How to praise a person

Don't praise the other person, but praise his past achievements and property. I get along well with many friends' families, among which the friendship with a lady is even deeper than that with her husband. Of course, our relationship will never lead to misunderstanding. Originally, I only knew her husband, so how did I become a friend of her family? I remembered a remark I made casually at a party when I first met her. At that time, I was introduced to this friend's wife. Because there was no suitable topic at that time, I said, "This pendant you are wearing is very rare and special" in an attempt to cover up the embarrassment at that time. I said this sentence completely unintentionally. Because I know nothing about women's decoration. Surprisingly, this pendant is really special and can only be bought in Notre Dame de Paris. This is her favorite thing. This casual remark reminded my wife of all kinds of past events about pendants, and we became good friends from then on. Of course, this matter can be described as "hitting the nail on the head". However, I did unconsciously choose the most appropriate flattery when I first met. Flattery is a double-edged sword. If used skillfully, it can make interpersonal relationship better, otherwise it will destroy interpersonal relationship. Proper praise is indeed a lubricant to promote interpersonal harmony, but those disgusting flatteries will only quickly expose a person's personality and intentions, and eventually lead to the end of being despised. So, what kind of praise is the most effective for people who meet for the first time? In my opinion, it's best to avoid taking the other person's character or personality as the object to praise his past achievements, behaviors or possessions and other tangible things. If you praise the other person "you are really a good person", even if it is sincere, the other person will easily produce "I just met for the first time. How do you know that I am a good person? " Doubt and vigilance. If you praise past achievements or actions, the situation is different. Praising this fact has nothing to do with the depth of friendship, and it is easier for the other party to accept it. In other words, "indirect flattery" is more effective when we meet for the first time, instead of praising each other directly, we praise things related to each other. If the other person is a woman, her clothes and decorations will be the best targets for indirect flattery. Judging from the effect of this "indirect flattery", it is better to collect materials that can be used as "indirect flattery" in advance than to face strangers unprepared. With this preparation, perhaps just one sentence can make the other party feel that they have found a bosom friend and open their hearts to you soon. Praising each other's pride can make them open up. I have a good friend who is an editor. He looks like the famous actor Atsuo Nakamura. Whenever I go to a restaurant with him and meet his waitress for the first time, I will say to him, "Hi! You really look like movie star XXX! " Indeed, his appearance and temperament are very similar to that actor. Generally speaking, it is a compliment to say that someone looks like a famous actor. People who are "praised" are usually not unhappy, but my friend's reaction is different. After listening to the waitress's "flattery", He, who doesn't like to talk, became even more silent. The waitress may have said those words with half sincerity and half flattery, but because the other party usually ignores them in this case, she can only show surprise. But in my opinion, this friend's reaction is not surprising at all, because the compliment to the waitress is not legal at all. He knows his shortcoming, that is, he tends to give the impression of indifference. The actor in "Nakamura" plays a ruthless role on the screen. Therefore, if he looks like Nakamura, it is not a compliment, but a clear indication of his shortcomings. It is not easy to praise others properly. Improper praise will be rejected. In order to make the other party outspoken, we must find out what the other party is proud of and likes to be praised as soon as possible, and then praise it, that is, praise the other party's pride. It's best not to praise at will before determining what the other person is most proud of, so as not to be boring. Just imagine, a woman who is worried about her thin figure, how can she be sincerely happy when she hears others "boast" that she is slender? The second problem worthy of attention is that when the other person shows a good response to your compliment, you should change the way and give it another compliment. If you only give a little compliment, the other person may think it is a compliment or a polite word, but repeating the compliment can improve its credibility and make the other person feel that you really praise him. In short, praise should be skillful. As long as it is used properly, it will definitely hit the other person's heart.