What if a first-grade child fails to meet the requirements in writing and is complained by the teacher every day?

Yesterday, my classmates who were tutoring together found me and said that I was written in a mess by my son.

Her child, like my son, has just entered the first grade. Because their handwriting can't meet the teacher's requirements, they are basically bombarded by the teacher's phone and WeChat every day.

After receiving the teacher's message, I began to strictly monitor the children. According to the teacher's request, I asked the children to write over and over again, and the children behind me were as crazy and particularly scared as writing. The more you write, the less you want to write. I often cry while writing.

The night before, my mother couldn't help losing her temper because of writing, which caused the child to cry all the time before going to bed. My mother had no strength to comfort her, and the poor child cried herself to sleep.

And this mother, because there are many things at home recently and the work pressure is great, her father is basically a shopkeeper, which is simply miserable.

She also studied the content of family education counselors, understood the development law of children, and clearly told teachers that it takes time to adjust children.

But the teacher basically promised to communicate well every time, and began to repeat it in two days. Continue to be very demanding of children. Do you want me to touch her? What's next?

02

Later, I learned that the child's head teacher is an old teacher. This class is the last class before her retirement. I can't help but be anxious and demanding. I hope my career will leave a strong impression.

Therefore, the teacher, in a relatively normal state of mind, can accept the mother's statement and give the child time to adjust constantly.

Once in a bad mood, I feel that my child is dragging my feet and eager to transform my child. Moreover, my mother is increasingly unwilling to face the teacher because of the psychological pressure of the teacher's re-reading.

After listening to her description, the first thing I did was to understand her mother's feelings, saying that she was really hard, with her children's affairs, her parents' affairs, her husband's affairs, the pressure of work, and so on. All kinds of things made her breathless, as if she had fallen to rest.

She said that if it weren't for the office, I would really like to cry. I told her that crying is a good thing. Our emotions just need an outlet. You can tell me today that this is actually the beginning of a change.

I got deeper and deeper.

Ask her: What will happen if the child doesn't correct the badly written words?

She said: If he doesn't correct, the teacher will come to me at once and let me stare at the child.

I asked: What are you afraid of when the teacher asks you to stare?

She said: I am afraid that the teacher's high requirements will ruin the children's learning mood and hate learning.

I continued: so, are you sure you are on the side of the children, right?

She said: Yes.

I continued to ask: are you helping the children?

She hesitated a little, saying that she didn't do her best to help, and I was worried that I couldn't keep up with the teacher's rhythm. I am worried that the teacher will refuse him, and his frustration is even more serious.

I continue: that is to say, you are on the side of the children in your heart, but your behavior is helping the teacher. For children, are you an accomplice of the teacher?

She said, yes, the child must think so.

So, you only helped the children on the surface, in fact, you didn't help. Your heart is torn.

She said: I also repeatedly communicated with the teacher and explained our situation. I hoped the teacher would give him time, and the teacher accepted it at that time, but he was still very demanding and stared.

03

Then, let's go back to the experience of children. In school, teachers supervise and control in all directions without dead ends, constantly demanding and criticizing children. He must be under great psychological pressure.

When I got home, my mother continued to monitor according to the teacher's request.

What does it mean for a 6-year-old child and a child who has just entered the first grade?

It means no chance to catch my breath.

Will children fall in love with learning in the long run? Or hate homework more? Hate studying?

So at present, parents and teachers think that what they do is to write well for their children, but the real result may be that children hate writing more and hate going to school.

This practice is not advisable.

Let's go back to the problem itself, that is, the teacher's requirements do not match the child's reality.

Now that we know what the problem is, we will try to solve it.

Since I talked to the teacher by phone and WeChat, it ended in failure.

Then we can adopt a more formal way, such as face-to-face or writing letters.

At the same time, let's think again, why did the previous communication fail?

First, the teacher disagrees with you. I just don't think children need positive encouragement to make real progress.

Second, the teacher is particularly helpless and anxious. Every time she finds her parents, she actually wants their help. Faced with the help of the teacher, the mother's psychology is exclusive, and the teacher can't feel the sincerity and true intention of the parents.

Third, parents themselves are constantly swaying under the teacher's left and right. For a moment, I feel I must respect my children, and for a moment, I feel I must listen to the teacher.

04

Then, in the face of these problems, let's analyze why children can't write well.

First: the difference between boys and girls.

The frontal lobe development of boys is slower than that of girls, so boys will be more impulsive and unable to control themselves. Relatively speaking, girls are more likely to follow the rules.

Moreover, boys have more dopamine in their blood and more blood flowing through the cerebellum, so boys' cerebellum is more active. They don't like static things, such as doing their homework quietly. They prefer sports.

Therefore, our parents should not ask too much of boys, but give them more encouragement and help.

Second: children are young, their finger strength is not well developed, and it is very difficult to write.

When children start to write, because their fingers are not strong enough, writing with the strength of the whole arm will lead to particularly hard writing, very easy to get tired, and the words will be very big.

In this case, you have to wait until the child grows up slowly, probably in the third or fourth grade, and you will suddenly find that the child's handwriting becomes smaller. My daughter's handwriting suddenly became smaller until the day of the third grade. )

That's because, slowly, children began to write with the strength of their wrists, and the words became easier to control.

Then, it is particularly difficult for a child to write by himself. If the teacher keeps asking, it will be revised many times if it is not good, and the child will be more afraid.

Therefore, our focus is to persuade teachers to lower their standards for children through their professional knowledge and sincere attitude.

05

How can I communicate with the teacher?

Number one: the same teacher.

Second: take the initiative to take responsibility.

In view of the children's situation, it is the parents' work that is not in place, not the children's fault, but the mother's previous educational methods, which leads to the children's lack of self-confidence and fear of difficulties.

Third: objectively tell the physiological differences and characteristics of 6-year-old boys and girls.

Generally speaking, teachers have a systematic study of children's psychology, but because perennial education focuses on children's achievements and performance, many teachers may forget children's various growth differences.

Fourth: the child's current real situation.

My children's handwriting can only be written to this extent at present, and it is impossible to improve greatly in a short time. I hope the teacher is also psychologically prepared.

Fifth, explore the common goals of parents and teachers.

Parents and teachers want their children to write well and keep up with their studies, so parents and teachers are actually a cooperative relationship. Since they are cooperative, we should focus on resolving differences.

Sixth, in view of the differences in methods, put forward parents' own views and related theoretical basis.

1. Improve children's sense of self-efficacy.

No matter what children do, they need a sense of accomplishment before they are interested in continuing.

The "self-efficacy" proposed by psychologist Bandura is a subjective evaluation of whether a person can successfully carry out an achievement.

In other words, the children themselves think they can do it well first? If the child is criticized for a long time, the child first thinks that he can't do well, then he is very reluctant to do it next.

So we have to convince our children that one day, my handwriting will be good.

How do children believe it? Judging from the evaluation of parents and teachers.

For example, if you tell your child today, you can see that today's handwriting is straighter than yesterday's. You wrote 65,438+00 new words today, but there were only six yesterday. You spent an hour doing your homework today and an hour and ten minutes yesterday.

It is through these small details that children can be helped to keep their feet on the ground and see their progress.

The child is constantly being positively strengthened, and slowly, he is more and more convinced that he can definitely do well. If you can do it well, you are interested in continuing to do it.

2. Lower your goals and pay attention to your child's "zone of proximal development"

The "zone of proximal development" was put forward by the Soviet psychologist Vygotsky. He believes that teaching should focus on the nearest development area and arouse children's enthusiasm.

That is to say, this goal can be achieved through children's mats, rather than making high demands at once.

My handwriting was the slowest in my class. You let me reach the average level at once, but children can't. In fact, it is a blow to children's self-confidence. If it takes 30 minutes to write new words today and 25 minutes to finish them a week later, then children can do it through hard work.

3. Make clear requirements and discuss with the teacher to seek common ground while reserving differences.

For example, if the teacher asked a typo to be revised five times before, can it be revised twice according to the child's situation?

For example, the teacher requires all new words to be written three times each. Can children change them twice because of special circumstances?

Seventh: Finally, the apparent attitude of parents.

That is, no matter how much the teacher wants to change the child immediately, parents insist on improving step by step according to the child's rhythm. And give a reasonable period of time, such as this semester, special treatment, or the whole first grade, until the child's writing speed can keep up with the progress of most students.

This also put an end to the teacher's constant swing from the root.

Then the final finale is: according to my instructions, my mother wrote a letter of several thousand words that afternoon and sent it to the teacher. After careful reading, the teacher agreed to give the child a special plan, and things were solved perfectly.