Fortunately, Lin's personality can be so open-minded, and the common language used is violent mother ~

Wang Shengnan, played by Yan Ni in Pi, has restored the perfect image of a housewife. In the face of the disobedient daughter of the ghost horse, she launched a variety of "mother-in-law spit" on her daughter Lin, from Liu Hai hairstyle to academic performance, which caused many netizens to leave a message lamenting "God-level restoration! This is my mother herself ","It's really the same world and the same mother ",and parents' critical nagging triggered the singing failure of young people.

Under the family education of "hardcore" people, although mother and daughter constantly tease each other, what I see is the grievance and pain of "language violence" that Lin loves. After being suppressed by her mother many times, she almost chose to commit suicide. Fortunately, she was finally unharmed and reconciled with her mother, but a very sad similar incident happened in real life.

In April, in Pudong New Area, Shanghai, a boy jumped off the Lupu Bridge in front of his mother and died. The reason that caused the child to jump off the bridge was that there was a conflict with his classmates at school, and the mother criticized him all the way, putting the child under multiple pressures and finally making such a choice.

I believe that the moment the child jumps off the bridge will be a nightmare for the mother's life, and regret and guilt will accompany her all her life, which is undoubtedly extremely painful. "Language violence" can stab people like a knife and hurt you to pieces.

As the saying goes, "a good word warms spring, a bad word warms June", and 90% of our interpersonal communication needs to be initiated through language. In the process of communication, some words sound comfortable and cheerful, while others will make people uncomfortable and even cause anger. The quality of the language we speak and the quality of the language we hear will really determine the quality of our life.

Because people are more likely to show their true self in front of their close relatives, maybe we don't think our way of speaking is violent, but our language does often bring pain to ourselves and others, especially in family life. Your words and deeds affect the harmony of the family, the emotions of both sides and the growth of children.

A simple but powerful sentence in nonviolent communication: "Language is a window, otherwise it is a wall."

"I called you several times, but I didn't hear you. I have no ears! "

"I told you, I still made a mistake, how could I not remember it!"

"Come and eat, don't dawdle, what can you do with your character!"

When the mood comes, will you occasionally say something ugly? Sometimes you will find that in order to solve problems you don't like, you can only use some violent language to explain your position, such as strong criticism and excessive condemnation.

But the truth is, you didn't get the result because you were angry. The other person hasn't changed, still indifferent, and then the relationship between you is getting worse and worse.

"Non-violent communication guides us to change the way we speak and listen, so that we can no longer respond in a conditioned way, but understand our own observations, feelings and wishes and use language consciously, so that we can express ourselves honestly and clearly, and respect and listen to others." -nonviolent communication

When yelling has become a habit of parents, it becomes a subconscious behavior. To break this inertia, the key is to keep mindfulness when yelling, observe your feelings and thoughts, realize the consequences of yelling, and feel the impact of this behavior on yourself and your children. It is difficult to try to break the habit, and you don't expect to change it completely overnight.

Don't make a hullabaloo about puts forward the 4C rule of discipline.

Take a step back when you want to yell, and look at the misconduct or problems you are facing with a clear head and an open mind. In addition to hugging and redirecting, sometimes you need the 4C principle, which is the core element of the principle based on respect:

1, communication

Can the child understand what you said? If the child does something wrong, you should explain why you can't do it. It is important to tell him clearly what you want him to do.

"Don't throw sand and hurt others' eyes" is much better than "it's not good to throw sand, and it's not good to be obedient or not". "Parents should use your utmost patience, give an instruction at a time, and talk too much at a time. It is easy for children to forget your needs.

Step 2 choose

If a child feels that he has control over his life, he won't fight, cry or fight for control. When appropriate, parents can provide choices, reduce yelling and disputes, and at the same time strengthen children's decision-making ability, so that children feel that their actions and ideas are seen and have a sense of existence.

3. Results

The result will make people understand the rules and tell the children the natural consequences that will happen soon. If the child doesn't finish his homework for several days in a row, he can only give up all entertainment and stay up late to make up. The child doesn't want to take medicine, and if it is serious, he can only have an injection.

4. Relationship

The core of the discipline is connection. If the child feels connected and loved, he will feel safe and meet your requirements more easily. Therefore, no matter how busy parents are, they should plan their time with their children and let them know how much you value them.

We often say "words are like spilled water". When you find that this sentence is a bit excessive, it's a pity that it can't be taken back, and it may have caused great harm.

Most families may be caused by poor communication between father and son, mother and child. Although there is no hatred, it will cut a few knives in your heart, and it will be fine after a while, but it will leave a scar. Ineffective communication is a vicious circle, just like a scar that will never heal, it will often get hurt, and the scar will slowly fester, causing more harm.

Parents should cultivate the awareness of non-violent communication, and can learn from the discipline method of "don't shout or make trouble".