Such a character! what to do?

Many introverts hope to change their introverted personality, improve their ability to interact with others, and then have good interpersonal relationships. So they read many books on interpersonal relationships and learned many interpersonal skills, but they found that the results were little and not obvious. This shows that just learning skills is not enough. Their inability to have good relationships is not just due to lack of skills but also to many deeper reasons. At the same time, does this also show from one side that the current books on interpersonal relationships are flawed and incomplete? If introverts want to have good interpersonal relationships, they need to change and improve their beliefs, attitudes, skills and other aspects.

1. Belief: Establish the belief of "win-win" (equality and mutual benefit)

If you want to have good interpersonal relationships, you must have the idea of ??equality and mutual benefit. In fashionable terms, it means having a win-win mindset.

When it comes to dealing with interpersonal relationships, there are the following thinking patterns:

1. I win and you lose:

The education we have received since childhood has been strengthening. This idea. In exams, you have to do better than others. In sports competitions, you have to run faster and jump higher than others. You want to win the championship. In short, only by surpassing others and winning can we feel happy. We see life as an arena. To be successful and happy, we must surpass others and leave others behind.

In addition, selfish people also hold the idea that I win and you lose.

2. I lose and you win:

People who lack self-confidence and self-esteem often have this kind of thinking.

They dare not stick to their position, want nothing, seek compromise at the expense of personal interests, and seek peace at the expense of others.

3. Both sides suffer:

On the surface, no one will benefit from doing this. It seems that no one will do this. But some people just want to think and do this! It harms others but does not benefit oneself. You can't get what I can't get. In order to get revenge, I would rather sacrifice myself to bring you down.

4. Win-win:

Win-win is based on the idea of ??equality and mutual benefit. Benefit yourself without harming the interests of others. Don't pit yourself against others. You and I are not enemies, but comrades in the same trench. We share wealth, shoulder difficulties together, and create a better future together.

Things like I win and you lose (selfishness), I lose and you win (compromise), lose-lose (both sides suffer), these thinking patterns cannot enable people to have good interpersonal relationships. If you want to have good interpersonal relationships, you must have a win-win mentality, equality and mutual benefit.

How introverts improve interpersonal relationships (2)

2. Attitude: Grasp love Balance with courage.

A win-win situation means that everyone wins and both parties benefit.

To achieve a win-win situation, love and courage are indispensable.

Love enables you to care about others and take care of their interests; courage enables you to stick to your position and safeguard your own interests. The balance between love and courage can truly achieve a win-win situation.

If you want to have good interpersonal relationships, it is not enough to have love, you also need to have courage. Introverts lack not only love, but also courage. You cannot have good interpersonal relationships without courage.

Only a balance of love and courage can produce good interpersonal relationships.

The balance of love and courage is specifically reflected in the balance of the following pairs of relationships.

1. Respect others and self-respect (the balance of "respect" and "self-esteem")

Most books on interpersonal relationships emphasize the importance of respecting others and advocate smiling, praising, Gratitude...wait. Respecting others is indeed important, but these are just scratching the surface for introverts and do not address the key points that introverts really need to improve. The real problem for introverts may be a lack of self-confidence and self-esteem, and they are too willing to compromise. Therefore, building self-confidence and self-esteem is the key to solving problems.

2. Honesty and trustworthiness and trust in others (the balance of "integrity" and "trust")

Be honest and trustworthy so that others can trust you. At the same time, you also need to trust others.

Introverts actually do not trust others from the bottom of their hearts and always have vague suspicion and fear of others.

I feel hesitant and fearful when I think about interacting with people. This is one of the reasons why he cannot have good relationships. Distrust of others is an issue that introverts need to address.

3. Be interested in others and open yourself up (the balance of "curiosity" and "openness")

Interpersonal communication books teach us to be interested in others. He also said, "A person who is interested in others will make more friends in two months than a person who only knows how to make others interested in him in two years." This shows the importance of being interested in others. sex. To be interested in others is to understand them. An introvert is not necessarily disinterested in others and does not want to understand others. His problem is that he is unwilling to open himself up and does not want others to understand him. He is always worried that others will look down on him after getting to know him. In fact, this is just your negative imagination. Others will only respect you because they know you. It's impossible to respect someone you don't understand from the bottom of your heart.

Understanding is a two-way street. Introverts don't want others to know about themselves, so they don't dare to overly show that they are interested in others. They are afraid that the other person will also be interested in them and want to know them.

It can be seen that if introverts want to have good interpersonal relationships, they must have the courage to open themselves up, be willing to let others understand themselves, and at the same time strive to understand others. Just being interested in others is not enough for introverts

How introverts improve interpersonal relationships (3)

4. Understand others and express oneself ("understanding" and "expression" balance)

Interpersonal communication is inseparable from communication. Communication is to understand others through listening and to make others understand oneself through expression. Introverts are not good at expressing themselves. How to speak is one of their weaknesses. They prefer to listen. But their listening is passive listening. They listen to what others say. They are not good at grasping the conversation process by asking questions, and they are not good at making others feel that you are willing to listen to them by agreeing. Therefore, the advantage of being willing to listen is not fully utilized by introverts.

5. Tolerate others and proactively admit mistakes (the balance of "tolerance" and "admittance")

When others make mistakes, be tolerant to them; when you make mistakes yourself, take the initiative to apologize.

Because of their low self-confidence, introverts often cannot take the initiative to admit their mistakes. They are afraid that doing so will make others know that they have made mistakes and look down on themselves. Therefore, he is afraid of making mistakes, is cautious and timid in doing things, and hides his mistakes, fearing that others will know about them. Or go to the other extreme, always admitting your mistakes regardless of whether it is your own fault, in order to win others' sympathy and compassion for you. In fact, whether he is afraid to admit his mistakes or keeps admitting his mistakes, it reflects that he has no confidence in others to forgive his mistakes and no confidence in his own ability to correct his mistakes and turn the situation around. This makes him prefer not to do anything, lest he make too many mistakes and make too many mistakes.

6.......

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Through the above analysis, introverts cannot have good interpersonal relationships, not only because of personality factors, but also because of Caused by deviations in many ideological concepts. And the more you analyze, the more questions you have. But that’s fine too. Once you know where the crux of the problem lies, you can start making improvements.

In addition, we have also seen that most of the books on interpersonal relationships only talk about the love part of interpersonal communication, such as respecting others, being honest and trustworthy, being interested in others, understanding others, and tolerating others... ...and so on, but the courage part of balancing love in interpersonal communication is ignored. The interpersonal relationships established in this way are biased, and there is still a certain distance from our ideal win-win interpersonal relationships. I have made up for the courage part of interpersonal communication that has been ignored for a long time and is particularly useful for introverts to improve interpersonal relationships. The theory of interpersonal communication composed of this is a complete theory. The interpersonal relationships established under the guidance of this theory are the real, good interpersonal relationships that people desire!

How introverts improve interpersonal relationships (4)

3. Skills:

Establish a "win-win" belief, "love" and "courage" Both must be grasped and both hands must be firm. This is walking on the right path to good interpersonal relationships. If you can also master some interpersonal skills at the same time, it will be even more powerful.

If you want to have courage, you must have confidence. There are ways to build self-confidence.

There must be a reason for inferiority, and there must be a method for self-confidence. Just follow the steps to build self-confidence and you will have self-confidence. Commonly used methods to build self-confidence include: daily motivation, self-suggestion, positive memories, full preparation, starting with small things... etc. When you have confidence, you dare to take risks and you have courage!

Just as there are methods for cultivating courage, there are also techniques for showing love.

1. How to do:

Smile, be polite, help, serve

2. How to say:

Click, ask, Listening, expressing

Praise, gratitude, persuading, motivating

Exactly how to smile, praise, persuade...etc., books on interpersonal relationships have detailed explanations.

If introverts want to have good interpersonal relationships, they need to do it step by step. Just like a child must first learn to crawl, then walk, and finally run. The meal must be eaten one bite at a time, and the road must be walked step by step. Haste makes waste, so be patient. There are many skills in interpersonal communication. We only focus on learning and practicing one skill at a time, and try to learn it well. Don't try to master all the skills at once. As long as there is progress and improvement in interpersonal communication than before, you should feel happy and gratified, and don't expect to gain weight in one bite.

Learning does not mean understanding, understanding does not mean doing it, and doing it does not mean being experienced.

Only when you have practiced a skill to the point where you can use it without thinking, that is to say, you have developed a habit, can you truly master the skill. As a general rule, it takes twenty-one days to develop a habit. So we spend at least twenty-one days practicing one technique before moving on to the next.

Introverts can start practicing simple techniques. For example, practice smiling and making pleasantries first. A simple greeting is to say hello. "Hello!" "The weather is nice today." "Have you eaten?" "Goodbye!"...etc. Try to smile and say hello to everyone you meet in life, and do this for twenty-one days. If you can also combine it with exercises to develop confidence, the effect will be even better.

When smiling and making pleasantries become a habit, you can practice asking questions and listening. If you really master the skills of asking and listening, others will regard you as a master of interpersonal communication even if you are not good at speaking.

Smiling, making small talk, asking questions, and listening. After mastering these simple methods and skills, you can learn other skills in depth. As your communication skills improve, you will find that having good interpersonal relationships is not as difficult as you think.

Attached is information on questioning and listening skills.

How introverts improve their interpersonal relationships (5)

As mentioned before, good interpersonal relationships come from the balance of love and courage.

Courage and self-confidence are inseparable. With self-confidence, there is courage; without self-confidence, there is no courage. So what is confidence?

Some people say that confidence is a feeling. With this feeling, you will be confident in yourself, fearless, and dare to do anything; if you lose this feeling, you will doubt yourself, be hesitant, timid, and dare not take action. Feelings are fickle and difficult to control and grasp. This is how I feel now, and maybe it will be the complete opposite feeling in a while.

Thinking of self-confidence as a feeling gives you a perfect excuse for not taking action. Because confidence is a feeling, and feelings are fickle. Maybe you feel confident now, but you will no longer feel this way after a while. Without the feeling of self-confidence, you will not dare to take action. If you don't dare to act, you will lose the feeling of confidence and be even more afraid to act. This leads to a vicious cycle: because we are not confident, we dare not act; because we dare not act, we are even less confident! The result of this vicious cycle is that you slowly become timid and have low self-esteem, and become less and less confident.

Therefore, never think of confidence as just a feeling! Confidence should be an attitude. Attitudes are different from feelings. According to the explanation in the dictionary, attitude is the view and approach to things. Confidence is an attitude that we should proactively adopt when doing things, rather than a feeling that we need to wait for. It cannot be said that if I have this feeling, I will act boldly; if I don't have this feeling, I will passively avoid it. Otherwise, you will fall into the vicious cycle mentioned above!

Confidence is an attitude, a way of thinking and behavior.

Specifically, self-confidence is the thoughts and practices based on the belief that "I can do it".

When you encounter something that you are originally afraid of and need to do, imagine what a confident person would think and do when encountering this situation, and then regard yourself as that confident person and act according to that confidence Think and do things according to people’s ideas and practices. Even if your legs are shaking and your heart is racing, command yourself to think and do that and take action. Action will bear fruit. With results comes confidence. The more you take action, the more you see results and the more confident you become. Firmly establish the belief "I can do it" and think and act according to this belief. Gradually, you will become a confident person!

This is how introverts improve their interpersonal relationships (5B)

The plot of the cooking competition between Jang Geum and Choi Sang Gong in the TV series "Dae Jang Geum" reflects this The fact is: success is inseparable from self-confidence. And confidence is an attitude, not a feeling.

Han Sanggong was originally going to have a cooking competition with Cui Sanggong, but the competition time was up and Han Sanggong hadn't shown up yet. Unable to do so, Jang Geum had to replace Han Sang Gong in the competition. Many of the ingredients carefully prepared before the game could not be found at this time, so we had to piece together some ingredients here and there. As soon as the game started, Jang Geum lost two games in a row. Jang Geum’s assistant said her legs were trembling, and Jang Geum said she was too. The vast majority of viewers are not optimistic about Jang Geum and believe that she will definitely lose. But Jang Geum is a winner. Jang Geum knows that to succeed, you must be confident. Confidence is an attitude, not an emotion or feeling. Although her legs were trembling and her heart was full of fear, she still forced herself to believe that with the blessing of her dead mother, she was confident that she would win the game! So she remained focused on the game. In the end, Jang Geum finally turned defeat and won the cooking competition with his cooking skills, carefulness, and kindness!

Successful people know that confidence is an attitude. But losers regard confidence as an emotion and a feeling. If you have this feeling, you will dare to act; if you don't have this feeling, you will avoid it. Success is inseparable from self-confidence. Everyone knows this, but different people have different understandings of what self-confidence is. This is also an important difference between winners and losers. Successful people, even if they are trembling all over and fearful in their hearts, must use their faith and attitude to overcome fear, build self-confidence, and ultimately succeed; losers let their emotions and feelings influence their behavior, be intimidated by fear, and ultimately fail!