Please tell me some jokes

1.

There is a penguin whose home is so far away from the polar bear’s home that it would take 20 years to reach it by walking.

One day, Penguin was very bored at home and was going to go find the polar bear to play. Then he went out, but when he was halfway down the road, he realized that he had forgotten to lock the door and he had already left. It had been 10 years, but the door still had to be locked, so the penguin walked home again to lock the door. After locking the door, the penguin set off again to find the polar bear. It took him 40 years to reach the polar bear's house... Then the penguin knocked on the door and said: "Polar bear, polar bear, the penguin is here to play with you!"

After the polar bear opened the door, what do you think he said? ..."Let's go to your house to play~"

2. The little white rabbit jumped to the bakery and asked: "Boss, do you have a hundred buns?"

Boss: "Ah, I'm so sorry, there aren't that many"

"That's it..." The little white rabbit walked away dejectedly.

The next day, the little white rabbit jumped to the bakery, "Boss, do you have a hundred buns?"

Boss: "Sorry, there are still none."

"That's it..." The little white rabbit walked away dejectedly.

On the third day, the little white rabbit jumped to the bakery, "Boss, do you have a hundred buns?"

The boss said happily: "Yes. Yes, we have a hundred buns today!”

Little White Rabbit took out the money: “Great, I’ll buy two!”

3. Xiao Ming Said: "Akang, I ask you, "A shark ate a mung bean, and what did it become?"

Akang said: "I don't know, what is the answer?"

Xiao Ming said: "Hey! Hey! The answer is "mung bean paste (mung bean shark)", you are stupid!"

4. The teacher asked a classmate how to reduce white pollution?

Student answer: Make the lunch box blue

5. There was a man who had a bad gastrointestinal problem. One day, he came to the gastroenterology hospital to see a doctor and said to the doctor: "What should I eat?" What are you doing? Eat water.

Put melons on watermelons, eat cucumbers and pull cucumbers!"

The doctor thought for a while and said to him: "I think you only eat shit!"

p>

6. On the plane, a stewardess asked a little girl: "Why does the plane fly so high without hitting the stars?"

The little girl replied: "I know. , because the stars will 'shimmer'!"

7. There was a polar bear and a penguin playing together. The penguin pulled out the hairs on his body one by one. After pulling out, he said to the polar bear Said: "It's so cold!" After hearing this, the polar bear also pulled out the hairs on his body one by one, turned to the penguin and said: "It's really cold!"

8. There is one Bread, I felt hungry while walking, so I ate it myself

9

Q: What did the African cannibal chiefs eat?

A: People!

Q: One day, the chief fell ill and the doctor told him to be vegetarian. So what did he eat?

A: Eat a vegetable! ~~

10

American: Have you ever seen a cup made of wood?

Chinese: No!

Americans: Then why does your Chinese character for "cup" appear next to the character for wood?

Chinese: Isn’t there a “no” next to the word “cup”! That means it's not made of wood.

Little White + Little White=?

Little White Rabbit (TWO)~

12

Q: The fat man fell from the 12th floor What will happen when it comes down?

A: Fatty

13.

Asong and Abo chatted and told each other that time is not forgiving.

A Song: "Looking back on my childhood days, the happiest thing I ever had was Children's Day."

Abo: "Ten years later it's Youth Day.

"

Asong: "Father's Day will be in ten years. "

Abo: "In a few decades it will be Senior Citizens' Day. "

Asong: "A few more decades."

Abo: ".Qingming Festival. "

14

When the millionaire drove his luxurious extended-length "Lincoln" car through a village, he saw two beggars pulling grass to eat on the side of the road. The millionaire immediately stopped. Get off.

“Why are you eating grass? "

"We really have no money..." replied a beggar.

"Really, get in the car and go to my house. "

"I still have a wife and two children at home..." a beggar muttered.

"Call them over." The rich man pointed to another beggar. . "And you, call your family members."

"My family is quite large. In addition to my wife, I have five children." Another beggar said.

"It doesn't matter, call everyone, hurry up 1

Just like that, the two beggars and their families got on the bus. Fortunately, it was an extended bus. During the ride, a beggar His wife said gratefully: "Boss, you are so kind. You can even invite poor people like us to your home."

The millionaire replied: "Nothing, I just came back from abroad. No one has been taking care of the house, and the lawn in the yard may be more than one meter high. You can eat as much as you like

ShuShuShuaWang

15

One day The national war was in full swing, and the guild leader came to the front line of the prairie to boost morale...

The guild leader asked: How is the situation?

The archer of the group reported: Report to the group leader! There is a Baisos archer next to the tent 20 meters ahead, but his accuracy is terrible. He has shot many times in the past few days, but he has not hit anyone.

After hearing this, the group leader asked: Since we found the enemy’s archer, why not kill him?

The team member Archer said: Report to the team leader! Okay, do you want them to change it to a more accurate one?

16

Soldiers: "Thirsty...thirst..."

Cao Cao: "Everyone, hold on for a while! I have been to this place before, remember There is a plum grove nearby. You can reach it if you walk for a while.

All the soldiers said: "Oh￣￣￣￣There are plums to eat￣￣￣Oh￣￣￣"

Half an hour later——Cao Ren: "Lord! The expedition team found a lot of water!"

Cao Cao: "Hahahaha, did you hear that? Finally there is water to drink."

Soldiers: "If you don't go... you must find Meizi..."

17

A certain girls' school is haunted.

One day I met Xiaohong.

The ghost said: School girl. . . You see. . . I have no feet. . . I have no feet. . .

Xiao Hong: What’s that? Senior sister, look, I have no breasts, I have no breasts.

18

A medium-rare steak and a medium-rare steak met on the street. Why didn’t they say hello? (Assuming they can talk)

Because........................

Because...................... ......

Because they are not familiar with each other~~! Haha

20

The little snake asked the big snake brother in a panic... "Brother "Are we poisonous?" The big snake said, "Why are you asking?" The little snake said, "I accidentally bit my tongue just now."

"

22

The tortoise and the hare are racing...The hare quickly ran to the front..

The tortoise saw a snail crawling very slowly. Slowly... said to him: Come up, I will carry you...

Then... the snail came up...

After a while... the turtle saw another The ant said to him: Come up too.

So the ant also came up.

After the ant came up, he saw the snail above and said to him. Say "Hello"

Do you know what the snail said?

The snail said: Hold on tight, this turtle is so fast... swipe the net

26

Every time I see you wearing trousers...

There will be an indescribable feeling in my heart,

That’s it...

The radish is wrapped in plastic wrap!

27

One day my mother-in-law was riding in the car

Halfway through the ride, my mother-in-law didn’t know the road anymore.

My mother-in-law hit the driver’s butt with a stick and said: Where is this?

Driver: This is my butt.

28

A: "I'll take you to a place where all the girls don't wear bras. "

B: "Really? Where? Take me there quickly! "

A: "The kindergarten is right next door! "

29

One day, the teacher took a group of children to the mountain to pick fruits.

He announced: "Children, after picking the fruits, we will gather together Wash and eat together after washing. "

All the children ran to pick fruits.

As soon as the gathering time came, all the children gathered.

Teacher: "Xiaohua, you pick the fruits. To what? "

Xiaohua: "I am washing apples because I picked apples. "

Teacher: "Where are you, Xiaomei? "

Xiaomei: "I am washing tomatoes because I picked tomatoes. "

Teacher: "The children are all great! What about you, Amin? "

Amin: "I am washing my cloth shoes because I stepped in poop. "

Swipe the internet

30

Bad news: A pilot fell out of the plane

Good news: He brought Broken parachute

Bad news: The parachute is bad

Good news: There is a haystack down there

Bad news: There is a big manure fork on the haystack

p>

Good news: He didn't land on the dung fork

Bad news: He didn't land on the haystack either

35

A monkey eats peanuts The administrator explained: Someone once fed it a peach, but the peach core couldn't be pulled out, and the monkey was scared. Now it must be measured before eating.

40

Late one night, a young woman was passing by a mental hospital when a "wow" sound came from behind. The woman turned around and saw a naked man chasing her. She was so frightened that she ran away, and the man behind her was chasing after her. Unfortunately, there was a dead end in front of her. The woman was so desperate that she knelt on the ground and cried and begged: "You can do whatever you want. I just ask you not to kill me." The man smiled slyly and said, "Really?" Then now you start chasing me. "

41

There was a new nurse in a mental hospital. When she first arrived, she saw a patient in the hospital wandering around an ancient well, chanting: "13, 13,... …" The little nurse felt quite strange. She couldn't figure out what this "13" meant. She kept observing it for several days and it was the same. She always wanted to go forward and ask what happened, but she was afraid that the patient would have an attack and never dared.

One day, the little nurse finally couldn't restrain her curiosity. She slowly walked to the patient and looked into the well.

Suddenly the patient hugged the nurse's legs, lifted them down, and began to read: "14, 14, 14,..."

42

The matchstick suddenly felt itchy in his head. , just stretched out his hand and scratched, and burned himself to death...