What about catchphrases, proverbs, humorous stories, ancient and modern jokes, prompts, advertising slogans, wonderful dialogues and exquisite language?

A jewelry store was robbed. When the police arrived at the scene, they found a drunkard lying there. In order to find out where the jewelry was, the police found a bucket of cold water and pressed the drunkard's head into the water. , while asking: "Have you seen those jewels?"

The drunkard opened his hazy eyes and said: "I'm sorry, I really can't find them. You should find another diver!"

A gambler took 1,000 yuan from home to gamble. A few hours later, he came back.

His wife hurriedly asked: "Has that big ticket 'given birth' to a baby?"

"Yes, it has given birth." The gambler took out two 10-yuan bills from his pocket. of banknotes, and said sadly: "Unfortunately, their 'mother' passed away."

A smart move

A Moscow citizen lost a parrot - a A parrot that knows how to curse.

God knows what it will say outside? The owner was very nervous. In order to avoid unnecessary trouble, he specially published such an advertisement in a reputable newspaper with a large circulation: "A talking parrot has been lost. I hereby solemnly declare that I do not agree with it." Political views."

A family gave birth to a son, a talented little baby. After the child is born, he will be able to speak and recognize his own relatives. The sad thing is that as soon as the child calls his relative, his relative will die immediately.

The child called Grandpa, and Grandpa was drinking water, and he immediately choked to death; the child called Grandma, and Grandma was stepping over

the threshold and fell. dead.

The child's father saw how great his child was. He was frightened and was about to run away from home. Unexpectedly, the child's eyes glanced over and opened his mouth. My father was shaking with fear. Sure enough, the child called "Dad". The father's heart suddenly sank to the bottom of the sea: "I can't die like this, I have to die on the bed!". My father climbed onto the bed with his legs in his hands, waiting for death to come.

Waiting and waiting, my father waited for hour after hour, but he never died. Father Zhongzhui jumped up: "The baby

can't defeat his father!". My father spread the word everywhere.

At this time, the neighbor's sister-in-law came crying and reported to her father: "My poor husband was fine just now, but suddenly he died after he shouted

I don't know why!"

When someone went to the laboratory department, the nurse pointed to a sign in front of her and said: Non-undergraduate students are not allowed to enter.

The visitor was furious and cursed: I’ll just do a urine test, and I still want a fucking bachelor’s degree

The wife asked her husband: Do you like my gentleness and cuteness, or my intelligence? beauty?

Husband replied: I just like your sense of humor!

1. A bat with chicken feathers on its body - what kind of bird are you?

2. The flagpole erected eight hundred years ago - the old bachelor!

3. What the turtle laid - the bastard!

4. There is a fire in the bag - burn the bag!

5. Flies collecting honey - pretending to be crazy (bee)

6. Water in the teapot - get away!

7. The fire burns the bamboo forest - a scene of bachelors!

8. Use sheets as diapers - generous enough!

9. March of cooks - taking the blame for others.

10. From Henan to Hunan - even more difficult!

11. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven - King (forget) eight!

12. One, two, three, five, six - nothing (4)

13. A full cow belly - straw bag!

14. The tailor did not bring a ruler - bad intentions (quantity)

15. Cao Pi's money - not necessarily (Wei coins)

16. "Hundreds" "Family Surname" remove Zhao - money comes from your mouth!

17. X (X) illuminates people - I see through you!

18. No water will flow after the plug is pulled out - stubbornness!

19. Zebra’s head - clear and logical!

20. The announcer comes on stage - teasing

21. Drinking water from the nostrils - quite choking!

22. Car accident - taking advantage of others' danger!

23. The guard on the city wall - master (guard)

24. The opera singer's leg cramps - he can't get off the stage!

25. The mother enters the delivery room - she is about to give birth!

26. Put powder into the coffin - save face!

27. Silkworm's mouth - the mouth turns into poetry (silk)!

28. Cicada is not called cicada - Got it!

29. Tears of singing - singing and crying

30. To eat walnuts, you have to smash them!

31. The garbage in the kitchen\trivial things

32. The toad in Guangzhou\is difficult to deal with (toad)!

33. Protect eyesight＼Be cautious!

34. There is a fire in the firecracker shop＼Congratulate yourself!

35. Holding a child and pushing the wheels around＼adding people does not add strength.

36. Doctors sell coffins＼to pay for life and death!

37. The sun is installed in the cabin.

38. The notice is posted on the roof. God knows!

39. Dirty mother crying dirty＼Dirty damn!

40. Light mosquito coils under the bed＼Nothing to say (mosquitoes)!

Fifteen buckets to fetch water - seven up and eight down

Half a tael of cotton - no discussion. (Free bullets)

The monk holds an umbrella - lawless. (No hair, no sky)

The weather in the twelfth lunar month - use your hands and feet. (frozen hands and frozen feet).

It is unreasonable for a father to kowtow to his son. (How can there be such a gift).

Stones were thrown into public toilets - causing public outrage. (causing public feces).

Grandma’s son died—there was no way to save him. (no uncle).

Husband slaps his fan - desolate. (Wife Liang).

The scholar’s ??empty coffin was buried----------arrogant. (There is no one among the trees).

Jie Yuan----------rules in Wang Ba Zhong. (guiju).

Peanuts--------------It must be noisy. (It must be fried).

The cobbler does not bring an awl - that's fine. (Needle row).

It is just right for a girl from the He family to marry the Zheng family. (Zheng Heshi).

The monk's house----------wonderful. (temple).

Wash the yellow lotus by the river----------Why bother. (River is bitter).

Dreaming about becoming a butterfly----------Fantasy. (Thinking of Feifei).

Monkey learning to walk----------hypocritical. (Fake orangutan).

Hardcover Maotai------------Long time. (Good wine).

The spider pulls the web------------selfishly. (from silk).

The blind man carries the blind man on his back----------He is getting busier and busier. (Blind on top of blind).

Take a walk in the watermelon field---it's good for both sides. (Left and right are circles).

Take off the old shoes and replace them with new ones------change the evil and return to the right. (Change your shoes to make things right).

Sack bags and grass bags------the bags are inferior to each other. (One bag is not as good as one bag).

The beans at the bottom of the bowl are vividly visible. (Every particle is in the eye).

Selling cloth without a ruler----------has bad intentions. (Without intention).

The poor carpenter opens ----------- only one sentence. (Only one saw).

Fire in the brick kiln----------rumor. (Kiln smoke).

The lamp is oil-free------------Trouble. (Fei Xin).

Zhong Kui married his sister and fooled around. (Ghost Marriage)

Crossing the river in a dung boat--------pretending to be dead. (Pretending to be shit).

The sticky nest mixed with yellow lotus ------- year after year of suffering. (One sticky and one sticky bitterness).

Open the drawer in the drug store and look for fun. (find pills).

The toad jumped into the well----I don’t understand. (Pfft).

The opera singer and horseman----------no. (walk).

Stir-fried pickles without soy sauce ------ I've said it before. (Salt first).

Getting from Henan to Hunan is even more difficult. (South to South).

Build lanterns and move rocks---just do as you are told. (copy).

The flood washed away the Earth Temple------be careful. (Liu Shen).

Cracking the whip in the plowed fields----bragging. (to urge cattle).

The backbone of a child is a villain. (The back of the villain).

The aviation force turned somersaults--confused right and wrong. (test flight upside down).

The mouse fell into the water tank------fashionable. (wet hair).

The old monk lives in a cave----nothing. (No temple).

The freighter went out to sea---------- layman. (foreign airlines).

Fire flagpole------------Sigh. (Long charcoal).

The weasel crawls into the chicken coop----speculation. (stealing chicken).

Soaking stones in a sauce jar--it's hard to describe in one word. (It takes a little salt to get in).

There is a reason for setting off firecrackers in the well. (with round sound).

It is not easy for an old hen to hold an empty nest. (No eggs visible).

Eat ginseng----------candidate. (Added later).

Emperor Pi’s mother----the skin is too thick. (Queen Mother Pi).

Thousand-year-old stone Buddha statue----Honest Man. (Old Stone Man).

Lead the sheep into the photo studio------make a fool of yourself. (Sheep appearance).

Planting vegetables on the wall----No chance. (no garden).

Fan and talk----talking like crazy. (Gossip).

Twelve taels of silver------------certain. (one tablet).

Sleeping guarding the toilet is not far from death. (Not far from shit).

Tang Seng’s book------------a serious book. (a true scripture).

Eating in a small bowl---it depends on the sky. (by Tim).

The meat pot was thrown into the river----------drowsy. (Meat and meat are heavy).

The bastard has chicken feathers in his belly------He returns home like an arrow. (The turtle's heart is like an arrow).

There is a cave behind the temple----------it's wonderful. (The temple is clear).

The longevity star Qi Xianhe----------no way out. (No more deer).

Put down 18 yuan twice------I’ve heard about it for a long time. (Nine texts and nine texts).

The girls in the dyeing room don't wear white shoes - naturally. (Self-dyed).

Tie pigtails at the back------violation of law and discipline. (The tail hair is messy).

The stove turned over----------unlucky. (Pour coal).

The rice pot is smoking------------Confused. (The rice is mushy).

Nephew lights lanterns - as usual (uncle)

Confucius moves house - loses all (books)

Burns the flagpole - long charcoal (sigh)

The sword in the manure pit cannot be used in Wen (Wen), nor can Wu (Dance).

Scallions mixed with tofu - one clear (green) and two white

The following are some commonly used sayings:

A dumb man eats coptis - he cannot tell the pain

A scholar encounters a soldier - he can't explain why

A bachelor teaches a boy - don't be greedy when it's cheap

The bachelor gets the money - there's no looking back

The blind man eats soup pills - he knows what he is doing

The two-foot-tall monk - is confused

Elegance, justice and integrity - shameless

A cement worker opens the door - living his own life

Stealing a chicken fails - losing a lot of rice, that is, not only did he not take advantage, but he suffered a loss

Throwing bombs in the pit ——Arouse people's excrement (indignation)

The Prince of Hell marries a daughter——Ghost Yao

The following is a common Cantonese saying:

Cowhide lantern ——The point is unclear

Chopping firewood under the bed-hitting the board means causing trouble and causing trouble

The wife is worried about it-Yin Gong means pitiful husband

Turning the fan - desolate (wife is cold), that is, pitiful

One-eyed man's wife - look at the sun at a glance

Winter money duck - get a word for reading

Overnight fried ghost - no fire

Sweet potatoes fell into the wind stove - the stew

Wet water olive kernels - two-ended chirping

Water melon beats the dog ——No cutoffs

Uncovered chicken coop—come in and out

White eels on the beach—if they don’t die, they will be dead or they will die

Burn on fire Flagpole - there is a long row of charcoal (sigh)

Chaozhou music - take care of yourself

Guitar wireless (wet cotton) - no play, that is, impeccable

African monk - annoying (black monk), that is, annoying

The fish seller takes a shower/the fish seller washes his body - no raw (fishy) smell

The bow ruler - crossing the water

Alan married Yarui - a hard fight

Too centimeters of pork - everyone has a share

Jiandui at the end of the year - I have what I have

Laoju buried at the end of the year - arithmetic

The Great Khan of Mongolia - Kublai Khan: Being spanked until his butt blossomed ( suddenly = butt ; fierce = crack)

Fetching water from a bamboo basket - in vain.

Flies fly into the garden - pretending to be crazy (pretending to be a bee)

Handsome guys dance - more handsome

Being like gold is like gold, and being like jade is like jade.

When eight are ripe, ten percent will be harvested; when ten are ripe, twenty percent will be lost.

He who steers the ship does not panic, and he who rides the ship is steady.

White rice is delicious, but grain fields are difficult to grow.

It rains for a hundred days, but there will always be sunshine.

One sight is not as good as a hundred hearings, and one action is not as good as a hundred seeings.

A prodigal spends money like dung, but a wealthy family cherishes dung like gold.

To help people, you must help them to the end, and to save people, you must save them to the end.

Forget about helping others, and remember when others help you.

When you are full, you are hungry, and when you are sunny, you are carrying an umbrella.

Eating and drinking too much can easily lead to illness, so take it regularly and ration to ensure health.

No discussion behind the scenes, no opinions in person.

The stupid man gets up first, and the stupid bird comes out of the forest early.

A whipping horse is a busy person.

Only by asking questions while learning can you become knowledgeable.

Disease enters from the mouth, and cold starts from the feet.

Disease enters through the mouth, and disaster comes out of the mouth.

If you don’t thank the doctor for your recovery, there will be no one to treat you next time.

When he was ill, he went to the doctor indiscriminately and burned incense in temples.

Sickness comes like a mountain falling, and sickness goes away like a silk thread.

Patients have many worries and are busy with many things.

Fix the leaks while the weather is clear, and study while you are young.

It is difficult to develop courage without taking three-point risks

If you are not a householder, you will not know the value of firewood and rice, and if you are not raising children, you will not know the kindness of your parents

Don’t take off your shoes when you don’t go to the riverside , don’t lift the pot until it’s hot enough.

Pretending to understand if you don’t understand will always be a loser.

If there are no rules, there will be no rules.

I won’t burn incense to offend God, and I won’t speak to offend people.

Those who cannot do small things cannot do big things.

If you don’t see a rabbit, don’t let an eagle fly.

If you don’t experience the cold of winter, you won’t know the warmth of spring.

It cannot be counted out, nor can it be fully counted.

If you don’t practice, you won’t be able to sweat well.

We are not afraid of Pepsi's disadvantages, but we are afraid of being discouraged.

We are not afraid of not knowing the goods, but we are afraid of comparing goods.

You are not afraid of dressing up late, but you are afraid of taking off your clothes early.

I am not afraid of being poor at home, I am just afraid of being lazy.

We are not afraid of a long road, but we are afraid of an old heart.

We are not afraid of chaos, but we are afraid of not investigating.

If you are not afraid of being slow, you are afraid of standing; one stop is two and a half miles away.

If you are not afraid of old age, you are afraid of lying down.

If you are not afraid of others being disrespectful, you are afraid of being unfair to yourself.

If you are not afraid of not being invited, you are afraid of not being good at your art.

If you are not afraid of high mountains, you are afraid of weak feet.

We are not afraid of hardship when we are young, but we are afraid of poverty when we grow old.

Don’t be afraid of difficulties, just be afraid of being lazy.

I am not afraid of the cold weather, but I am afraid that my hands and feet will not move.

If you are not afraid of failing in your studies, you are afraid of being dishonest.

If you are not afraid of being ignorant, you are afraid of being short of ambition.

Don’t be afraid of ten thousand, just be afraid of the unexpected.

If you don’t enter the tiger’s den, you won’t get the tiger’s cubs.

If you don’t take the burden, you don’t know the weight; if you don’t take the long road, you don’t know the distance.

If you don’t listen to the old man, you will suffer a lot.

If you don’t take advantage, you won’t be fooled. If you take advantage, you will suffer big losses.

If you don’t laugh, you won’t get through life. If you don’t laugh, you won’t get through life.

In the trough, there are no pigs to eat but pigs to eat, and the dirty parts are unevenly divided and dogs bite dogs.

The grass will not sprout if there is no intention, and the people will not develop if there is no intention.

The greedy man’s house has no food to eat, and the lazy man’s house has no firewood.

There is no winner if you always bet.

Don’t be scared if you are often scolded, and don’t be afraid if you are often beaten.

I often speak fluently, and my hands are not clumsy.

Always think of the time when there is no time, never think of the time when there is no time.

The Yangtze River does not reject trickles, and Mount Tai does not reject earth and rocks.

May is long, October is short, February and August are neither long nor short.

The elder brother is like the father, and the elder sister-in-law is like the mother.

There are people in the court who are good at being officials, and there are dogs at home who are good at guarding the door.

There must be a road for cars to reach the mountain, and for boats to reach the bridge.

Cars have lanes and horses have roads.

Support dysentery, hunger and typhoid fever.

Suffice the brave to death and starve the coward to death.

The scale can weigh weight, and words can inspire people's hearts.

Although the weight is small, it can weigh a thousand catties.

If you have enough food and clothing, you will not be poor forever.

Eat without speaking, sleep without speaking.

Eat and drink, people go downhill.

Eat rice when you eat, and talk rationally.

Wet your mouth when you eat, and wet your hands when you wash your face.

Prevent choking when eating and falling when walking.

Drink soup before eating to avoid getting hurt when you get old.

He eats like a dragon and works like a worm.

The steamed buns that have been eaten are not fragrant, and the sugar canes that have been chewed are not sweet.

If you eat wine but not vegetables, you will get drunk quickly.

Eating rice with a little bran will keep everyone healthy.

It’s short to eat others’ mouths and short to take others’ hands.

Educate yourself and gain wisdom.

It is better to do it early than to do it late, and it is better to do it skillfully than to do it recklessly.

A ruler is shorter and an inch is longer.

It is unfilial to pamper a dog to the stove.

When you sweat, you don’t face the wind, and when you walk, your chest doesn’t sag.

Three days after becoming a monk, the Buddha is in front of you; three years after becoming a monk, the Buddha is in the Western Heaven.

Go out to watch the sky and cook to watch the fire.

Rely on your friends when you go out and your parents at home.

Ask for directions when you go out, and ask about the customs when you enter the country.

The bow of the boat is stable and not afraid of the wind.

The ship carries a thousand pounds and only one person is at the helm.

A sore is afraid of being famous, and a disease is afraid of not being famous.

It takes a hundred years to start a business, but it takes one day to lose money.

(1)

A patient came to a psychiatrist.

Patient: I always feel that I am a bird.

Doctor: Oh. That’s very serious. When did it start?

Patient: Since I was a little bird.

(2)

A doctor at a mental hospital asked the patient: What would happen to you if I cut off one of your ears?

The patient replied: Then I would not be able to hear.

The doctor listened: Yeah, that's normal.

The doctor asked again: What would happen if I cut off your other ear?

Then A patient replied: Then I won’t be able to see.

The doctor became nervous. How could he not be able to see?

The patient replied: Because the glasses will fall off.

(3)

Two mental patients escaped from the hospital.

The two ran and ran and climbed into a tree.

One of the people jumped down from the tree.

Rolling and rolling.

Then he raised his head and said to the person above: Hey------what are you doing? Still not coming down---------?

The man above answered him: No---ok---ah------

I'm not yet familiar with it -----------

(4)

There is an old lady in the mental hospital.

Wear black every day clothes, holding a black umbrella.

Squatting at the door of the mental hospital.

The doctor thought: To cure her, he must start by understanding her.

So the doctor also wore black clothes and held a black umbrella and squatted there with her.

The two squatted in silence for a month.

The old lady finally spoke to the doctor:

Excuse me-------

Are you---also a shiitake mushroom------?

(5)

A certain mental hospital heard that the leader was coming to the hospital to inspect the situation, so the director convened a meeting with the patients. At the meeting, the director said: "This afternoon , there are very important leaders coming to visit, and everyone should go to the door to welcome them. During the welcome, all the patients stand on both sides of the hospital door, and they must stand neatly. When I cough, everyone applauds together, the more enthusiastic it is. Okay; I must stop when I stamp my feet, and no one can make a mistake. As long as everyone is done, we can eat meat buns for everyone tonight. If one person messes up, everyone will have no buns to eat, remember? "The patients in the audience shouted together: "Remember!"

That afternoon, the leader arrived on time. When he walked into the door, the welcoming patients were already standing at the door. As the director coughed, all the patients applauded and the atmosphere was very warm. Infected by the warm atmosphere, the visiting leaders walked into the hospital with a smile and applauded together with everyone. Seeing that the leaders had already entered the hospital, the director With a stamp of his feet, all the applause stopped, very neatly. Only this leader was still applauding and moving forward with a smile on his face. The dean felt very satisfied.

Suddenly, he burst out from the welcoming crowd. A patient who was as strong as Schwarzenegger strode up to the leader, gave him a big slap in the face, and shouted angrily - "You don't want to eat steamed buns anymore?" ! ! ! "

(6)

Psychiatrist A stole the phone number book from the nurse's office back to the ward. He asked B: "What do you think of the novel I completed recently?"

B looked at it and replied: "Not bad, but there are just too many characters."

At this time, the nurse from the mental hospital came in and said: "Please put the phone number book Put it back! ”

(7)

A doctor at a mental hospital is going to talk to a mental patient who is about to be discharged from the hospital to confirm whether the patient has fully recovered.

Doctor: What are you going to do after you leave the hospital?

What?

Patient: Use rocks to smash all the window glass in your hospital.

After hearing this, the doctor found that the patient had not fully recovered, so he decided to continue treatment. A few more days

A few months later, the doctor felt that the patient seemed ready to be discharged from the hospital, so he decided to talk to him again.

Doctor: What are you going to do after you are discharged from the hospital?

Patient: Find a job.

Doctor: What next?

Patient: Make money.

Doctor: What next?

Patient: Save money.

Doctor: What next?

Patient: Marry a wife.

Doctor: What next?

Patient: The bridal chamber.

Doctor: What next?

Patient: Take off her clothes.

Doctor: What next?

Patient: Take off her pants.

Doctor: What next?

Patient: Take off her underwear.

Doctor: What next?

Patient: Take out the rubber bands from your underwear, make a slingshot, and find some rocks to smash all the window glass in your hospital.

(8)

Two mental patients A and B recovered at the same time. Their attending doctor said to them: "If one of you gets sick, the other one will send him to the hospital immediately."

Suddenly one day, the doctor's phone rang. It turned out to be Mr. A: "It's terrible. Mr. B has been crawling in my toilet since this morning. He must be my toilet." "Hurry, hurry him up." "Send it over!" Mr. A was silent for a moment: "Then...don't I have a toilet?"

(9)

In the mental hospital, there is a mental patient every day. Fishing in an empty fish tank.

One day, a nurse asked jokingly: "How many fish did you catch today?"

The mental patient suddenly jumped up and shouted: "Your brain There is something wrong, didn’t you see the empty fish tank?”

(10)

There is a mental hospital where many mental patients live.

One day, there The director of the hospital, in order to see the recovery of the patients, came up with a way. He told these patients, "You all come here." He drew a door on the wall and said, "Today, whoever opens this door will be the winner." You can go home."

When the mentally ill patients heard this, they swarmed up and surrounded the door of the painting. The dean was very disappointed. At this time, he found that a patient was still sitting in the original position. He didn't move. He thought it was okay, so he stepped forward and asked, "Why don't you open the door?"

He looked at the dean and said something. After hearing this, the dean didn't know whether to laugh or cry.

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The patient secretly told the director: "I have the key."

(11)

There is a mental hospital, and two mentally ill patients can be discharged. , but the director was afraid that they would commit the crime again, so he warned them: "If any of you commits the crime again, the other one must call the hospital to inform the hospital, otherwise he will not be allowed to be discharged!"

They all agreed. .

One day, the hospital suddenly called, "Hey! Hello! Hello! My companion suddenly ran to the table and said he was a lamp!"

"Oh no! Why don't you send him back quickly?"

"But if I send him back, I won't have a lamp!"

"..."

(12)

Patients in hospital psychiatric departments often have admiration for doctors or nurses.

One day, a female patient came to a male doctor ...

Female patient: Doctor Lan, do you love me?

Dr. Lan thought for a long time (in order not to hurt the patient and avoid worsening of the condition)

Dr. Lan: Our relationship is between doctor and patient. Because you are sick, I must take good care of you. You...

(In order not to hurt the patient, Dr. Lan explained for a long time and finally explained

End)

Female patient: Doctor Lan, do you mean you don’t love me?

Doctor Lan (thinking hard): Hmm... um... um...

Female patient: Fortunately... I love Dr. Chen...

Not long after Hua Tuo's death, Cao Cao had a recurrence of headaches. He almost couldn't bear to live, and he struggled and rolled around. It was so pitiful. Cao Pi came after hearing the news and knelt down in front of the couch, but he had no choice but to cry. Later, when Mrs. Bian arrived and saw this state, she scolded: "Why don't you quickly ask the miracle doctor Hua Tuo to come and treat me?" Cao Pi wiped his face with his long sleeve and sobbed: "I...I, dad...just... ...just killed him!”

When a person says to you: “I’m not bragging”, he’s about to start bragging; when a person says to you: “I’m not criticizing you” When a person says to you, "I'm not the one to hit you," he will start to hit you. . .