Please give me specific ways to make girls happy, jokes, etc.

I know a lot about this! Let me give you a few:

1 A MM said it was to test her English ability. You say a word, and MM says the second letter of the word. Just say a few words at the beginning, and then the fun begins. First talk about husband, MM will say u (you); then talk about wife, MM will say i (I); repeat. Got it?

2 You ask him: "What is a *** plus one?" He thinks for a while and says: "Not sure, LAI?" You ask again: "A *** "How about adding one?" He will probably say: "...What word? Is there such a word? "It should actually be "fa"...

3 Hold out a finger and ask others. "How many is this?" Stretch out 2 fingers again and ask others "How many is this?" Stretch out 3 fingers again and ask others "How many is 1+1?" At most 1 out of 10 people will answer correctly

4 Look at Wang Shuo The game in the novel "Half Fire, Half Sea" is very interesting. It's the one where you hold a coin in your hand and answer the question. Is there a number larger than 1? The other party said yes and then asked if there were any larger than 10? The other party said yes until it reached 100,000 - and finally asked if there are any fools who are stupider than you? The other party replied "no" very alertly!

5 By the way: You can tell your MM that I want to test your English response ability. Extend your left hand and say to her: "My thumb is A, my index finger is C, and my middle finger is M, the ring finger is S, and the little finger is X." Then he said, in order to increase the difficulty, I will use Chinese to disturb you. Then, if you point your middle finger to say fish, she will say m, if you point your ring finger to say donkey, she will say S, and then point your thumb to say pig, she will say A, and then keep tapping your thumb to say pig, she will keep saying: A, A, A, A, A, A, if MM is smart, she can try other fingers before talking about the thumb.

6 When persuading MM to drink, he said to her: I will drink a glass, you will take a sip and then repeat...I will drink, you will take a sip...

7 Put your hands on your thighs, Then the left hand makes a forward rubbing motion, and the right hand makes an up and down thumping motion. Do this for a few times, then switch hands and change to the right hand making a forward rubbing motion, and the left hand makes an up and down thumping motion...and so on... right , the speed should be faster, otherwise it will be ineffective. Haha, give it a try, most people can’t say it

8A: Besides humans, which animal likes to ask “why” the most? B: I don’t know. A: It’s a pig! B: Why? ha! ! !

9 (This is a bit damaging, don’t read it well) Let’s tell an old story, the more people there are, the better the occasion: an adventure story. Grandfather and grandson went to sea and had adventures! Grandpa is a fisherman who is very good at water. On that day, the weather was very good, so he called his grandson to go fishing together. Unexpectedly, not long after we went to sea, the weather suddenly changed and there was a storm on the sea. The little grandson was very scared, so his grandpa comforted him: Don’t be afraid, dear grandson. Grandpa has been skilled for so many years, so why should he be afraid of this little storm? Suddenly, a big wave came over and split the boat's oar into two sections! The grandfather said helplessly to his grandson: My dear grandson, I’m done!

The English spelling of 10 pigs is PUG, right? ——No, it’s PIG——No, how do I remember it’s U (YOU)? -You made a mistake, it’s I——Pig is YOU——Pig is I

The following is what I give you Jokes:

I swear, these are the jokes that I think are the funniest and most painstakingly selected from many jokes on the Internet and in books! If you don’t believe it, you can take a look at it carefully and patiently for yourself, and we will speak according to our conscience.

1 There was a lunatic who got a pistol from nowhere. He was walking in a small black alley.

Suddenly I met a young man. Psycho 2 put him on the ground without saying a word and put a gun to his head! Asked: 1+1=how many?

The young man was frightened! After pondering for a long time, I answered: equal to 2```? Psycho shot him without hesitation!

Then he pulled the gun in his arms and said coldly: You know too much

2 One day, a man named Ah Shuang died, and his family cried bitterly. : "It's so cool! It's so cool!" At this time, a passerby felt strange after seeing it, and asked, "Why are you crying?" After hearing this, the family members cried even harder and shouted: "It's so cool!"

3 The rehearsal plan for the Olympic opening ceremony directed by Zhang Yimou has been finalized:

40,000 mahjong tables will be placed in the center of the Bird's Nest,

16 Thousands of people were dancing wildly to the passionate folk music,

The music suddenly stopped at the climax,

Then they shouted in unison: "Hu!"

At this moment, the General Secretary made a shining appearance on the rostrum,

announced the official opening of the Olympic Games

When I was four years old, I listened to Brother Yixiu's theme song as: "Geji, Geji, Geji." , Gege Gege Gege. Auntie washes the spittoon..."

5 In Fei Xiang's "Clouds of My Hometown": "Come back, come back!" I heard it as "Come on ghosts, come on ghosts! !"

6 The first sentence of "Song of Macao" that was popular when Macao returned to China: "Do you know that MACAO is not my real surname.

"My cousin always thought it was "a piece of sesame cake, I can't do it without eating it!"

7 I helped my wife buy sanitary napkins, but after looking at the store for a long time, I didn’t know what to buy, so I just took a pack and asked the store owner: "Boss, is this useful?" The boss (male) He looked at me blankly for 5 seconds and said, "I've never used this before!"

On August 8, I went to worship Guanyin with my parents and younger brother

I didn't Why do you wake up, stand forward and say:

The suffering Guanyin Bodhisattva...

Parents: -____-|||

Brother :-____-||||

Bodhisattva: T_____T||||||

9 In the past, when the exam teacher handed out papers, the girl behind took an extra one and shouted " Teacher, I have it, I have it."

The boy sitting next to him said, "It's mine, it's mine." The whole class was shocked~~~

10 Announcement Transcript Original text: Two gangsters injured 110 police officers and fled

The announcer read: Two gangsters injured 110 police officers and fled

(The reincarnation of Huang Feihong!)< /p>

11 Our general manager’s surname is Zhou. Once he called me while I was driving. When I was nervous, I opened my mouth and said: "Premier Zhou..."

12 I was eating at a rice noodle shop one day. It was served very slowly and I was very hungry

Finally I couldn’t hold back anymore and slapped the table and roared. I originally wanted to say that if the rice noodles were not served, I would turn over the table!

The result is: "Boss!!!! If you don’t serve rice noodles, I will eat the table!!!!"

13 When I was in college, a teacher gave a lecture and talked about something A new type of material, he said: "The sexual function of this material is incomparable to old materials... Oh, no, the performance and function..." 14 just went to college, During military training, the company commander didn't know his accent, so he yelled the command - "Drill to the left!" "Drill to the right!"

15-year-old college senior sister, majoring in educational psychology. Late... walked into the classroom . glanced sideways at the blackboard. The old professor was angry and asked his senior sister to answer the question on the blackboard. The senior sister hesitated for a long time and said: ", this is too difficult to talk about." The whole class was on their backs.

(Note. Professor’s original topic: "On Reason and Sensibility")

16 drank with the leader and others, raised his glass and loudly said: "Let us die together. !" My mind was too hot at that time...

17 There was a teacher who stayed up all night at mahjong. When he saw that the blackboard was not wiped, he was furious: "Who is playing banker today?"

During the military training at the 18th university, the instructor yelled: Use your peripheral vision (peripheral vision) to align~~~~ I want to laugh but don’t dare to laugh, that’s so sad....

Title 19: Thriving - a metaphor for beautiful growth.

Student A wrote: My brother is thriving.

Comments: My child, is your brother a vegetative state...

There is another one who is even more blind...

Student B wrote: Xinxinxiang Rongrong confessed!

Comment: Don’t watch too many TV series

When will the bright moon come out on 20th? __________

Student’s answer: A star will last forever

(At that time Laughing wildly, now I think it is quite classic. The correct interpretation is "asking the blue sky for wine")

There is a couplet in the 21st final exam, the first couplet is: The hero's sword is not old

The third-year junior high school student wrote the second couplet. For: I am very charming

22 In the fifth grade, I got "Three Stooges, __________" in one exam

Students answered: The odors are all the same

(It made the invigilator and the principal outside laugh)

23 An old farmer was hoeing in the field. A crow flew over and dropped dung on the old farmer's face. The old farmer raised his head and cursed: " Damn it! You don’t know how to wear pants when you go out!” Crow said: “Damn it! You’re wearing pants when you poop!”

A certain man likes to fart.

One day, another loud and smelly fart was heard in the company

A female colleague said: Could you please not be so loud next time?

A meeting will begin soon.

During the meeting, the man suddenly started shaking. Everyone was surprised and asked.

The man replied: "I adjusted it to vibrate."

25 A: Who is coming? ?

B: It’s me who’s coming.

A: Who am I?

B: I don’t care who you are!

26 A glimpse of the leopard can be seen through the tube, ＿＿＿＿＿

The classmate answered: It scared me (hahaha! The correct answer is "it can be seen")

27 There was a test on Li Qingzhao's questions. Meng Ling, "Do you know? Do you know? ＿＿＿＿＿＿"

Student answer: SORRY, I DON'T KNOW...

28 Four mice brag: A: I take it every day Rat poison is eaten as candy; B: I don’t step on mice all day and itches my feet; C: I feel uncomfortable on the street only a few times a day; D: It’s getting late, let’s go home and pick up the cat

29 A mutton kebab maker was transferred to work as a cremator and was fired within a few days because he would always ask the family members of the deceased: How cooked do you want it to be?

30 A county magistrate with a heavy accent came to the village to make a report:

"Rabbits, shrimps, pig tails! No pickles, pickles are too expensive!!"

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(Translation: Comrades and villagers, please pay attention! Don’t talk, the meeting is now!!)

After the county magistrate finished speaking, the host said: "Pickles, sausages and pickles, please" ! "

(Translation: Let’s talk now!)

The township chief said: "Rabbits, the dog has eaten today, everyone is a bastard!"

(Translation: Comrades, today’s meal is enough, let’s all use big bowls!)

“No pickles, I’ll pick up dog poop for you to lick... "

(Translation: Don't talk, I'll tell you a story...)

31 The first line: Hahahahaha, the second line: Hehehehehehe. Hengpiao: Nervous Disease

32 There are 5 eggs side by side in the refrigerator.

One day, the first egg said to the second egg: "Look, the fifth egg has hair on it."

The second egg immediately said to the third egg Said: "Look, the fifth one has hair on his body."

The third egg was about to say this to the fourth egg, but the fifth egg couldn't help it and cursed: "Fart, I It's a kiwi fruit."

33 When I was in high school, my teacher wrote a couplet, which goes like this: If the country is prosperous, the family is prosperous, the country is prosperous! One classmate was right: Damn you, fuck you, fuck you!

34 After dinner, I was smoking and enjoying on the balcony. Suddenly, a light spot flashed across the night sky, and I was excited: Meteor! So I immediately made a wish... After making six or seven wishes, I opened my eyes, I had finished my cigarette, and threw it out of the balcony. Suddenly I heard the voice of a girl downstairs: "Wow! Shooting star! Make a wish quickly..." ."

35 A turtle builds a house - a new roof; a turtle builds a new house - a new roof; a turtle meets a turtle - a golden partner; a turtle wears a dragon robe - golden armor; all turtles Wearing dragon robes - the whole city is covered with golden armor.

36 is studying by himself at school and peeing in the toilet. Just when I was having fun, I suddenly saw a mosquito slowly flying over and landing on the wall in front of me. Then I just looked at it. After a few seconds, the mosquito suddenly fell straight down. He fell down and fell into the urinal... Oh, what an embarrassment!

37 Zhu Bajie went out to beg for alms, and came back with a bruised nose and face, saying, "I asked someone for jelly and got beaten up!" Sun Wukong asked, "How did you say that?" Bajie said, "Tomorrow tomorrow, will you still Will you give me crystal love?”

When I was in middle school, I fell in love with a beautiful woman in the Italian liberal arts class. Although we knew her, I had no chance to get closer. For a long time, we could only watch from a distance but nothing else. I have discussed with my deskmate many ways to get close to beautiful women, but most of them are too shameless and unfeasible. Later, I came up with a simple idea, which is to strike up a conversation with her when you meet her. The content of the conversation is: Hey, what a coincidence, you also XXXX. The content of XXXX depends on the situation. For example, if you meet someone in the library, you might say: Hey, what a coincidence, you come to the library too. When they met at the station, they said: Hey, what a coincidence, you also take this bus. Then you can expand the topic and continue the conversation. After keeping this in mind, I thought about meeting her every day. Finally one day, I came out of the toilet and saw her washing her hands by the sink. I was so excited that I hurried forward and turned on the faucet to wash my hands too. She smiled at me, and I said excitedly: Hey, what a coincidence, you...you...you...peeed on your hands too?

39 The resident on the first floor got a big dog from nowhere.

When he first arrived, he was very alert and barked at the slightest noise. My house is on the sixth floor. Even though I tiptoe up and down the stairs every day, I still get barked at ten times. I am timid, so I run as fast as I can when the dog barks, for fear that it will suddenly rush out.

On Sunday, I went to pick up my little nephew who was taking an English training class to have dinner at home. As soon as I entered the first floor, the big dog barked "woof, woof, woof" as before, which made me jump with fear. The little nephew was not afraid at all. He shouted at the top of his lungs: "Tap, vomit, vomit, vomit, vomit, vomit." The strange thing is that after a few "vomit" sounds, the big dog actually stopped barking and made a pitiful "hum" sound.

When I got home, I asked my nephew how he could control such a ferocious dog. The little nephew said proudly: "When a dog barks at you, it is actually saying one, and you reply two. At this time, the dog is very ashamed because it cannot reply three to you, so it stops barking."

When I was in school at age 40, one day I was in the dormitory preparing to change my pants. I had just taken off my belt when several female students came in. I had no choice but to carry my pants and go to the dormitory next door.

When I unbuttoned my shirt and was about to take it off, a few more female students came in unexpectedly. I had no choice but to hold my pants up and walk to the door of the next dormitory.

Because I was holding my pants with both hands and was very anxious, I had no choice but to kick open the dormitory door and shout at the same time: "Is there a woman in there? Is there a woman?"

I saw only There were a lot of girls sitting in the room, looking at me in horror...