colleague to meet them at the airport. Later, because the two families lived close, her husband and his male colleagues became very familiar. I don't know when I started to say that her husband and his wife were flirting, but she always felt that it was just a matter of catching shadows. I didn't care, but one day, a male colleague stuck her husband and his wife in bed and threatened to cut them both off if the wife dared to divorce. After hearing about it, Helen hated it. Only by gritting her teeth, the marriage was naturally difficult to maintain. Helen filed for divorce and her husband insisted on a daughter. In order to get an early divorce, Helen reluctantly married her daughter to her husband.

However, after their divorce, the colleague's wife also cut off contact with her ex-husband, who led a poor life with her daughter. Helen started out for her daughter, secretly delivering meals to her daughter, helping her wash clothes and do housework when her ex-husband was away. Later, her ex-husband found her, hoping that Helen could go home and take care of her daughter when she was on the night shift. In this way, the two started dating again. After a long time, they were advised to remarry, but Helen refused. She said that she would never forget the scene when her husband cheated on someone else's wife, and the marriage could not go back to the past. Consortium? , maintained to say again first.

Seriously, it wasn't until the end of the interview that I realized that it was the immigration years that turned marriage into? Consortium? ? Or is their marriage originally a battle? Consortium? . I just think that people who talk about this kind of marriage now, without passion, heartache, attachment and disappointment, may turn it into a marriage? Consortium? It's really practical. However, judging from the rising divorce rate of immigrants in China, the phenomenon of immigrant divorce still puzzles more and more people. How to stay away from the emotional crisis in marriage, carefully create a happy family and make marriage more than one? Consortium? This is indeed a question worth pondering.