Who has the funniest New Year's joke?

There is a BMW parked on the side of the road, which is illegal parking. The police came, posted a note and copied the list. The buddy came out of the mall and said, "aren't you a policeman?" What are you? Isn't it just a note to copy a list! " The policeman looked at him, said nothing, and continued to copy the list. Real cows, not stickers, just have a trailer towed away! "The policeman looked at him and didn't speak." What a cow! What can you do except stick a note to scare us? Bull B, you drag it away! "The police copied the list and called a trailer. Here comes the trailer. The policeman looked at the buddy. Hey, you are really great! You're great! Drag it away! I dare you two! " The policeman waved and dragged it away. The police looked at him and tried to persuade him not to challenge him like this in the future. The buddy rolled his eyes: "You are awesome. When the owner comes, tell him that you towed his car!"! " "

Important notice

Recently, domestic security is very chaotic, and theft and robbery incidents have increased significantly. The public security department suggested that:

If you carry a computer bag on one shoulder, please write "same city express" on the front of the backpack;

If you carry a medium-sized hand-held travel bag, please write "Pipe Dredging";

If you carry a large luggage case, please write "professional cleaning";

If a large number of cartons are transported, please write "live fast food";

Write "sterilized facial tissue" on the wallet;

Wrap MP3 on your chest and write "Quick-acting Pill for Saving Heart";

If you bring something expensive, you'd better hold a chicken and write "Beware of bird flu".

Beware of the stock market

Don't enter the stock market in the near future, otherwise:

BMW goes in, bike comes out;

Three points in the suit and three points out;

The boss goes in and the wage earners come out;

The doctor went in and the dementia came out;

Yao Ming went in and Pan Changjiang came out;

Crocodiles go in and geckos come out;

Pythons go in and earthworms come out;

Tigers go in and kittens come out;

Lead the dog in and be led out by the dog;

Wang Shi went in and the tortoise came out;

Beijing goes in and Wenchuan comes out;

Stand when you go in and lie down when you come out;

Men go in and eunuchs come out;

Shiren Huang .........

I am handsome.

A girl asked me, "Are you handsome?"

I said, "I'm not handsome!"

The response was five burning fingerprints.

She said angrily, "You are lying!"

The girl asked me again, "Are you handsome?"

I said, "I am handsome!"

The response was five burning fingerprints.

She said angrily, "You are not modest at all!

The girl asked me three times, "Are you handsome?"

I said, "I ... I ... I don't know ..."

The response was five burning fingerprints.

She said angrily, "You idiot!"

The girl asked me four times, "Are you handsome?"

I said, "It's up to you."

The response was five burning fingerprints.

She said angrily, "You have no opinion!"

The girl asked me five times, "Are you handsome?"

I said, "Sometimes handsome, sometimes not handsome."

The response was five burning fingerprints.

She said angrily, "pervert!" "

The girl asked me six times, "Are you handsome?"

I said, "I won't tell you if I kill you."

The response was five burning fingerprints.

She said angrily, "The underground party is you!"

The girl asked me for the seventh time, "Are you handsome?"

I said, "You are handsome when you say handsome, and you are handsome when you say not handsome. . "

The response was five burning fingerprints.

She said angrily, "*! You are a pig ... "

The girl asked me eight times, "Are you handsome?"

I said, "Do you want to hit my left face or my right face?"

The response was ten burning fingerprints.

She said angrily, "I want to fight on both sides!" " "

The girl asked me nine times, "Are you handsome?"

I said, "Stop fighting, I can't stand it."

The response was ten burning fingerprints.

She said angrily, "It can't stand the test at all."

The girl asked me ten times, "Are you handsome?"

I have nothing to say. /I am speechless.

The response was ten burning fingerprints.

She said angrily, "If you are handsome, put it off."

The girl asked me eleven times, "Are you handsome?"

I said, "I am dead."

The response was ten burning fingerprints.

She said angrily, "The world is clean."

The girl asked me twelve times, "Are you handsome?"

voicelessly ...

The response was ten burning fingerprints.

She said angrily, "You have to speak quickly!"

The girl asked me thirteen times, "Are you handsome?"

Me:' I am more handsome than a pig' [my heart is cold ...]

She said softly, "I love you."

The girl asked me for the twentieth time, "Are you handsome?"

I said, "It's really not handsome to fight again."

The response was five burning fingerprints.

She said happily, "Ah! Still so handsome! "

A killer pointed a gun at a man and asked him: 1 plus 1 what is it? The man thought for a long time and replied, it is equal to 2.

Hit hard ... the man fell.

The killer blew a breath into the gun and said, you know too much.

The tragic experience of seven smoking boys

Seven boys were reported smoking, and the teacher called them one by one to talk: the first boy truthfully admitted that he was severely beaten; After returning to the dormitory, he said, "Dude, I'm in charge. I won't admit it if I go! " "

[Scene 1]

Teacher: To be honest, do you smoke?

Boy 1: No.

Teacher: No? Have a French fries.

The boy naturally held out two fingers and took it. ...

[Scene 2]

Teacher: Do you smoke?

Boy 2: No.

Teacher: No? Have a French fries.

Boy two holds the French fries carefully because he heard about boy one.

Teacher: No ketchup?

I accidentally got too much, and I immediately played it with two fingers-

Teacher: No? The posture of playing ash is very skilled. Call your parents ...

[Scene 3]

Teacher: Do you smoke?

Boy 3: No.

Teacher: No? All right, French fries!

Because of the first two examples, the boy Sancai finished the French fries with great care and sweat.

Teacher: Aren't you going to take a root home for your classmates?

Boy three put French fries in his ear. ...

[Scene 4]

Teacher: Do you smoke?

Boy 4: No.

Teacher: Good. Have a French fries.

Four boys ate French fries in fear and put them in their pockets.

The teacher suddenly shouted, here comes the headmaster.

Boy four quickly took out his chips from his pocket and threw them on the ground, stepping on them with his feet.

[Scene 5]

Teacher: Do you smoke?

Boy 5: No.

Teacher: Good. Have a French fries.

Boy number five just got French fries,

The teacher said: Don't invite me to dinner?

Boy five quickly took the French fries from his hand and then took out the lighter. ...

[Scene 6]

Teacher: Do you smoke?

Boy 6: No.

Teacher: Good. Have a French fries.

Boy six ate French fries in fear and put them in his pocket.

The teacher suddenly shouted, here comes the headmaster.

Boy Six lowered his head, sweaty palms, and said, Hello, headmaster!

Teacher: The headmaster will smell your mouth.

Boy Six took the French fries out of his pocket: Hurry up, it's still there, the fire hasn't lit yet. ...

[Scene 7]

Teacher: Do you smoke?

Boy 7: Swear to God, never smoke.

Teacher: You really don't smoke? All right, French fries.

Boy seven naturally took the French fries and ate them clean.

Teacher: That's a good boy. What brand of French fries do you usually like to use?

Boy 7: (Get carried away) Greater China ...

[scene N]

Teacher: Have a portion of French fries.

Boy: No thanks.

O(∩_∩)o ... For your reference, it's quite funny!