Zhang Ailing: When love is absent, though the world is big, how can we be home?

Author | Liu Fang Happy Wings Student

Coordinates | Foshan, Guangdong

1? There is no feeling that is not full of holes

I like Zhang Ailing when I was a student, just because of her famous saying:

I want you to know that there is always someone waiting for you in this world, no matter when and where, anyway, you know, there is always such a person.

what a beautiful sentence!

ignite the infinite reverie in my girl's heart. I look forward to the appearance of that person as much as I look forward to poetry and distance.

I have fantasized for countless times:

I met the person you want to meet among thousands of people. In the endless wilderness of time, I happened to catch up, neither earlier nor later.

There is nothing else to say except to ask softly, "Oh, are you here, too?"

However, as 23-year-old Zhang Ailing said: In this world, there is no emotion that is not full of holes.

one word is enough! Zhang Ailing spent her whole life looking for love, but throughout her life, she never really got the love she wanted.

When I finished the courses "Iron Triangle of Life" and "How to Cultivate Children's Self-confidence" and looked back at Zhang Ailing's life, I found that many answers in her life were here.

Zhang Ailing and her iron triangle of life

Zhang Ailing is of noble descent.

Li Hongzhang married his daughter Li Ju to Zhang Peilun and gave birth to Zhang Yanzhong, Zhang Ailing's father.

Zhang Yanzhong is a young master who has watched the family decline and witnessed the coming of troubled times.

Her mother, Huang Yifan, was one of thousands of poor women in those days. Her parents died early and she was forced to accept her unhappy marriage.

Coupled with marital disharmony and Zhang Tingzhong's behavior of provoking peach blossoms, Huang Yifan left home and went abroad when Zhang Ailing was four years old.

At the age of p>1, Zhang Ailing's parents agreed to divorce, and Zhang Ailing lived with her father.

When her father remarried, her stepmother was not kind to her. At the instigation of her stepmother, her father beat Zhang Ailing hard and put her in a small house.

she was infected with severe dysentery, but her father didn't care about his life.

She finally escaped from that house and went to her own mother, whose financial situation was not good and her life was poor.

My mother once encouraged her to go to school, to get in touch with western culture and be a lady, but not long after, my mother went to Europe with a man and left Zhang Ailing to fend for herself.

Zhang Ailing, who was stubborn, had to give up school and began to contribute to earn money to make a living.

be famous before it's too late!

Zhang Ailing, influenced by her father's elegance and literary ability, has laid a good literary foundation and cultivated her literary hobby since childhood.

not long after, her "agarwood crumbs" came out and became famous in Shanghai overnight.

In Zhang Ailing's family of origin, everyone has everyone's misfortune.

Zhang Yifan's misfortune, to a certain extent, also caused misfortune to Zhang Ailing. Zhang Ailing's childhood was melancholy, and the lack of maternal love made her a single child in her heart. Her father's neglect made Zhang Ailing an orphan in her heart.

how can people who have never been loved know how to love themselves and others?

The word "love" is far away and unrecognizable to Zhang Yifan or Zhang Ailing, or to everyone in the Zhang family.

if you don't have it, you will be eager to have it. If you are missing it, you will always want to make it up.

In this way, it is not difficult to understand why Zhang Ailing has been searching and stumbling on the emotional road all her life, either "can't get it" or "lost it".

2? Although the world is big, there is no home

In the course of Cultivating Self-confidence, the teacher mentioned four factors that affect self-confidence, and Zhang Ailing occupied three.

But in the final analysis, the most fundamental and far-reaching influencing factor still comes from family of origin.

Although there is a large population in the halls, who can have a heart-to-heart communication with Zhang Ailing?

Zhang Ailing's childhood growth was lonely, which also made her lonely, cold and arrogant, and did not love words.

she is always a loner and doesn't associate with others.

During her school days, she never took part in any school activities, and always sat in the most inconspicuous corner, so silent that she was forgotten.

occasionally, even if you say something, the students around you often feel that they don't understand.

and for her, there are many things that don't need to be told.

When her father remarried, her stepmother gave a box of old clothes to Zhang Ailing as a meeting gift, and Zhang Ailing scolded her for half a century.

Zhang Ailing wrote in Children's Words Are Unbridled:

"There was a time when I lived under the rule of my stepmother. When I picked out her leftover clothes to wear, I could never forget a dark red thin cotton gown and the color of ground beef. It was like frostbite all over my body.

Winter has passed, and there are still frostbite scars-such hatred and shame.

More than half of it is because of self-shame, middle school life is unpleasant and I seldom make friends. ".

For Zhang Ailing, the world is big, but she has no home.

From the lack of paternal love and maternal love to the jokes of servants who prefer sons to daughters, the sensitive Zhang Ailing suspects that she is unworthy of love.

From the decline of her family to her stepmother's old clothes, Zhang Ailing grew up feeling inferior and depressed.

Old clothes give her "disgust and shame", which makes her fall into the bottom of the negative energy layer that seriously destroys her mental health, and it can't be lower.

Just as she met Hu Lancheng: after meeting him, she became very low, as low as dust ...

Let's talk about the ladder diagram of Zhang Ailing's spiritual growth.

In the ladder diagram of spiritual growth, value is a very important layer among the upper three layers. Anyone who does anything has made a choice of value.

Therefore, Zhang Ailing chose Hu Lancheng, who, like the doom in her life, is bound to appear and experience.

If life starts all over again, she may not have another choice.

When a woman who is eager to be loved meets a man who is good at using sugar-coated cannonballs, he gives her unprecedented warmth, goes to great pains to please her, and is so talented that Zhang Ailing, no matter how lonely she is, must be unable to resist?

But perhaps, Hu Lancheng really understands Zhang Ailing, her cold appearance, her inner loneliness, her every word and her every work, at least once.

A teacher once told me:

A talented woman is doomed to be lonely inside, and her pursuit of the other half is not only material and spiritual, but also spiritual.

However, it is difficult to find a person who resonates with her heart, and it is precisely this spiritual need that will outweigh everything.

Zhang ailing found her soul mate. Luckily? Or misfortune?

it's not easy to find a heart in a long time.

Zhang Ailing wrote in the marriage certificate: May the years be quiet and the world be stable.

These nine words contain all Zhang Ailing's expectations for the future, and they are willing to win the hearts of one person.

Contrary to expectations, Hu Lancai, a romantic, first seduced nurse Xiao Zhou, and then hooked up with widow Fan Xiumei. Zhang Ailing went all the way to Wenzhou, only to find Hu Lancheng flirting with others.

The man who once praised her as the literary goddess of the Republic of China once regarded her as a shoe.

Zhang Ailing also ended her tortured and heartache love with a sentence "I will just fade away".

This relationship achieved the heyday of her creation, which made Zhang Ailing love to be brilliant in soul and poor in spirit.

3

Buddha Sakyamuni said: No matter who you meet, it is no accident that he should appear in your life. He will certainly teach you something.

But what did Hu Lancheng teach Zhang Ailing?

Many people feel sorry for her combination with laya. A 29-year-old American third-rate writer, Zhang Ailing, is heavily in debt, and he is still dragging a whole body with illness. What can he give Zhang Ailing?

I think that's-stable love.

This is the only thing that laya can give to Zhang Ailing. Although Zhang Ailing also knows that this love will leave at any time with laya's old age and illness, it is enough to live and love.

In Zhang Ailing's life, there is another very important figure: Sang Arc.

This is a love affair that has never been admitted by Zhang Ailing personally. It was not until her little reunion was published that everyone knew that they were deeply in love.

Although Hu Lancheng left Zhang Ailing's life, she left a bunch of political problems for Zhang Ailing, which made her down and out for a time and plunged her into a very bad life predicament, which also had a considerable impact on her writing career.

It was the appearance of the mulberry arc that saved Zhang Ailing, who was in the mud, dragged her out of the mire and comforted Zhang Ailing's inner pain.

Zhang Ailing said that she was first in love with him by her feelings about Yanshan.

She likes mulberry arcs, so carefully that she dare not ask for anything, and her inner pride does not allow the slightest reluctance.

She doesn't expect the so-called worldly stability any more. What she wants with Sanghu is only an experience and a warmth.

Talent didn't save Zhang Ailing's self-confidence, and she didn't face this relationship bravely in the end. In the face of such a talented woman, Sang Arc, who is introverted, didn't dare to have any extravagant hopes.

This is a doomed love affair, and her future related to him has finally come to nothing.

Zhang Ailing chose to go to the United States alone, in exchange for the seclusion of the rest of her life.

There are always many regrets in life, either meeting the wrong person at the right time or meeting the right person at the wrong time.

I often wonder, if Sang Arc appeared before Hu Lancheng, would the outcome be different?

but there are no ifs in life, only results and consequences.

environment creates character, and character determines fate.

Zhang Ailing's lack of the iron triangle of life makes her long for a beautiful love and can give her warmth when she is an adult.

It is this desire that makes her forget that Hu Lancheng is a veritable "love rat", that makes her miss the lemonade-like "first love", and that makes her ignore that laya is a "poor household" who can't even give her a stable life.

Adler once said: Lucky people are cured by childhood all their lives, while unfortunate people are cured by childhood all their lives.

all her life, Zhang Ailing was trapped in the curse of family of origin. What she lost in her childhood, she spent her life searching in the vast sea of people, and after all, it was nothing.

For Zhang Ailing, who is full of natural talents, family of origin's pain is finally transformed into an immortal work, which is spread all over the world, and it can be regarded as the perfection of misfortune.

For most of us ordinary people, it will be a disaster in our lives if a family of origin is riddled with holes. It is very likely that we will not be able to get the happiness of our families and run our own businesses well.

I only wish that there were more loving parents and fewer unhappy children in the world.

Our children may not become brilliant and successful people, but as long as we give them enough love and warmth of childhood, they can still lead a happy life with ordinary efforts.

and this happiness is the regret that countless talented people have longed for all their lives.

About us

Happiness Wings focuses on the professional system of family education knowledge dissemination, and is committed to accompanying and supporting thousands of families in China towards happiness.

pictures/? Network

What's your biggest feeling after reading today's article

?

Tell Happy Jun at the message post

.