Any funny jokes? Short ones...

1.

"Civilized Language"

Xiao Ming raised his hand in class.

Teacher: Xiao Ming? What's up?

Xiao Ming: Teacher, I want to poop!

Teacher: Now is a civilized society, please use civilized language!

Xiao Ming: Teacher, my butt wants to vomit!

2.

"Stealing Cars"

There was a man who kept losing his cars, so one night he added three locks and put them on the bike. A piece of paper, written on the paper: Let you steal! ! !

The next morning, he was about to open the lock and go to work, but found another lock. There was a piece of paper posted on the car that read: Let you ride!

3.

"Ditch"

There are two brothers, the elder brother is a lame, and the younger brother is blind! One day, the blind brother was riding a bicycle, and his brother was sitting in the back seat, one behind the other. Suddenly the lame brother found a ditch ahead, and they were not far from the ditch. So the elder brother shouted: "Go, go, go!" (go, go, go) and the younger brother smiled: "Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh!~~"

IV.

"Shut Up and Trouble"

Shut up and Trouble are two little boys. They are friends, but sometimes they fight! One day they each bought an ice cream, and Trouble accidentally dropped the ice cream on the ground, so he grabbed the ice cream from Shut up and ran away. I shut up and chased for a long time but couldn't catch him, so I started crying. Just then, a police officer came over and asked Shu Shu: "Kid, what's your name?" Shu Shu replied: "Shut up." The policeman was a little angry and asked him again, but he got nothing. is the same answer. This time the policeman was really angry and said, "Are you trying to cause trouble?" Shut up and nodded and said, "Yes! That troublesome guy stole my ice cream."

5.

"Wind Direction"

I still remember the first teacher who died because of me. I was in the first grade of elementary school at that time, and the teacher took us to the wild for nature practice classes. Seeing the spring breeze blowing green, I asked, students, do you know how to identify the wind direction? I know that a little girl in the same class picked up a leaf and floated it in the air: pick up a leaf and float it in the air, and you will know where it floats. The teacher praised, "Very good. Is there any other student who is willing to show you another example?" I. I volunteered and walked out, picked up half a brick from the ground and floated it into the air...

Report to the teacher, the wind is blowing up and down now!

6.

"Myopia"

A patient with super myopia went to see a doctor and said to the doctor

"Why can't I do anything?" I can’t see."

The doctor took him outside, pointed at the sun and said

"What is that?"

The patient said categorically

"Isn't that the sun?"

The doctor came to ask

"Sir, how far do you have to look?"

7.

"Fishing"

A rich old man was fishing by the lake with a fishing rod. First he used leaves as bait, but no fish took the bait for a long time.

Later he used He used biscuits as bait, but no fish took the bait for a long time.

After thinking about it, he changed to earthworms as bait, but no fish took the bait.

At this time, he got angry and took the bait from his pocket. Take out 100 yuan and throw it on the lake and shout

"You can buy what you want to eat."

8.

"Car Chase"

Catching the bus in the morning, when we arrived at the platform, the bus had already started. So I had to chase and shout: "Master, wait for me! Master, wait for me!" At this time, a passenger stuck his head out of the window and said to me: "Bajie, please stop chasing me."

"

9.

"Pull the Ring"

A very fat woman got on the bus and couldn't find a seat, so she had to pull the bus. Unexpectedly, the driver stopped suddenly. The fat woman broke the pull tab and threw herself in front of the driver. The driver looked at her and the pull tab in her hand and said angrily: "If you collect three, give them away." A signed photo of the driver! "

10.

"Love Cleanliness"

There was a beautiful lady. After getting on the bus, she took out a tissue from her bag and wiped the seat vigorously. When I was about to sit down, I farted. A gentleman next to me heard it and jokingly said: Miss is really fond of hygiene. She wiped it for so long and still had to blow it!

11.

"Shenzhou VI"

Tang Monk: We should find a shortcut for this study!

Wukong: Flying is faster than riding a horse! : Shen Liu is faster!

Sha Seng took out a gun: I heard that this thing will be sent to the West immediately.

Twelve,

"Breathing"

A man likes to wear his clothes backwards, buttoning them in the back to block the wind. One day, he drove drunk and overturned, falling on the side of the road.

When the police arrived...

Police Officer A: It was a serious car accident.

Police Officer B: Yes, my head was hit in the back. .

Police Officer A: Yes, he is still breathing. Let’s help him turn his head back.

Police Officer B: Okay... One, two, turn it back.

Police Officer A: Well, not breathing...

13.

"Characters"

Question: Who is the darkest anime character in the world?

Answer: Doraemon

Why: Because he can’t see out of his hand

Question: In the world Who is the most sympathetic anime character?

Answer: Or Doraemon

Why: Because he always reaches out to people!

Ten 4.

"Wife~~~Cake"

A man was about to starve to death in the desert, when he picked up the magic lamp.

: "I can only grant you one wish. Say it quickly, I'm in a hurry. "

Man: "I want a wife..."

The magic lamp immediately transformed into a beautiful woman, and then said disdainfully: "I'm almost starving to death and you're still greedy for beauty! sad! "After saying that, he disappeared.

Person: "...cake. "

(Wife cake is a kind of pastry)

15.

"Dead"

There was a man alone in the forest. During the adventure, he suddenly found himself surrounded by cannibals, so he shouted to the sky: "I am dead, God save me!"

As soon as the light appeared in the sky, a voice came: "Not sure yet, you pick up a big stone on the ground and smash the leading chief to death." "So he picked up the biggest stone on the ground and threw it at the chief, killing the chief. The tribesmen were all stunned for a moment, and then looked at each other angrily. At this time, another voice came from the sky: "Now you are really here. 's dead. "

Sixteen.

"Winning "Winning"

My mother and I are watching the Olympic Games.

Me: "Oh ! China leads by 12 points! oh! We will definitely win! ”

Mom: “What’s wrong with winning?” Must win! No taste! ! "

Seventeen.

"Dirty Words"

My father and I were hanging clothes.

I pointed to a piece of clothing and said: "Dad, whose clothes are these? "

Dad: "Damn it! ”

Me: “Dad, you are swearing!” "

Dad: "It belongs to your mother. ”

Mom: “That’s pretty much it!” ”

It’s not easy to type. If you are satisfied, I hope you will adopt it.