40 super funny jokes?

Old four in the dormitory got out of bed and looked for slippers for a long time. No, I asked everyone: Where are my slippers?

3. I went to buy mutton kebabs once

Hold out four fingers and say "three kebabs" to the boss.

The boss received "How much?"

I held out three more fingers and said "four" ...

4. My name is Zhu, and I manage the computer room of the unit. Someone once called my mobile phone: "Sir Chicken, are you in the pigsty?" I was yelling at that guy.

When my parents quarreled, my father said angrily, "I'll go out!"

6, just went to college, military training, the company commander did not know where the accent was, shouting the password-"drill to the left!" "Drill to the right!"

7. When I was in college, I heard a girl order: Master, fry a plate of hot and sour potato shreds, not potatoes!

When I was looking for a job, the examiner asked me when I would graduate.

I wanted to say 2000, but when I got excited, I said, "Two thousand years ago. . . "

What's more, the examiner sighed and said, "Confucius' student. "

9, a literary evening, the host came to the stage and announced: Please enjoy the following: Xinjiang song and dance, lift your skull! Creepy! ! ! ! !

10, tigers don't send cats, you think I'm dying!

1 1, I: That's our physics teacher. . .

Classmate: What do you teach?

Me: Chemistry. . .

12. One day, when I was at school, there was a phone call for me. My classmate answered, handed it to me and said, "Your mother wants you."

As soon as I answered the phone, I casually said, "A man and a woman."

Everyone laughed wildly. I was laughed at for four years.

13, once my classmate's mother called, I used to say "he's not here", but this time I want to say "he's out". The result was: "He ... left."

14, gg handed me a sorbet, and I took a bite and shouted, "It's burning me!"

15, my sister and I went to Li Ning to buy shoes. My sister said, "Miss, how much are these shoes?"

16, go home on weekends when I go to school. After dinner, I was addicted to cigarettes and planned to go for a walk on the pretext. When changing shoes at the door, my father asked me why I wanted to go. I casually said, "Go have a cigarette!" As a result, my father found a pack of 555 from me and gave me a good K.

17, the teacher left homework, and I copied others' homework if I couldn't do it. Then I went to the office to hand in my homework and saw the teacher say, "I copied it!" " "

18, our company has a car to go to work in the morning, because the car is not big. Once, a male colleague sitting next to me stood up and greeted her warmly and said, "So-and-so, sit on my ass!" " I laughed until I got off ~!

19, when I was in college, a classmate argued with me and I was at a disadvantage. In desperation, I got up and shouted: You talk nonsense, I'm not stupid!

When I was a child, popsicles and ice cream were generally sold by pushing bicycles. Once, I heard an aunt shouting in the house: New ice cream is selling well. (It is estimated that Auntie used to sell fried dough sticks. )

2 1. One day I went to my classmate's house for dinner and drank some wine. Her father suddenly came in. He wanted to call uncle, but he made a mistake and said, "Dad, come and sit down!" " ~ ~ cold! A bunch of classmates laughed to death.

22, a ktv, ordering songs, one mm shouting: Give me a stick to cut "Double Jay" every week. ......

23. In the past, the teacher handed out papers, and the girls at the back took one more and shouted "Teacher, I have it, I have it". As a result, the boy sitting next to him said, "It's mine, it's mine". The whole class was stunned ~ ~ ~

24. My friend's child is half a year old, so I'm calling to care. After a few commonplaces, I said: Is your child eating human milk or your milk now?

25. One night, I met an acquaintance and said, "Good morning." ...

26. In the evening, a roommate came into the room and announced loudly: "I watched the midnight edition of" Beautiful Ghost "today!"

27. Due to business trip, I had to go to a domestic bank to repair equipment. After getting out of the hotel and taking a taxi, I said to the female driver, "Go to the Bank of China and buy a knife at a hardware store." Sweat! I was going to buy a screwdriver. I didn't notice that I was wrong. At this time, the female driver kept looking at me and said, "Big Brother, I'm going to get off work. Please find a new taxi. " At that time, I was very angry and said, "What car are you stopping at the hotel after work?" The female driver looked at me and said, "I don't want the fare after buying the knife. Please find another one." Dizzy! ! ! Only then did I realize that I was wrong, and I quickly explained it for a long time. Now that I think about it, I feel sorry for the female driver.

28. The political teacher once said, "Let me give you an example." Then he felt wrong and said, "give me an example."

29. In junior high school, the teacher asked the translator who this person was.

A classmate translated: Whose man is this? The whole class laughed and the teacher was speechless.

30. In the political class, I talked about the political problems between China and Japan, and talked about the Japanese samurai committing suicide by caesarean section.

The teacher said, "Japanese samurai were all delivered by caesarean section before they died ~ ~ ~"

3 1. When I was in college, one of my classmates just bought a mobile phone and got a mobile card. He dialed the manual station of 10086 and got excited. Excuse me, do you have mobile phone service? From hands-free, we actually heard the telephone operator say politely: We are moving to bring business. . . The whole dormitory burst into laughter.

32. My husband is thin. Once I was in a hurry and said, "Honey, you look as thin as a pig!" "

33. Broadcast original: Two gangsters wounded my 1 10 policeman and fled.

The announcer read: Two gangsters wounded 1 10 police and fled.

(Huang Feihong reincarnated! )

34. One of our colleagues, when taking the driver's license test, said a classic sentence to the examiner:

Report instrument, examiner is normal ~ ~ ~ ~

35. I remember once, I went to KFC with a sister. I heard her muttering in the queue, a chicken leg burger and a pair of chicken wings. It was her turn. Everyone laughed as soon as she spoke. She wanted to say "Miss, a chicken leg hamburger", but it turned out to be "a calf, a hamburger".

36.MM told me about KFC's new "flesh and blood connection" and asked me to take her to eat. In those days, Beijing was extremely hot and I was in a daze. When I arrived at the restaurant, I said to the smiling Miss KFC: Please give me two "flesh and blood", thank you! .............

Shame-_-!

37. A boy saw his uncle: "Buy him two dishes!"

Uncle: "This kid is so boastful that he can't even talk!" " "

38. A shy male classmate went to the canteen to have breakfast. The host in the window asked him, "What do you want?" He lowered his head and said, "I want … I want … a steamed stuffed bun, a steamed stuffed bun." The master stared at him for a long time and asked, "What do you want? Say it again! " "I want a steamed stuffed bun, a steamed stuffed bun ... oh. Don't! A steamed bun, a loaf of bread! "

39. In English class, the teacher said, "Good morning, teacher!" "

Student: "Good morning, student!" "

The whole class burst into laughter.

40. A classmate called a friend's house and his grandfather answered it. This classmate doesn't know what he is thinking. He just said, "Grandpa, I'm grandma ..." Suddenly he felt something was wrong and hung up with a bang. ...

4 1 A buddy once asked a girl he had been interested in for a long time and was going to tell her. They sat for a long time before he got up the courage to say to the girl, "Do you have a boyfriend?" The girl replied shyly, "Not yet." He was ecstatic: "Then can you be my boyfriend?"

42. The wife asked reproachfully: You don't even know your grandmother's name?

The husband is very wronged to answer, how should I know? My grandmother was only seven years old when I died.

Wife surprised: What?

Husband quickly changed his mouth: no, no, my grandmother died at the age of seven!

43. Before going out to play mahjong, my mother said to me, "You put all your clothes in the refrigerator and put all your dishes in the washing machine ~ ~ ~ ~"

44. Once I came out from my mother, I went to find my wife. After seeing my wife, I habitually called out, "Mom!"

45. Two people were bickering, and suddenly a person next to them said, "You are really full and have nothing to do!"