What classic jokes are circulating among the police?

1. The child eats at his aunt's house, and her aunt cooks fish for him. The child said while eating: this fish is delicious, it would be better if it didn't put thorns! Three women died in a car accident and went to heaven. When they got there, the angel St. Peter said, "In heaven, we have only one rule here-never step on a duck." After confirming that the three girls understand, enter heaven. There are ducks everywhere in heaven, and there are so many ducks that you can hardly step on them. Although they tried to avoid it, the first woman accidentally stepped on one. At this time, the angel St. Peter immediately came to her with an ugly man that a woman had never seen before and told her that the punishment for stepping on a duck was to be tied to the ugly man forever. The next day, another woman accidentally stepped on a duck. Then St. Peter came to her with another extremely disgusting man, just like the woman before. St Peter associated the second woman with the ugly man he brought. The third one has found this cruel result. She doesn't want to be tied to an ugly and disgusting man forever. So she is very, very careful about her steps. She lived for months without stepping on any ducks. But one day, St. Peter came to her with a super handsome guy he had never seen before. This man is not only tall and strong, but also has beautiful long eyelashes. St Peter locked them together and left without saying anything to the woman. The woman asked the man tied to her, "I want to know why I can be tied to you forever?" I don't know about you, but I stepped on a duck. A frog called the priest and asked about his fate. The priest said, "Next year, a young girl will come to meet you." The frog jumped up happily: "Oh, really? Was it at the prince's wedding? " The priest said, "No, it's in her biology class next year." Someone's newly-installed phone has just been rented out by the cinema, so people often call to ask about the movies being shown. At the beginning, he always explained politely that this phone is no longer his, so please don't call again. After a long time, he also felt annoyed and simply said, "You have the wrong number!" " This will also save some saliva. One day, a familiar voice came from the other side: "What movie is showing now?" As usual, he said, "You have the wrong number!" After a moment of silence, the other party replied, "Is it a China film or a foreign film?" The residents on the first floor got a big dog from nowhere. When he first came, he was very vigilant and barked at the slightest movement. My home is on the sixth floor. Although I climb up and down every day, nine times out of ten I will still be called. I am timid. As soon as the dog barked, I ran as fast as I could for fear that it would suddenly rush out. Pick up my little nephew who is attending an English training class on Sunday and go home for dinner. Just entering the first floor, the big dog barked as usual, which gave me the willies. The little nephew was not afraid at all, but shouted, "spit." Strangely, after a few spits, the big dog actually stopped barking and made a poor "hum" sound. When I got home, I asked my little nephew how he could tame such a fierce dog. The little nephew proudly said, "When the dog barks at you, it is actually saying one, and you answer twice. At this time, the dog stopped barking because he was ashamed that he could not repay the three of you. " 6. When I was at school, I was going to change my pants in the dormitory one day. I just took off my belt. Unexpectedly, several female students came in, so I had to go to the dormitory next door with my pants. I untied my button and was about to take it off. Unexpectedly, several female students came in, so I had to walk to the door of the dormitory next door with my pants. Because I was in a hurry with pants in my hand, I had to kick open the dormitory door and shout, "Is there a woman in it?" Is there a woman? "I saw many girls sitting in the room, looking at me in horror ... 7. One day, two men and women in love were on the road. The boy took the girl with him, and the girl was beautiful, wearing a very elegant white dress. Boys' eyes are not very good-myopia. The boy was riding a bicycle with the girl on the road, and they were together sweetly. At this time, passing a crossroads, no one noticed the existence of the police, and the boy rode to the police. The policeman looked at it and shouted, "You! Come down, come down. " The boy jumped out of the car at once, and the girl was calm. Seeing this situation, her mind turned to her heart. He said to the policeman, "Have you seen me? ! ！” The policeman froze. The girl winked at her boyfriend when the police were not looking, and the boy understood at once. The policeman asked the boy again, "Is she your girlfriend?" The boy said, "Who are you talking about?" The girl said, "Have you seen me? The policeman's hair stood on end and said to the boy, "Come on! ""8. The bus driver keeps stepping on the accelerator to get on the bridge. When he found an old woman crossing the road in front, it was too late to brake! I saw the old woman lying on the road in front of the car, motionless, next to a pile of intestines flowing out, and began to ooze blood ... Some people began to scream, some people were speechless, and the driver was pale and afraid to go down. When the driver in the car began to point to the driver now, something strange happened ... Suddenly, the old woman stood up trembling, took out a broken plastic bag and started. 9. My brother doesn't like his mother's cooking very much, but he likes instant noodles. His mother scolded him, "You won't go out to buy lunch, will you?" Eating instant noodles is not nutritious! ! "My brother talked back and said," I just like eating, so what! " ""oh ~ mom tells you that instant noodles are really not a good thing. There is a young lady in your father's company. In order to save money and send it home, she eats instant noodles at noon and night in the morning. Eating instant noodles every day, she died three months later! " -Brother (frightened to disgrace): "Really? "-how could mom lie to you?" -Really, how did she die? "-um ... something happened when I bought instant noodles ..."10, a female classmate worked hard. One night, she finished reading a book at one o'clock. It is said that the night view of Lake Xiang Si is beautiful, so I want to go there for a walk. When she reached the lake, she suddenly felt someone patting her on the shoulder. She turned around and saw a pale woman. The woman said, "junior, I have no feet." Primary school girls don't think look at that strange woman's feet, really not! The primary school girl started to run, but the female ghost followed her all the way and said darkly in her ear, "I have no feet, I have no feet ..." The primary school girl felt very annoyed, so she went directly to the dormitory and shouted at the female ghost, "What should I do without feet?" I don't have breasts yet! "No.10, Women's Progress Award. Today, when my wife came back from shopping, she cried as soon as she entered the room: we can't live like this. Let's die. Can these two dead money last until the end of the month without eating or drinking? Except for wages, there is nothing that does not go up. You can't eat five yuan of pork and stewed sauerkraut. Hurry back to your mother's house tomorrow and bring more cabbage and potatoes, so that you can hold on. Conveniently took out a pack of sanitary napkins and threw them on the table, saying something that shocked me: I can't afford menstruation if TM goes up again. No 9, Best Sound Award: I passed an intersection that day and wanted to fart. There happened to be a man riding a motorcycle, so I wanted to take this opportunity to cover my fart. I don't know, the noise is too loud. The motorcyclist thinks it's started, and he's going to leave when he's in gear. At that time, I was embarrassed to be the eighth. The mobile phone manufacturer gave a special prize to a friend of mine and bought a new mobile phone. I accidentally dropped my mobile phone in the toilet. Fortunately, the things in the toilet pit are very sticky, and the mobile phone didn't go in. Just as he was about to find something for his mobile phone, someone called him! It happened that his mobile phone was set to vibrate again. I watched the phone vibrate and slowly disappeared into the sticky pit. I threw up in the main box when I was repairing the computer at the IT annual award. Results The computer popped up and found the new hardware ~ the sixth place. There are three people in the China Prize for Literature Office, two men and one woman, the older one is 45 years old, the younger one is 2 1 year old, and the female one is 30 years old. There is no competition between the three people, so they have a harmonious relationship and get along well. One day, this woman was promoted and moved out of this office. At the celebration dinner, after the big man toasted, he asked the woman: Why did you abandon your husband and children? Abandoning her husband and children caused the whole table to burst into laughter. Another day, the little boy also got a raise. At the celebration party, the husband of the lady who left first asked the big boy sourly: I heard that Mr. Wang made a very amazing speech at the last party. What is there to say this time? The big man was stunned and said, what can I say? I have struggled for half my life, and now my wife and children are separated! Fifth place, Biological Harmony Award Chongqing once had a classic place name called Renhe. It was shot by time, place and person. There's a unit over there with invincible signs. Fourth place, Best Reading Award. Before I went to the back door of China Normal University to have a barbecue, there was an advertisement with three lines written in Chinese characters: roast beef skewers, chicken legs and red hearts, and a NB MM next to it, which loudly read: roast beef, chicken third place, best service award one day. We had to swipe our cards at the front door and get on the bus from the back door, but there were too many people on the bus to squeeze in the back door. So, the driver's big brother discussed with us: I'll start the car first, drive slowly, and you run behind the car. My cousin and I wondered: what is this method? But there is no way but to run after the car. Seeing that the car was about ten meters away, all of a sudden, the passengers on the car couldn't stay up, all of them fell to the front of the car, and the back door suddenly gave up a big place. At this time, the driver's big brother proudly greeted us: get on the bus, get on the bus ... second place, the strongest love award. On the bus, I heard someone calling the radio station to order songs. A man called in and said, I am a foreigner, and now I can't buy a ticket to go home. I want to spend the New Year in Beijing. I want to order a song. The host asked him: Who do you want to order songs for? I don't think it's necessary to ask. It must be my parents and distant relatives. Who knows, he replied: I want to order a song of Jordan chan's "You are malicious" and give it to all the staff and ticket sellers in Beijing Railway Station! 1, annual prize! When I was in Sichuan University, I used to wander around the campus with the sixth student in my dormitory, drinking Pepsi cans while walking. When we saw a trash can, we made a bet to see who stood farthest and could throw it in. The loser invited me at night. I hit the nail on the head. By the sixth grade, he stood further and threw it on the top of the trash can with all his strength. Bang! There was a loud noise when the cans were dipped in Lao Gao. Just as a girl passed by, Lao Liu didn't drink the cans clean, and coke splashed on the girl's face. At first, Lao Liu and I quickly apologized to her, but the girl just wouldn't let people talk and kept cursing. Lao Liu got angry and scolded her. I first saw them when I was this age. They kept cursing for about an hour, and suddenly the girl pointed to her face and said, are you okay? You can lick it clean! Old six and I haven't reflected it yet. Old six is still reluctant. The girl went on to say: you are still a man! Old six was angry, grabbed her, moved her head, leaned her head in the past, stuck out her tongue and licked it twice! Lao Liu also said to the girl: OK! It's over! Hum! Old six turned around and saw me gaping. We both burst out laughing. The girl also came to her senses and squatted on the ground crying. It doesn't look good. We quickly put in a good word and apologized to others. Later, I can't remember how she stopped crying. That night, Lao Liu invited the girl and my guests and sent the girl back to the dormitory at night. A few days later, that girl became the girlfriend of Lao Liu, and our dormitory was the first to fall in love. Later, I asked the girl about her condition, and she said that she made a big joke when she was dizzy. However, she thinks Liu is good, so she will be wrong. Since the sixth year, our dormitory always asks if there is any intimate behavior in love and whether it has been licked.