Urgent for hilarious jokes, you have to screen them yourself.

1. Once upon a time, Americans visited Russia. One day, I saw two Russian workers on the road in Russia. One was digging a hole by the road with a shovel, and he dug a hole every three meters. The other worker immediately backfilled the hole just dug by the previous worker, and so on ... The American was curious and asked the first Russian worker, "Why did the guy behind you fill the hole as soon as you dug it?" The Russian worker replied, "We are greening the road. I dig holes, the second person plants trees, and the third person fills the soil. But the second person didn't come today. 2. School Booking Office: Tickets are extremely tight now. If you don't have the train ticket you want, will you obey the adjustment? Me: Obey. After getting the ticket the next day, I was angry: I booked a ticket to Shandong, why did I get it to Shanxi! ! ! School booking office: didn't you say you would obey the adjustment? 3, a person riding a motorcycle likes to wear clothes backwards, that is, buckle the button at the back to keep out the wind. One day, he was driving under the influence of alcohol, overturned and fell headlong on the roadside. When the police arrived ... Police Officer A: What a terrible car accident. Policeman B: Yes, I hit my head in the back. Officer A: Well, he's still breathing. Let's help him turn his head back. Policeman b: ok ... one, two, push hard, it's coming back. Policeman A: Well, I'm not breathing ... 4. I got up in the morning and saw a Netease comment on the first floor: Calm down, everyone, come here and listen to what the fifth floor says. Second floor: I think the fifth floor is very reasonable. The third floor: the fifth floor speaks the voice of the people. The fourth floor: the fifth floor is really good! Fifth floor: upstairs are all idiots! ! 5. The dormitory is on the 6th floor. After climbing up, I found that I didn't bring my key. I went downstairs to ask my aunt for it. Then I climbed up to open the door, went down to return the key, climbed up again, and found that the door was closed. A classmate next door passed by and asked, "Look, your door is not closed, I will close it for you." 6. jane doe had a quarrel with her husband, and I felt very uncomfortable. While my husband was sleeping, I squatted over his head to put a fart to give him a good smell. Unexpectedly, I pulled a pile of shit directly on his face with excessive force. (It's funny, but it's also disgusting.) 7. Once when the bell rang after class, everyone had to go home. When going down the stairs, a boy stepped on his right foot with his left foot and fell in the middle of the road in a big font ... He thought at that time: No, it's embarrassing, you have to pretend to be dizzy. As a result, the classmates next to him saw that the boy was motionless, and quickly helped him up, and then slapped him around wildly ... 8. A gentleman rented a Jin Tianyi at the rambling bar, and when he saw the second page, he burst into tears. I don't know which damn day, he drew a circle on a certain character with a blue ballpoint pen and wrote-this is the murderer ... 9. Every time his wife quarreled with her husband, his wife ran to the toilet for half a day, so many times, his husband had to. Seems to be quite Japanese? The wife said: brush the toilet! My husband asked if flushing the toilet could be a fucking solution. The wife said: I don't know, anyway, every time I use your toothbrush. 1. Funny translation of some dishes in China (English) "Mapo Tofu"-"Tofu made by a woman with freckles"; "Four Joy Meetballs"-"four happy meatballs"; "Iron plate beef"-"wrinkled iron beef": "raw fish pieces"-"chop the strange fish"; "Official Baoji Ding"-"Chicken who has not had sex yet"; "Sweet water surface"-"Sweet surface"; "Scorpion"-"Divide sons". 11. Before marriage: He: Long live, finally waiting! I can't wait! She: May I leave? He: No! Don't even think about it! She: Do you love me? He: Of course! She: Will you betray me? He: No, why do you think that? She: Will you kiss me? He: Yes! She: Will you hit me? He: No matter what! She: Can I trust you? Read from bottom to top after marriage! 12. That's the smell. Once upon a time, there was an old man who liked to drink the soup cooked by his wife. As long as he didn't drink it for a day, he felt sick all over. Later, his wife died, so he couldn't drink that soup, so he was very sad, so he began to ask his wife to cook it. But no matter how well his daughter-in-law cooks it, he always throws it aside and says, "It's not the taste. You can cook such a terrible soup! "At first, my daughter-in-law always submitted to humiliation, but as the days passed, she still couldn't cook it. Finally, she had a murder plan to kill her father-in-law. But she didn't know how to do it. She thought and thought, and suddenly she found a rusty pesticide in the corner. She sprayed insecticide into the soup, and then got up the courage to give it to her father-in-law, who shouted, "That's the smell! This is the taste! " 13. A man ventured alone in the forest and suddenly found himself surrounded by cannibals. So he shouted to the sky, "I'm dead, God help me!" " I saw a voice coming from the sky as soon as the light came: "Not necessarily, you can pick up a big stone on the ground and smash the leader to death." So he picked up the biggest stone on the ground and slammed it at the chief, just killing him. All the people stayed for a while, and then glared at each other. At this time, there was another voice from the sky: "Now you are really dead. X, an employee of the personnel department of an enterprise, was recently transferred to the public relations department downstairs. On this day, his friend called the original department: "Is X there?" X's colleague replied: "He is no longer in the personnel." Friend: "Ah? When did he ...? " Colleague: "Last week." Friend: "I didn't know anything about it … I didn't give him a ride …" Colleague: "It doesn't matter, just go down and find him?" Friend: Ah, you are really joking. Colleague: I'm not joking. He said when he left that if anyone misses him, he is always welcome to visit him below. Friend:. . . . This is not convenient. . . . Colleague: Well, it's really inconvenient during the day, so I'll ask him to come to you at night! ! 15. Someone bought a jar of good wine last week and put it in the corridor. The next day, I found that one fifth of it was missing, so I posted the words "No stealing wine" on the barrel. On the third day, the wine was two-fifths less. He was very angry and posted the words "Heavy punishment for stealing wine". On the fourth day, the wine was still stolen, only one-fifth of it was left, and his lungs were almost mad. Knowing this, my friend said to him, "Idiot! You won't put the word' urine bucket' on the barrel to see who steals it? " He thought it was reasonable and did it. On the fifth day, he cried: the bucket was full ... 16. Seven dollars. A woman took counterfeit money to buy breakfast. The peddler was annoyed: "Elder sister, even if you give counterfeit money, it is at least a stamp. This bill of yours is actually painted! Take a step back and say, forget about painting. You can draw a ten-piece or five-piece one, and you can draw a seven-piece one! " 17. I was drinking with some friends one night, and several people drank too much. One of them fell asleep on the side of the road, and we couldn't lift him, so we discussed finding something to cover him so as not to catch cold. When I saw him a few days later, he said that he woke up the next day and found three bicycles on him. 18. I need to hit a buddy in the barber shop. After sitting down, the master asked him if he would wash his hair. He hesitated, agreed, and chose shampoo. The master washed his head twice seriously. When he returned to his seat, the master wiped his head and asked, "What are you going to do?" This guy looked at the mirror for a long time and said, "I want to shave my head …" 19. Gastroenteropathy An old man went to see a doctor and told him that there was something wrong with his stomach. The doctor asked him, "Is your stool regular?" "Very regular, defecate at eight o'clock every morning on time." "Then what's your problem?" "The problem is that I don't get up until nine o'clock every morning." Doctor: "..." 2. The meaning of working conversation is to say something insincere without conscience. Here are some more appropriate ways to interpret office conversation. I suggest you refer to it so as not to understand what the other party is saying! 1. Maybe I can work overtime to get things done. (Note: How long do you want me to work? Do you want to live or not? I'm not sure whether this can be implemented. (Note: This is nonsense. ) 3. Original: Really? (Note: Nonsense! Maybe you can ask other people's opinions. (Note: You wait and see who will talk to you! Of course, I am also very concerned. (Note: Who has time to take care of this! Sorry, I didn't participate in this project. (Note: Leave me alone. What does this matter have to do with me? ) well, this is very interesting. (Note: What is this! ) 8. I will try to insert this matter into the work progress. (Note: Why didn't your boy explain earlier? He may not be familiar with this matter. (Note: His head is filled with paste! So you are not satisfied with this work? (Note: Damn it, what do you want to find fault with? ) 11. The workload at hand may be a little too heavy. (Note: I get this little salary. Do you want to kill me? I like to accept challenges. (Note: What a lousy job this is! ) 13, the original: You may not know much about it. (Note: Are you out of your mind? I understand, I understand. (Note: What on earth is this guy talking about? ) Yes, we should discuss it. (Note: Alas! What stupid meeting is going to be held again! )