Joke method

I know this trick very well! I'll give you some:

1 is a MM, which is said to test her English ability. You say a word, and MM says the second letter of the word. Say a few words first, and then the fun will begin. Let's talk about husband first, MM can say u (you); Besides my wife, MM can say I (I (I); ; Over and over again Do you understand?

You ask him, "What is one plus one?" He thought for a moment and said, "Not sure, Lai?" You ask again, "What about one plus one?" He might say, "... what word? Is there such a word? Going? "In fact, it should be" law " ...

3 Reach out 1 finger and ask others, "What is this?" Hold out two fingers again and ask others, "What is this?" Put out three more fingers and ask someone, "What is 1+ 1?" 10 people, the most 1 people answered correctly.

Read Wang Shuo's novels. The game in Half Flame, Half Seawater is very interesting. The one who answered the question with a coin in his hand? Is there a number greater than 1? The other party said, do you ask if there is anything larger than 10? The other party said yes until it said100000-and finally asked a fool who is more stupid than you? The other party is very alert to say "no"!

By the way, you can tell your MM that I want to test your English reaction ability, extend your left hand and say to her, "My thumb is A, my index finger is C, my middle finger is M, my ring finger is S and my little finger is X", and then say, in order to increase the difficulty, I will interfere with you in Chinese. Then you pointed to the middle finger and said fish, she said M, you pointed to the ring finger and said donkey, she said S, then pointed to the thumb and said pig, she said A, and then kept pointing to the thumb and said pig, and she kept saying: A, A, A, A, A, A. If MM is smart, she can try other fingers before giving her thumb.

When persuading MM to drink, she said: I'll clear a glass, you take a sip, and then repeat ... I'll clean it up, you take a sip. ...

7 put your hands on your thighs, then rub your left hand forward, and your right hand will do a few slaps up and down, and then change hands and rub your right hand forward, and your left hand will do slaps up and down ... and so on ... Yes, the speed should be fast, and it will be ineffective if it is slow. Hehe, try it, most people won't say it.

Besides people, what animal likes to ask "why" best? I don't know. A: It's a pig! B: Why? Ha! ! !

9 (this is a bit damaging and ugly) Tell an old story, the more people, the better the occasion: adventure story. Grandpa and grandson go out to sea to experience risks! Grandpa is a fisherman who is very familiar with water. On this day, the weather is fine. He asked his little grandson to go fishing with him. Who knows that just after going out to sea, the weather suddenly changed and there was a storm at sea. The little grandson was afraid, and grandpa comforted him: Don't be afraid, my dear grandson. Grandpa has been skilled for so many years. What are you afraid of this storm? Suddenly, a big wave came and split the paddle in half. Grandpa said helplessly to his grandson, dear grandson, the pulp is finished!

10 pig is spelled PUG in English, right? No, it's a pig No, how can I remember it was you? You're mistaken, it's me-the pig is you-the pig is me.

Here are my jokes for you:

I swear, these are the jokes I painstakingly and carefully selected from many jokes on the Internet and in books, which I think are the funniest! If you don't believe me, you can have a careful and patient look, and we will speak according to our conscience.

There is a psycho in 1. I don't know where I got a pistol. He is walking in a black alley.

Suddenly I met a young man. Without saying anything, the psycho pressed him to the ground and pointed a gun at his head! Question: What is 1+ 1=?

The young man was frightened! Meditate for a long time. Answer: equal to 2''? That psycho shot him without hesitation!

Then I pulled the gun in my arms and said coldly, you know too much.

One day, a man named A Shuang died, and his family cried bitterly: "Cool! Cool! " At this time, a passerby saw it and felt very strange. He asked, "Why are you crying?" Hearing this, the family cried even harder and shouted, "That's amazing!" "

3 Zhang Yimou Olympic Games opening ceremony rehearsal finalized:

There are 40 thousand mahjong tables in the center of the bird's nest.

1.6 million people are rubbing wildly in boiling folk music.

Come to an abrupt end at the climax of music,

Then they shouted in unison: "Hu!"

At this time, the general secretary appeared on the rostrum.

Announce the official opening of the Olympic Games

When I was a child, I listened to the theme song of Brother Yixiuge: "Gege, Gege, Gege, Gege, Gege. Aunt wash spittoon ... "

5 in ChristianRandPhillips's hometown cloud: "come back, come back!" " I heard "Come on, come on!"

The first sentence of Song of Macao, which was popular when Macao returned to China, said, "You know Macao is not my real name." My cousin always thought it was a piece of cake. Just don't eat me!

I buy sanitary napkins for my wife. As a result, I went to the store for a long time and didn't know what to buy. I just took a bag and asked the owner, "Boss, is this easy to use?" The boss (male) wait for a while looked at me carefully for 5 seconds and said, "I have never used this either!" " "

One day, I went to worship Guanyin with my parents and my brother.

I didn't wake up, just come forward to say:

Suffering Guanyin ...

Mom and Dad:->-|||

Brother:->-||||

Bodhisattva: T _ _ _ _ T ||||||

In the past, the exam teacher handed out papers, and the girls at the back took one more and shouted, "Teacher, I have it, I have it."

As a result, the boy sitting next to me said, "It's mine, it's mine." The class was almost frozen ~ ~ ~

10 broadcast original: Two gangsters wounded me, 1 10 police officers fled.

The announcer read: Two gangsters wounded 1 10 police and fled.

(Huang Feihong reincarnated! )

1 1 Our general manager's surname is Zhou. I was driving as soon as he called. When I get nervous, I say, "Premier Zhou ..."

12 one day, eating in a rice noodle shop was slow and I was hungry.

Finally, I couldn't bear to strike the table and roar. I wanted to say no to rice noodles, so I lifted the table!

The result said, "Boss! ! ! ! I'll eat the table without rice noodles! ! ! ! "

13 when I was in college, a teacher gave a lecture and talked about a new type of material, saying, "The sexual function of this material is indispensable to the old material.

Comparable ... Oh no, performance and function ... "

14 just went to college for military training. The company commander didn't know where the accent came from and shouted the password-"Drill to the left!" "Drill to the right!"

15 university elder sister, studying educational psychology. Walk into the classroom late ... Glanced at the blackboard. When the old professor was angry, he called his senior sister.

Answer the questions on the blackboard. The elder sister faltered for a long time and said, "This is too difficult to talk about." The whole class is nervous.

(note. Professor's original title:)

16 had a drink with the leaders and others, raised his glass and shouted, "Let's die together!" My brain was too hot. ......

17, a teacher probably played mahjong all night. Seeing that the blackboard had not been wiped, he was furious: "Who is the farmer today?" Don't clean the blackboard! "

18 during the military training in the university, the instructor shouted: align with your sidelight ~ ~ ~ We want to laugh but dare not. It's pathetic. ....

19 theme: prosperity-a metaphor for beautiful growth.

Student A wrote: My brother is thriving.

Comments: Son, is your brother a vegetable? ...

There is also a blind man. ...

Student b wrote: a prosperous and brilliant confession!

Comments: Don't watch too many series.

When is the bright moon, _ _ _ _ _ _

Classmate A: An eternal flower.

(I laughed wildly at the time, but now I think it's quite classic. The positive solution is "ask heaven for wine")

2 1 The final exam produced couplets, and the first couplet was: heroic works.

The couplets of junior three students are: I am charming.

In the fifth grade, I got "Three heads are better than one Zhuge Liang, _ _ _ _ _ _".

Classmate A: The taste is the same.

(Laughing at the invigilator and principal outside)

There was an old farmer hoeing in the field, and a crow flew by and pulled dung on the old farmer's face. The old farmer looked up and cursed: "Shit! I don't know how to wear shorts when I go out! " The crow said, "Shit! You shit in your underwear! "

Men love to fart.

One day, I farted loudly and smelly in the company.

A female colleague said: Can you stop playing so loudly next time?

After a while, have a meeting.

During the meeting, the man suddenly trembled and everyone asked him.

The man replied, "I set it to vibrate."

Who's coming?

B: It's me.

A: Who am I?

I don't care who you are!

26 peep at the leopard in the tube, _ _ _ _ _ _

Classmate A: Scared me (hahaha! The positive solution is "visible")

27 once took an examination of Li Qingzhao's dream, "Do you know? Do you know that?/You know what? ______"

Sorry, I didn't know ...

28 Four mice brag: A: I eat rat poison as candy every day; B: it itches if you don't step on a mouse for a day; C: Don't go to the streets several times a day. D: it's getting late. Let's go home and hug the cat.

A kebab maker was transferred to be a cremation worker and was fired within a few days because he always asked the family of the deceased: What do you want it to do?

30 A county magistrate with a strong accent went to the village to give a report:

"Rabbit, shrimp, pig tail! No pickles, pickles are too expensive! ! "

Attention, comrades and villagers! Stop talking and have a meeting now! ! )

After the county magistrate finished speaking, the host said, "Please give me sausages and pickles!"

Now, please talk to the township head! )

The township head said, "Rabbit, the dog ate today's meal, and everyone is a big jerk!" "

Comrades, that's enough for today. Let's make a big bowl! )

"Don't be pickles, I pick up a shit to lick for you. . . "

Don't talk, I'll tell you a story. . . )

3 1 Part I: Hahahahaha, Part II: Hehehehehehehehehehehehe. Horizontal batch: there is something wrong with the nerve.

There are five eggs side by side in the refrigerator.

One day, the first egg said to the second egg, "Look, the fifth one has long hair."

The second egg immediately said to the third egg, "Look, the fifth egg has long hair."

The third egg was about to say to the fourth egg, but the fifth egg couldn't help it and scolded, "Bullshit, I'm a kiwi."

When I was in high school, my teacher wrote a pair of couplets, which read: the country is rich and the people are strong, the family is rich and the country is rich and the people are strong! A classmate is right: fuck you, fuck you!

After dinner, I smoked on the balcony and enjoyed it. Suddenly, a light flashed in the night sky, and my heart was excited: a meteor! So I made a wish at once ... I made six or seven wishes. I opened my eyes, finished smoking and threw it out of the balcony. Suddenly I heard a girl's voice downstairs: "Wow! Meteor! Make a wish ... "

35 Turtles build houses-cover the middle cover; The tortoise built another house-a new one and a middle one. Tortoise meets tortoise-golden partner; The tortoise wears a dragon robe-golden armor; All the turtles are wearing dragon robes-the city is full of golden armor.

Self-study at school, go to the toilet to pee. Just when it was cold, I suddenly saw a mosquito flying slowly and stopping on the wall in front of me, and then I looked at it. After a few seconds, the mosquito suddenly fell so straight and fell into the urinal .........................................................................................................................

Pig Bajie went out to beg for alms and came back with a black face and said, "I asked someone for bean jelly and was beaten!" " "the Monkey King asked," how do you say that? The pig said, "Tomorrow, tomorrow, will you still send me crystal love?" "

When I was in middle school, I fell in love with a beautiful woman in the liberal arts class. Although I know her, I have no chance to get close to her. For a long time, you can only look at it from a distance. My deskmate and I have discussed more than N ways to approach beautiful women, but most of them are too shameless and unfeasible. Later, I came up with a simple idea, that is, I met her and took the initiative to strike up a conversation. The content of the conversation is: hey, what a coincidence, you are XXXX, too. The content of XXXX depends on the situation. For example, when we meet in the library, you say, hey, what a coincidence, you also come to the library. When we met at the station, we said, hey, what a coincidence, you also took this bus. Then we can start talking. With this in mind, I want to meet her every day. Finally, one day, I came out of the toilet to pee and saw her washing her hands by the pool. I was so excited that I quickly went forward and turned on the tap to wash my hands. She smiled at me, and I said excitedly, hey, what a coincidence, right ... You ... you ... peed on your hand, too?

The residents on the first floor got a big dog from nowhere. When he first came, he was very vigilant and barked at the slightest movement. My home is on the sixth floor. Although I climb up and down every day, I still have to be called ten times. I am timid. As soon as the dog barked, I ran as fast as I could for fear that it would suddenly rush out.

Pick up my little nephew who is attending an English training class on Sunday and go home for dinner. Just entering the first floor, the big dog barked as usual, which gave me the willies. The little nephew was not afraid at all, but shouted, "spit." Strangely, after a few spits, the big dog actually stopped barking and made a poor "hum" sound.

When I got home, I asked my nephew how to curb such a fierce dog. The little nephew proudly said, "When the dog barks at you, it is actually saying one, and you answer twice. At this time, the dog stopped barking because he was ashamed that he could not repay the three of you. "

When I was at school, I was going to change my pants in the dormitory one day. I just took off my belt, but I didn't expect several female students to come in. I had no choice but to carry my pants to the dormitory next door.

I untied my button and was about to take it off. Unexpectedly, several female students came in. I had no choice but to carry my pants to the door of the dormitory next door.

Because I was in a hurry with pants in my hand, I had to kick open the dormitory door and shout, "Is there a woman in it?" Is there a woman? "

I saw many girls sitting in the room, looking at me in horror. ...