Why is everything settled after the wedding photo is taken? Suddenly don't want to get married?

Last year, I had a good friend who had similar problems with you.

I was taking wedding photos with her. Although she is very hard and tired, she has been very happy.

After taking photos, she returned to the hotel. Before going to bed at night, she suddenly cried.

At first, I thought it was tears of excitement, but as a result, she cried more and more fiercely, as if it was not caused by happiness.

I quickly asked her what was wrong. After slowly stopping her tears, she spoke out all her confusion and fears.

Later, I gave her some advice, and she adopted most of them and passed the anxiety period before marriage smoothly.

In fact, in real life, many people, like you, will suddenly feel anxious, have an inexplicable fear, and even have the idea of running away when they get cold feet.

This situation is actually a reflection of avoidance psychology, which psychologists call "marriage phobia" or "premarital phobia".

When this psychological symptom appears, it can usually be dealt with in the following ways:

1. Find a quiet space where no one will disturb you, prepare a pen and paper, and calm down to sort out what you are afraid of.

For example, I am worried that I may lose some personal freedom after marriage, or I am worried that I will not get along well with my other half's family after marriage, or I am worried about the birth problem after marriage.

In short, write down every detail you are worried about, and the more detailed the better.

2. After listing all the concerns, divide them into two groups. The first group can solve it by itself, and the second group needs to consult with the other half or others to solve it. The first group needs you to spare time and energy as soon as possible and try to solve it completely by yourself.

As for the second group of concerns, please find a time to sit down with your partner or others as soon as possible. Please pay attention to communication methods and skills and try to solve each other's problems calmly.

Whether in the first group or the second group, some concerns may not be completely solved for a while. Then you can try to accept this fact from the bottom of your heart and let these temporarily unsolvable problems live in peace with you.

Generally speaking, it is normal to have fear. The most important thing is not to keep the problem in mind, but to try every means to solve it.

Anxiety before marriage, I was very anxious before I got married myself, and I couldn't help losing my temper when I saw where my husband was. But in fact, we have been in love for seven years, and we know each other very well. We haven't quarreled for one night in seven years. Later, I carefully thought about why, because I have been walking all my life, and I am afraid that my life is unreasonable and that men will change after marriage, so the closer I get to marriage, the more anxious I am.

Later, a friend of mine came to chat with me before she got married. I found that she and I were in the same state before marriage, so I enlightened her and got married. [heart]

As for men, has marriage really changed? Actually, it is not! [Thinking] But people like me, who talked for seven years before getting married, still feel that my husband changed when I first entered the marriage. Why? [Tears streaming down my face] I thought it over again. I'm not putting my mind right. When I first got married, I couldn't help being picky. I think he is wrong here and there. I really doubt whether I married the wrong person. Come to think of it, I'm not so picky when I'm in love. Not long after we got married, my husband joked with me with a smile and said, if you do this, we will get a green paper. Although I just laughed and joked about going out, I was not familiar with marriage at first. [I'm about to cry] It's also because of this that I quarreled and even packed my bags and left home for the only time since I got married. It happened that I always had a headache for a while, and I was lying at home when I was uncomfortable. When he got home, he complained that I didn't sweep the floor or wash clothes. I ignored him and he went to do housework by himself. But the more I lay there, the more I thought about it, the more sad and wronged I was, so I left while he was washing clothes and packing my suitcase in the toilet. I sent him a message that I wanted a divorce. Finally, he found me through my best friend and took me home. Then we talked for a long time that day. I said I smiled and responded to his joke, but I was actually very sad when I heard that I got the green paper. I also said a lot about my anxiety after marriage and reiterated that I was uncomfortable. He also complained that I didn't do housework and didn't care about my grievances. Later, he never joked that he had taken the Green Book (in fact, I heard that the divorce certificate was a red book). This strange state of role transformation lasted less than half a year. I just talked about it through the opportunity of quarreling, and then slowly returned to the greasy state of love [red face]. Well, summing up experience, no matter whether you are in love or married, it is always right to be spoiled, such as a small kiss before going out to work and a hug when you come home from work. My husband and I are like this now, hahaha [full of smiles] The cold war should not happen overnight, but must. After quarreling, the man coaxed you into admitting your mistake. Don't hold on to it. Take this opportunity to make up with this problem that makes you quarrel. This time usually can't solve the problem. In the future, if you have time to chat under the covers and ask him what you think, it will always be better to work together. We are still struggling to buy a house and a car, and it is really important to be alive [tears streaming down your face].

Later, my friend came to see me again. At the beginning of marriage, she always quarreled, but she couldn't help being picky. She said she regretted getting married. In fact, from my point of view, although she only talked for a year, her husband treated her much better than mine when she was in love, but she was exactly the same as me at the beginning of marriage. Taking myself as an example, I told her that half a year after marriage is a running-in period and will get better gradually. After all, her husband was really good before marriage, and then told her that it was best to have children half a year after marriage, otherwise it would be even more annoying to be unaccustomed to having children [laughs] Now after that period, she and her husband are super loving [laughs].

Life will get better ~ ~ Don't be afraid ~ Go ahead boldly.

First of all, I want to ask you, are you forced to get married at a certain age or do you want to get married between men and women? I want to answer these two cases separately.

First of all, at a certain age, I was forced to get married and took wedding photos, and everything was settled. Suddenly don't want to get married! In this case, I think you should still have ambivalence about getting married. Should I continue to wait for my prince charming or simply find someone to live with? Since we haven't decided yet, don't get married yet. It's not too late to get married when you are mentally prepared! Otherwise, it is not good for yourself and your partner to get married so rashly. Such a marriage will not be happy!

Let's talk about another situation: you want men and women to get married. This is easy to say, which is what we usually call premarital phobia. Baidu Encyclopedia puts it this way: First, this fear comes from the negative "propaganda" of public opinion on marriage life. Some media's analysis of various marriage problems has exposed the dark side of marriage too much, making people with "marriage intentions" feel an invisible pressure, causing excessive anxiety about the "direction" of marriage life and fear of marriage failure; Another reason is that one party is not very satisfied with some aspects of the other party, or doubts whether some shortcomings of the other party can be changed after marriage and whether they can adapt themselves.

So how to overcome it? 1. Establish a correct view of marriage and love. 2. Enhance mutual understanding and deepen feelings and understanding. Get rid of the illusion of a new life and don't expect too much.

In short, no matter what the situation is, everything is as you wish! I wish you happiness!

That's because the person you choose is not the one you want to marry. Sometimes people want to get married because they are old or think that what the other party said is almost the same, but in fact, many times both parties do not fully understand. Personality, outlook, family, etc. Are all issues to consider. As long as one of these problems is not considered clearly, then you will definitely break up because of disagreement in the process of considering marriage. This is inevitable, because it is impossible for two people to know in a few days. Many people who talked for several years broke up because they were ready to get married. This is normal. Think clearly now, it is better to think clearly later.

Since it's inappropriate, why didn't you say so earlier? I'm sure you don't know now. It may be vague at first, but it's not obvious. Maybe you are not satisfied on the one hand, or do not meet your requirements. You can communicate with each other, get married if it is suitable, and don't delay any more if it is not suitable.

If you suddenly don't want to get married, you may feel that the man doesn't give you enough sense of security, and the two should communicate more to build trust.