A collection of Guo Degang’s funny jokes

1. Many heroic figures flashed before my eyes, including a senior official from Ximen and Teacher Chen (Edison Chen), who loves photography.

2. Finally, we chose a country with picturesque scenery and spring all year round. (Yu Qian: Where?) Tong County

3. When he was tired from walking, he sat here and the dog sat here, with one side high. Anyone who came over would wonder: Whose twins are these?

4. Don’t leave when the show is over. I’ll treat everyone to dinner and whoever goes will pay.

5. Dad, I’m hungry! I’m hungry again. Didn’t you eat last year?

6. That’s how I am, with or without garlic, I’m still the same Eat noodles, even if CCTV is engraved on the garlic

7. Eat pancake rolls and steamed buns with rice.

8. I will buy 50 good cars - Alto, Alto, Alto...! Use wire darts to rise and drive like a train!

9. My watch is very expensive. The original price is 350,000, and the discount is 420.

10. A tailor who doesn’t want to be a cook is not a good driver.

11. I eat quickly, I deceive my stomach: you are full, you are full...

12. If you are willing to die, I will be willing to bury you!

Thirteen, the three-foot dragon spring contains thousands of books. What do I want from God? If I cannot serve the country and bring peace to the world, whose husband am I? Yu Qian: What word? This is Guo Degang: Tang poetry. Why does Yu Qian’s Tang poetry include the mention of finding a wife?

14. These big girls are wearing clothes that hide and reveal their flesh.

15. I bet you have joined the beggar gang! You are very well dressed!

16. This guy is the worst! He killed his father at the age of 13, pushed his mother into the river at the age of 15, and killed his entire family at the age of 17! After watching her for less than 5 minutes, I burst into tears - Sister, I think this is a misunderstanding...

17. This is my uncle, (pointing to an admiring old actor), I I respect my uncle very much, an old performing artist. I composed a song for my uncle here and sing a few lines for everyone: Uncle, your nose has two holes...

18. ( (In a talk show) A foreigner said: We also have actors like Guo Degang in France. We don’t call it cross talk anymore. There are other names. But the difference is that in France we have freedom of speech and actors can be satirical. Big shot in France. Guo Degang: Yes, we really can't do this. We should learn from you. Next time we will also satirize the French big shots.

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20. There is a military wizard in Beijing, China, named Guo Degang. He can write pens to bring peace to the world, and he can mount horses to determine the world.

21. The car hit Yu Qian with a click, and Teacher Yu flew away. After a while, Teacher Yu opened his eyes: Hey, why am I here? I wasn’t on the road just now. Are you leaving? Why is the road so far away? I'm fine too. My whole body is fine, right? Hey, why is there a foot here? Hey, this shoe is the same as mine. Take a look at it. Hey, this sock is also the same as mine. Hey, take off the sock. This foot is the same as my other one. The same goes for the feet...Help!

Twenty-two, six grenades for one dollar, I will throw you a hundred dollars first!

23. The swimsuits of the past were so dignified. In the past, you could only see the swimsuit after you peeled off the swimsuit. Now, you can only see the swimsuit after peeling off the swimsuit.

Twenty-four. Last time I drank too much, used chopsticks as chicken claws, and ate one and a half.

25. Don’t hit him or scold him. You just want money. Let’s discuss it easily. But the ugly thing is that if it exceeds 100 yuan, you will vote for it.

26. Marriage is familiar to everyone and is a popular leisure activity for the general public.

Twenty-seven. When we are tired from walking, he sits here, and the dog sits here, with one side high. Anyone who comes over wonders: Whose twins are these?

Twenty-eight, I bought some paintings by Tang Bohu, including beautiful landscapes, Fuwa, a set of five...

Twenty-nine, three weeks of flipping backwards More than half a month.

Thirty, listen to cross talk for twenty, and make noises for sixteen thousand. Just laugh and add money. .

Thirty-one, Mr. Guo, please respect yourself. We only sell ourselves, not our skills.

Thirty-two. I stopped the woman walking on the road and planned to rob her. When I asked, I found out that she was a laid-off female worker. The more she talked about it, the more pitiful she became. Finally, I gave her five yuan.

Thirty-three, I bought some paintings by Tang Bohu, including beautiful landscapes, Fuwa dolls, a set of five...

Thirty-four, Nasuo takes a noodle It opens with just one poke, and a pack of instant noodles can open a small area

35. His sword is cold, his knife is also cold, his heart is cold, and his blood is cold ...This grandson is freezing!

Thirty-six. After ten years of elementary school and twelve years of middle school, I was named the most familiar face in the school. When new teachers came, they all asked me about the school. Insider.

37. Having friends from far away is not enough for you.

Thirty-eight, cross talk pays attention to four skills: trap, deceive, abduct and deceive!

Thirty-nine, I want to be a chef and performing artist...

Forty, I know some actors have no respect for themselves, and finally ended up in jail. (Yu Qian: That’s not right, that’s what people call Zang Dang in jail), yes, that actor’s name is Diao’er.

41. A couple does not necessarily have a good relationship, and a couple does not necessarily have a good relationship; a crosstalk master may not necessarily know how to speak crosstalk, and a singer may not necessarily know music.

42. In the tower climbing competition, there are first, second and third prizes, the first prize is 50,000, the second prize is 70,000...

43. In I was changing clothes in the car, and someone was leaning against the window. Big girl, look at this. I'm so anxious. Do you always see people changing clothes like this? The woman replied, "Do you always change in other people's cars?"

44. Today is like July 7th, when the divine bird meets the foreign chicken.

Forty-five. The house we live in is full of holes. If it rains, it will kill us: it rains lightly outside, and it rains heavily in the house. It rains heavily outside, and sometimes it rains too much. The whole family Everyone went to the courtyard to take shelter from the rain.

46. Thank you for having so many people here. It’s so flattering. It’s still a new year before the first lunar month. I would like to wish you all a happy old age and wish you happiness in your old age.

Forty-seven. If you are willing to die, I will be willing to bury you

Forty-eight. There are four dishes on the table. Open the first one and look at it. Ha! It’s so good! I’m jealous. Peanuts! Open the second one, even better! Old vinegar peanuts! Open the third one, peanuts, no vinegar! Look at the fourth one, a plate of vinegar!

Forty-nine, pancake rolls and steamed buns are just Eat with rice.

Fifty. Beef Noodles and Rice Noodles. One day, we are coming over. What should we eat? This, the Japanese pointed with their hands: cow poop!

Fifty-one, this guy is the worst! He killed his father at the age of 13, pushed his mother into the river at the age of 15, and killed his entire family at the age of 17! After looking at her for less than 5 minutes, tears came down - Sister, I think this is a misunderstanding...

52. Don't think that people with tattoos are gangsters. Yue Fei also has tattoos.

53. I bought Wang Xizhi’s handwritten large characters: One World, One Dream.

54. Scientists know martial arts, and even gods can’t stop them.

55. I am a pure and pure person. Chastity, virtuousness and virtue are synonymous with me. Wherever I go, the Chastity Arch will follow me. I will never take on outside work.

Fifty-six, today is like July 7th, the divine bird meets the foreign chicken.

Fifty-seven. Later, a refugee camp was set up for them and they all lived in it. I saw a bearded man. I stepped forward and asked: Who are you? Bin Laden (Laden is here) I'm scared: The whole world is arresting you, don't you know? I can't care, I can't care. Let them catch me after listening to your cross talk!

Fifty-eight. As the saying goes, when people go high, urine flows down low.

Fifty-nine. Just as he was talking, the bp machine on Bush's body rang, which was very impressive.

60. That white guy in the White House - freshly painted.

61. Tower climbing competition, there are first, second and third prizes, the first prize is 50,000, the second prize is 70,000...

62. In I was changing clothes in the car, and someone was leaning against the window. Big girl, look at this. I'm so anxious. Do you always see people changing clothes like this? The woman replied, "Do you always change in other people's cars?"

Sixty-three. Last time I drank too much, used chopsticks as chicken claws, and ate one and a half.

64. She picked up her slippers and hit me. Oh, you took me for a Bush.

65. Marriage is familiar to everyone and is a popular leisure activity for the general public.

66. The sky in Xuanwu District is sunny, and the people in Tongzhou District like it so much. Looking at Fengtai, they shout loudly, I love you Haidian. (Yu Qian: King of Suburban Counties) Although this poem is not very big, it reflects the harmony, friendship, unity and cooperation between districts and counties. The people contribute to the realization of the four modernizations and the smooth convening of the China-Africa Forum. It is reflects this meaning. (Yu Qian: How can this be the meaning?) I say it is, I think it is, it is.

Sixty-seven. The lock can be opened with a poke of noodles, and a pack of instant noodles can open a small area.

Sixty-eight, if I couldn’t beat you, I would have fallen out with you long ago.

Sixty-nine. If you are willing to die, I will be willing to bury you.

Seventy. Confucius once said: All good cabbage is given to pigs.

Seventy-one. I plan to rob a cash transport truck. I have to practice first. I need to practice holding a bicycle to avoid the Grand Duke.

Seventy-two, the swimsuits of the past were so dignified. In the past, you could only see the swimsuit after you opened the swimsuit. Now, you can only see the swimsuit after opening the swimsuit.

Seventy-three, that’s your father, I’m talking about your father!

Seventy-four. There is a bright moonlight in front of the bed. I suspect it is frost on the ground. I look up at the bright moon. My name is Guo Degang.

Seventy-five. There is a military wizard in Beijing, China, named Guo Degang. He can bring peace to the world with his pen, and he can use his horse to make peace with his martial arts. He knows women when he goes to the kang, and he knows shoes when he gets off the kang.

Seventy-six. (Holding a piece of jade) Donor, I gave this to you personally! !

Seventy-seven. There is a military wizard in Beijing, China, named Guo Degang. He can bring peace to the world with his pen and his military skills can make a difference in the world. He knows women when he goes to the kang and shoes when he goes down.

Seventy-eight, a pound of watermelon, weigh it accurately.

Seventy-nine, the world is silent, broad-minded, everyone’s affairs are my business, benefiting the people, relieving society’s worries, and specifically helping you, the powerless and mentally retarded groups, (vulnerable group) take your business as my business and look at everyone like my sons and daughters.

80. Dad, I’m hungry! I’m hungry again. Didn’t you eat last year?

81. Your *** looks like the charm of my youth

82. The world is silent, broad-minded, everyone’s affairs are my business, benefiting the people, relieving society’s worries, and specifically helping you, the powerless and mentally retarded groups, (vulnerable groups) ) take your matters as mine, and see that all are like my sons and daughters.

Eighty-three, Mr. Guo, please respect yourself. We only sell ourselves, not our skills.

Eighty-four, it was cold and I sent you a coat. The post office said it was too heavy, so I unzipped the buttons and put them in my pocket.

85. I am a second-hand scientist.

86. If you jump off a building, you will die. I have done some research and found that the effect on the 20th floor is different from that on the second floor. The second floor is bang, ah! Twenty floors, yes~~~~~pop!