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Wu Dalang becomes king

It is said that Pan Jinlian fell in love with Ximen Qinghou, Wu Dalang was very angry, but he really had no choice. Fight, you can't beat Ximen Qing, just talk, Pan Jinlian won't listen. Scholars can be killed but not humiliated. In anger, Wu Dalang decided to commit suicide by throwing himself into the Yellow River. He floated in the water and was swept to several islands by the sea water. The local fishermen fished him out and found that he was still breathing. They quickly performed artificial respiration and revived the dying Wu Dalang.

The fishermen were overjoyed and rushed to tell each other that a tall, handsome, and mighty man had arrived on the island. Our ancestors had been so short for generations, and we should use this man’s height advantage to improve our race. , making him our king. So Wu Dalang became the king. With seventy-two concubines in the three palaces and six courtyards, Wu Dalang soon had a large group of princes. These princes dispersed among the people and married commoner women. From then on, the height of the local residents increased significantly.

When Wu Dalang became king, he was quite diligent at first. Every day it is "come to work early if you have something to do, and leave early if you don't have anything to do". After a while, he found that it was very boring, and the ladies would talk about trivial things for a long time. So he said, you will write the important contents of the matter into a memorial and give it to me.

**People are surprised, what does "writing" mean? We are illiterate and cannot write. Wu Dalang said, okay, I will organize a cram school for everyone to improve literacy. So with his own limited knowledge, he opened literacy classes for the students to learn writing. But Wu Dalang was a sesame seed seller. He only knew a few characters and only remembered some radicals for many characters. When Japanese people learned and spread the word, they forgot some parts of some characters, so this formed a kind of "fake" characters: hiragana, katakana and the like. It's an important part of the country's culture.

After Wu Dalang implemented this reform, he received more support. One day he discovered that his subjects had no names. So he said, this is not possible, everyone must have a name. Of course, you can't call me Zhao Qian, Sun Li, so just use the surname of whoever lives where. So there were surnames such as "Tanaka", "Matsushita" and "Yamaguchi". As for the names, let's go with "one, two, three, four". But the eldest brother cannot be called "Da Lang", which violates my taboo, so he can only be called "Taro". The second oldest brother cannot be called "Er Lang", which violates my brother Wu Erlang's taboo, so he can only be called "Jiro". You can call the rest in order, I have no objection. So this country has names such as "Yamaguchi Taro", "Tanaka Jiro" and so on.

After Wu Dalang became king, he always got tired of eating delicacies from mountains and seas. He remembered that when he was drifting on the sea, he had nothing to eat and could only catch fish and eat them raw. Looking back now, it tasted pretty good. So he asked his chef to cook the fish raw, not cooked. After this dish was popularized, it received enthusiastic support from people across the country and has since become a famous dish in the country.

Wu Dalang also found that the local people still slept in beds like the Chinese. He was very angry, thinking that since Pan Jinlian and Ximen Qing had an extramarital affair, Ximen Qing often came to his home, leaving him no place to sleep and had to sleep on the floor. I, the king, can only sleep on the ground, and you can only sleep on the ground! Only in this way can you not forget the shame of seizing your wife! So he issued a decree to this effect. From then on, the people of the country could only sleep on the ground spread with mats, which is the so-called *tatami*.

Wu Dalang thought, in China, being a king is called grandeur, with people cheering in front and behind, and flags flying all over the sky. Our country now doesn’t even have a symbol, it’s so boring. So he took out the apron he used when selling sesame seeds and asked the eunuch to wash it. It was still white, so he used it as a flag. There has to be a logo on the flag. All the impressions in Wu Dalang's mind were of selling sesame cakes. So he baked a red, round sesame seed cake and stuck it in the middle of the apron. This became the flag of that island country.

Wu Dalang was the king for several years, but died without any illness. When he was dying, he was still upset because he could not defeat Ximen Qing and avenge his wife. So he left a legacy and asked his descendants to seek revenge from Ximen Qing.

Later, his descendants practiced day and night, and went to the Shaolin Temple to secretly learn a few Kung Fu moves. In order to commemorate King Wu Dalang, they named it "Wu Shi Tao" (later, due to the low literacy level of the people who learned Kung Fu, the country's characters were added. It was "fake writing" and was passed down as "Bushido"), and because Wu Dalang conquered the world with nothing, these skills were also called "Karate". By the end of the Yuan Dynasty and the beginning of the Ming Dynasty, descendants of the Wu clan began to send people to land in mainland China, looking for Ximen Qing to avenge him, but they were driven into the sea by our country's hero Qi Jiguang, which was the "anti-Japanese" in history.

In the 20th century, the Wu people traveled from north to south and from east to west in China, destroying most of our rivers and mountains, but they still did not find their enemy Ximen Qing. So they actually want the Chinese to learn their "fake" writing, to have names like theirs, and to achieve "Greater East Asia's Great Prosperity" under the banner of "Apron Shaobing". This really made the Chinese who couldn't win on the battlefield laugh out loud.

Recently, Wu Dalang's descendants are said to have reliable information, suspecting that Ximen Qing is living in seclusion in Fujian. Therefore, it seems that people are selling sesame cakes on the Diaoyu Islands opposite Fujian all day long.