Someone give me a funny script. I will perform it on stage in a few days. It is best to perform it with about 7 men and 3 women. It must be funny.

"The Drama Troubles on Campus Without Thieves"

Pei; Hello everyone! (Being like a thief) Giggling! hehe! Do you know me?

What the hell? Don’t know me! That aunt, no, that aunt, not that elder. . Sister, the last time I performed I made you laugh so much that you said you didn’t recognize me? It hurts my heart so much!

Haha! Very happy! I have the opportunity to come here again today!

Oops! Everyone! I'll tell you! I am so unlucky! I went out to play yesterday! A guy grabbed me and tried to sell me his breasts! no! What are you laughing at? oh! How can he produce milk? If he is a male, can he produce milk? You say you. . . In the words of my idol Xiao Shenyang, you are Qian'er Qian'er's, shameless! I'm talking about the milk he sells! He told me that drinking milk is good! It can enhance your physical fitness! Resist all bacteria, so you won’t be afraid of any Trojans anymore! When I heard this, I felt kindhearted and asked him how much does this milk cost? That brother is very happy! The price is 40 yuan! I asked! 10Would you like to buy it soon? He said deal! So I jumped all the way back home happily! Take out a box and take a look! They are all due tomorrow! No wonder he sold it to me for ten yuan! What to do? Why! I thought about it, but I had no choice but to waste it! So I decided to drink it all before the deadline! 48 boxes! Oh my God! Later, I finally made a decisive move and drank the last bottle at 12 o'clock in the middle of the night before the deadline! It’s not easy! I was almost eight months pregnant, but I fell over due to excitement and fell out again! Why! This is nothing! Take a look later! oops! Oh my god! Why is it from Sanlu?

I was so angry that I almost went to verify the free fall motion! Later, I thought that the strong wind would affect the experimental results, so I changed the date!

Forget it! I won’t talk anymore! It hurts your self-esteem too much! There will be classes later! I'll take a nap first!

He Zhang!

Honey, I personally cooked today. How is it? The cooking skills are pretty good!

Zhang; Hey! Just average! Score a 9!

What; Oops! My wife is indeed my soulmate!

Zhang; 100-point system!

He; why do you say that? It took me a long time to make it. It’s hard work even if it’s not hard work!

Zhang; Is it just your hard work? Let’s all comment! What green dragon crosses the river? What did I think? Just add a green onion to the boil! What kind of reunion between mother and son is fried soybeans and soybean sprouts! You are just like the owner of the coffee shop I went to that day!

What; what is it like?

Zhang; I went to a coffee shop that day and saw a drink called "Heartache" that cost 50 yuan. My curiosity drove me to grit my teeth and buy it. In the end, I got a cold drink and it almost made me angry. Cried!

What the hell! He cheated on my girlfriend, let’s go find him that day and see if I don’t beat him up like Chen Shui-bian! ,

Zhang; Forget it! Just show off your talents. If you have the ability, tell him in front of him.

Why; you. . . you. . . Don't force me,

Zhang; I'll force you! What can you do? How about I call you? Hey! Coming!

Qi came up swaggeringly!

Why kneel down in fear!

Qi steps down!

He; didn’t hear it! oops! It almost scared me to death! Chaihan

Zhang; that’s all you have to offer! snort!

(Take out toilet paper and wipe it, throw it away)

He: Didn’t I tell you! Don’t throw away garbage! Be like me...throw a beautiful parabola. (The paper ball hits the sleeping fool)

Pei (angry): Who is it? ! Who threw this garbage? !

He: I threw it away, what happened?

Pei (soft): Nothing, I was just asking. As long as I know who threw it, I just want to return the thing to its original owner.

Zhang: He is truly the Lei Feng of the new era. I don’t know what to call Lei Feng?

Pei: My name is Shagen, I am from Information Class 0809, and I never leave my name behind when I do good deeds!

Zhang: Shagen, you are really an unsung hero, hello.

Pei: Hello, eldest sister!

Zhang: This is my boyfriend.

Pei: Hello boyfriend!

(To Shagen): Who is your boyfriend? Take advantage of me!

Pei: Sorry, sorry! How about you take advantage of me and call me your girlfriend!

He: Crazy!

Pei: No, no, no, the doctor said I am mentally ill! (Sad)

Zhang: Stop talking to him! He was too tired from playing yesterday and felt a little uncomfortable.

Pei: Brother, you have to pay attention to your health. (The music of "River Water" plays) It's not easy for your mother to feed you with poop and pee!

He: Did you just grow up eating this?

Pei: Big brother? I think you're not feeling well. Do you want to buy some medicine? I heard that there is a medicine called Baijiahei! You can sleep soundly by taking black tablets during the day, and you can keep yourself from drowsiness by taking white tablets at night. Brother, do you have no money? I don’t have one here?

He: Money is not the problem, the problem is lack of money! !

Pei: Short of money? ! I have it! I had 50 yuan left to recharge my meal card this morning.

Zhang: You are so kind-hearted! However, don’t show off your wealth, be careful of thieves!

Pei: Is there a thief? ! Where is the thief?

Zhang: This... who knows!

Pei: Then let me ask, hey! Is there a thief? Which of you is a thief? Stand up and show me, my eldest sister! (Walks up to Mei and Guo)

Pei: Are you thieves?

Mei: What’s wrong with you? Have you ever asked someone like this?

Guo: Are you out of your mind? Brother, why are there thieves in the school?

(Pei looked stunned and confused)

: But, alas, little brother, we just need a "thief"!

Pei: Huh? Are you giving a thief training class?

Guo: Brother, why do you speak without going through your brain? It's like this. We are rehearsing a play and we are short of a role to play a thief. We have looked for many people, but no one is suitable and no one is willing to play the role.

Pei (excited): Are you going to let me act? !

Guo (facing the audience): Haha, he is pretty good at playing a farmer. (Doushagen) Brother, have you seen the boy opposite? (pointing to He) Wow! He is really a good material to play the role of a thief! (To himself) But what if he doesn’t want to either?

Mei: Shagen, we looked at you very carefully just now. You really look like Pan Changjiang and have a heart like Xu Benyu. You are like a living Lei Feng in doing things! (Shagen is complacent)

Guo is right! Look at you: your face is like a peach blossom, your body is well-proportioned, (Shagen walks proudly with silly steps) and you walk like a spring breeze! He is simply a good person!

Mei: So, good man, let’s ask you for a favor. It must be okay, right? Go! Go! Plea!

Pei (slapping his chest): Of course, listen to me. My father taught me: You must have a kind heart and help others when they are in trouble! Say it!

Mei: Oh, that’s great! Come on, come on... (The three of them discussed,

Pei (went back and said to Zhang): Sister, they are not thieves, I said there are no thieves! How can there be thieves in the school? There are no thieves in the campus ! I’m tired, I’ll take a nap first.

Zhang: He’s too arrogant!

He (Wuhan accent): Look at his simple mind and underdeveloped limbs. It’s just... forget it!

Zhang: But he has a good heart and a good quality. College students should have a new era! Spiritual, civilized, and educated...

He: Oh! I won’t throw anything away anymore, I will throw a...beautiful parabola.

You still? You're making fun of me, aren't you? I didn't blame you for taking someone else's water bottle last time in the boiling water room. I went, but you said someone else took away your boiled water bottle, and asked me to bring it back for you.

Zhang (blushing): It was you who went there! p>He: You asked me to go!

Zhang: You went there yourself!

He: You asked me to go! Zhang: You're going there yourself!

(The two were arguing...)

Pei: Oh my god! Fortunately, you woke me up. Forgot...

Zhang: What have you forgotten?

Pei (takes out sleeping pills to take) The doctor said I need to take sleeping pills to sleep.

I almost fell asleep without eating! Sister, do you take sleeping pills?

Zhang: How can you take sleeping pills casually? Don't eat!

Pei: Then eat some candy.

Zhang: Yes (take it, eat it) It’s delicious! Sweet and sour is me!

He: (eat) Give me another one!

Zhang (yawned and stretched): Shagen, what is your candy made of?

Pei: sleeping pills.

He and Zhang: Ah! (Both fell down together)

Pei: Hehe. (Lie down to sleep)

Guo (to Mei): It’s time to train you, start taking action, you go get the money, I’ll cover you!

Put your hand into Shagen’s pocket to search, Shagen wakes up)

You can’t see me,

Pei: Oh (falls back to sleep)< /p>

(Mei deliberately walked in the direction of A Liu, He stood up and blocked the way)

He: The moon is dark and the wind is high, and it is bright... (Looks up) Under the electric light, you are stealing things. ?

Mei: Brother, there is a misunderstanding!

He: Misunderstanding? As a college student, you steal things and yet you dare to make excuses!

Mei: There is really a misunderstanding here!

He (proud):! Are you worthy of being a thief at your level? The thief has disgraced you! (disdainfully)

He: Humph! Let me teach you what it means to be a professional thief and see how good I am!

Mei: Why is it so awesome?

He: Give me the money you just took first, and I will demonstrate it to you.

Mei: Oh (give the money to A Liu)

He (put the money away): Haha, it’s mine! Did you see that? That's it!

Mei (incredible) Oh...I don’t understand!

He: Hey...how could you tell such a superb level! It's better to go back and study it yourself. (Go back and put the money back into Pei’s pocket)

Mei (return to the seat and happily look at Guo): He took the money away...

Guo: I’m all LOOK arrive! You are really talented! Sure enough, he is a unique talent that is rare to see in a century!

Guo stood up and called He): Who is that?

He (pointing to himself): Me?

Guo: Yes, it’s you. Please come over here. (He passed)

Mei:! Let me introduce you, he is the chairman of the board of directors of our drama troupe, his surname is Mao.

Guo: My name is Mao Quan, just call me Xiao Quan! . He is the leader of the school's drama troupe, and everyone in the troupe calls him Uncle Li to save face.

He: Repertory theater group?

Guo: Yes, I think you just misunderstood. We are preparing to rehearse a campus version of the play "A World Without Thieves". We have everything ready, except for the actor who plays Andy Lau, the thief! I've been looking for a long time but haven't found the right person.

He: Oh... don't tell me that you are practicing how to play a thief!

Guo: No, we just found you as soon as we entered the classroom, wow! She is truly a jade tree standing in the wind, graceful and graceful. She is simply the embodiment of both beauty and wisdom, hero and chivalry! You must be the one to play the thief!

He turned anger into joy): Let me just say, look at you, from head to toe, from trousers to jacket, from mind to appearance, you are all good, so how can you be a thief!

Mei: We were planning to find you from the beginning, but we were not sure whether you were suitable, so we decided to test your real skills, so that’s what we did just now...

He: Oh... misunderstanding, misunderstanding. However, if you want me to act in a play, let me tell you, I have never joined the party, the student union, or the club. I am a freelancer.

I insist on being a single noble!

Zhang suddenly sat up,): You are the only one! Did you take the wrong medicine or did you eat too much? Is it hot pot or popsicles? Who am I? Don’t want to live anymore? ! If you only think about reading and dating online all day long, can't you enrich your after-school life? After Zhang finished speaking, he fell back to sleep)

He: Hey! Domestic violence, but I really don’t want to go!

Li Bing: Brother, with your level of stealing at such a high level, don’t you want to show off your talents?

He (hesitating): Uh...

Zhang: This is a rare opportunity. If you hesitate again, I will live with your family!

He (facing the audience): In a society where women’s rights are paramount, men’s lives are really miserable! But, (to Ge You), you can let me go. Since you want me to act in a play, you have to take actions in this regard to impress me and convince me!

Guo: OK! Brother, we won’t force you. We now advocate a harmonious society and pay attention to the principle of fairness. So, let's make a bet...

He: How to bet?

Guo (pointing to Pei): Did you see that silly boy at the back?

He (using Wuhan accent): Oh...that's it. . .

Guo: Yes! Let's bet that silly boy's 50 yuan: within these two days, our drama troupe will take some measures to get his money, and you can guard against it. If we get it, you'll play the thief!

He: OK! But...what if you don't get it?

Guo: If we can’t get it...

He: How about it?

Guo (quickly speaking): You are the one who plays the thief!

He (turning his head and thinking for a while): Okay! fair! (A few people exit)

Act 2

(Hui: The next day, the school radio station broadcast: Dear students, because the first snow in 2004 is coming more than usual Earlier, the weather was cold, and some people unfortunately had heat stroke and were in urgent need of blood donation. The campus is a family, and blood donation depends on everyone! Please carry forward the spirit of helping others and donate blood enthusiastically)

(Mei changed the nurse. Guo wore a white mandarin jacket and put up a poster board next to the table with a few big words on it: Blood-sucking place, and underneath: Have you donated blood today? All students are welcome to donate blood.)

Mei shook her white handkerchief and shouted melodiously): Donate blood! Donate blood!

(Narration, the music of the sesame paste commercial is playing): When I was a child, as soon as I heard this familiar voice, I couldn’t help it anymore!

Pei (on stage): I want to donate blood...

Guo: Classmate, you are really dedicated!

Pei: That is! My father said: I am tall and big, so don’t be afraid if there are difficulties. Make more contributions!

(Pei, walk to the right corner of the stage and sit on a stool)

Mei: Wait, you need to take some sedatives before drawing blood. (Guo looked around, as if waiting for someone to appear)

Pei: This medicine looks so familiar (looked at it, pretended to take it), it seemed like a sleeping pill!

Mei (loudly): Hahahaha! It's sleeping pills.

Pei (pretending to fall): Huh? (Li Bing is going to get the money, enter A Liu)

Guo: Wait, (lying on the ground) Based on my hearing, he is here, finally here!

He: Already in front of you! Demo, (pointing to Li), do you think I won’t recognize you because you’re wearing a vest?

Hu Li: High! high! It’s really high! I didn’t expect that even though I tried so hard, you still found out.

Hey...there is heaven outside the sky, and there is something outside people...

He: What?

Guo: Clothes!

He: Cut! In order to get his money, you unexpectedly came up with this trick, huh! However, you can deceive me with just this little trick?

Hu Li (in a mellow tone): There is no way to resolve doubts, but the next move is coming...

He: What move?

Mei: Hum!

Haoshang!

(Wielding a simulated plastic axe): Beat...beat...beat...

Guo: Jie!

Fan Zi: Yes! Robbery!

(Guo Yumei quickly raised his hands, He looked stunned, Mei picked up He's hand and raised it, then raised her own hand): You are talking about robbery, why don't you raise your hand quickly? !

Guo: What annoys me the most are you robbers, you have no technical content at all! (winks at Fan Zi)

Fan Wei (holds Guo’s hand and hugs it excitedly): Long live understanding! (To A Liu) IP, IQ, meal card, Internet card, all tell me the password!

He (unbelievably): Robbery still happens on campus in broad daylight. It’s so funny!

Fan Wei: Why are you laughing! Be serious, don't laugh, we are robbing! Uncle Li. (I realized I had spilled the beans and quickly covered my mouth)

He: Uncle Li?

Mei (quickly blocking He’s sight, picking up He’s hand and raising it): It’s robbery, let’s raise our hands.

(He puts it down reluctantly, and Mei makes it lift it up and put it down again, and so on)

Fan Zi (softly, to He): Uncle Li, there is someone over there. If he's sleeping, I'll fight him first. (He) you! No tricks, just stand aside!

(Why argue with him)

Li Mei: The burning mountain opposite has nothing to do with us! (Pull He aside)

Guo: Protect yourself first, don’t let him rob us too. (Before A Liu could understand, Mei and Guo pulled Liu down)

Fan Zi (came to the sleeping Sha Gen): Hey, hey... Hey, are you asleep? (Shakes his head) Speak! Are you asleep?

Pei: Asleep!

Noriko: You should have told me earlier when you were asleep.

Pei: I’m dreaming! It’s a TV series dream.

Fan Zi: Huh? Okay, let's put in an advertisement first...

(Rhythmic music played. Mei and Guo came on stage and sang with Noriko and danced to the beat with the music): No gifts will be accepted for robbery this year, no gifts will be accepted, no gifts will be accepted! When receiving gifts, you still have to search for cash... search for cash, search for cash, search for cash, collect cash, search for... cash... cash!

Pei (sitting up): This is the same sentence every year, can you change it!

Fan Zi (pulled out a piece of paper with writing on it from his pocket): This is my robbery notice. I suspect you have a large amount of cash hidden on your body, and I want to search you illegally.

Pei (timidly): Well, you can search.

Fan Zi: Huh? So refreshing?

Shagen (slapping his chest): Of course, my father said: You must be generous and generous. And you stole it openly, so it’s okay, hero, come on! Come on, hero! Pei

(Fan Zi started to search for Sha Gen’s money, He was on the side and wanted to stop him, Mei and Guo pulled him and said): Clay Bodhisattva crosses the river, and you are not safe, so stay out of your own business...

Fan Zi (excited): Uncle Li, it’s successful!

(Mei Guo laughed and ran over, Li Bing took the money and looked at it happily)

He (followed, incredulously and angrily): I have known for a long time that you are A group of people! !

Guo: It’s too late. Ha ha! Fan Wei, your mission is successfully completed!

Fanzi: yessir! (The marchers disembark)

Mei (very surprised): Uncle Li! This money is fake!

He, Guo (Qi): Fake money?

Pei: Boy, Uncle Li thinks highly of you and only wants to fight with you. You can play civet cat with me in exchange for the crown prince! When I debuted, you were just a "three good students".

Mei (smiling): We will sue you at the Consumer Rights Protection Association!

He (surprised, innocent): Uncle Li, I didn’t change his money, and I’m not familiar with him. (Pei, do I know you?

Pei Yin smiled, secretly pleased): Brother, you don’t know me.

(He buried his head and continued to sleep)

Guo: I originally set my heart on the bright moon, but the bright moon shines on the ditch!

He: Uncle Li, I really don’t have any money to exchange for him!

Guo: I can tell you responsibly that Uncle Li is very angry and the consequences will be serious! (Mei snickered on the side)

He: What do you want? Don’t you just want me to act in a play? There's no need to go to war like this, right? < /p>

He: I didn’t expect that you would go to such trouble to come up with such a wonderful link for me. It’s interesting and really moved me! (Touched)

Guo: (Happily) In that case...

Mei: Come act in a play with us!

He (sudden change of tone): No! You guys all joined forces to deceive me just now. It’s hard to convince me, unless...

Guo Mei (Qi): What if?

He: Unless you can beat me this last time...

(Li and Hu looked at each other and nodded knowingly): Okay!

(The three of them glared at each other, faced off for several seconds, and then suddenly jumped away! It looked like they were about to fight. Peking opera music played, and the three of them walked around the stage... The music of "Men Should Be Strong" started, and the three of them posed for a fight. Martial arts postures... Peking opera music started playing, and the three of them walked around the stage. The music suddenly stopped, and Hu Li and He rushed towards each other shouting "ah". Just when they were about to collide, they both stopped, guessing, and Hu Li made a move. A Liu made a stone)

Guo (ecstatic): I won! It was a success! Ha ha ha ha! (To He) The drama is set.

He (helplessly, talking to himself): Hey... I lost! However, it seems that rehearsing the drama is also very interesting and attractive! Why didn't I notice it before? Walk! I'll go to a play with you!

Mei: The Emperor is worthy of his hard work!

Zhang (came on stage, happily): So touching! (Exaggeratedly wiping tears with tissue paper) He, I support you! (Speaking, he tossed the toilet paper in his hand)

He (hurriedly picked up the tissue, with a good-natured mocking tone): We are promoting environmental protection and don’t litter. Didn’t I tell you that college students should Have the spirit of the new era, be civilized and educated...

(Zhang smiled sheepishly)

Guo, Mei: Let’s go, don’t waste time, let’s go to the rehearsal now Drama! (Laa Liu exits)

Pei (sitting up): Hey! They are all gone, they are all gone finally (taking out money from another pocket) My father said: Help people to the end, send Buddha to the West. It’s so tiring to help! A civet cat for a prince? Haha, Uncle Li is so awesome! I can think of this trick too! But, I’ll do it, right? Look how well I cooperate! Hey, I've traveled south and north; I've practiced leg training on high loess slopes; I've drank water from the Yangtze and Yellow Rivers; and I've kissed a fool, who am I? I'm stupid! By the way, my dad also said: College is not depressing, life is rich and colorful; classmates get along well with each other and must be motivated to participate in activities; computer games must not be addicted, and study must be done more diligently; for the sake of future happiness, do not go astray.

There is a kind of beauty that is stunning and memorable and makes people pursue it. There is a kind of beauty that floats on the floating clouds and is buried deep under the ancient fortress.

There is a kind of beauty that brings life to life. Let passion bring warmth to life.

This is the beauty of harmony - a beauty that attracts eyes and souls

Let us join hands for the future of Beijing University of Science and Technology. For our youthful dreams, make our campus more harmonious and warm.

(End)

Author: Lanyu Muyang