Want to hear a slip of the tongue joke?

1. When I was a child, my father watched me write a composition. There is a simple mistake in writing. The father smiled and said to his mother, "I find your son very stupid." I was in a hurry and said loudly to my father, "Your son is so stupid!" -_-b2。 The director of our senior three office once again scolded us for being disobedient in class and said, "Don't blame me for being inhuman if you do this again!" " 3. The math teacher put up two fingers with his trademark action and said to the students, "Students, the key to learning math well is three words! ! Do more exercises! ! A few days ago, I said that my girlfriend was as stupid as a pig, and she twisted me, which was very painful and she never let go. When I was in a hurry, I said, "I told your mother that you abused pigs!" " The person I despise most is the person who despises others! 2009-08-20 17:22 1. Once I borrowed money from someone, I wanted to say "I'll pay you back when I get it" and "I'll call you when I have money". 2. My classmate's name is Yu Jingbo. One day, I wrote a letter, and the dormitory doorman shouted at the entrance of the dormitory: a letter with dry and cold skin! 3. Our Chinese teacher: Please turn to 120 yuan, the whole class is dizzy. Later, the teacher was nicknamed "money addict". Ha ha. 4. A buddy got married and gave him a red envelope. My buddy said politely, I don't need to say: nothing, just once a year, you must hold it. When cooking, I pointed to cauliflower and said: a potato.

Aunt asked: cauliflower?

I continued to point to cauliflower and said: potatoes

Aunt asked again: Is it potato or cauliflower?

I quickly said, isn't this a potato ... er, broccoli?

Now that I think about it, it's enough to make people vomit blood. Excuse me, aunt who sells rice. 6. I received a phone call at the company, which was promoted by a clothing company and kept saying that I would make uniforms for a big company. I caught the gap in the other person's speech and blurted out, "Our company is unified in not dressing the questioner's questions 2009-08-20 17:30. I have this ... please ... the interviewee added 2009-08-20 18:42 tired! "

1 Our Chinese teacher: Please turn to 120 yuan, the whole class is dizzy. Later, this teacher was nicknamed "money addiction", hehe.

When crossing the street the day before yesterday, BF rushed forward without looking at the light. I thought it was a red light, so I reached for him and shouted "red heart! ! "There are too many tractors. ...

Our teacher: "I never say the second time, ah, the second time."

Customer Service: Which song do you want? Netizen: I want "I really love you" sung by Huang Jiagou. Customer service: .........

Big five 1 At that time, I didn't do business, but watched movies and played games in the dormitory all day. One day, I stayed up late, went to the school cafeteria, pointed to buns and said, 3 buns, pack and download. ...

Live like a hero and die like a bear.

7 elementary school went to the teacher's house to make up lessons. A circle of children, I recruited mosquitoes and got stung by a giant bag. The teacher took the wind oil essence and asked me, "Who bit you?" I replied, "Mosquito" ... asked three times and answered three times, and the teacher suddenly said, "Er ... I want to ask who the mosquito bit ..."

Originally, I wanted to treat everyone to peaches, but I happened to have no money, so I went to Cary to withdraw money. To the reception desk, "please, two jins of peaches ~ ~! ! "She and I stayed ~ ~ ~

I remember that I just went to high school and went to the cafeteria for breakfast in the morning. I should have said "Give me two steamed buns" and later said "Give me a steamed bun, and ..." The rice cook asked me what else I had, and I added, "There is another steamed bun." At that time, I was sweating profusely and looked at me embarrassedly.

10 guy. Going out with him, I drove to the crossroads and asked him how to get there. He pointed to the left and said, turn right! ! ! Turn right! ! ! ! !

1 1 Better late than never.

12 went to the movies with friends and blurted out when buying tickets: 5 tickets. My friend quickly pulled me and said, there are only four of us. I quickly said to the conductor: Wrong, wrong, not four, but five. My friends were stunned, so I quickly took me aside and told people that it was four. Shameless, I graduated from primary school. . . . . .

13 the flood is like a herd of wild horses with rectal prolapse. ...

14 once in the internet cafe CS, I wanted the webmaster to bring me a bottle of green tea, but AK hit me in the head and casually shouted, "webmaster, get me m16 ..."

15 We discussed how to spend money in the future. My colleague loudly said that I want to buy a "carved coat".

16 friends complained that it was too expensive to buy clothes recently. Others said they could buy it in XX. He replied that XX is expensive, but it's not beautiful. The man said it was not expensive. Look at my skirt. It's only 25. It looks good. Without thinking, he complimented: You are really like a star. You wear 250 clothes.

17 wanted to buy a tomato-flavored farmer's orchard, and the result said, boss, give me a bottle of tomato orchard.

18 I remember coming home from an English class when I was a child. My mother wanted me to brush it quickly, so she said, daughter! This research must take advantage of the fire to be effective! I've thought about it for a long time. What she means is strike while the iron is hot.

19 We are all grasshoppers tied to the same boat.

I ate what my mother bought for my grandfather and was scolded. I replied: I told you that I was filial to my grandfather. I thought I was filial to me ... being chased.

2 1 The head teacher in junior high school is fierce, and B and D are unclear. Once I finished the problem and answered the question. The head teacher said: The answer to the following question is "B(D)". A classmate whispered, Is it B or D? The class teacher is angry: B(D) of ABCD! ! ! The whole class is sweating.

Roommate's classic slip of the tongue: I wash my hair and cook noodles. You see, when you came back, my head was cooked with noodles ... and I sweated. ...

When we organized blood donation at school, we lay side by side on a row of recliners. One of the boys began to donate blood smoothly, but the blood actually began to flow back into the blood vessels from the middle blood bag. The doctor began to adjust the angle of the couch for him, and at the same time let his hand force the blood to come out. The doctor adjusted him and said, "Push, push, push, and he will come out soon ~ ~" Haha, a group of us laughed on the spot, and the boy looked innocent and depressed ~ ~ ~

My roommate brought in a CD: Do you want to watch Hamlet and the Order of the Phoenix?

In class, the teacher lamented that the students didn't do well in the exam and said sadly, "You just don't listen to me."

When I came back from kindergarten at the age of 26, I learned a newspaper song to show my mother. "Today's porridge is really good. Seven coppers can buy two cents. " My mother thinks this porridge is quite expensive.

Wife: You have never eaten pork, but you always see pigs run away. Me: I didn't run.

28 once ran to the east gate of the school to eat. Walking into a noodle restaurant, there are many kinds of soups. I looked at it, and it was interesting. I pointed to the menu and said to my boss, boss, I want this crow soup! The people who went with them and the boss all laughed ~ ~ ~ It turned out to be black-bone chicken soup ~ ~ ~

I recite the text: the Red Army is not afraid of the expedition, and the people who passed the Long March have not come back yet. ...

When I just gave birth to my baby, I was still in the hospital. I looked at the baby in the crib and said happily, "Come on, sister!" " "At that time, I was not used to it. I was already a mother! The whole ward laughed as a result!

In a physics exercise class in 3 1 high school, the teacher said happily, "the conditions given by the topic are changing, but they are all the same." You see, I just changed a little, and now I have to change it! " Everyone bowed their heads silently. ...

When my son was born a few months ago, I was always eager to hear him call him "Dad", so I always took pains to teach him: "Call Dad, call Dad …" My wife said, "It's silly, he is still young, and now there is nothing to do" and went to the bathroom. I am still trying to teach. After a while, my wife came out of the bathroom and saw that I was still lying in bed. She gently shouted to her son, "Dad, dad, dad. . . . . . "My wife immediately smiled and said," Who's the father? Ha ha. . . . . . "I am so embarrassed.

I bought my mother a T-shirt that I love China the other day. My mother was very happy and said excitedly, let's wear it together today and have a seizure.

One Sunday at the end of last century, four of our good friends went to Xiangshan, where there were many people. Finally, I found a quiet place. I took out my broken camera and debugged it. My girlfriend A ran excitedly: "Whose camera?" Take a picture of me! "I was distracted to hear" ~ what camera ~ ",so Chen Chang proudly replied loudly:" It's a fool's! ..... "As a result, all three of them smiled brightly in the photo of 555555.

35. A colleague went to a lecture on disaster-resistant models, and when he came back, he described how touching the atmosphere was: "... how many people cried and peed% #% @ ..." Quack, sin, sin. ...